Husband on way to bed stops in to bathroom (at my insistence; he always SAYS he's going but then turns the walker the wrong way). I leave him, as usual, to tend. Hear strange noise. He is peeing into the trash basket (with a couple of "whities" in it) instead of to the toilet which is next to it. I must confess I yelled NO!! which made him furious and cussing for some time before he settled down and tended to business. When he's like that he cusses and cusses about me. I just ignore it. I do hope, though, this isn't the start of something great...
oh yeah== be prepared for good things to come:) my DH started that way too...not 'quite'the commode but anything near it?? sink, trashcans, ..then we progressed to anywhere his little heart desires..haha...oh boy..i am not alone anymore...yeahhhhh.! divvi
oh, and Briegull, i might add that shouting NOOOOOO!! only makes them turn around and get more nervous!-----they turn still holding the apparatus in hand and then its everywhere including you...:) heeheee.....my very hard learned advice, stay calm if you can-dont scream unless you want to get peed on, and have another empty trash can ready...Divvi
I used to have BASKET waste baskets in our bathroom and in bedrooms....now have PLASTIC. I have washed more sheets and TOWELS (sopping up before mopping)in the past week than in the past month! And bought more Clorox for the laundry as well as the floors! He's also still learning his way around the depends to go standing up. This is not so much fun! <grin>
We have plastic, of course lined with old shopping plastic bags. The Depends in it absorbed it, thank heavens! This morning he doesn't remember it at all. Of course, he doesn't recognize me either!! But he's in a very good mood!
"But he's i a very good mood!" - Isn't it amazing what we are willing to settle for? <grin> I agree, Briegull! If he's in a good mood, or I can make him smile, I consider the day a success!
My husband's latest "pee spot" is the cat's litter box. At least that is what he is aiming for although he misses it almost as much as he misses the toilet. Don't know how long the cat will stand for it. She is an only child and probably does not like to share.
ehamilton-- I'd definitely work at discouraging his use of the litterbox before your kitty has enough and stops using it. You don't need 2 wandering pee-ers.
Having never, yet, had the pee problem I am shocked at you (and maybe me tomorrow) having to contend with waste baskets, litter boxes, etc. and I hope you find a sollution before I get there.
Can you put food coloring in the water, use a magic marker on the seat to make a bullseye or I think in earlier sugestions were made on a variety of things to solve this problem. That won't help for the "taking the appliance out" in bed, etc. but there must be some solution.
I looked to this site for a solution to this problem (only found others looking for the same thing) My DH has left very few places in our home unscathed. Though he has yet to we the bed, he has stood along side of it and peed on it. Other interesting places have been: pantry closet, kitchen cabinets, floors, front porch, trashcans, area rugs, shoes, etc. Even when I put him on the toilet to go, he just sits there. Five minutes later he will go on the floor. Depends don't help because he refuses to go in his pants. What's the answer?
We've only had one peeing accident so far, that was in bed.... so I have since purchased a water repellant mattress pad,to go under the other pad under the sheets. Warning, if you are menopausal or post.... the water repellant mattress pad, even with the water repellant side down, makes you sweat, more. anyway, I'm on the lookout for more 'accidents" We no longer have a cat, so I guess the litter box is out.
When I first got John home from the nursing home, he was incontinent, I think now mostly because they really ignored his calls for help when he needed to 'go'. Kind of got him trained to just go in his depends. When I got him home, I made a point of getting him to the bathroom every 15-30 minutes, whether he said he needed to go or not. I was ever awake, it seemed, when we were at first sharing the same bed (I was worried about him too much to have him in another room) and when I was awake and knew he was, I'd get him up for a bathroom trip. Guess that's the only advice I can offer. Diligence, maybe like training a puppy? I never had the problem of him getting up and 'going' in inappropriate places, thank God.
