I've been observing my husband decline to a lower "plateau" recently, causing me to think about what my next step will be. Since he attends daycare Mon thru Fri, I'm thinking about hiring help on the weekends. His LTC policy requires that they come from an Agency to be covered; but what I was planning to tell him is that the person is here to help me clean the house, etc. Will people from agencies generally do any cooking and cleaning? I think I've heard the term light housekeeping, but not sure what that is. Has anyone had experience with this, and exactly what did the person do? He is still alert enough now to say he doesn't need a babysitter, etc., so the person really would have to do something other than keep an eye on him.
Marilyn, I think it depends on where you live. Here, there are two organizations that have caregivers for hire. Most of them WANT to cook and do light housework because it gives them something to do than just sitting. Just tell the organization what you are looking for, what you would like them to do for you, and they will line someone up that fits your requirements. If they don't succeed the first time, they will send someone new, until they get a good match for you. You can request a male if you prefer, to be more of a companion, or a woman if you want cooking and cleaning as a preference. The Alzheimer's Assn will have a list of approved caregiver organizations, and they even have grants that you can apply for to help you pay in some states. It runs about $1,400 a month for Mon-Fri for half a day here. That is why my 19 year old grandson has moved in with me (he wants to be a chef, bless his heart) and for room and board and a stipend every week, I have my caregiver while I'm at work. The organization is my standby in case my grandson has to do something that he can't take granddad with him.
I have an aide 2/wk and they send regulars but often a new one too. when they came to home to visit and evaluate our needs they asked what i'd like as far as extras. they have standard typed out pages that each aide brings and checks off they have done what i asked for-good! i get washing /folding towels etc/dishes into dishwasher and clean put away//clean off glass tables if dirty/ feed DH lunch//his meds//and superivse his care for 4hrs..for 17dol per hr! thats 64dol each time they visit for 4hrs. its more money is you only use 3yrs or less. so more hrs is best if you can. the agency takes care of all taxes this way i dont have to mess with that for now=they are bonded and have their own insurance plus they can drive DH if i ask as well-for now we dont leave the house while i am out but for future its good. i also have a lady that wants full time and if i need that i pay 10dol/hr for 8hrs or 400/week. MUCH less than nursing home pricing. and if needed i would bring in hospice on top of private help as long as possible, if he got bedridden etc or needed extra care. hope this helps as far as agency use. this is the 2nd one i have used and both were similiar and same pricing. divvi
My husband's week day caregiver comes through our local Community Action and they have a sliding scale fee based on income. Full pay (by client), shared pay (client pays half) and full pay (no cost to client). Their version of "light housekeeping" is dishes, laundry, meal prep and clean up, cleaning bathroom (tub, sink and toilet) and the kitchen. This is just routine cleaning, not washing walls or anything like that. They also help with my husband's personal care because he is unable to shower or shave himself. He gets the same two each week. One is here 4 days a week and the other just 1. He is very attached to the one that is here 4 days a week and the feeling is mutual. The only downside is that they are not allowed to transport him.
I used an organization called Helping Hands to get help in 2 days a week. I wanted someone looking after my husband but I had to set it up for help for me - and it was! It toom me a month to get him to get him even OK with the idea and then they changed people without telling me. Wrong thing to do! I ended up letting them go and hiring someone outside of a formal system. It is working great for me.
After he was released for hospital in 2006, he was set up with in-home elp--personal casre and light housekeeping for 6 hours a week, but once he waas placed in the Medicarfe Waiver program it ws upped to 9 hrs.--all paid for. He is showered and shampooed. Laundry is done (2 loads, and I fold). Kitchen done up--dishes,counters, stove, floor; bathroom; all floors except my room; bed changed and commode dumped; groceries shopped (DH goes along for outing. He can be asked to make DH a breakfast or help with other food prep.but we don't usually ask that of him.
