It is in the nature of some people to always be right and in control, so correcting someone all the time is just a bad habit. Some of you have accepted that about yourself. But you have other things in your nature to accept. Isn't it in your nature to want to protect your vulnerable husband? Isn't it in your nature to want him to be happy, to feel good about himself? Isn't it in your nature to have your heart breaking for what he is going through? Isn't it in your nature to do everything you can to avoid hurting him, to avoid making him feel unworthy? It's hard to accept what AD does to someone we love, but you can learn to accept the good things in your nature. Bring them to the top. Accept the power in your nature to bring joy to him whenever possible (it's not always a given) and see how that works.
This acceptance dialog is interesting and helpful. I feel a little bit split, however. I seem to be able to accept the current stage/state of things. I simply cannot accept what is going to happen. Frankly, it still hurts very badly. We got the FTD diagnosis this week, so I suppose that reopened old wounds. I can see that my DH knows he is going to get worse and it breaks my heart. He keeps holding onto his blanket all day; it is curled in this arms over his heart. And me? Well...I am a mess. Mostly depressed today.
Oh Sharon, I know what you mean about what happens tomorrow. Yes, today, we are doing OK, but what's next and will I be able to deal with it, and then accept it. We have a tough road to follow.
That is exactly the issue. I have been thinking about this issue and believe it is more than acceptance; it is the stark reality of someone, our loved one, our "person," dyING. I talked with my DH today about this topic. I am going to try to DO something, anything besides nothing, while we can DO things. He is not dying today and I am going to try to remember that he is living today.
It just floors me to read how many "younger" spouses are going through this. At least my hubby and I made it almost to our 50th anniversary before the bomb dropped. It's been nearly 5 years now and I have had to place him in a facility...just couldn't cope anymore and keep my necessary full time job. I have had to move him from one facility to another because the first one was horrible. I visited before placing him, and the picture they painted for me then was a far cry from the way it really was. I am writing concerning the Elan trial. 3 years ago I enrolled my hubby in one of those trial programs with that same company. We drove 3 1/2 hours one way to participate..twice a month. After about 4 months, they dismissed him from the program because they say..he developed an inflammation at the base of the brain after one of the infusions. I think it was because he was too far progressed and the MRI's just couldn't be completed because he wouldn't lie still long enough. After that, I finally "accepted" what was happening and what our future would be...I guess it's just resignation...whatever! I am ashamed to say I never feel real joy anymore. There is always this huge cloud over us. I really try not to be gloomy, but can't quite conquer that.
Dewdrop, I also am amazed at so many younger people having to cope with this disease. I am glad you are able to keep your job for your own sanity. Please continue to follow this site and post often. I think the interaction with other people is the secret to coming out of this horrible time with our own health still intact. I too, seldom feel real joy anymore and the kids have mentioned it to me more than once so I am trying to do better.
when we werein Az. i wouldn`t accept it but when we got back home to live i realized this it for real, there are days he seems so good and i get my hopes up then we crash again, latley I have been having dreams about our life, i am thin again he is full of life then I wake up and reality hits me again and i get depressed, i had a dream one night that we went in this time machine and we were 40 years old again who ever put us in there said he will never have Alz. again, woke up with a smile on my face until I went to get him out of his bed, it went away fast. so sad, dream was 2 nights ago