Tonight after dinner I left the room for about 10 minutes--DH was snoozing in the family room. When I came back to the kitchen, there he was, trying to jam things into the freezer. Apparently, he thought he'd help and put the leftovers away by stuffing a large pan into the freezer instead of the fridge. Later I opened the fridge and a soda bottle was on its side, leaking all over. It brought back memories of several years ago, when DH was early stage, and he accidentally shut off the fridge and freezer, causing all the contents to spoil.
I'm sure we have all had to endure experiences similar to those above. I thought we might share precautionary actions we have taken, after they have occurred, so that these disasters don't reoccur. After the food spoilage incident, I realized that the temperature controls are in the ceiling of the fridge, and that he may have hit the panel accidentally and caused the temperatures to reset. So I took some masking tape and firmly secured them so they can't be accessed unless you remove the tape. Anyone with a relatively new Whirlpool or Kitchen Aid fridge may have the same setup and can do this.
The reference books say to lock up meds, anything that could be harmful if ingested, power tools, guns, lawn mowers, etc. What I'm looking for are suggestions for things we would never think of--like the temperature controls--until a problem happens!
I think the name of this thread should be headed with something referring to cautions or something similar so we would know what to search for. This will be a good thread. Joan might have a good idea.
My contribution now is something I have not addressed yet but need to: I have caught him putting a dinner plate in the toaster oven instead of the microwave and also danger of putting inapropriate things in the microwave. I curently have them basically side by side. I am going to have to move the toaster oven to the other side of the cabinet and maybe that will help. This hasn't happened for a few months, but it could happen anytime. The freezer control is something I have not thought of yet and I will address that next. Is taping over the control going to effect the temperature?
Imhor, the name change sounds good to me--I was just trying to be cute. I put the tape on a few years ago and it has been fine.
Here's a situation I would like suggestions on: Our mail and newspaper box are a little distance from the house and line up with neighbors. DH has always walked down and picked up both and brought them in. Now he is bringing our neighbors' mail and papers home--any suggestions to make ours stand out to him more? We have the house number on the mailbox, I'm going to add our name, but I'm not sure that will do it.
marilyinMS, We are fortunate to have a community mailbox (post office installed group of mailboxes for a block, similar to apt. mailboxes) at the current house. DH no longer has the key, so no access to the mail. (Esp. helpful during the internet scam involvement).
Depending on the reason for bringing in the neighbors mail, I would suspect anything to make your mailbox stand out more would be a temporary solution at best. How about installing a locking insert for the neighbor , and perhaps for you also. You could offer to pay. Mailbox theft is becoming an increasing problem even without a LO with AD.
Funny you should suggest that. Before dx, I wanted a locking mailbox, so I went to Lowe's and bought one. I assumed that DH could put it up, he was always good with that kind of thing. Well, no way! He didn't seem to know where to begin, so back it went to Lowe's. What is an insert--you mean they make something to retrofit the existing mailbox? I could have our handyman put it in, and just keep the key to myself.
marilyninMD, something like this? http://www.amazon.com/Home-Security-Products-Locking-Mailbox/dp/B000PB3QFU Of course, if ordering from Amazon, remember to go thru Joan's link on the homepage. You'd better get one for the neighbor also! PatB
When my mom would leave the stove on and boil the coffee pot dry, my sister unplugged the stove. I would unplug the toaster oven and put anything that is not microwave safe way out of reach. In the late 80s I briefly worked in the kitchen of an Alzheimer unit and we could not put anything on their tray they might eat. Where the regular patients got plastic silverware and paper napkins, they had to have metal silverware and no napkins. That was my first exposure to the reality of Alzheimers.
I just unplug anything we're not using--toaster, coffee pot, hair dryer, curling iron, etc. I don't unplug the stove, micro-wave, dryer, etc. So far, I've only had fruit juice in the frig on its side with the lid not secure. I hard a hard time being 'mellow' with that. Especially since I'd only cleaned the frig the day before. Sheez. He felt really bad. So, now, when he pour himself a glass of juice, I just take the jar and give the lid that little extra twist. I try to make a joke out of it. Not sure how long it will be funny.