Denny, you are indeed in an area of no return. the peeing outside of the depend anywhere and everywhere has been one of the most trying times for me as well- if you read the incontinence blogs you can attest to all the trials and tribulations we go thru dealing with this nasty problem. and its nasty, it can literally ruin a home very quickly. especiall if you arent 'on guard' all the time. my DH would literally go to the bathroom with me and not pee, and then 5min later i'd see him in the corner peeing on silk 16ft drapes!!!!! and not to mention his enjoyment of spraying off the inside balcony to the artwork below. all i can suggest is stay vigilant and get several of the plastic white trashcans and run like heck if you see him 'getting his appartatus' out! i usually could catch the overflow before too much damage occurred. he would pee in the white cans but not colored ones. (visual agnosia) there isnt much you can do about this if hes still ambulant and can get to obscure places to do his duty when you arent looking. i went thru almost all rooms in our house before finally he quit mostly and now is using the doubled depends during the day /nite. the sacrifice is they move into a more advanced stage of incontinence but saves your sanity and its much easier to deal with than cleaning carpets and furnitures every day. good luck, i can say its one hell of a battle. divvi
What about our DW? I have been waiting til Carol's incontenance really becomes regular befor asking a question. Do wifes squat on trash cans, litter boxes or what. Carol has wet the bed twice but I take the blame for not making sure that she pees before goint to sleep. She also had a little accident on leather couch before she could get up and get to pot. Allll I do is just try to lremind her to go to bathroom before we leave. While at the theater, I have a little problem if I send her to the Ladies Room. Not really sure if she knows what to do. any advise from the guys????
Will she accept wearing of depends? Any special kind for woman? She goes for hours before an urge. will this change? bill
Also, how do you stop them from filling up the toilet with paper so it plugs and overflows? H doesn't know how to use a plunger even though it is right there. I had the carpet replaced with tile a while ago but this overflow ran to the doorway and into the outside carpet. I have just finished cleaning the carpet there and have a fan blowing across to dry. Jumpin George, we have entered the toileting phase! Oh yes, peed in the garbage can in the laundry room at his son's home yesterday. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!
Bill, as I was reading the above I thought how much easier we men have taking care of women. But they are not all the same. My wife will pee in her Depends if I don't get her to the toilet at least every 2 hours, but then I just have to change the Depend. Occasionally she will get up and go to the toilet by herself, but that is pretty rare. And, Yes, there is a special Depend for women. The one I get is "New! Depend Underwear for Women, Super Plus Absorbency". It comes in S/M, L, and XL depending upon her waist measurement.
A friend of mine's wife also has AD, more advanced than mine. Last year I heard that she was squatting on cans, etc. on the street, and then proudly holding up the solid product. I hope I don't get to that phase.
Dont think you are off scott free men. the ladies if they decide to pull down the depend and go anywhere can be just as hard work and devastation. its going to run down thier legs and over clothing onto floors and if they miss the comode its everywhere too. and not to mention in public if they decide to pull clothing down, oh my. not like the guys which can be more discreet. you have to be super vigilant and take them to the toilets every few hrs b ut that doesnt ensure it wont happen to you. they get confused as to where they should 'go' and when the urge hits its any mans game as to where they will decide to put it! i pity those entering this phase, its hell and nervewracking but remember if you stay viglilant you can deter alot of bad incidences. and as far as paper again you have to be there when they 'go' and supervise they dont add to much to the flushing or it will clog. leaving them to their own demise will bring more work for the caregivers. my opinion is to take preventative measures upfront and deter! hugs to you all going thru this. not fun. Mary (red) also has some valuable input on this subject:) divvi
Thank you divvi, Mary and others regarding this subject. Now I know what I have to look forward to!! :-) LOL. I hope I can remember all of these tips when that time comes. Seriously, thank you.
I don't know about input - but experience, yes! <grin>
If he gets restless in his recliner, or gets up and goes to the outside door (which is kept locked so that he doesn't go outside and let lose there like he did a couple of times before we got the key only dead bolt locks), we lead him to the toilet, take down those nice elastic waist pants from JC Penneys that I ordered online because they don't sell them in the store, and his Depends, and stand behind him and grab the waists of both the pants and Depends, and ease him forward so that he hits the water in the toilet. Now, the tricky part. I lean into his back as he finishes, so that the "drops" don't get on his clothing or my hand. Then I pull up both and lead him to the sink, where I not only have to put the liquid soap in his hands, I show him by washing my hands how to do it, then rinse them off and dry them and lotion his hands (they stay dry and scaly-looking if I don't).
This procedure, if not followed, means two extra loads of laundry a day, and one additional bottle of vinegar a week for cleaning up the accidents around the toilet. I keep Clorox wipes on the back of the toilet for wiping the seat and rim of the bowl.
This may be more information than anyone wanted to hear, but I got tired of scrubbing the bathroom 4 times a day and washing around the toilet that often as well.
