well RED. admitting i am called the DRILL SARGEANT helps...haha.. i dont put up with nonsense when bathing. its in out and then a treat and kiss for being good..haha...i have his candy on the vanity so he can SEE it..awwwww...who said 2yr olds??? geezzzzz...divvi
A new thing has came up & was wondering if anyone else has experienced this. My husband will come in from the garage, say he has to pee, but won't go. Then 5 minutes later he is back in the house saying the same thing. Sometimes he will go over to the toilet, but just stand & look at it. He also, gets up at least 3 times in the middle of the night, because he won't go the 1st or 2nd time he's up, even though I know he has to. I have ask him if he is having trouble going, & he says no.
kadee he could have the beginnings of prostate issues. mine does and experiences the same things without meds. he stands there and cant 'go' - and back /forth. you may need to get him to a urologist just to check him out -like i said in another post the switch from the brain to the bladder is broken and causes them to feel the urge when they dont have to go. the 'circuits' are out of whack. he may need some sort of bladder med to reduce the prostate or slow spasms that can occur that can give him the feeling they need to go., many men have this issues even without AD. its painful if he has urine backed up and cant urinate completely so you may need to see whats up. i dont think its normal to go and go and not do anything. i went thru all this and finally we got things corrected with medications. divvi
I count it as a good thing that my DW does not always flush or if/when she puts down the lid. It tells me that she has gone and sometimes I can tell what she did. She does not go often and I need to know when she does go so I can encourage her to do so if it has been a while. She does not drink much at meals and I try to give her a drink during the day but only Cokes and Dr Pleppers appeal to her. She is now drinking Peach Tea pretty good. Has a tendancy for constipation so I like to see how she is doing with her #2. Never thought I would be interested in my beautiful, sexy girlfriend------and talking about it. bill
Kadee, my DH does something similar in the bathroom. In his case i think it's partly because he forgets what to do and how to do it. He looks at the toilet and can't remember how to take his penis out and to pee.
MY DH sits on the seat and this morning he called me in. He had pee all over the floor and didn't know what happened. He had sat on the FRONT of the toilet seat and his penis was not even over the opening. I am afraid this is the beginning of more of these situations.
I try to get my DH to use the potty in the AM when I dress him and the PM when I get him ready for bed. Unless he has a BM in his depends during the day I don't try to get him to go in the toilet between times. Sometimes he will use the toilet and sometimes he refuses. He has gotten to the point he seems to be afraid when trying to sit on it to poop. Recently when I stand him in front of it to pee he will try to get his foot up high enought to step into the toilet. So far I have managed to stop him before he actually gets his foot into the water, but I'm sure that will happen eventually.
My husband is apt to pee outside..if no one catches him. He was raised on a farm, and has regressed to about 4 years old. I just bet it was absolutely OK for him to do that when he was 4..and no one was watching!
I need advice on how you handle not using toilet paper. I have read others who use warm wash cloths, that would be fine if he would let me wipe him. Problem is he won't wipe himself or let me help. He says he didn't poop. He was letting me hand him the toilet paper, now he won't even do that. Of course he has a terrible rash on his butt. I guess my question is? How do you cope with the fact that your spouse is not cleaning after pooping? So far, I have been able to get him in the shower & I wash his butt the best he will allow, but is this enough? I am worried the rash will turn into a staph infection..its looks very angry.
kadee is it possible you can hire an agency to come in once a week and help him get cleaned bathed and oinments in place? sometimes they rebel against us but allow a nurse to help them if its drs orders. you are right to worry about the untreated rash and if its getting worse and more feces on top of it can progress to staph or a bedsore type wound. if all else fails take him to the dr and let them get him treated. i also would try to get him cleaned with a washcloth maybe while getting ready for bed? and apply oinments while hes lying down. i find it easier to get DH changed lying down or sitting rather than standing and holding his pants for dear life with clenched fists. try using a bag of candy he likes to bribe like the rest of us! good luck, divvi
Kadee, if the rash is causing discomfort that he's aware of, perhaps you can tell him a fiblet, that you called the doctor's office and were told it is important for you to clean the area and apply ointment several times daily. Not your idea, but has to be done. Would he buy that?
