We are having our kitchen redone--new cabinets, floors, paint, baseboards, etc. Have been waiting to get this done for several months. The cabinets have been in cartons in the garage waiting for the constructor to have time to do the work. He started last Tuesday and the place in a mess. EVERYTHING from the kitchen is in the living room--stove, frig, dishwasher, etc. All my dishes, pots and pans, groceries--you name it. A real mess!
We are quite comfortable downstairs and until today I never knew DH was bothered at all by the mess. He got angry with me for starting the project. Said he was tired of the mess. Wanted the work done tomorrow and said he'd fire the constructor if it wasn't finished right away.
There was absolutely no reasoning with him. I'm hoping he forgets this tirade by morning. I sure don't want the constructor fired when things are in this big of a mess. If he tries that I'll have to just tell the guy to go ahead and do the work and explain the DH has AD. I don't really want to do that but I will if I have to.
He started trying to berate me--telling me I was soooo patient and never got upset, etc. All very sarcastically. If I hadn't been reading these posts I would have just flipped out. As it was I just said I wouldn't argue with him and he calmed down.
Does this sound like what some of you are going through? I sure do hope he isn't going to start that.
Mawzy-my husband did the same thing-but yelling and screaming at workman doing my neighbor's new roof. Her workman threatened to leave leaving the roof half done. Had to explain the situation. He raged during the entire project but at least her roof got done. Tings went from there to even worse. Something else you have to endure. Sorry
I have just started reading “The 36-Hour Day”. One of the things they emphasize is that the AD person may become very upset at any change—even things like rearranging the furniture. Your husband may not like the mess, but he may also be upset at the changes after they are done because they are unfamiliar to him.
Oh my gosh folks, you have my deepest sympathy. I have been through two bathroom vanity replacement projects and recarpeting the entire house due an AD related plumbing overflow. This is absoulutely the worst scenario you can go through with an AD patient.
I took my wife with me to Home Depot with me to pick out a vanity, all I wanted her to do was help me select the cabinet finish and top color, she got into a screaming argument (a real southern hissy fit) on the sales floor when she found out I couldn't just pick up the cabinet and take in home and install it. Stock sized cabinets didn't work, they had to be custom fitted. With my daughter's help we worked through that one.
The water damage clean-up and carpet replacement was the worse, it took ten days to get it done. She stopped up the toilet in the guest bathroom and it kept on overflowing. She called me at work (30 + miles away) and told me about it but told me she got it stopped. Three hours later she called me and told me it was still running, her idea of stopping it was to put a towel under the door. What a mess, almost all of the house was flooded.
Long story short, My daughter finally convinced her we couldn't live in the house until it was repaired, so we moved up to daughter's house temporarily. Fortunately I have worked in the construction industry for most of my life. I was able to get it back together in about ten days. We just had to get her out of the house and refused to take her back until the work was completed.
Any change in routine really throws them for a loop, if you have a repair or remodel project to get done, it is best to move them out until it is done. Then you still have to deal with adapting them to their new location. We've got to put a new roof on this coming year, I'll probably have to move her to the daughter's house for a few days while the project is completed. You can't put off a new roof.
I think they're right, Mawzy, your husband is probably not starting to develop any new symptoms, he just really cannot stand the mess and the change. Even my husband, who has been an absolute lamb through a lot of turmoil and trouble, can wig out over a relatively simple change to his environment. For example, I'd hired a new employee who did not like the desk in her office and wanted to bring in her own. No expense to me, and I wouldn't have liked working at that desk either, so of course, I gave her the go-ahead. I'd told my husband several times that she was going to move the desk, he seemed fine with it, acted as if he understood. Well, we come in one morning to find the old desk out in the reception area and the new desk in her office, and he was beside himself. He bugged me all morning long about wanting to put the old desk in his office (where it would NOT have fit), and all his "normal" symptoms were exaggerated. When a couple of strong male employees finally showed up, they helped rearrange the furniture -- the desk went very well in another location, replacing some really tacky tables we'd been using, and we got rid of the tables. My husband agreed things were much better that way. But even so, he didn't totally revert to baseline for three or four days.
So see what you can do to calm and reassure your husband, warn the contractor about his problem, and hopefully, your husband will be okay once the work is done and he's used to the new kitchen.