Mail Box? Something I'd thought about for other reasons: he got lotsa junk mail. Respond(s)ed to everything. I asked the PO to toss it at their end, but they said they couldn't. We live in the country, so I didn't want to rent a box at the po if I didn't have to. He brings mail in and sometimes misplaces some (MY mail or bills :) ) You folk have given me an answer: a locking device for our mailbox OR a locking mailbox. Some things are so obvious when pointed out to me, I feel "Well, duh, why didn't I think of that"? Incidentally, I have called companies and returned cards w/"remove from mailing list," and written mass-mailing address sources to remove him; so less is coming. thealzheimerspouse.com : I highly recommend for answers to questions asked and some not asked yet lol
i am having increased instances of DH getting into stuff in the kitchen when i am not looking. ie leaving freezer door open/pushing microwave buttons randomly..coffee pot buttons etc.. i leave granola bars, cookies and bottled water all sorts of treats in plain sight for him to find but hes getting into things other than food..i think the next phase of my door locks is going to be the kitchen entryways we have 3 and have yet another key to hide closeby..sigh..its safer that way than having him in all the cabinet stuff and wandering into laundry//boiler room which are attached! be very careful here, i found him just way too close inthe boiler room 'looking' at the ac and water heater controls.and he had to pass 2 doors to get there-.scary... divvi
I find my DH rummaging in drawers quite a bit. I ask him what he is looking for and he says "I don't know". Going to have to watch what I put in some of the drawers. If he finds money he takes it, so that may be what he is looking for.
I need to watch that light bulbs don't burn out, without my knowledge my husband tried to change one turned it the wrong way & broke it off. Thankfully, I stopped him before he could be shocked. I had to throw the breaker & use the pliers to remove the broken light bulb. He rummages through his chest of drawer constantly, he found a penny which thought was amazing that it was copper.
Oh my, and what about the computer. My husband still is using the 'puter and looking up his stocks/bonds/savings all in the computer when he "accidentally" disabled the Norton. Yikes! Thankfully we are safe for the time being. Lullie
oh Lullie, stocks/bonds/savings...ugh. you need to get DPOA asap and start looking into ways of getting info on what hes doing online with all that financial stuff. many here have horror stories of AD spouses ruining them financially before they know a thing! a person with AD needs supervision on everything financial now. many here have admitted they had no knowledge of any matters of finances til it was too late to intervene. get involved as soon as possible.. it will be hard and you will meet lots of obstacles from him to get the info but you must just the same..divvi
Divvi, Yes, tomorrow is Monday and I will call an elder attorney tomorrow. I am planning a mini-vacation away from hubby (3 weeks gone), but he's still able to drive, cook, and do the basics....but just enough with somethings to get into trouble (money on-line)....Of course, he won't listen to me. He says he wants to divorce me now too because I am too bossy. Tough....I am the adult and he's now the teenager.
Lullie, Does he trade online or go through an intermediary? If there is a financial adviser, broker, etc., you need to contact them and tell them the dx. As Divvi said, he can really wreck havoc with the assets if left a free hand. If I were you, I'd try to get the financial stuff under control before you go away for 3 weeks. I was lucky, my DH reacted with apathy when the disease set in and left all investments as they were. But I know others who went through (lost) large sums.
Marilyn, Thank God no I don't think he trades on line but just checks his investments. My DH (I don't know what this stands for back I am assuming spouse)-lol- has no apathy. I don't think he even knows (maybe he's in denial) that he has the disease. The doctor told him it was "mild cognitive disease" and prescribed Aricept. Finally the other day I saw him reading the instructions on the trail box...maybe he's now figured it out. Do I tell him he has the A word? After all, the doctor told him it was "mild cognitive" disease. As anyone else been in the situation to be the bearer of bad news? Any ideas guys and gals?
Big Question -for Lullie and others who find themselves in this predicament!