Wow, incredible what we all go through in the course of a day.No wonder we're tired! I've gone through many many problems and incidents with toilet issues. My DH cannot tell me if he needs to use the bathroom anymore so I take him now whether he wants to or not. Sometimes he won't let me. We've had struggles and shouting matches and all kinds of drama just to use the toilet! Once he stood buck naked in the hall and just peed and pooped everywhere. I never thought I would be able to deal with this, you know, weak stomache and all, but looking around there was no one but me so I handled it. But I remember crying and praying the whole time, "Help me God. I can't do this by myself!" I learned that morning at 3:00am you can do anything you have when you need to. Just grit your teeth and do to what you need do (with a little praying!) and move on. Eventually I got sick and tired of cleaning up the mess on the floors, walls, carpet, etc., and everything else so I went to Depends pull-ups. That has made it somewhat easier. But when his own cleaning and wiping ceased I just stepped in and took over the job. Of course I wear gloves to do this (I've thought about goggles too!) and we have a diaper pail like you would for a baby. In the shower he just stands and stares so now I do all the scrubbing, shampooing and rinsing, too.If I don't he'll just stand there or step out. He's been wetting the bed alot llately so now I put 2 on him at night. I will try Wal Mart's Assurance if you think they are just as good because Depends are not cheap. I wouldn't dream of going anywhere without them now. Not even to sleep. It is very much like taking care of a baby- just bigger and not so sweet or cuddly sometimes!
I've got a trial package of Depends and Teena from our local pharmacy, because dh had two accidents in three days a while back, but since then it's been OK so we haven't had any opportunity to try the pullups. We will need at least one serious accident before he would consent to trying them. Meanwhile I also got pads to protect the bed (also disposables from Depend) but they seem to small to me. They haven't been tested yet.
JeanetteB, we also got the Tena sample and it is great and looks and fits like underwear. We were having trouble cleaning my H backside because it would be dry and stuck in his hairs which hurt and pulled when we tried to clean him and he wouldn't let us do it. A fellow that used to work in a nursing home suggested that they used to use shaving cream to clean the backsides and surprisingly it works great. Has anyone else tried it?
My hubby is at the disheveled level.. For a few weeks now I have been checking the tooth brushing..I make sure the tube of toothpaste is in the cup with the brush..if the tube is not on the counter ( he never put it away) then I know he did not " scrape his teeth". And in the morning he comes out dressed but he does not comb his hair or shave on some of the days. He always used to be spiffy. He will take it upon himself most of the time to clean up if we are going someplace. The clothes....I can put out a new days worth of clothes and often he does not change saying " I haven't done anything to get dirty. I have to sneak his medic alert safe return bracelet on the side loop of his pants so he can't get it off..he got it off yesterday when he changed his clothes...so there is always something new. When he was trying to propose 33 years ago, he said I should stick with him, I would never be board, and that he was an endless source of amusement!. I don't think he had this in mind! I guess this could count for an "Alrighty Then"!
Starling I bet that magic stuff was Balmex..get it in the baby section of the grocery store.. I had a bad test once that left me so sore..so when it was time for that special test we are to get at age 50..you know the one I mean... ;-O..I used that Balmex liberally and I had no problems...no discomfort at all.
So if a LO gets the rash from the drips etc,that one, that looks like A&D ointment but is so much better, is a good thing to try.
(I use Desenex, which I certainly used many years ago)
Yes, the Walmarts "depends" are for us at least, as good as the Depends. Pads that are extra large (to go on the bed) ARE made, in a Rite-Aid brand, I think 24x36 or maybe 36x 50 or thereabouts).
The entire world does not brush teeth twice a day. Yes, there may be problems down the road, but the road isn't very far for most of us (them).
Shaving cream sounds like a great idea. I'll try it.
Jules, thanks for the info. I'll save the shaving cream dh no longer uses (I bought an electric razor and now he can shave again, after a fashion) just in case we need it later on!
My biggest issue right now is the tooth brushing. He has simply refused all week. But here we are, Saturday morning, we have been to the barber shop and are home again with a long day still in front of us. I think I'm going to talk about going out to a restaurant to eat this afternoon but then say we can't go until after he brushes his teeth (couldn't do that on a day care day or before going to the barber; he would simply say OK I won't go). Keep your fingers crossed for me.
And Briegull, thanks for your comment about the relative importance of tooth brushing. I'm more worried about bad breath but i try to get him to eat apple slices or chew sugarless gum and that seems to be doing the trick. We live and adjust.
So many ideas. My DH was having problems with BM's and had to take the Mag. Citrate. Well if you have done this before you know that you have about 4 days of runny BM's which go all over his genitals. Had to give him something similar last week and used what I had learned after the first session: put a large old towel around the bottom of the toilet; get a large trash basket with plenty of plastic bags (I use the ones from the store that we recycle); have plenty of baby wipes; a large plastic glass (really helps) to pour on the genitals while he is sitting on the toilet. Once this is all clean and wiped off, we get into the shower to get rid of any residue and smell.
