You do sometimes laugh to keep from crying. I took my husband to play golf the other day. After about 7 holes my patience is gone with telling him what club to use, where his ball is & just about everything but hitting it for him. So I normally quit playing & become the true caddy. On the 9th hole green ( with people behind us waiting to play) he keeps standing over his ball, I said " Go ahead putt" he just keeps standing there, finally after a couple more times of my telling him to putt, he told me he couldn't see, I said "What" He couldn't see the ball because some ones shadow was over it. Well it was his shadow. I had to really contain myself.
Today I was getting ready to make DH a sandwich. I had everything put out but I couldn't find the mayo. Knowing that he is always putting things in strange places, I spent about 5-10 minutes looking in cabinets, the oven, etc. Imagine how I felt when I looked and saw it sitting with all the rest of the stuff. Do you think it's catching?
Kadee, a lot of AD patients develop "visual agnosia." This is when the eyes function normally, but the brain does not process the signals correctly. They may "see" something but not have a clue what it is; or they may see and recognize it, but think it's closer or farther away, or to one side or the other; or they may not interpret shades of color correctly -- be afraid of stepping on a dark rug because they think it's a hole.
It can often be hard to figure out what's going on ... have they forgotten someone's name, or are they not interpreting what they see correctly, for example.
Usually, the short-term memory is the first thing to go with AD. Some patients, however, have what's called "visual variant AD", in which visual agnosia is the first symptom. The more I thought about my husband's behavior, the more convinced I've become that he has visual variant AD. The very first strange behavior I noticed was that, when driving, he would approach a car from behind MUCH to quickly. I nearly punched a hole through the floorboards, trying to find a brake on my side! He had always been such a good driver, too. Now I realize that he could not process what he saw, to determine the relative speeds of our car and someone else's.
Sunshyne, I am sure you are correct about visual agnosia. When he was still driving he too would approach a car from behind much to quickly. One time a driver pulled off the road after my husband followed him so close, yelling words I won't repeat. As I said, sometimes I need to laugh instead I would sit and cry.
I am so glad that someone has named my condition. It's Caregiver's Dementia.... that's me. I went to Costco the other day, pushed my cart to the car, emptied the purchases into my car, pushed the cart to the cart area, walked away, and left my BRIGHT RED RAINCOAT in the cart. OK, who's fault is that. Now, I go to put it on, whoops, where is it. Oh, the last time i wore it was costco. Took me a few days to realize, so of course, it's not there anymore. Thank goodness I'm able to drive and pay the bills. Just forget my clothes. LOL
I also experienced "Caregiver's Dementia" just yesterday...We came home from eating out & it was dark -- trying to get DH into the house & our puppy (Chow Chow - age 3 & 62 lbs) from running OUT -- the puppy ran into the street & another vehicle was coming into our gate...electric gate...anyway, ran out of my shoes trying to chase down the dog, promising 'treats' to entice her back, & also making sure DH didn't run off...finally got everyone where they needed to be & then this morning as the sun was just coming up & I was fixin to get the trash to the curb, I looked out in the grass & thought "what the heck is that in our yard"?? Looked like someone had put some trash out in the grass...turned out to be my own shoes!! I had run out of them chasing down the dog & totally FORGOT about them...Thankfully, it didn't rain! They are the cutest shoes & I would have hated to lose them. I got my hiney in gear after that & got dressed & recovered my shoes, hopefully before any of the neighbors saw them & wondered what we'd been up to! HA!
Tell me about caregivers burnout. i went to bank to safety box to get all the papers/stuff to go over it all AGAIN just to make sure. give lady my lockbox key and she asks what number ? i look and read 250. ok, we go to the box, bingo. open/nothing in it, cashed out 2mos ago. i am having a coronary or close:)identity theft? someone cleaned my box!!water, fans, bank president saying we will get to the bottom of this, holdon..etc! they take my key and look again, the 250 somehow was rubbed off over the '5' and the real number was 280. hummmm...can i ever go back to this bank again>????????????? i am still recouping from my anxiety attack. lack of sleep and or burnout, you said it. divvi
Excuse me, but if the BANK let you into the wrong box, the BANK has got some serious worries about security . I imagine the bank president was ready to have a coronary, and probably should. You should not only not be afraid to go back there, but sail in like a queen visiting the peasants, graciously overlooking their HORRIBLE behavior.
I'd give serious consideration to getting a safe deposit box somewhere else!!!
didnt happen they didnt 'open' it-the box was already open like they leave them when they arent being used...:) by seeing it open and hangin there i knew nothing was in it...boy, i was miserable for a good 10min..divvi
Not much humor around here lately, but I thought this was funny. Last week, my friend M. took my friend R. shopping for a new dress for a big wedding. M's husband, J., is fine alone at home, and not as advanced as R's husband, F. Got all that?