At night, when he sits up, I run around the bed to help him get out of bed and to the toilet to keep him from thinking the foot of the bed or his side of the bed is the toilet. He goes in his Depends about once a day even with our close watch.
mary good input:) -dribbling is going to happen - i use the towel scrunched up around the base of the toilet to avoid having to wash the floors or carpet now. like you say its a daily chore otherwise. washing a towel is much better:) the things we have to learn! divvi
I am glad that several years ago he decided to sit down on the potty rather than standing up. Now if he can remember to pull down his underwear things will be okay.
Thanks for the comments, especially about the trash cans. I had removed them from the bathrooms, My worst mess was when he went in a small metal waste can and then deposited on the couch where it leaked all over. I've tried keeping a urinal handy but he slaps it away. Maybe I'll try your white plastic cans, Divvi
We're in a pretty good phase now. I don't usually push him to go and he goes on his own (sometimes a bit too late, with lots of cursing aimed at the apparatus, not me) about 1 pm, and then at bedtime. The depends are not dry when we change at bedtime, but it doesn't seem to bother him. If I don't keep him "regular" he is liable to poop in his pants, and that IS a problem but he's pretty mellow now and neither of us get upset by it. Even my daughter has learned to keep her cool about it.
That's today. As my little friend Willow said, I'm four years old today, but I don't know WHAT I'll be tomorrow. (I saw Willow on Monhegan. She's fifteen! Tall and beautiful.)
You'd love the family. Danny and Amy had Orca and Kila. They split, and Danny and Daphne had Cat, Mako, Rana, and Willow Skydancer. Danny was a hippie, and in his forties had been doing some EMT work on Monhegan; he went to med school and trained as a psychologist - I think mostly deals with children, and his kids are all beautiful and exceptional. Cat's out working on the island this summer with a skinny girlfriend who wears sundresses and looks enough like her mother that I think I'm seeing Danny and Daphne all over again.
Don't know what kind of spell Divvi has cast upon us..but my DH has his first poopie mess on the LR carpet, shoes and pants today. He will not wear jeans or casual khaki's with elastic waist..nope, only dress slacks. I have the others and he has, until now, resisted them. I'm thinking of getting him throw away hospital pants. I will wash the pants in cold/delicate cycle..and then take them to the cleaners...But this is not going to keep on. I will remove the dry cleaner pants THIS WEEK from his closet and leave the ones that can go into the washer. More reason to find my in home Alz. Care-person!! This was going to be one of my triggers for placing him or bringing in help. I casn manage most everything but poopie pants. (Or at least --so far!) I ha the carpet cleaners scheduled for Friday! Maybe I'm lucky it happened today.
I think this will require US to be trained...not them. We just must do like Jen did..and insist on a potty break every hour an a half or so. That's how I trained our little dog. I REMEMBERED before HE forgot!
welcome to the club and its not a membership you apply for:)Nancy- no spells just AD running our lives. my advice is everyone get a hoover steam cleaner! they work very well to get out stains! for about 225dol you can have your own instead of paying carpet cleaners each time-and it comes with upholstery attachements. mine had worked its price many times over esp with animals too. divvi ok i admit i am glad to finally have some company in this very private club. :)anyone up for the 'title' just raise your hand!
IF THEY WILL! Weejun, mine refused to bend his legs unless he needs to poop!!!
Nancy, I'm sorry you have had to join us! You are doing the correct thing! Get rid of everything that has to be dry cleaned (or store it in the garage where he can't find them) along with leather shoes. After he had several drips on his good houseshoes (the $80 Daniel Green loafers that he has worn for 47 years!), I went to Walmart and got two pair of machine washable houseshoes and they work great!!! I threw away all of his underpants and put the Depends in his drawer in their place too. When they don't have a choice, they cave easier. It makes our lives better too.
i agree mary. swap out everything in their drawers they wont use now. mine likes his washable houseshoes dearfoams. the stiff leg! oh my yes. i stilll have to sit him into a chair to get his pants off/on his legs wont bend and he turns his foot up instead of pointed which makes it impossible to put thru a pant leg. i think its a game how hard he makes getting pants on/off. everyday brings new challenges! divvi
To Bill: Yes, my DW also has the problem. Strange thing is that she was bothered with incontinence before alz. Had some surgeries, but, never quite got the problem fixed and she refuses to wear depends. Often times just goes (leaks, she calls it) in her under clothes. Fortunately, she can and will wear a 'pad' and that works wonders.
She often forgets to go when she should and that causes a lot of problems.
New problem tho. She has been having to use a wheelchair recently. I took her to her oncologist last week and you guessed it. Had to go. Of course I couldn't take her so I prevailed upon some lovely stranger to help her. Thank goodness for angels.