I found WalMart Assurance has large, thick pads (30 x 36 EXTRA) that are also heavy duty. First I have the bed pads I bought at Toys R Us in the infant section -27 x 36 and 27 x 50 -(I like them best) on top of the sheet, then a couple of pads over that. They help so I don't have to wash so much. One pad does not protect the sheet.
I keep experimenting to see how to keep DH dry at night. Even getting up several times did not do the trick so I opted for sleep. I was also concerned that DH was too groggy to be safe getting up during the night.
Thanks, Joan. I've read this entire thread, laughed a bit, (VBG!!) learned a lot, and see what I have ahead. Does put the little things in their proper place!
I am bringing this thread to the top because I need some advice. I just bought 6 new pair of underwear for him yesterday and, after he went up to bed last night, he used and 'stained' every pair. I then realized that he is having a problem with wiping. This happened once last week, but he blamed it on the man in the mirror (who he converses with once in a while). I just let it go then but now I'm going to have to address it. He is still independent in his toileting and I don't know what to say or how to take this step.
fiona68 seems like we all have to go thru this stage where we have to make decisions about how to proceed with incontinence issues. the REAL FIT depends and the newer versions of mens BRIEFS are so very real like many dont seem to have an issue with the change to them from real cotton underwear. when the staining and non wiping come an issue its probably time to just get rid of those regular type ones and replace them in his area with these. he may gripe about it in the beginning but will get used to them if thats all there is. it will save you loads of laundry and work now to maneuver him into these throw aways. make the switch and see how it goes, and dont elaborate alot, just say this is what we need to use now and dont have any of his regular ones available. maybe it will work like for many of us.worse come to shove you can use a liner pad in his regular underwear or put a pair of his regulars over the depends so it looks like normal ones. divvi
If your husband is early stages and you can afford it, you might consider a water spraying toilet seat to make cleaning easier. Toto makes a whole range. My husband thought it was a terrible idea, but once we got it he loved it.
pam, thanks for mentioning that again-I'm thinking about installing one but DH is now in mid-late stage 6, but still continent. I saw it mentioned in the October AARP bulletin, but it seemed very expensive - $650-$800? Was that your experience?
LFL....just for your information. My dh remained continent to the day he died. You might want to wait awhile and check on how long delivery and installation takes...if only a few days or weeks you would have time to get one then.
Pam knows how strongly I advocate the Toto Washlet Toilet Seat. My DH has been gone for three years, and although I originally purchased one for him, I have found it's the smartest thing I've ever bought. I'm susceptible to UTI's, and as you all know, once you begin having them, you are going to have more and more, -- closer together. The Toto has stopped UTI's in their tracks (no pun intended). I used it every day, multiple times, and for personal hygiene alone, it's an important thing. When I moved, I brought it with me. If you are considering the purchase of one, just know you will get a lot of use from it too, and it's not one of those items you'll get rid of 'after'.
new trick-I used to put those waterproof liner pads around the bottom of the toilet, as of course there is lots of misses these days. I change them each morning or as needed.
I REALLY was hoping to find one of those toilet mats that are rubber, perhaps at a medical store. Anyway, I took one of those fluffy fitted thingies that go around the toilet. I wrapped around it bottom and top with the liner, and then put it in place. It works better because the line does not slip as much. Also now we have those rails on each side of the toilet, and I put the floor contraption under each leg on each side of the toilet, for stabilization.
Like Abby, I should have stock in the paper towel company. There is just no substitute for a quick spray of cleaner and paper towel.
What we go through, ha! Tried so many things, and they seemed so tedious. My guy won't step up to the plate if there is anything on the floor. (has trouble with door thresholds too). So I finally gave up, sanitized my floor as best I could, and put silicone caulking around the bottom of the toilet to stop any seeping under it. Now I just go slogg'n in there with my paper towels and spray, and finish with a disinfectant wipe. For a long time the little rugs were great, and easy to change out, but his socks were so difficult to change. Finally got him to leave them off at night anyway. Geeze!
If you want the whole Toto experience without paying more than is necessary I would get: http://www.totousa.com/Washlet/E200.aspx. The bottom of the line model has the control attached to the seat where it would be hard to clean. The plumbing is very easy but it requires an electrical outlet right next to the toilet. It is so important to my husband that I got a cheaper option for the family summer home: http://www.allegromedical.com/personal-care-c532/ez-wash-solution-comfortseat-p210969.html. My husband found it acceptable even though the water is not warmed. It doesn't require any electricity.