My husband is 60. He's been hanging in there for a while, not actually being able to do much in the sense of initiating activities, but being decent company, more or less going along with whatever I'm doing, accompanying his siblings on family business, etc. He's clearly seemed more depressed in the past couple months. He doesn't know that his MMSE score dropped 4 or 5 points since the summer, and may or may not be really grasping that his ability to navigate to familiar landmarks (Home Depot, Mr. Tire,) has diminished perceptably, but his mood is down for sure. I wonder if a period of depression often heralds a downward trend on the functionality graph for AD victims. I'm not SURE that's happening. I will only be able to read this graph retrospectively, but my gut (and who really has a trustworthy gut anyway?) is that we're looking at a decline.
I asked him if he considered himself depressed. He said yes...he wants a regular life, a job, etc...and his gut feeling (those guts again!) is that he'll get better and be able to resume life. There's really nothing I can say to that.
So, he's at a phase where you can take him places, and engage him in a certain amount of conversation, but at home he can or will do little other than watch MSNBC, read the same book over again, or doze in a chair. Does this look like a place where you've been? It helps to know.
I don't know the answer to your question, but I believe that depression goes hand in hand for the victim of AD. Is your LO on anti-depressants. Perhaps the MD should review the dosage. My DH has been on a downward trend for the past four months. I can't say that depression preceded this. He has taken anti-depressants even prior to diagnosis.
Something you said interests me.....you said he thinks he will get better and be able to resume life. My DH often says "I think I'm getting better." I don't respond in a negative way, but I ask him what makes him think this and he never is able to pinpoint any specific feeling in his body. When he asks me this question....I lie (sorry God). I usually say something like, "You seem to be doing much better today."
I wonder what others might say to their DH when the subject comes up about "getting better" or "getting well" ??? Anyone else deal with this?
Emily - I made up a list that I am taking to the neuologist app't:
•Memory Loss - He is having memory loss where he forgets conversations that I have had with him and no matter how much verbal prompting I give him he is unable to remember. He will come and tell me something and then 5 minutes later come back and tell me again then 5 minutes later come back and tell me the same thing all over again. He will ask the same question several times each time forgetting you have given him the answer. Then other days he is fine. •Mood Changes - His mood can change from calm to anger in a split second and he will get anger at very minor things. If I say it is white he’ll say it is black. His aggressiveness has been to the point that on a couple of occasions I have been concerned for my personal safety. •Shadowing - He also has personality change where he become suspicious and is checking on me and my where about. •Socializing – won’t go and visit on his own. •Weight Loss - 50 lbs in last 3 years. •His laugh has changed. •Alcohol - He has drank almost daily for many years usually 2 drinks in an evening. He doesn’t get to an intoxicated stage very often maybe 4X per month but if he has more than 2 drinks then he blackouts and he has no memory of anything he does or says for the rest of the evening. He can sometimes become verbally aggressive during this time. •Twitching (perpetual motion) – face, feet, legs, arms, hands moving all the time. Unable to sit still. When driving he has jerky steering. When asleep the twitching stops. Myoclonus? •Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – Veteran and is seeing a psychologist for 2+ years now. •Family History - What I know is he has a sister with Alzheimer’s and his mother was very forgetful but no diagnosis. •Time Frame - These changes in him have been progressing over several years and to be honest I have been in denial to what is going on but when he became aggressive in September then I knew it is to the point where it needs attention.
Does any of this fit in with what you are going thorough?
Jayne - Since I've started getting involved with Doctors and getting him app'ts he is now saying he thinks it is because he is retired and isn't using his brain as much. I can understand where he is coming from when I think if it was me and not him that was losing cognitive functioning I would be desperate for it not to happen. Take a leg but not my mind. So when he saids anything about getting better I say "maybe" we'll see what the doctor has to say.
Emily: Yes, I've been at that place and it was a very gentle time in the overall journey. I sensed that my husband was frightened. He was such a brave man, I never understood what he was afraid of, but now I know it was all part of the beginning of AD. He was never overly depressed, neither was I, but we were constantly adjusting w/out realizing it. We could go places, out to lunch at the same cafes where people knew us and I'd order and arrange his food--cutting, moving all the stuff on the table, getting separate plates, whatever was needed, and watch him put salad dressing on his French fries and catsup on the salad, etc. He'd eat it all and I said nothing.
