I invite you to log onto my home page and read today's blog - I took another look at the situation from my own husband's perspective, and decided it was time I gave him some credit for what he is trying to do. I would like to hear your opinions and comments.
My husband is in the early stages of AD and is also high functioning - doesn't drive. When he stopped working, he just took over the dish duty - and making my breakfast. Usually breakfast for me was a bananna that I ate on the run. I tried to discourage him from these activities feeling guilty that I should be doing them. Then I realized how important it is for him to have a "job". So I get breakfast brought to me every day on a tray - not in bed because I won't eat in bed. I am going to tell him that I posted this and he will get a big grin on his face.
We are going to the psychiatrist today and we were reviewing the time since our last visit. We don't travel anymore as he has a quick temper and wants to jump out of the car and so on...... He asked me if that bothered me that we don't travel. I reminded him that I have something like irritible bowel syndrome which means I have to have a restroom in close proximity wherever I go and that certainly curtails a lot we can do. I have had this condition long before he had the AD. I asked him if he was bothered by my problem (I know he isn't) and he said no. I told him that was how I felt about his issue - that at our age we have a commitment to each other and adjust according to OUR needs. We laugh and say that if we were combined physically, we would make a whole person.
My DH functions pretty well in most things, except very short term memory-repeating questions, etc. He brings me my coffee in bed every morning, fixes his breakfast, loads and unloads the dishwasher (I do have to look for things), vacumns, does small repairs around the house - But no electrical or plumbing - I stopped that. Sold his SUV and hasn't driven in 3 years - no problem, he gave it up on his own! I let him do whatever he wants to as long a I feel it is safe - if I have to re-do it, so be it.
My husband attends an adult daycare Mon. thru Fri. A former business associate, who also has AD and is in his 60's as well, attends the same center. Yesterday, the friend had a meltdown that resulted in emergency med techs and the police responding and taking him to he hospital for help. It was a really bad scene. Anyway, S. came home and told me the story--he was very concerned about his friend. When I spoke to the friend's wife, who had rushed to the daycare when the problem started, she said my husband had put his arm around her and tried to console her. He also had tried to help calm his friend down. When I hear stories like this, I know that deep inside he is still the wonderful man I married 31 years ago.
Based on the Alz Assn listing, he is in Stage 5. However, through the disease so far he has been very high functioning, considering his level of disability. He is a master at compensating, has always had "the gift of gab' and has been very social. These qualities remain and are a blessing. At the daycare, he actually does help out with the later-stage clients. However, the high functioning is a dual-edged sword--if you read my posts on the treadmill, that's an example of what I mean. He attempts to "help" or do things he's always done, but the disease gets in his way. So far, his behavior has been easy for me to understand, even when he loses his temper. He is very aware of his losses, and I work hard to minimize them in an attempt to keep him happy.