I turned 60 last summer and now qualify or my own aide--4hrs. a week. Shower/shampoo one day, shampoo the other. Change the bed, food prep, bedroom and commode care for me; other cleaning projects. Paid for County Senior Millage.
Keep in mind--JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS FOR YOUR LO, DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO. BY GETTING THIS HELP, YOUR LOAD IS REDUCED AND YOU CAN FOCUS ON THE THINGS ONLY YOU CAN DO. IT CAN BE A KIND OF RESPITE, BY REDUCING THE STRESS OF HAVING ALL THESE CHORES PLUGGING UP YOUR DO LIST.
Carosi--The things you said in caps above are the reasons I am considering it. I have been thinking--what can I cut out or get help with when he is worse, to make it easier on myself. You and the other posters have been a big help in giving me an idea of what the aide can do. This a.m., I timed myself when I got up-- getting Steve ready for daycare, straightening up the house, and it was about an hour and a half. If those things could be done by an aide, plus some others, it would give me a chance to go exercise or do something else for me. Does anyone know if the rates generally go up for the weekend? I have to use a regular Agency to have the insurance pay for it--I don't think a community organization would qualify, but I can check it out.
I have an agency that usually sends the same person to stay with my husband. But I use them so I can go to my dog agility trials on weekends and get in a golf game during the week. So I wind up getting my husband up, cleaning him, dressing him, and feeding him breakfast...except for some weekend days when I leve earlier. He is able to do so little and doesn't usually want to go outside unless it is at least 80 (and it's been pretty cold in Florida lately). So I think they mostly sit and watch tv with him...and he doesn't really watch it or follow a program. It's not their fault since there is very little that is can do and the physical impairments that he has from the AD make it impossible to walk him any distance. They charge $17/hr until they are incontinent and then it's $20/hr. I just tried a day care center that's about 1/2 hr away. He's been 2 days and says he hates it. He was so angry when I picked him up that he was shaking. I do think that most of it is fear that I'm not coming back and being away from me. They say he misses me (must call my name a lot!), but that he is doing well there. I know there are some men there and I thought that a different environment and people would give him some stimulation. But I'm not sure that I'll be able to get him back; last time it took 20 mins. to get him out of the car! I just hate to lay out so much money for someone to sit and watch tv. They do feed him, but I don't really give them any housekeeping things to do. And I hate having people in my house. When he goes to day care, I can go home and do things without worrying about what he's up to. I'm not sure what the best answer is!
My DH just returned from the hosp followin an intense surgery. I have a personal care tech 8hours a day 7 days a week all paid by the insurance company. I am not really happy with them there on the weekends when I am home it is kind of awkward but I am working on it. They kept sending a new person until I recognized that one older woman was not intimidated by him and I requested her full time. she does the cooking and cleaning and gives him his bath. I draw the line on the laundry I do that myself since I have a new front load washer and I am not sure that she understands the low suds thing. It is so nice to come home to a clean house and he is clean and in clean PJs and he has been feed. I am much more relaxed now and feel that my time with him now is more quality time and I feel that I am a better employee b/c he is not calling me at work every 30mins to an hour,
I'll chip in with my experience with caregivers from agencies. My DH has qualified for a medicaid preogram in New Mexico called Disabled and Elderly Waiver. Designed to help keep people in homes, not NH. We( he) gets 60 hours a week/5x week in home aide care, so I can work my demanding 60-70 hr week job. We are rotating 2 people in now and it is working better than when it was just one person doing it all. They each bring something different to the table for him..One likes to garage sale and drive around and takes him along. She also has been successful at getting him to shower with her assistance. The other likes to cook more creatively and watch movies with him. They both do light housekeeping, his laundry, bedding dishes and will run errands for me if I ask them. We bend some rules when necessary to make everything work, but I couldn't do this journey without this program. They are ANGELS! Word of caution....careful on reporting falls..if they are not seriously hurt, to me it is not a fall.
