TexasJoe, my situation is now identical to yours. Kathryn has now regressed to the point of mentally being a virgin again also. Talking about sex embarrasses her and she will even blush a little. I don’t believe she knows we are married anymore. I don’t know how she thinks of me. I think I am kind of like a security blanket. She feels safe with me and will do anything I ask her to. I asked her how she felt about me touching her breast and she turned red a little and said it was ok sometimes. We used to cuddle a lot and at night I bed and now she sleeps all the way on the other side of the bed and faces the other way. No more cuddling.
I found it interesting what you said about convincing your DW there is nobody else in the room. Kathryn sleeps with her clothes on because she doesn’t like taking her them off where everybody can she her. She also believes that the people in the TV are real and can see us. She will ask me “where are ya’ll going, can I come”. Problem being there is no ya’ll or everybody. The only people in the house are me and Kathryn.
My DH has started coming to bed after me. He listens to his ipod in the den. He use to listen in bed. I think he is waiting for me to fall asleep. We use to cuddle as we fell asleep. He will still cuddle in his sleep. But not so much awake. I really miss the cuddling as it was all I had left. Now that is going away. Don't laugh, I am thinking about getting a soft stuffed animal to sleep with. Does that sound strange? He will change his cloths in the bathroom, and does not like me to watch him.
Months ago I realized that my dh really didn't know my position in the household. I am familiar to him and that is all. He usually goes to bed before I do but he always asks where I will be sleeping. Sometimes he treats me like a guest, always asking if I would like coffee, something to eat, etc. Kids call and talk to him speaking of "Mom" so he knows I am their mom but I don't think he remembers what it is like being their dad. He sounds as if he is just an acquaintance speaking. It is just one of millions of forgotten memories.
This AD is like a thief taking away everything we have held dear and taken our entire married lives to build up. If my wise mother were alive today, she would say AD is the ultimate in building our characters. Stay strong.
Hey Blue I have a big ol black lab that would love to keep ya warm,drivin me crazy ever since LO went to ALF she sits in window waiting for her to come home,any female that comes to house including 4 daugthers drives her up the wall,she won't leave them alone,only time I count is when she's hungry,then its back to the window hoping
Well I have a different problem pertaining to this thread. My DH still wants sex, has the capability of having it & enjoys it. I, on the other hand, don’t want it & don’t enjoy it. However, about once a week he asks if we can have sex (sometimes he says make love). So I give in ONLY because I know it’s one of the only things he really enjoys. I know that sometimes the AZ patient can get overly sexual, but that isn’t the case. He just remembers that we had sex & he still wants it. He hasn’t made any overtures to anyone else. I wasn't going to write this, but it helps getting it off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Know what you mean Elaine, although thankfully my Dh has stopped asking or wanting sex...at least he hasn't made any such overtures. But we always had a very good sex life and he was so romantic at times. Now it would be so difficult for me to even be in the mood with him because it is so different...he's like a child ...needing help with the most basic things. I have to help him in the bathroom on the toilet, in the shower, etc...so it is difficult feeling romanti with him anymore. I do miss it terribly, though.
ol Don I have 2 dogs and 2 cats. It is just they don't want to cuddle when I want :) I want something like a stuffed animal that I can control, you know, like a husband. Just kidding. I have said, just when I got DH trained like I wanted he goes and forgets everything. Still he tries very hard to be good and help. Have to give him that.
Elaine, tell him we did that this morning and it was good. I'm trying to remember what the word sex means. I'm like the person who fills out a form and you are supposed to check male or female and writes in "not lately"
Bama, sometimes I think they actually have selective memory! Of everything that he CAN’T remember, if I tried to tell him that we did it this morning, he would know that we didn’t!
Mary75, I heard it as the advice from Queen Victoria to her daughters, "Close your eyes and think of England." My grandmother believed that from wedding day onwards, and her husband was a sweetie.
Speaking of the Queen, has anyone heard what she thought of the see-through black dress worn by her future granddaughter-in-law? She's seen a lot of changes over her lifetime.
Try to look at the cover of the New Yorker this week. I believe Prince Charles (or maybe grandpa Prince Philip) has been heard to say, "well, at least they've had a lot of practice.."" They've been living together for a few years.
angelb, NO SEX seems to be our middle name now a days and yes I think we are just going to have to learn to deal with it if that is even possible. Personally I don't think it is possible to just DEAL with it. If you are like me I don't have a choice but to deal with it because I am a very loyal person and will just do what I have to do short of cheating.
For those dealing with FTD there are threads dealing with various aspects of the sex issues. http://ftdsupportforum.com
My wife is willing and able, though lets say the imagination is gone and it is hard for her to keep focus. And my feeling towards her are different, which affects my desire.
And if men had vibrators civilization would be either wonderful or collapse because use men would never leave the house.
paulc---What I call a "Novelty" catalog came today, "novelty" meaning odds and ends, lots of different things. In it were two different vibrators for men. Really think civilization is in danger? <grin>
Yah well, cool your jets there Carosi - this topic is about women's vibrators and women trying them not men's vibrators and men trying them. Ten yard penalty for being off topic. And I resemble your remark that if it's naughty and it's about sex it must be men doing it.
Stereotyping men is an easy target but there are more male types than the typical male who trips over an emotion and doesn't know what it is the way John Wayne wood.