Jayne: Don't you worry a bit about lying. Lying to an AD patient is a kindness. Honestly is needed when talking about shoplifting, but w/AD your primary goal is to keep calm in the house and keep your loved one as content as possible. That often involves lying and God will forgive you if you do it to ease your husband's life, your nose won't grow longer, you will not be punished--I promise you that. It is your responsibility to keep him as comfortable as possible, physically & emotionally, so you easily lie, whatever gets you thru the day, the hour, the moment. These responses will change as the illness changes, but AD patients often cannot handle the truth, the hard facts, so why upset them even more.
Amber: All the things you will discuss w/the doc are very typical of AD. You do need to be concerned if he is getting too aggressive. My doc told me to be sure I always had a way out of a room if we were alone together. I know of women who carry a cell phone at all times and have a locked room they can get into. Men should be cautious, too, those sweet little wives can do some dangerous things. Hopefully, you'll get some meds that can help. It's so hard because my husband never raised his hand to me and then he looked at me w/such hatred. And--obviously--he should not be driving. Ask the doc for a prescription not to drive until (make up something) maybe the meds kick in, whatever. The doc has probably been there before and can help. Try to talk to him or the nurse beforehand so you don't have to discuss it in front of your DH. And, I always went into the exam room w/my DH, he never seemed to mind, which was odd because that was not something we had done before. But they forget whatever the doc says before they walk out the door and you never know what they may be saying. Let us know how the visit goes.
Betty - Thank you for your response. Sometimes I think it's all in my head and that there is something wrong with me not him. I'm pretty good with dealing with aggressive behaviour seeing as most of my clients were quite aggressive and I've had alot of training on how to get myself out of a situation or defuse it before it becomes out of control. 911 isn't much help to me because I live 1 hour from the nearest police station. Yuck....I'm seriously thinking about moving into town. I totally can relate to hubby never raising a hand and the first time is such a shock that you are let very shaken and wondering who the hell took your hubby away and replaced him with this stranger!!! I though hubby was talking to the doctor about his memory loss and when I finally went in boy did I get a wake up call on how much he isn't telling him plus what he was fabricating and telling me about his visits. From now on when I think there is something important you bet I'll be there.
If there was ever a statement that defines this website, it is the one you made in the above post -"who the hell took your hubby away and replaced him with this stranger!!! " I used the same words in my Welcome Blog.
Sid has told me over and over again that I am always to remember that he loves me, and that if he ever doesn't recognize me or tells me he hates me, that I am to know it is the AD, not him, doing the talking.
I always go to all of Sid's doctors with him, because he can't remember what to tell them, and can't remember what they tell him. And he mixes up what he thinks he remembers to tell them.
Joan - I can intellectually understand what is going on with hubby but it is the emotional pain, when you are called every vile name in the book including the "C" word and told what a horrible person you are, that is the hardest to take. I'll keep in mind what Sid told you.
Amber, Someone reminded me as we heard as a child, " Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me". You know it was hard to believe that back then and now. I can so much relate of what you are going thru especially when you are bending over backwards to please and they twist what you do to make it seem wrong and having you doubt yourself. And fire up for no reason except paranoia.But it will subside soon we hope, Paranoia has been the worst part of this whole dreadful disease. And we can only pray the rest will somehow not come. Yes we know somewhere in that LO, they love us so much.
I agree that it is the emotional pain that is so hard to take, and it is what no one who has not been the spouse of an AD patient can ever understand. Not even the social workers and counselors.
There's another symptom I'd add to the clues that suggest a downturn. Just before my h first started meds, last January, he was beginning to have really disturbing thoughts about my fidelity--so far as to think he witnessed me, and his visiting friend from college days, um, involved in the living room. It was very weirdly delusional. After a month or so of Aricept and Namenda he's been doing better, and acting brighter, but--as I said in the opening post--I'm now seeing changes. This week he's been pretty down, today in particular, and I see that darkness in his mood that really only happens when he's troubled by thoughts that I'm otherwise involved. I hope it will be a passing phase. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to dispel the thoughts that are plaguing him. It's really icky to be around someone having those thoughts.
I also know that this is a typical problem with AD spouses. The irony is, it is--as I said--icky to be around. Hence, my best recourse seems to be to go do something with my daughters for the day. Of course, leaving h alone will do nothing to help him with his bad thoughts, but staying around sure doesn't seem to, and maybe I can at least get MY mind on something else.
Emily, I so remember that phase of paranoia and rages over senseless stuff and all the name calling. And believe it or not thats exactly what I did. I went shopping with my daughter. And would come back to the next set of issues. But if I wouldn't have gotten away for a few hours, the next round, I would have exploded. My poor daughter had such a good listening ear, while my son would settle his dad down at home. Thanks for sharing, PAT