Oh today has been a bad day, been taking his jacket off all day, puts his jacket or mine on with gloves, hat on backwards and says he is going for a walk, can`t let him do that , lots of snow and ice out there and afraid he will wonder, my back is hurting so I can`t take him out and we no longer own a car (to expensive) so stuck in the house ,what a day. now he is wondering back and forth can`t get him interested in anything anymore so he wonders, driving me crazy. he always seems to think he has something in his hands needs to throw it in the garbage, all day long. wants to eat sweets all day and gets mad when i tell him we can`t afford all that stuff. He is standing at the door again, talking to someone, i don`t know. thanks for letting me vent, don`t know what i would do without this site
Vent away Marygail, that what this site is all about! My DH isn't quite there yet, so I have no sage words for you, just hang in there, you're not alone! ~Di
Seasonal affective disorder From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Seasonal affective disorder Classification and external resources
Dark winter clouds DiseasesDB 11910 MedlinePlus 001532 MeSH D016574 Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or, less frequently, in the summer,[1] repeatedly, year after year. The US National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up."[2] The condition in the summer is often referred to as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, and can also include heightened anxiety.[3]
There are many different treatments for classic (winter-based) seasonal affective disorder, including light therapies with bright lights, anti-depression medication, ionized-air administration,[4] cognitive-behavioral therapy, and carefully timed supplementation of the hormone melatonin Don't know if this will help-but at least it's something
I think lots of light is important for everyone. Some people use heavy drapes and blinds and keep the house dim. That depresses me. I have lace panels and open blinds on every window in my house, and 60 watt bulbs in every outlet (just bought the new energy effecient ones for my grandson to change for me).
marygail, I really think they just get restless and don't know what to do with themselves. My dh does this alot and it does drive you crazy. He also is velcro boy and sticks like glue to everything I do. I turn around and bump right into him. DH wants to wash his hands all the time, too... he is always wringing them like he has spots on them or something. He wants sweets and snacks all day long and has gained over 30 lbs in the last 6 months. Going to day care three days a week is a lifesaver for me...I don't feel like i want to strangle him any more.
Hi, all. I am having a very hard time with this disease. It is getting the best of me and my husband. We have been together for 35 years and gone thru a lotttttt...... this disease is putting an end to the feelings we both had for each other. I respond negatively when new memory losses occur. I try to handle this with grace but that is not happening. Both my husband and I want to leave. I had to take his truck keys and hide them and go hunting him. He took off walking. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I am not sure I can do it. If I had the guts I would get us both out of this but that is not the way I handle problems. I don't run frum them but this time I don't know what else to do. I am scared for every moment as to how I will react to what is happening. I can't talk to my husband because he only hears what he wants to. He can't understand what is really going on. He automatically thinks that I am blaming him and it is his fault. It is not and I tell him so. How do ya'll handle things so well? Is it only me that is going crazy and crying all the time. I am scared and can't seem to get a handle on all of the responsibility of this. I do not go to counceling, because of time and money. I am really at my wits end and have no answers. I am loosing the good feelings that I once had for my husband. I hate to think someone else is going thru the same thing I am but on the other side of the coin, I do need to know someone is or has and can help me thru it. I love my husband or I would not still be here but it is not easy and I don't know how much longer I can do this. I really need someone to help me.... please....
mammiejammie hang on tight. You will get through this terrible disease. We are all in this leaky boat together and I know it would be harder if you and your husband are at odds. Someone will come on soon with more widsom than I have, with suggestions on how to make your life better. ((((((HUGS))))))))
mammiejammie, you post describes me to a T when I first started posting here. I can't say that my pain has lessened any but I have found a lot of help in dealing with that pain right here. It does not get easier, I won't tell you that it does but I think that the support we find here helps our coping skills makes us know that we are not alone.
mj1, I'm not sure where you live. You should look into support groups in your area. If you don't know of any, check with your local (or state) Alzheimer Association or Area on Aging. Also, I have just started a course entitled "The Savvy Caregiver", sponsored by our Alz. Assoc. It is designed to give caregivers the skills and knowledge needed to provide care for our loved ones. I've only been to one session so far, but it looks like it's going to be very helpful.