Have started with an aide--she has been here for 4 days now. She makes him breakfast and lunch, puts the dishes in the dishwasher and makes the bed. She will also changes the sheets every other week. I have left the house when she's here, but it seems she reads the newspaper or my books when he's occupied upstairs (we had agreed that it's better for her to be low profile with him--just here for safety). I was thinking this morning of asking her for a list of ingredients--she says she makes Jamaican fish that sounds good--and she could make it for us in her "spare time". Anyone have any suggestions on other things I can asked her to do? I don't think she's a self-starter on household chores--her main focus is and should be DH--but on the other hand, why pay for someone to read? On the lighter side--I was given a book on roses over a year ago--haven't had time to read it--she's been reading it and told me it says you can grow roses in containers!
she needs to focus of course on DH=but if hes sleeping or entertained and shes checking on him all the time she can run the vacuum put in aload of towels and fold, or make your dinner for you for the evenings. of course! you should ask that she help out if DH is under control and occupied. my aide does dishes/lunch for him/all the washing-folding thats in the laundry room (if DH sleeps) and last week even mopped my top floors! so yes they should do things for you not read or tv...if she goes out and above like mine did i brought her a box of fresh bakery goods for her family and she was very appreciatve.divvi
Mine also does light housework but she is a self-starter and prefers to keep busy. She sees to DH and does some interaction with him most of the time she is here although she keeps telling me he sleeps all the time. She runs the vacume, dishes and tidy the kitchen, tidy the house (and rearranges my nick-nacks), Does the laundry and folds if I have it in the laundry room. She has cleaned the refrigerator out, the garage and porches. I used to leave a list but she has been here so long she just does whatever. She uses window cleaner on windows and mirrors indoors. Changes beds, etc.
If yours is not a self-starter a list for her to work from would be the way I would go. I would start immediately before she gets too accustomed to sitting. Good Luck.
doneit i would be happy to give you a box of baked goodies just 'because'..:) but uh...you would have 2 new best friends going to the park of course..ps my dogs LOVE cats. and hate dogs.. guess cause they are quiet.. and still play. divvi
So, here's a question.... My dh is still at home by himself as I teach all day long. So far, he's been fine, but slowly stopping most activities except walking the dog. He got lost twice last week and eventually found his way home. I'm obviously looking at having someone come in during the day and wondering about how long I'd need some one. DH sleeps until 10 so probably not before that. He eats a muffin and "reads" the paper for a pretty slow start to the day. Around noon he walks the dog and returns to lay around until I get home from school. He never starts things, but will vacuum twice a week. He's VERY passive. Do you think it's enough to maybe have someone come for 4 hours? That would cover dog walking and lunch and not be too overbearing. My question is whether or not this sounds logical - and safe. His routine is very established and he is amazingly passive. He just doesn't do things. Am I taking chances by not having someone around the entire time I'm not home? What are your thoughts?
I don't think you necessarily have to have someone the whole time.. but do you envision someone going with him when he walks the dog? My daughter goes to a nearby house to walk dogs at noontime and sees various people out and about the neighborhood. Do you have any neighbor you could ask to drop by and walk with him "for exercise" ? You could offer to pay, but it would put off at least for the moment having to have someone come in longer. Put an ID bracelet or somesuch on him (and the dog) in case he gets really lost!!
if you dont already have it, get safe alert bracelet from AD assoc. get a pet tagfor dog from vet as well. if hes gotten lost twice in one week the pet walks are obviously out unless you want to lose him for hrs. plus in the heat hydration issues and with a dog. not good i think. i think yo are right in 4-5hrs to supervise during the day to START. that person will be able to watch and log his real activities while you are at work. none of us like surprises. i like to err on the side of precaution and prevention. it you can afford it i say thats the right move. your peace of mind is worth so much! divvi
Thanks for the suggestions. I do have a med alert bracelet on him and have called the Sheriff's office 8 times in the last two weeks regarding the Lifesaver program, but haven't gotten a return call. Let a message for a superior officer today. I had two weeks off for spring break and couldn't get through, now I can't really take calls during the day and have left messages to call after 3:15. My next step is to take a day off and drive over there and just get tough. The dog does have tags, license and one of those tags with address and phone number on it. Does the vet have anything different to offer? I am thinking 4 to 5 hours with a companion for now and increasing as necessary when there's a need for more.
