This morning I expressed the first sign of physical aggression. It really started when I told him he couldn't drive to Church. The AD ugly head arose and he ranted about
me not letting him drive, taking everything away. I told him it wasn't just me, the Doctors, Insurance Co., License Bureau all said he should not be driving. He said well it looks like I am going to have to start eliminating some people. I was laying on the bed and he doubled his fist up and hit me on the foot. I told him to not hit me. I was going to call our daughter who lives next door. He grabbed my hand and wouldn't let me dial. Just as suddenly as it started it stopped. I put my cell phone in my pocket like some of you have mentioned and aim to keep it there. Going to alert the kids. Later he put his hand on my shoulder as a sort of apology.

I thought about the idea of locking myself in a room if this became an issue, read that somewhere here. We get a lot of help from this site. This was the first time he has laid a hand on me in 53 years.

I really think the driving issue is seething beneath the surface and will rear its ugly head hear and there during this journey. He did not do much ranting and raving like some of you have had, when he first had to stop driving. But, the issue is evidently still a raw one for him and I imagine with most of them and can rear up at any time.

Imohr, I am sorry you are going through this too. It's a good idea to make the local police aware of your DH's situation so if they need to respond, they will respond appropriately. When I had to call 911 they came to the house not knowing about DH's dementia and they roughed him up quite a bit, arrested him and then put me on the battered woman list.

After that incident, I had all the locks on the doors changed - some so I could lock myself into a room and others where I could lock him in. His neuro suggested buying pepper spray in case he became too aggressive - that was several weeks before I had to call the police. I now have invested in some pepper spray in case I need it - it will give me time to get out of the house unharmed if ever presented with another aggressive episode.

I bought my wife a new car for christmas. I always drive when we go some where and she has been driving a 5spd manual and has been complaining about the clutch and it being difficult. I decided to get a car with an automatic, and she has always wanted a convertible. So she got her dream car. I went with her on 4 drives and watched her drive off the shoulder and cross the yellow line on curves. She agreed to stop driving. She still talks about trying again.

I thought about starting a new thread with this but decided that here is as good a place as any to make my confession. Please bear in mind that I came home from work Wednesday with a sore throat,fever, and bone numbing aches and pains. I stayed in bed all day Thursday and Friday thanks to the in home aide who is here Monday thru Friday 8:00 to 5:00. I got through the evenings thanks to the fact that the aide prepared a light supper for my husband before she left and he goes to bed at 8:00. Friday night we were up every hour on the hour for a bathroom run. Twice he actually peed, the other times, he just sat there a few minutes and went back to bed. Saturday morning I was exhausted although I was feeling a little better physically. I admit that I was angry and resentful that my rest had been so disturbed when I was so ill. I told my husband that he had kept me up all night and that he was on his own for the day. I was going to rest. I lay down on the couch. About mid-morning he tried to leave the house. Of course he couldn't get any of the doors open which upset him even more. He started to pace the floor and pound on any surface that would make noise. He pounded the glass in the kitchen door, he pounded the walls, the microwave, you name it. When I yelled at him to stop he started taking dishes out of the china cabinet and banging them on the dining room table. I cried, begged and pleaded even when I knew it would do no good and then to my ever lasting shame I slapped him, not once but twice. It didn't faze him (and to his credit he did not lift his hand back) but it brought me to my senses enough to walk away from him. But it terrifies me that for those brief moments I actually felt capable of doing him bodily harm. Today has been better, I feel better physically and we slept well last night, but I still felt the need to tell someone the horrible thing that I did.

Ditto what divvi said. Ehamilton, we love you and we understand. Forgive yourself and move on.

Imohr, I am sorry that you had to go thru this, but rest assured that this is not the LAST time that it will happen. Speed dial program 911 not your daughter. I am shocked that several of these physical abuse threads have mentioned calling in children to help. Why subject them to this and delay getting the actual help that might be needed from law enforcement? Call 911 first. I personally would never call one of my children to intervence b/c I am afraid that the violence might escalate to the point of causing them physical harm. I know that you have alot to digest and think about, but please put in the speed dial so that you can slip your hand into your pocket and get some help. Phyllis

... and yet, and yet... I have seen story after story on these boards about people calling 911 and having their husband carted off to a psych hospital, where he is drugged out of his mind, spends weeks getting stabilized and sometimes can't come home. Or when he does come home it takes weeks to get him back to the way he was.

Or worse, the rescue people not recognizing that the person has dementia - I think this probably happens more often with younger people. And then you have to deal with all kinds of abuse discussions.

I recognize that if there's a disparity in size, or if the person has a weapon, or if it happens repeatedly, that something must be done. But I know that even my daughter, smaller than I am, can calm my husband down in half a second if he's roaring about something. Mostly he CAN be distracted. The next day - the next hour - he's completely forgotten what he was irked about.

Shutting oneself in a room is a rational response. Getting rid of weapons is a given. But if a mild-mannered person who has never been aggressive suddenly becomes aggressive ONCE, and is not in any other way ready to be committed, then I would be inclined to make an early phone call to the neuro or pcp and get some medication going.

Thanks for all the kind words. Hopefully, it will never never happen again. When I was a young mother with 3 children five and under, I reached the breaking point and slapped my oldest daughter in the mouth. I did not hit her extremely hard but enough to knock her lip into her tooth and make the lip bleed. But it was enough to make me see the light (after I beat myself up for several days. That five year old is now 42. I never slapped her or any of my children again. I don't get the flu often either, that might be a plus. Thanks again.