Try calling the ALzheimer Association and talking to them, telling them his history and asking for help. None of us can get through this alone. The Alzheimer hotline is open 24/7: 1-800-272-3900.
Have you called Elder Services? They can help hook you up with services that are free or covered by you insurance. Keep posting meanwhile, and know that we are all here. My therapist gave this to me today. It seems there was a good reason, meant to be used here :o) WHEN TEARS COME, I BREATHE DEEPLY AND REST. I KNOW I AM SWIMMING IN A HALLOWED STREAM WHERE MANY HAVE GONE BEFORE. I AM NOT ALONE, CRAZY, OR HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.... MY HEART IS AT WORK, MY SOUL IS AWAKE. mary margaret funk, from "Thoughts Matter: The Practice of Spiritual Life.
The next time you cry, explore what your heart and soul are telling you through your tears. ((((Arms Around)))))Susan
mj1--you have expressed so many of the same feelings I had at the beginning--the blaming thing, the crying, the feeling of being overwhelmed with responsibility. This may sound strange, but I think it's a normal reaction to the situation you have found yourself in. The best advice I can give you is to get educated about the disease--from this website, the Alz Association website, books like the 36 Hour Day, take any training courses that are given in your area--both for family caregivers and professionals. Build a support system of family, friends, neighbors, a support group, professionals such as doctors, clergy, etc. Anyone who offers help--whip out your calendar on the spot and set a date--have them take your husband out somewhere or stay with him while you go out. Getting respite is crucial to your well-being.
You are absolutely NOT the only one with those feelings. We all go through them. It is only with support and education that we manage to hang on and handle it all. Have you read any of the previous blogs I have written.? Go to the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and click on the "previous blog" section. Start with the Welcome Blog, which addresses the initial feelings of not liking the stranger we find ourselves married to. There are almost 2 years of blogs , but if you skim through the titles, I know you will find many that discuss the emotions you are feeling.
mj1 we understand the feelings you have. You are allowed! You are allowed to be angry, frustrated, overwhelmed. You are allowed to cry! We all have done this and still do. In the beginning of this damned disease, there is a feeling of great loss and resentment, I know! Been there, done that. My anger was so great that it was making me sick in mind, body and spirit. I cried every day. We all understand this...some more than others...because each of us face different types of dementia. Also lack of sleep is your enemy. You do need respite. Try getting him to day care for a little bit. This helped me tremendously. Talking with someone that understands helps. Stay with us, we can help too. Know that you are not in this alone!!!!
Do not dispair, the thoughts and emotions you are experiencing are perfectly normal, many of us here here have traveled this portion of the road and experienced the same thoughts and feelings toward our spouses. We have been fighting AD at my house for over six years now. At the time of my DW's diagnois I was very angry and didn't really have an understanding of this horrible disease. I am sure at that time I wasn't a very good caregiver. As we have traveled this road I have read everything I could get get my hands on about this disease. This board is the very best source of information I have ever found on the forum how AD affects the spousal relationship and has helped me sort out some of my negative feelings toward my DW.
The deterioration of the marital relationship was the hardest situation for me to understand, I too couldn't understand why I felt the way I felt toward my wife and why I seemed to be distancing myself from her. You finally reach the stage where you realize you have a large three or four year old child on your hands who can drive a car, carries all of your credit cards, your checkbook, can have sex, tries to cook, make decisions and tries to take care of themselves with all of the wisdom and knowledge of a three or four year old. It's tough to adapt to this change in a thirty plus year marriage to someone who was the love of your life and who you have been with through trials,tribulations and have also enjoyed the great times you had in your marriage. I know I've been there too.
You have to assume the leadership role, handle the finances, make all of the decisions, run the household, dispense the medications and take over their life and decision making process. We caregivers have to assume these roles because our large four year old's are no longer capable of of making any kind of a reasonable decision on their own. Our marriages morph into a parent-child relationship and we deal with our spouse as if they were a child. All of this responsibility heaped on us added to the stress of caregiving virtually destroys the marital relationship.