Liz--I second Divvi's idea of hiring someone, for about 4 hrs. The aide I hired is really for me, for my peace of mind. I have always tried to err on the side of caution. Could my husband be left alone without a problem--probably. But probably isn't good enough for me--I want to know that there is someone with him when I'm out--as Divvi said--no surprises.
Today I left my DH with a respite caregiver for the first time. It is scary. Like leaving your child in the care of strangers for the first time. He did better than I did. I was gone just three hours but it felt great. I have a male caregiver from Home Instead, and feel it will work out. He cannot be left alone and I was with him 24/7. Took him everywhere with me. For the time being I will probably have the caregive only one morning a week. It costs so much, and unless the doctor certifies that he needs Nursing Care my insurance won't help pay for it. I'm also hesitant to ask the CG to do any household chores. The company says that can be part of the care, and the CG would be willing, but I am so used to doing my own housework that I just don't know where to begin asking for assistance.
gamewok - no no no you MUST let the caregiver do some light work for you. It is absolutely my criteria. How about dusting, dishes, laundry. Once you get used to it you will really appreciate the luxury of coming home to all the little pleasures. Maybe that wouldn't work for a dedicated housekeeper. I have never been such and coming home to a neatened house is pure bliss for me. Well, I reread and you have a male caregiver which would be very nice for another man. I have a sil who helps me and dh a lot. I don't know how much your dh can do but sil will take dh out to lunch or to stop at a hardware or farm store he likes (they all have wheelchairs now) He does little manly chores like hang a picture, clean out the garage etc. If they are able I think getting out and seeing other people is one of the best things. Enjoy your 3 hour outing.
gmaewok--I'm in sort of the same situation with asking the aide to do housework. However, last night I took a list of the duties the agency gave me, and since my husband doesn't need any personal care assistance, she doesn't have to do any of them. (She only is here for supervision.) So that made me feel better about asking for other things--even if they're not on the sheet. Today and tomorrow I'm going to ask her to vacuum, and next week, I'm going to ask her if I buy the ingredients to make her fish, will she prepare it for us. I do find this awkward--but as I posted above--she is either reading or watching TV most of the time--yesterday, I noticed she brought a crossword or sudoku book-- and doesn't offer to do more, so I'll take everyone's advice and give her things to do. Imhor--I am a dedicated housekeeper, but you know what--this is just one of those things where practicality has to enter into the picture.
Home Instead is a national agency. They will not do any nursing care; they're mostly companions. They will not "deal" with incontinence. If someone falls they call 911, apparently immediately. While they may be appropriate and great for people who are in early stages, I'd be very cautious in using them with someone farther along. I don't think they'd fall under the kind of medical expense care that would be covered for tax purposes, though I'd be delighted to be proven wrong on this. I agree- have a man do your heavier chores rather than housework. But window washing? why not?
I agree with Lois that it is absolutely marvelous to come home to a neatened house!!
Last month I hired a woman to stay with DW while I went to a meeting that ran from 5-6:30, so we need to have dinner after I get back. I planned a meal that took more work than popping a TV dinner in the microwave, so I asked Margo if she would start things cooking. She ended up doing most of the cooking, so I asked her to stay for dinner. It really worked out well. I have the same meeting this afternoon, but told Margo all I had was a couple of TV dinners.
to all of you who hire agency workers.. they ALL have included light housekeeping with adult supervisions. doing dishes/folding laundry/lite meal preparations/taking them to dr appt//most offer this and you are more than likely paying for it in the pricing so step up and get what youre paying for!! wow. its wonderful to come home to a clean kitchen and dusting and glass tables cleaned. its hard like imohr to allow someone else to do what we've done for so long but habits CAN be broken...hahah. and once you have it you dont want to be without it. good for you MinMD and gmaewok...join the club of having a day in the week of being able to do what you want. its sheer heaven...and will do a world of good for your mental outlook..divvi ps and i have a couple of male caregivers that do lite housework as well as the girls. they are expected to do it if they are in this line of work. go for it.
ok Imhor and Divvi--reporting in to headquarters--today I had the aide vacuum the first floor. Tomorrow I'll have her vacuum upstairs. Next week--I'll have more chores for her. Thanks for the suggestions.
