hi, i`m new here so glad I found this site, my husband of 42 yrs has Alz., he is 69 yrs of age, he just is always asking to go home how do you handle this when I tell him he is home he just gets so angry with me and I get angry with him This is the hardest thing I ever had to do, I get mad cause I am only 62 and have to stay at home with him most of the time, I feel as if I am giving up my life for him. We were supposed to grow old together and enjoy our retirment in Az. with our daughter and her family, had to come back to Mi. cause son-in-law was nasty to him. We were only there for 2 yrs. He used to get bad at night wondering all night long, our friend owns a health food store, had me put him on vitiman D, so much better, still get mad sometime but sleeps at night most of the time now, what a relife. I have read some of the posts and am coming away with alot of good information except how to handle the I want to go home. Thanks for letting me vent, I need this site, this is where I go to read when he gets bad and I can`t handle it
vitamin D helps him sleep? Never heard of that. There are several posts about "wants to go home" and I am sure someone can direct you to them. My mom, during her final month "wanted to go home" and I just told her "tomorrow". Best to try and satisfy them and not argue although that is difficult to do sometime because it all gets so frustrating. We are glad you are posting.
Hi & Welcome Marygail, I sorry for you need to join us, however, I am glad you found this site. Everyone is kind, helpful & non-judgemental. I haven't had to deal with wanting to go home, so I am no help. I know it has been discussed before and I am sure someone will have some ideas for you. Feel free to post at anytime, there is always someone to answer. Again Welcome.
Marygail, welcome and very glad you found your way here. so much info and lots of handson talk =everyone is friendly and helpful. just ask your questions or post to topics posted. dont even ge started on the "going home' topic. UGH! was so bad around here constant and always havin gto chase him out the door up the street with my car trying to coax him back into the car..finally resorted to dead bolts on all doors...sigh. i know its terribly hard int he beginning stages but you will mellow out and learn to tolerate...my best, Divvi
Welcome to my website. You have come to a place of support, information, and understanding. Please take some time to look at all of the resources on the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com. The left side is chock full of information. I would recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New to this Site" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience. Also, click on "previous blogs" and scroll through the topics. You will be amazed at how many you can relate to.
I encourage everyone to log onto the home page every day, as I write a new blog every day or so, and I am always updating the "Daily News" Section (the guy with the newspaper in the middle of the page). Check out the "Articles of Interest" section also.
Next week, I will be away on the Caregiver Cruise, along with some of our members - that section is also on the left side of the home page. My son will be posting some of the blogs in the "Best of Blogs" series while I am away.
As for the "going home" thing - you can't argue with them. You can distract, redirect, or as someone else suggested - take a walk or ride around the block and then "come home." Often that is not what they mean anyway. It has been theorized that since only the longest term memory remains, they are seeking the home they knew as a child.
Hi, Marygail, and welcome. The article Joan recommended, "Understanding the Dementia Experience", is the best I've seen for explaining behavior like this, and giving tips on how to deal with it. It's maybe halfway down the home page, with a picture of a woman in lifeboat with yellow sign ... or you can just use this instead:
I will come home and find my wife (58 yo) at the front door with her coat half-on, carrying a purse loaded with panties, a shoe, and a book ... asking me to take her home. And I wish I could take her back to that home of her childhood ... with her family and friends. Her sister died at the age of 7 of leukemia, her father died in a car wreck when she was 9, her brother died at 33 from a heart attack, and her mother died a long, slow death from multi-infarct dementia. Right now, I'm watching her sleep and thinking how peaceful this time is for her. Back to the question about "going home" - I find that giving her a big hug and a smile and asking easily answered questions is enough to distract her. We did the same thing when she was agitated about the "driving issue".
Like lmohr, I say we can't go right now, it's raining, or it's too late, or I've already started dinner.. Any diversion. Remember, Fibbing is your Friend. He'll forget by tomorrow, until he starts it again.