Okay, so the ladies left F. home with J. and told J. to keep F. company and watch him. Dress shopping was succesful, and R. took F. home. When they left, J. said to his wife - Geez, F. kept asking me the same questions over and over again!
I have one too. It happened a long time ago but STILL cracks me up. Lynn has false teeth and has a habit of losing them! He can't eat with them in, so puts them in a napkin and puts them in his pocket. Or at home he forgets where he puts them, and sometimes I swear he just throws them out. So everywhere we go I have to ask, do you have your teeth?
He had yet another new pair of dentures, but they were temps and didn't fit well. Well, we were trying to put up new wallpaper in our hallway, what was I thinking!! He was in one of his Alzheimer's rages, and started to yell at me about all I was doing wrong.........when all of a sudden........his teeth fly clear out of his mouth and onto the table! LOL
It wasnt funny at the time, but DH as watching me fix a cabinet door and i need to superglue the nails in. i went to the other room to get a hammer and when i came back DH had the tube of that putty that turns rock hard and can be used under water for leaks etc. he had eaten half the tube. YIKESSSSSSSS! asap, call the local Dr/ poison control, call mgfg co and get specks on ingredients. i was totatlly hystrical at this point, no toxic in putty so dr says watch for BM and if he has none bring to ER asap his intestines could block -it was the daddy nightmare scenario of them all. laxatives out the kazoo(literally:) he went 7DAYS and nothing then bingo...he went for several days, and everyone thought i was really over the deep end as i kept saying i was soooo happy to be cleaning up poop everyday--divvi
I guess I am too new to this to be able to find any humor. Yesterday, my husband put his underwear on inside out . When I pointed it out , he laughed and put them on correctly.. I couldn't laugh. To me, it was just another stab in the heart...one more reminder of his recent dx.
Oh,Lorrie,wait until he not only puts his underwear on inside out but backwards also.Now that you will have to laugh at.My DH went thru a long spell of wearing things inside out,even tried to wear blue jeans that way.
And even funnier was when my DH put both legs in the same side of his jocky shorts. It's hard to laugh when these things happen but I find myself smiling when I remember them now.
Lorrie, I never found anything amusing about Alzheimers. Even now when I think of some things my DH did I can't believe them. I don't consider myself a good caretaker and knew from the start I wouldn't make a good one.
Though I have a hard time finding humor , one thing happened the other day that was quite silly. When asked who the president was, my guy said....Danny Thomas!
where the heck did that come from??? We felt bad giggling though and told him that it was Barack Obama.
ok off to the hospital visit, see you all later...
I went in our closet today to get dressed. My DH had been to church. I saw that he had hung his pants up as if they were a shirt. By that I mean he did not fold them in half and put them on the hanger folded. I went to hang them correctly and noticed they were not his. They were my black dress pants. We have a walk in closet and he has his side and I have mine. We have separate vanities in the bathroom and I noticed he had been using my things, toothbrush etc. I would have loved to see him try to put those pants on. He wears a 32 or 33 size and I wear a 2. I bet he thought have I gained weight. All I can think is now I have to move my clothes. Really don't think he will put on my dresses and skirts. Haha.
I went thru my DH putting on my clothes. He ruined several knit shirts putting them on like a skirt,neck on his waist. And broke the zippers on a couple pair of jeans,trying toget them on. I told the Dr. I would really worry when he started wearing pink panties. It must be a phase they go thru.
My DH also went through this stage. I had to put my clothes in a separate closet and, jackiem29, I had to start hiding my toothbrush in the medicine cabinet. This phase seems to have passed but I now use the main bathroom for my stuff instead of the master bath.
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did , Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said... "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
It was entertainment night at the senior citizen's center. After the community sing song led by Alice at the pianoit was time for the Star of the Show - Claude the Hypnotist!
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket, a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I want you to keep your eyes on this watch", said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see. "It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations," said Claude. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting "Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch" The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch. And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!! The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact"
"CRAP" said Claude.
It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Center
In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof, the light goes off?" "Oh sweet Jesus", exclaims Ethel. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No , I just lie there. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do.. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes , voodoo. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ. ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. May I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
... The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"
TIME FOR A LESSON ON APHORISMS. AN APHORISM IS: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH LIKE THE EXAMPLES GIVEN BELOW:
1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog . . . but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor . . . you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining . . . as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . . when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark . . to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important . . . because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions . . . you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . . and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl) . . . who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins . . . the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. . . like, it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . . when their team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where . . . 'happy hour' is a nap.
15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . . there's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . . not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . . we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness . . . but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
19. After 80, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . . you're probably dead.
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . and the ones that mind don't matter.
21. Life isn't tied with a bow . . . but it's still a gift.
REMEMBER.... POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN FOR THE SAME REASON