We were at Walmart recently and were using one of their wheelchairs with a basket on the front. The passenger is locked in and you guessed it - Gotta Pee. The basket was full of groceries and I had to empty it for her to be able to get out.
After reading all of the above posts, I conclude that we (men) have it easier than the ladies.
Well, here's my story. My DW really stuggles with something that requires multiple steps......like urinating. She knows she has to go but can't remember all the steps. So, she either goes in her Depends or, she gets her britches and depends pulled down and just goes. Lots of very unpleasant carpet stains to clean up ....... but lots of good advice on this site. Best solution is to lead her into the bathroom and help her with the chore.
Took my son (my partner in this adventure) golfing last Weds. Took DW with us thinking she'd do fine riding along in the cart. Waiting for our T time, she went into restroom and didn't come out for awhile. We got called for our T time so I went in to restroom to check on her. What a mess. Understand she had an accident but trying to clean it up herself just amplified things. Out to my car for my "emergency kit" and dealing with another lady in the RR who was not very understanding. After 15 minutes, we were ready to go. We did our best to "Fugetaboutit". Another day with ALZ. Thenneck.
Reading this thread makes me realize how lucky we were when my MIL died. After her funeral (2001) we took my FIL up to their camp for a couple days. He didn't know us but was very compliant. He was not incontinent. At this time he was about 15 years into diagnosis (he is now about 24 yrs). He would still go to the bathroom when he needed. Our only problem was him getting away - he was a runner. We didn't get much sleep because no matter what we did, he would get out of the trailer. He was soon admitted to the VA AD unit and must have become incontinent soon after. Hopefully, in this area, incontinence, his son will follow him - but definitely not in how long he has lived with this disease.
There is no way I could survive doing this for 21 more years. NO WAY. They will carry me off long before that. Nope. Don't even want to think about it.
That is one thing Art made me promise was if at all possible I would not do what his mom did: kill herself caring for his dad. I told him not to worry but a lot depends on how far along he has to be for the VA to admit him. And, hopefully we are a few years off.
During the day I put depends on my DH with either one or two booster pads inside. That works fine for daytime, but I'm having a heck of a time at night. I put him in a pull-up depends with two booster pads and then a diaper-type depends on over that. Problem is, the regular depends have a plastic lining and he ends up filling them and the booster pads, then the excess (and there seems to always be excess) goes to the side and seeps out wetting all his clothes. I usually have him pee before bed and I cut way down on liquids after about 7:00 but that doesn't seem to help. I have a waterproof pad under the sheets, and two different kinds of waterproof pads on top of the sheet. Seems all I end up doing is laundry, laundry, and more laundry. Wearing the outside diaper-type doesn't do any good at all. It ends up virtually dry except for around the edges. How in the world do you make two depends work, Divvi???
Today, for the first time, my husband peed down his pants leg. Turns out he'd gone to the bathroom earlier, and hadn't tucked his penis in. So when he went again... His Depends was DRY! But not his trousers or his socks or his shoes or the floor. And so after I got him all changed and everything I looked and IT WAS STICKING OUT AGAIN! Oh, dear, I hope this isn't a new trend!
gmaewok i do use two depends but i also use a Sanipant plastic overpant (any medical supply )on top of the depends that has tighter elastic around the legs. like you say-the depends have stretch elastic if you put a heavy pad in those it opens the leg openings and allows the pee to run out if overflows. i think 2 booster pads would be too much openings allowed-i also use the soft smaller 'fuzzy' absorbant carpet under him to sleep on to catch any overflow if it happens.. so far it works with exception of like briegulls DH,he pulls the appartatus UP instead of down into the depend.
ladies this makes a heck of a difference in bedwetting if they tend to touch or move penis at any time upwards it will be a soaker - check at times to make sure its down!:) (the honest truth here is necesaary!) divvi
I read these words, I understand why we must know this But still I must ask..........Is this really happening to us??????????????????????????????????????????????
I think I've mentioned this before on another thread, but here goes again. For night-time use I found a product called "Tranquility Premium Overnight Disposable Absorbent Underwear" in the Alzheimer's Store catalogue. I got the "Maximum Protection Overnight" which has a capacity of 34 oz. To this I add a "Topliner Booster Pad" which has an additional capacity of 10.9 oz. With these my wife goes through most nights without any additional wetting of the bed. When I take them off in the morning they are VERY heavy with urine. They are more expensive than Depend, but I don't have to change it several times during the night, so it comes out cheaper.