I'm not doing this yet, but if I was, I'd want bathrooms cleaned, kitchen floors washed, etc. I'd have a basic list and ask the aide to do the list whenever they aren't personally involved with the patient. I would put anything that I had some difficulty getting to on the list, and keep rotating the list so that everything gets done at some point during the month.
Having them involved with the family and house activities would also make the LO more comfortable around them.
they usually arent expected to do hard cleaning (unless you pay them some extra on the side:), like bathrooms etc. but kitchen dishes -lite dusting,/lite mops, laundry etc i find they are more than willing.
one told me once another person had asked them to scrub around the commode and told her 'we arent molly maids'...so thats the general consensus. caregivers vs housekeepers? divvi
i have a live-in 24/7 male aide who is wonderful. He makes breakfast and lunch and helps with dinner, cleans dishes/kitchen, bathrooms, tubs, washes kitchen floor, laundry, vacuums whole house, makes/changes bed, supervises DH and dog. He constantly asks me what else he can do because he wants to stay busy. I appreciate that he is motivated and is willing to help out. He even shoveled the sidewalk this winter when it snowed and now has a better relationship with the family dog than DH. I tip him when he goes on vacation so he knows I appreciate the extras he does. Make a list of what you want them to do - they can always say "no". Unfortunately it is very expensive in NJ to have a certifed live-in - $200/day and DH's LTC insurance is trying to find ways not to cover the cost, so it's been out of pocket for 4 months.
The one I use comes and cleans bathrooms , floors and changes bedsheets and what she can in a two hour span so I can stretch out my resources. Ev nthat is a BIG help to me!! A couple have in their brochure, dont expect a sitter to watch your loved one AND to clean at the same time . WIsh we could say that?! LOL! So you get hamemaker help or home sitter help . I hire an individual for my breaks but I am getting where I may need someone more often than I am getting now just so I can sleep!
I think there's a big difference in hiring from an agency, where they give you a list of things they will do, and hiring on your own, where you write the job description. The agency our aide came from gave me a checklist of things they will do, broken out into personal care chores and housekeeping chores. The housekeeping chores are : change linens, empty trash, make breakfast and lunch and wash dishes, make bed. Since my husband needs no help with personal care, and she is here only for his safety, I feel comfortable with asking her to do a few additional things. That said, I know that bathroom cleaning, scrubbing floors, etc. would be beyond her job duties--my intuition tells me that I will get the molly maids comment from her if she thinks I step over the line. She does seem to like to cook--I'm going to ask her to make something next week--but I don't think cleaning is her strong suit. However, her personality is good with DH, and that means a lot.
LFL--your guy sounds great! What's going on with the LTC company? The policy should explain what is covered and what's not--I would think it should be pretty straightforward. Even though my husband still does all ADL's on his own, he qualifies for services under the policy due to cognitive impairment.
