Lately, my DH has started coming to me when he has problems with things, i.e., contact lenses. Last night he asked if I would clip his nails. I'm rather surprised, (but glad)--he was always very independent. I would rather have it this way than for him to make a mess of things, perhaps injure himself. I would have predicted that he would only ask for help in dire emergencies, but that 's not the way it's turning out. I'm curious to see what others' experiences have been--he is in the beginning of the middle stage.
Marilyn, he rarely asks for help. but when he starts trying to bite his nails (which he has NEVER done), I ask him if he would like me to give him a manicure, and he says yes.....and when I put his plate in front of him, I ask him if he would like me to cut up his food for him, and he says yes.....and when I ask him if he would like me to wash his hair, he says yes...
Earlier last year, he would try to "fix" things and break them while I was at work. He usually showed them to me as soon as I got home, so that I could either repair it correctly or throw it away. This was an expensive phase that lasted almost a year. I spent $300 on vacuum cleaner repair; new dishwasher (I won't describe his help); new garbage disposal; two visits from the electrician; and for six months I had to "restore" the computer when I got home!!!!
Wow! How did you maintain your sanity? I have read that it's a good idea to disable the garbage disposal (safety), but how do you prevent them throwing things down it, thinking that it's ok? I'm hoping he'll forget where the switch is (under the sink). He hasn't used it in years.
Any time he asks for help the answer is yes. Anytime he reports something broken--we troubleshoot first. Just wish sometimes he'd ask before he helps.
I can zip all the jacket zippers he wants, and open all the clear plastic bakery boxes. The garage doorlock wasn't broken, just frozen--thank goodness he didn';t 'fix it'. The whole dill pickles that had 'gone bad' didn't have to go down the toilet. He thought they did. Plumber had to fix that PLUG.
Asking for help here is cussing and screaming at some inanimate object or another (or his recalcitrant leg). Almost NEVER has he said "I need help" or called my name to come help him. Almost NEVER (in MANY years) has he answered a question about his need for help with yes or no. It's always been "that would be nice" or "I doubt that it would be helpful" or similar circumlocutions. I've learned to watch him, see how he does things, and then replicate it, to avoid his frustration. The trouble is now that some things he's done rigidly, religiously, for many years are now frustrating him. For instance, he eats an orange (not juice) at breakfast, and a soft-boiled egg. He now gets very frustrated cutting the orange up (but refuses help), and yells at the egg when it doesn't release its shell. He is beginning to let me fix the egg for him, but not the orange. Old habits are going by the wayside.
Marilyn, where did you get the idea that I still HAVE my sanity? <grin> It was frustrating at the time. I just laugh about the past now. I spend a lot of time plunging the toilets these days. I know we've still got a lot facing us ahead, but at least I wasn't in a plane landing the wrong way!
Briegull, it was hard before he realized that he needed help. Hopefully he'll let you help him more in the future. Could you peel his orange and egg before serving him breakfast and see if he'll let you?
Mary, I assumed you still have your sanity because I don't think they let you have a computer when they throw you into a padded cell! By the way, there is some nail biting going on here too, and it's also a new behavior. I chalked it up to anxiety.
Briegull, I think Mary's suggestion about peeling the food before he sees it might be worth a try. If I get DH's clothes out in front of him, he resents it. However, if they magically appear on the bed while he's in the bathroom, he doesn't say a word--I think he may feel he put them there.
I came home just before our ugly cold spell here in the NW to find a Rotor Router truck in the driveway. G had tried to turn off the outside water and broke something by "horseing it". Why he called this place instead of our normal local plumber, I have no idea, but it cost $400.00 for the experience! Then I discovered there was a hole from that outside spot into my basement sewing room..a HOLE!. I didn't even ask. Our son is repairing it..not his forte, but he is learning.
Everytime he goes outside and is gone for a bit, I worry and have to check it out..to his total disproval.
All you can do is be vigilant about what they are up to. My DH never has actually asked for help. like others he'd fiddle with it and get frustrated til i took it and did whatever he wanted. i finally hid his toolbox:) whatever needed fixing was done by someone else after some of the same things happened here. mine was into the habit of flushing washcloths-used ones..:( -i would be extra careful with appliances like the disposals or anything else that could be a danger to hands/fingers. this brings back too many bad memories:) yick. Divvi
Two things my DH asks for my help on: When he screws up the TV remote; and when he screws up his laptop golf game. These are daily (more than once per day) occurences!
The thing is about peeling the egg and the orange, that it takes him a long time to do both and if he is not in the mood to be frustrated, it takes a long time. This is a Good Thing because it gives him something to do. I ask each day if he wants me to peel the egg and so far he's been pretty accepting if he wants me to peel it. If he's in a bad mood I go ahead and do it without asking. The orange is done a particular way. He cuts it into sections, then he uses his knife to cut a little bit into each end of the section then picks it up and eats the pulp out from the middle. I couldn't possibly do THAT to please him! He's good with a knife in general, though; he still can cut up his meat if it's boneless,which I make sure it is. He learned as a young kid to debone a squab (they raised them in a backyard coop in California) and he has never used his food for eating anythiing but a sandwich, and won't even eat THAT with his hands if it's sloppy. THis is very depressing with spare ribs.
My wife had 5 remotes (I thought we just needed three of everything) in our bedroom - all are now MIA. She is long past the point of being able to use a remote but finds security in just having one around. One of these days I'm going to stumble upon an incredible treasure trove of remotes, bras, and panties.
my wife has never known how to use a remote. She has really not been interested in TV, although she does watch the news with me. I wish she would watch on her own, rather than sit in her recliner chair doing nothing and saying she is tired. I think she is bored, but I can't find anything she will do on her own.
Our LOs really do lose their initiative. My wife only wants to watch sit-coms, especially the older one like Andy Griffith and I Love Lucy. I'm sure she retains some very pleasant family memories that she associates with these shows.
I feel the same as marsh. I can not seem to find anything that my DH will do. He used to love free cell on the computer; can't do that anymore. I have tried playing games with him -- I just play both parts. He can't focus or follow TV shows or movies. He just sits in his recliner and naps. Doesn't ask for help for anything either; just keeps wandering through the house looking for whatever. I just don't know what to try to get him interested in.
Yes--he asks me for help a lot lately. His toenails and the fingernails on his right hand. I monitor ALL of his meds and he asks me several times each day if he's taken his meds yet. (that why I monitor them). He can't operate the TV remote anymore.
Mine can't even manage to turn the tv OFF with the remote (and we have the great big one with big numbers and buttons). Much less go from station to station. I turn it on, get him settled, and turn on either a dvd or the TV, and there he sits until he decides he needs to go to the bathroom, which he slowwwwly does (takes him awhile to get his walker turned around right). Then, like as not, if I'm not around to prompt him, he'll go sit at his place in the kitchen and find something (anything!) to spread mustard on. He may or may not eat his concoction.