How do you handle a spouse who is Dx and early enough in the disease and still 'able' to handle finances and /or legal issues ? and you have NOT gotten the DPOA yet nor will they consent to give one at this point??? how do you go over their head at this point to intervene to save the assets? luckily i didnt have to deal with this as DH gave me all asset protection and monetary issues as soon as we married:) but i know there are many who find themselves in this precarious predicament in the early stages! any input??divvi
Lullie, beware! My husband lost "our" entire retirement money in the stock market. It was quite a substantial sum. I thought he had long term investments, but it seems he got caught up in day trading, and announced one day that everything was GONE. His solution? Sell the house (which is in his name only) and buy a less expensive one. The house is still on the market, but wow, things have picked up this month. What I used to think of as my home, has now become a state of limbo. I filed my taxes married, filing separately for the 1st time last year. I didn't want the IRS coming after me for mistakes he could (AND DID) make.
I would be interested in the answer to divvi's question as well. I think I have substantial evidence to show that my (and Lullie DH is dear husband, but I never use the term) husband is financially negligent.
My husband let me take over financial matters right away. Luckily he was never a control freak or into male ego. I got his randomly invested retirements savings accounts into order by suggesting that we consolidate them all into one annuity to get a guaranteed payment for his lifetime. We got an impaired risk annuity, which means they pay a higher rate (9% for his life, I don't get anything back when he dies) because he has a diagnosis that will shorten his lifespan (LBD).
The thing I don't have control of yet is his credit card. The first step is for me to get a new credit card with me as primary (American Express is already that way but on VISA he is primary). I'm going to ask if I can get him a secondary card with a separate credit limit. If not, I'm going to see if I can talk him into lowering the credit limit on his VISA to like $2,000.
We got the DPOAs after we got married when we did our wills. One of the first things I did was to change mine from him to my sister.
Lullie, Kitty, does he have any friends or relatives who are lawyers or work in law offices who might help? You might also talk to the doctor--our specialist told my husband that his judgement was inpaired and he needed to trust me.
My advice is not to tell him he has AD. What good would it do--he won't suddenly become reasonable about things because he has a terminal illness. It took my DH several years to accept the diagnosis of AD--up till then, it was MCI. But after going to support group at the Alz Assn, seeing ads for Aricept on TV, Steve got the picture. When he was ready, he even started saying he has AD. But it had to come on his own terms, in his own time. I never told him.
On the financial situation, if he doesn't trade online, there must be someone he goes through that you can talk to. Look for monthly/quarterly statements that will give you the name of the firm and who to contact. Even if you don't have POA, it won't hurt to let them know what's going on. Can you flatter him, tell him he's so good at investing, can he teach you a little (at least how to go online and access the info.). There must be a password and PIN that you have to input to get to the accounts.
Are you sure no POA exists? You never went to an attorney or did the health care advance directives? Perhaps the elder law attorney can advise you on how to get him to cooperate. I'm sure you aren't the only one in this predicament.
pamsc, After I discovered all retirement funds were gone, I found a credit card statement (his name only) and he owes $27,000+ and has stopped making payments on it. I'm telling you, spouses need to know what is going on. We still have stuff in storage, and the $86 per month goes on MY American Express, because he no longer has a credit card. How pitiful is that?
I've already been to an elder law attorney.
My husband did all of his trading on line. How was I to know? He never gave me a clue other than to say that all was well. Yikes.
Keep in mind that if DH has access to account on-line (retirement, or non-retirement stocks, etc) he can cash them in; move them to other accounts; etc. An example would be accounts in Vanguard, TR Price, etc.
My DH, with internet access, in 30 days, responded to an internet scam email; "fell madly in love"; made plans to leave; packed a suitcase; gave copied of all id's; resume, etc. Fortunately his obsession with the computer became obvious someone was going on and, like Joan, I have a son with computer skills, and could access his computer. At the point I was already carefully watching credit cards and bank accts. , had eliminated his driving, etc. otherwise he would have either given credit card info. or accepted and cashed a check (and written one out) for scammers.
Since I had been unable to get the POA taken care of (and the only previous one I could find was a limited time one), I went to court for conservatorship (financial) and guardianship (personal). Using with medical info and copies of emails, I received temp. emergency appointment in about 2 days. This was in effect till the permanent was processed. The legal proceedings declare he was unable to manage his financial or personal affairs.