The best counseling I have found is right here on this board, hang in there you are not alone.
Well said, jimmy and those above. Not a pretty picture, but during the bad trip we're on, there WILL be some better days mixed in with the bad, so hang in there, mj1.
You are not alone. First thing to do is call the Alzheimer's Association hotline 1-800-272-3900 and have them talk you down. If there are in-person support groups in your area, they will know where they are and how to find them.
They have caseworkers, but you will almost certainly do better with the one from your local Area Agency on Aging. EVERY county in the country has one. It is a federal/state program. When you call a caseworker will come to your home and will work with you to see if you qualify for any of the services in the area. Also, they have lists of day care, nursing homes and agencies that do aides in your area. You also might qualify for sliding scale or free services, and they are the gatekeeper for those services. The Alzheimer's Association generally can find you the phone number for the Area Agency on Aging in your county, but it isn't hard to find online as well. Go to your state's web page and/or your county's web pages and look there.
thanks for the advice but i don`t have this problem anymore, he is in a nh and not trying to get out anymore, now he is pretty well sitting in a wheel chair or laying in bed, is having a ct scan today to see what is going on , he is going downhill pretty fast, they tried one 2 weeks ago and he would not coroprate so dr. is ordering another one, he was not happy with the outcome of them sending him back to the nh and not getting it done.
Marygail, mammiejammie1 asked for help here 20 hours ago, so the latest advice is directed towards helping her.
It is amazing how fast our spouses can go from mobile and active to nursing home and wheelchair in a matter of a couple of months/or weeks! I hadn't realized and connected this thread "at wits end" (which is where mj1 is right now) with your husband's getting worse and having to be placed. I knew your husband was in a nursing home now. I hope he is doing better the next time you see him. My husband is still at home, and when they tried an MRI the last time, they had SO MUCH difficulty getting him to be still long enough! I couldn't help but grin while sitting right outside that room listening to the technicians talking to him and trying to get him not to move! My bad! <grin> ( I do seem to get my smiles whereever I can these days!)
my mistake i should have read back a few posts sorry, mj1 i know how you feel been there and done that was angry at the illness and angry at him, took awhile before i realized it`s no ones fault, it`s ok to cry, yell and feel like you want to give up, i`m sure we all feel that way at times. my dh is not at home and i still feel that way, Mary i am happy you can get a good laugh once in awhile, i got one yesterday had nothing to do with dh, my sil has cows and they got out of the fence and were running down the road and his dad and police were chasing them, just struck me funny and i laughed, no one else thought that way, where i live no cowboys to round them up lol
mammiejammie, you are probably going thru the initial shock syndrome we have to get ourselves thru in the earlier stages. the loss of a person you love, the memories you have created, the physical and emotional losses.-on top of world of caregiving chores that never cease. if i had a dollar for everytime i have felt overwhelmed, i'd certainly be rich by now. remember how raising a baby you knew nothing at first after birth, then after yrs of caregiving to the child things become natural and the tension is lessened. kinda like what happens here. you will get thru this with a well marked support system. be sure you get some time for yourself. divvi
I do not know where to begin with the thanks for all of you. I have read the post and appreciate all of the information. I have contacted the Alzheimer's Association and even participated in the first Memory Walk in our area. It was awsome. I have been reading the information Ms. Joan that you have collected for all of us. That is why this is where I go for help. This is the place I feel most comfortable talking about what is goin on. I thank all of you so much for helping get me thru the last two days. It has been rough. I know it has only been 4 months since my husbands diagnosis but it seems like forever. Again, thank all of you for your input. I will forever be grateful for the support. My husband and I are talking more, actually he is also voicing his opinion, finally. I am trying to make him understand this is about what he needs not just me and the boys. I will take this one minute at a time and go from there. I hope that all of you have a great weekend and thanks again.