Hi everyone havnt been here for a while but had to bring this up my DH told me for the first time in years he loved me last night & I felt nothing no emotion at all is this terrible or what? I think i am becoming a hard bitch!! I have been living with this disease now for at least 7 years & i'm over it i think!! I care for him deeply but only see him as a teenage child with behaviour problems please let me know if anyone else feels the same way!!
ah, you're lucky he's only regressed to teenage. When he's a five year old and tells you he loves you, you give him a hug and say I love my big boy too!!
I find they are easier to take care of when they are 5 than when they are 16. Blessings. I'm so sorry you are going through this. The lack of emotion? I've had that for a long time. I do love him dearly but it's in a different way.
Thankyou for your comments I am actually looking forward to having him as a 5 year old my children dont like him at all he is very difficult to deal with at times we have just changed his medication to chill him out a bit & it seems to be working for now but I think i was a bit shocked by my response to him telling me he loved me.Its not a nice feeling to feel like a cold person who has no emotion I am finding that when i watch movies now i dont cry too much anymore either & people at work will tell me there troubles at home & i feel like telling them to just get over it.but it is nice to know you are not alone this disease can make you feel so isolated.Thanks again
frustratedspouse, I also feel "like a cold person who has no emotion and can't cry anymore". I have felt this way for a while and think I would feel better if I could cry. We had a bad day yesterday with him regressing more. I had to help him eat and dress. He fell out of bed tonight. Middle of the night here and after tucking him again am wide awake myself.
I was at a lay ministers' meeting today at church. I was filling them in on my husband's condition. I, too, was shocked at my lack of emotion. My voice was firm and my eyes didn't feel the least bit misty. I don't cry at movies or sad books. I did weep a little bit at my grandsons' weddings. I don't really feel cold. I just feel different inside. I liked the way I used to feel. Wish it would come back.
Mawzy, I think that is the one change I noticed while dealing with my husband and the AD. I became numb....I think it is a defense mechanism....if you build a wall maybe the hurt can't get in. I became very unemotional and I treated the whole thing more or less clinically.....is that a good thing? I don't know, but I did get through the whole nightmare and came out not much worse for wear.
We all do what we have to do to survive.....for me, crying isn't a necessity I guess.....
Goes to show how different the disease affects each of us. I am not in love with and looking for the man of my dreams lately- as he has faded gradually into the past, but i do fiercely want to protect and shelter from any hardship or harm the dependent 'being' that now harbors in his body. the helplessness in him and look of trust in his eyes is so new. i think maybe like a lioness and her cub. one day she knows they will leave her side but til then protects them relentless with her life. then on the other hand, i was never a really emotional cry person either. now i find myself crying over cards, photos, or movies or sad news at the blink of an eye. every so often i purge my toxins with a river of laments and tears. then i go on and wait for the next round. the everchanging emotions are there- just caught up in another form now. Divvi
My mother was diagnosed with TB when I was three. When I was 19 she had a last-ditch operation to remove yet another bit of diseased lung, and died on the operating table. I cried when I heard the news, and for maybe half an hour. THen I dried up and could not cry. Could not cry for weeks, until I went to see a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta and found myself weeping madly, much to the distress of my date!
But ever since it has been almost impossible for me to cry at losses. I didn't cry when Chimi disappeared until he came home! Then I did. Everynow and then I'll cry out of frustration at something or delight at something, but mostly at happy endings of movies. I would guess I'd still cry when Dorothy says "there's no place like home."
It DOES make me wonder when people who are accused of crimes "show no remorse" at trial. They're JUDGED on that. It makes me wonder - I'd be judged as being cold and unfeeling, I'm sure! whether or not I were guilty of some crime.
briegul - my husband, in recent years (AD years) accused me of being cold and unfeeling because I have not been able to cry. That really killed a lot of my feelings for him to think that. I think my problem stemmed from when I was a child I would cry over any emotional event. Such as a funeral where I didn't know the deceased, weddings where I didn't know the bride and groom, when in my 20's and a friend died I went to the Funeral Home between visitation because I was embaressed by my crying.
I used to make myself think of one of my children dying and harden myself against the feelings of sadness so I wouldn't fall apart if something devestating happened to one of them and I think that is what did it for me. I always admired Royalty and Jackie Kennedy for their poise during crisis. Now, I wish I could cry, but not like when I was younger.
I cry when I sing "Amazing Grace," our National Anthem and "I Am Woman" - the words from these songs sung from my heart bring the tears....oh, and "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree" - I had a son in Desert Storm when they brought that song back for a revival during that time. I had a wreath with yellow ribbons and small American flags on our front door for the duration.
Yet I don't cry about my husband's condition. I guess it's because I mourned losing him 2 years ago. My toddler is hanging in there and giving hugs and kisses and sharing laughter. When he says "I love you" he is repeating words that I say to him. He never offers them voluntarily. He doesn't know my name or that I'm his wife. I take what I can get, I guess.