And don't forget that this time, like others have found out, I didn't think he was "that far gone" in his reasoning. It was very obvious to anyone who read the emails written to him at all stages, that this was a scam.
PatB p.s. I am also his "treatment guardian" so I can force meds; pscyh hospitalization.
As usual, we can never stay on topic. Of course, AD and/or dementia effects so many aspects of both our life and that of our spouse, no wonder we tend to veer off-topic. PatB
Kitty, I am so very sorry to learn of what has happened to your savings. This is a nightmare not only dealing with the disease but the consequences that it brings. Here we live in the so-called greatest nation in the world and yet affordable care isn't out there. In my case with hubby, I believe that it's "too earlier" for conservatorship ,but it's late enough that financial damage can and maybe will be done....a real catch for those in the beginning stages. Everyone "thanks" for the advice on not telling hubby that he has the disease.....(he's probably in denial) but angry coming to terms with it. Lullie
Lullie, Unfortunately, part of the problem is that your hubby may not be in denial. If you haven't already, check the article on the home page, left side, about half-way down on "understanding the dementia experience". Again, you've said his diagnosis is Mild Cognitive impairment, so you may or may not deal with dementia.
Many of our spouses have an impairment in the part of the brain that would allow them to realize they have any problems. They are not in denial, they are unable to realize what we see. Someone could making what be major mistakes in arithmetic, logic, etc. and they think they are as functioning as they have always been.
As we take over more and more things that they used to do (whether it be finances, yard work, driving, medicine), they don't realize the errors they have been making so they don't understand what OUR problems is! My DH has had some comments on things recently that, to his mind, are perfectly reasonable and rational. My son and I are left shaking our heads at how bizarre his comments have been.
my wife recently hid all the spare keys,including keys for her car which she no longer drives,then when I checked file cabinet for some papers I needed I found everything of any importence missing,she of course doesn't know anything about it,most of the day she's fine but then like last night when it was time to go to bed she told me I'd have to leave because she wasn't feeling well an needed her rest,the night before after going to bed she told me I had better leave as her husband was due home soon,this was quite a surprise to me since we had been married over 20 years,when I questioned her as to what his name was she told me it didn't matter as he was quite a good marksman,if this stuff wasn't so serious it would be funny,like last week when she told me the dog(a#125 black lab) went into the sewer thru a 6 inch tile an she had to beg the dog to come out,I'm wondering at what point do you have to consider a nurseing home?I can't even go into the basement without wondering what she will get into.Last week it was all about divorce an she contacted an lawyer,when he called back I answered the phone an she quickly blew him off.Golden Years? Yes for the doctors
Ol don, welcome! We are sorry for the reason you have to be here, but glad to have you on board! While your stories are serious, there is humor in the way you told them, and brought a smile to my face. We HAVE to see the humor in what they do and say, because THEY are no longer there. Their "reason" button is broken and paranoia sets in. We have all had to hide all keys, all important papers are now kept in a bank lock box, and the best jewelry as well. It is amazing what they will do........
Use your ingenuity, ol don, and think of how to protect her and you from harm, just as if she were a toddler. As Mary says, the reason button is broken.
Welcome ol don! i agree the button is broke but if we cant find the humour in this disease it will take more than just the AD person, the caregivers as well. if i didnt find humour thruout this journey i'd have placed myself! long ago..haha..your story is cute but i know painful to hear that DW doesnt recognize you at times..take it in stride and remember its the disease doing all the talking these days..divvi
I am trying to take a page from your book and find humor in the things my husband does. I posted on another thread today that he sprayed silicone on the top of the treadmill belt instead of underneath, and then proceeded to exercise on it. I can just imagine this as an old slapstick comedy routine, kind of like slipping on a banana peel. Perhaps Laurel and Hardy--where Stan sprays the silicone, and then Ollie wants to lose weight, so he gets on the treadmill and you know what happens!