My in-home help comes from an agency that is paid for by the PDA waiver program that my husband qualified for. Their duties include light housekeeping (I was provided with a list of what they do and it contained most normal household chores, dishes, laundry, sweeper, mopping etc.), personal care, meal prep and supervision. I had never had household help and was not comfortable telling them what to do so I simply said that my husband's care was first and foremost but since they are here 9 hours a day to do whatever they felt comfortable with. At first, I came home each day to a clean house and a clean well-fed husband. Over the months, this has changed. Very little housework is done. The kitchen and bathroom are kept clean but that is about it. My husband is often unshaven and in spite of how many times I remind them, they never clean his dentures. One day last week I asked the girl to do a load of laundry. I came home to be told that outside of eating breakfast and lunch, my husband had spent all day in bed, yet the load of laundry had been washed, dried and stuffed back in the basket to wrinkle. A 9 hour day, she only prepared 2 light meals and apparently didn't have time to fold the laundry.
divvi, I would, but that is part of the problem. We live in a very rural area and the agency that provides the aides is very short staffed. The aide that is here the most (four days all of the time and five days some of the time)is wonderful in her interaction with him. I will admit that she has gotten lazy with the housework but I also feel that she is burnt out. She requested a while back not to be scheduled here so much but none of the other girls lasted more than a day (he made them "nervous"). So, she is here 36 to 45 hours a week, she has to be stressed. She spends more waking hours with him than I do and I can barely make it through a weekend. And his face still lights up when she walks in in the mornings.
you are right then Edis-not much choice for improvement then with low staffing- just go with the flow then and if DH is happy with that particular aide then guess you bite the bullet on the rest of the cleaning..i would do the same- my best, divvi
Edis, you could consider discussing this with the person in charge of the agency. Letting them know you worry about her burn out..etc. When you talk to the agency, let them know that you are "concerned about her because you can see the change in her attitude". The agency obviously knows she works more than the 40 hour standard workweek on occasion, and they might motivate her with a pay increase or another benefit. That's their responsibility..keeping their people motivated and happy with the job. Since she is with an agency, it isn't your job to do that. I understand the difficulty in getting good dependable people to work this kind of work,... but some people truly love being caregivers or nurses.
Boy, I would like to know where you get these people, especially the ones you don't have to pay for. The agencies here in CA require $35/hr for min. 3 days at a time. How do you get the Dr.'s help to pay for these? As for Long Term Insur. we don't qualify as you cannot have this Disease prior to qualifying. Maybe this is how some of us could get some much needed sleep by having someone come in and do things while we sleep. Or can you only get this help if you have to work?
brindle, different situations qualify for different types of help, etc. In our case dh doesn't qualify for any help. When I hire someone I have to pay them. If you can find someone reliable that is not through an Agency, it is much cheaper. But, you have to do the background checking. In my case the people I have had are long-time family friends that I trust to stay in my house and help with dh. Good Luck.
I don't think Texas has a special program for help either. Some states do... In home care from an agency in Houston is around $21/hour..with a minimum number of hours. If you use less hours, the rate per hour goes up.
I'm blessed to have a Stephens Minister from church who calls on me weekly and we discuss challenges and search for solutions. She's from Ghana, and it just so happens, many of the women from Ghana (here) are nurses and/or doctors. She is going to talk to some of her friends who work as Nurses Assistants and see if they would like to work for a private person. You might try some similar networking where you live. This is a relatively new idea and I haven't heard back yet, but it sounds reasonable. I am fortunate to have a housekeeper 3 x a week, but she is much too small to help DH that much. She is able to 'watch' him for me and for that, I'm grateful. I'm just looking toward the future ...in case he gets to be more than we can handle.
Brindle, in your area are the VisitingAngels home care agency. we have them in tx here and they run about 17dol/hr here. i use one similiar for 17x4hr/week and its about 68dol /week to get out a few hrs. there is no min hrs. but like others its more for less hrs. also the website CARE.COM has some interesting posts for people looking to work all over the usa. you just plug in your city and state- my daughter in law found a nanny for my grandaughter thru this site and you can even do a background check etc. you have to be careful and screen the replies but there are many who work in nursing homes or the elder care business who want to work private. my DIL got hers for 12dol/hr..many do 10dol/hr in this economy. some churches in your area may be able to connect with caregivers for small hrly pricing as well. ther are many people wanting extra work these days. i found already 2 who work in homecare agency that want to work for me when i am ready. divvi