I have no idea what a man's vibrator would even look like and find it offensive that no metaphor I can think of works here without being too graphic for the venue. But I do know that it's not men keeping Harelquin publishing company a thriving concern. It's women buying those books that demean men to the cardboard cutout characterature of dangerous pirate with rippling pecs and a python in their pants. Or lost misfit with rippling pecs and a python in their pants. Or the guy next door with rippling pecs and a python in their...
And of course all the male characters in those books are extremely stable, sensitive, and caring. Usually baking bread in the kitchen and wishing for world peace. You'll notice it wasn't us that wrote a book like the vagina monologues where apparently it can talk. What would that even be called???
La carne terra, e qui l'ossa mia, prive de' lor begli occhi, e del leggiadro aspetto fan fede a quel ch'i' fu grazia nel letto, che abbracciava, e' n che l'anima vive
translation -
The flesh now earth, and here my bones, Bereft of handsome eyes, and jaunty air, Still loyal are to him I joyed in bed, Whom I embraced, in whom my soul now lives.
Ok. Sorry. No accents. Not even an Arnold Swarzenegger "It's burning my eyes!" And no Darth Vader helmet stuff? Maybe just a Fabio characture that keeps putting his fingers on his chest with a Joan River's overdub that says "please I have feelings" over and over.
Somehow I don't think you and Fabio have much in common Wolf lol
Yesterday as I was packing up my tent and market gear in the blazing Kona sun, I was listening to the packing up conversations at the booth next to me. Our brains are melting by this time, what with getting up at 4:30 am, driving setting up, selling, eating , and I just love my market.
There is a very gorgeous 30 something man there hawking his wares along with his stunning wife and 2 sweet little girls. He is scary good looking and gets teased about it alot. So, I call him my "Son", as that way, I cannot flirt with him. He likes it, calls me Mom, and says I am his "uddah muddah"
We can't figure out who the father is. Plus , I am 5"2", he is very tall, I guess Dad must have been tall if I can just remember.
Anyway, I made a comment to that group of guys he was talking to , (the others were old fart guys). I said, "If I lose my husband, and maybe even one day get those "feelings" again, well, God forbid I do not want to be a dirty old lady, what can I do"
Beg to differ with you Wolf. The title of the Thread is “No Sex question for the young wives(I’m 42) or husbands dealing with this Disease”. Admittedly, the responses predominate toward the women’s perspective. However, there are entries expressing the men’s viewpoint. I was just expressing a tongue-in-cheek comment to paulc’s comment about vibrators for men affecting civilization—wonderful or collapsed. I said nothing about naughty and sex and it must be men doing it---but if the shoe . . .
Harlequin may provide a good portion of stereotyped men and relationships for their primarily female audience, but there are many sources providing multimedia options for men as well, and just as the Harlequin Hero comes well equipped, so to do their feminine counterparts in the media for men.
Think maybe we can leave it, that this is a dilemma for both husbands and wives on this Board to find a solution for, that works for them?
A co-worker of my wife had a romance novel published. I think it took 10 years to write it. Lots of historical research was involved. She never tried again.
I never saw this thread before! Where is poor Lullie from 2009? God, I am going to get myself in trouble again!!!! Lullie, the way you talk about your husband, he was not very nice before he had Alzheimer's. So I would have to say Alzheimer's is not the problem. I liked my husband in the beginning and I still do. You can have loving without liking but it is not a good idea. Sister, you should have cut and run a long time ago, but you need to pull up your big girl panties first. Now I find myself wanting to ask for mercy from Joan. Sorry, Joan, couldn't help myself. I am going to blame it on "no sex".
Had to weigh in a bit on this. . From another man's perspective. .I think I have 'touched' on this before, but I really believe what we all feel a sense of loss with, is perhaps not always the physical act, but the teasing, flirting, knowing smiles, sensual touching, intimacy, all that which is a precursor to sex. Did you ever feel that no one knew your body, your desires, your even slightest moves more than your spouse? . Due to the nature of the care-giving and directing, I do think of myself more as a care-giver than a husband at times. That has been a difficult bridge to cross. That aspect of the relationship just does not feel right to me anymore. .had become so one-sided. . In some aspects has turned into a parent-child relationship. .I do have the feelings, but realize they are on the back-burner for now, but do become anxious at times for that part of a relationship to return to front burner criteria. . I really believe we all have a degree of vulnerability that we carry with us (and who could blame us?). . It is WHY we all like any attention we muster from the opposite sex, even if we know it is not leading to anything.. .It is the attention we at times crave. .right? I am 58 and still feel the 'desire' and hope to for a very long time. . DW is only 55. .and I would hope that if things were reversed that she would look back on the great physical aspect of our relationship and desire that for herself in her years to come. . I would really wish that for her. .
Sundown, I think you summed it up. I really have no desire right now. I am content to just be with him. I guess keeping him at home with me is just as much for me as it is for him. That thought just occurred to me. I'm 60; he is 62. Sex went on the back burner over 2 years ago. Precursors still around.
Sundown you are so right. It is just as much the little things that are lost too. So many times now when I hold DH hand. He does not hold back. Like holding the hand of a small child. The deep connection is no longer there. DH is 61 and I am 53. I miss my DH so much. Strange how they can be in the same house as us. Yet we are so alone.
You are right, Blue. . Sometimes feel more alone when with DW , than when I am not around. . I think you become more mindful of the way it was when you are in the midst of it. . Am thankful so much of the time that I can still work fulltime, rely on care-givers for the most part during the day. .I know many of you out there are stay at home full time care-givers and I admire your ability to do that. .Linda Mc, you will get it back. . nice to have those precursors around. .