Ol don, I so agree with divvi. Even though there are days I want to run away. And my Dh is really not at the funny point! But I remember his Dad and some of the antics and honestly a lot of the stuff they do is really funny. It's not funny for us at that moment but if your looking from the outside in, then you can see some of the humor. My FIL had us cracking up most of the time. I know my MIL didn't laugh but that's because she would rather be miserable. I personally don't want to add any more misery. I also find that humor helps Dh thru the confusing times where he's struggling and knows it. After watching my MIL jump, scolded, get mad at one of my FIL antics, I try (some days easier said than done) to approach my Dh with a little humor or kind or concerned words, his response is often calm, accepting, etc. I know that the day will come when he doesn't know me. I will try to be ok with it, I know it's not him forgetting me, it's the AD. FIL would always call my MIL the other Faye, Not his wife Faye. I just pray that we all find the answers to our questions about this journey someday. Sooner rather than later. Rk
My husband says he has one "clare" to take care of him in the morning, and a different one in the afternoon. This comes and goes. It had come again this morning. He's actually more tractable with the "non-clare" clare than with the one her perceives as his wife.
MarilyninMd-i saw that story of the silicone and thought myself it sounded like laurel /hardy! ha. he is lucky he didnt fall off and get hurt. i think you may need to call the mfg and ask how to get the silicone off or maybe they can install a new belt. ouch! maybe pricey..getting on it slippery would be dangerous AD or not! yep they do the strangest things sometimes. my DH (gotta loveem), is always doing something -some funny some NOT:) then sometimes he is as innocent and heartbreaking to watch, it makes up for some of the mischief he gets into. he is now into spinning lampshades til the come off///sigh, i cant tell you how many times i go behind him and respin them tight and keep him away from sockets and switches. how can you take your lamps away?? not! he can be quite the hooligan at times. and its funny just like a child, i grab one hand and hes trying with the other to grab whatever as i am pulling him him away from to distract him.. and smiling all the time.!..as the disease progresses and it becomes more serious for them healthwise, you will see that the little things that disturb us at first, will seem so insignificant later on. and believe it or not, with all my hooligan gets into trouble over, i am so very glad he is still able to do the things he does. too soon, the day will come he may be bedridden and then i will be wishing those old days were back. divvi
divvi you have amazing insight. I think I would like to have some of the hooliganisms back. In a way it tells you they are still there. When they get to the place where my husband is there is nothing.
Bluedaze, your contributions as to the saddness of your Bills' plight at these last stages, ARE my insight into the future and what can come- , only too soon ours may be where your Bill is, and then all of this will be memories and even the hooligan things will be precious. so looking into the future gives insight today what will be important later. so i thank your sharing too even if its not always happy input-Divvi
Thanks for asking. Knee is fine, splint is miserable. Two more weeks and I'm hoping to be free and start therapy. I'm not used to asking for help and my friends have been great. Even a shopper in Walmart when I dropped something and couldn't bend to pick it up.
lurking along here and thinking about the giant two year old things and remedies, if there are such things.. Some of the unusual things are funny and we do laugh, and after being appalled at watching him actually get in the car with someone else, a complete stranger.. thinking the driver was me.. I guess that could be funny.. Not sure what the poor woman thought when he opened the passenger door of her car and sat down!!.. Physically he is still able to ramble around out here on the farm but with giant two year olds, it is a constant concern.. If I'm away from this house for longer than a couple of hours, I can usually expect to clean up something or deal with some oddity that has occurred while I was out.
I keep remembering a few years ago, our Church sang at a local Nursing Home. We were walking to our car afterward and noticed a strange woman walking with us. One of the patients just went out the door with us and nobody even noticed until we were almost to our car.
That's not so unusual--when there was entertainment at my husband's daycare a few months ago, he did the same thing. He just walked out the door with them. When the staff noticed, the nurse went out to S. and said "What are you doing out here?" He answered that he had had enough for the day, was going home. She convinced him to come in--that he couldn't just walk off the job like that (he thinks he works there). I was very happy with the way it was handled, although ideally, he should not have even been able to get out of the door.