I can remember too DH complaining of loud noises and people moving too fast made him very nervous. sounds of tools with remodeling may be making them super sensitive too. keep doors closed when possible out of sight out of mind?? :) divvi
I've been avoiding doing any work in my house. There are a couple of things that I probably will have to do, but they should only take one day of mess, or less to get done once I no longer have any choice about it. One won't look any different once it is done - replacing the garbage disposal. The other - replacing the shades in the two bedrooms - will look different, so I'm avoiding it as long as possible.
I tell all workmen that my husband has dementia and that they have to talk to me. We had some work done by the builder last year, so it was absolutely necessary that I stay in the loop. And we had a flood in one room that also got repaired by the builder's men which resulted in noise fans going in that room to dry everything out, and waiting around for several weeks once they started putting everything back together again.
He went nuts several times during both projects, threatening to do bodily harm to someone if something didn't get done. Letting everyone know about the dementia is absolutely necessary. It was amazing how they treated him and got around his craziness once they knew what was going on. And everything that needed to be done, got done.
Yes this is how it starts. I have found that when I do exactly what you do, say I am not arguing with you about this. Or I am not going to try to deal with you. He does calm down. Friday it was about the stuff in the fridge. It was not where he wanted it to be, it can be any little thing and of course it was a full moon friday and this weekend!!!!!!
This can almost be funny. I headed a workman off before he entered our house. He said he understood as his grandfather had AD. Only question he is was "he's not going to pull 'it' out for me, is he?" I have found people very nice when I was able to forewarn them of the situation. When I couldn't-well-you don't want to know---
The frustration level is accelerating here as the white, cold and windy stuff has arrived...and due to continue for some time. G decided he had to get our generator going to ensure continued power...it is wired to essential household items..however, he had no clue how to get it going. I feared he would burn something out as he cranked and cranked on it, so asked our sweet cop neighbor to show ME how to work it. He did, and made it easy for G to see it was just an oversight that G couldn't do it. G is grumbling at me the entire time as it is obviously my fault. Next thing I know, our neighbor is shoveling our very steep and long driveway just because he was outside anyway ! I don't think G even properly thanked him, but he surely is in my thoughts. I love our local cop!
I agree Mawzy, I would tell the Construction people up front that husband has dementia. I always do and it makes everybody more comfortable. Until you tell them, they will already KNOW anyway, but will try to act like they don't notice. It is almost impossible to be around a dementia patient a few days without "noticing".
When my husband was home, I had rooms painted, rugs replaced and other work done around the house. We have a guest room that not only isn't used often but has a door. Just about anything excess went in there so that the rest of the house was not as affected by the work. This worked out very well. He had no problems with the work being done and even enjoyed talking to the guys that were doing it. I had talked to the workers up front and let them know what was going on with my husband. Those workers were terrific with him and he was happy talking with them.
I also involved my husband in the selection of the paint and rugs. He loved blue so now I have more blue than I really wanted but he was always happy with the changes.
The only time there was a problem was when they did a lot of drilling. Something about the noise of a drill really upset him. So, I would check on when they thought they would be drilling and get my husband out of the house for a while.
Thanks for all your support. The guys are not here today. And today DH FINALLY got dressed. He spent 3 days in his bathrobe. He still hasn't shaved--he last shaved last Wednesday. I did notice he really hustled to the bathroom today. I asked him if he had a tummy ache. He said he didn't. He just had to go really bad and didn't think he would make it in time. I think things may take a downward turn here in the not too distant future. I'm going to be prepared with baby wipes and other requirements--just in case.
Ya' know what? I don't like this disease. It is really too nasty and not fun. But then, I don't know of any terminal disease that would be fun. My friend's husband has several brain tumors that can't be operated on. And our other friend's wife has advanced breast cancer. I wouldn't want either of those either. I wonder if I'm hard to please. (stupid, silly grin!)
Baby wipes are not big enough, Mawzy. Follow bigtreemurphy and get a pack of cheap washcloths (the kind that are maybe $1 apiece, max) and be ready to drop them in a sudsy bucket - mine hasn't had but occasional problems and frankly, I've just thrown them out. It's those damned beans we had in soup last night (and I haven't found that beano works).
None of it is fun, I know. Mine still responds favorably when he is grumping and growling, I say, let me hear you growl. and he does, and then I do, loudly, lion-roar type, and he laughs and I laugh.