Today, my world fell apart. I found out my DH has been breaking into our daughter's home and stealing Money to gamble with. She is certain that he does not have AD and all his problems are his gambling problem. He never had a gambling problem until 2 years before he was diagnosed with AD and he had been having symptoms of AD gor at least 2 years before that. I have no doubt his impulsive gambling is because of his AD but feel like my world is crashing around me. I took him to work with me today and we are seeking a companion to be with him during the day. If not for the gambling he would be able to be home alone. He spent 6 weeks in an inpatient treatment last year and their comments were that he did not fit the mold of a gamblerand were not sure why he was there. Has anyone else experienced this. This is a man who had never smoked, never had more than 2 beers and rare to do that and has never been obsessed with anything before. Thanks, I just needed to vent
I believe there are a lot of credit card horror stories out there. My wife ran up some incredible balances before I discovered the problem - this was before she was formally diagnosed. I had the same thing happen to a friend of mine. I have heard it suggested that a neuro-psych be considered on anyone over the age of 50 who exhibits new-found signs of impulsive spending/gambling - it could be the early signs of dementia.
He did have the neurophych testing. He signed over all his rights to borrow money last year when it was discovered what he was doing. I thought that would fix the problem. I was ignorant and got a real slap on the face with this new thing. It is so odd, I always make sure he has some money in his pocket and he stole money from them because he did not want to spend the money he had. He was saving it for Christmas. What kind of logic is that? THat is AD for you. Thanks for the comment iggy, I feel so isolated right now.
There are countless articles about your husband's situation. It is related to the decline of decision making, impulse control, inability to delay gratification - all issues related to dementia.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070921100332.htm - "Von Hippel also found that a penchant for gambling can be toxic for older adults, as those with poor executive functioning are particularly likely to have gambling problems. Interestingly, these problems are exacerbated in the afternoon, when older adults are less mentally alert. Older adults were more likely to get into an unnecessary argument and were also more likely to gamble all their money away later rather than earlier in the day....."
Sandy, I don't know what medications your husband is on, but some of them cause the gambling to surface. Has he received new drugs a month or so prior to the gambling? It is just a thought. I know that AD alone can account for it, but a new drug could have made it worse.
He was placed on prednisone for ulcerative colitis. I just don't know what I would do without all of you..thanks so much. I feel like there is someone out there who hears me. Thank you...Sandy
Sandy, This past spring my DH got an email scam solicitation and within 30 days fell madly in love, gave out all personal info, packed a suitcase and was ready to leave. I guess that counts as gambling..... PatB
Sandy-why is your family so reluctant to accept a dementia diagnosis. Can you get something in paper from your husband's docs. Doesn't this make you as a physician feel the same helplessness we all suffer. So sorry-you both deserve better. Nora
Warning for those of you whose spouses have Parkinson's or are being treated for tremors: patients who take dopamine agonists such as Mirapex, Requip, Comtan and Stalevo are at greater risk of becoming pathological gamblers. Mirapex is the worst culprit.
Fortunately, if the compulsion does develop, simply taking the patient off the drug will clear it up very quickly.
Sandy D. what a nightmare to find this out. you would think this would be a wakeup call to your daughter. so many of our family members choose to ignore the evidence- Unfortunately like posts say this compulsive behaviour can be linked to deficits in the thinking and reasoning patterns affected by the AD. With this new dilemma maybe you can now convince your DH to get the neuro tests done to diagnose which areas of the brain are affected? i know the tests can be very specific for this purpose. maybe they will show the part of the brain controlling this compulsion is more affected than others. I feel your pain and know that we are here to help you thru and comfort you along the way- ps Sunshyne, that is funny..my DDad (RIP) took mirapex for familiar tremors for some time, and my Dmom, 88yrs old was (IS!)compulsively running back/forth to the casinos to gamble with her elderly sisters. on the contrary my poor dad would with them on his scooter behind them, just to control how much she was spending:)..her gambling would make him hysterical she was wasting their money:) well, maybe if he'd lived long enough, the shoe would have been on the other foot:) Divvi
He has already had the testing and the Dr confirmed that the area of the brain affected is the one that controls impulsive behavior. He was not at all surprised about the problem with gambling. I have given all the information to my daughter from the Doctor but that has not helped. I have asked the Dr. to call her and talk to her, probably won't help either but at least we will try. I just want my family to support our efforts of getting him the help he needs. Any and all articles anyone finds, please let me know about them so I can send them to her. I think that would be the most help. Thanks again for being there. It means more than you will ever know.
Divvi, my husband is on Mirapex for his RLS, but has never liked gambling and still doesn't. I'm very lucky there! His Obsessive Compulsiveness that developed since being diagnosed with AD is really funny to watch. And helpful! No weeds in the garden, no lint or dog hair on the floor, and he puts up things as soon as you get them out and before you get to use them! <grin>
Sandy D, I'm so sorry about the difficulties you are having. There is a booklet on Joan's main page that you could print for your daughter to read that details AD and might help get through to her. My husband is now in Stage 6 and starting Stage 7 and I have one son who still is in denial of how bad it is. The other three children are not only helpful with their dad, but are compassionate and understanding. It makes a big difference. My prayers are with you.
I have to keep a close eye on my DH for gambling. He became a serious addict several years before his diagnosis. We got help and I straightened out our finances. Overall, he has done well with this issue, but it is always right below the surface. DH's father (and step-mother) also have AD and they live in a NH. Everytime we go to visit, they beg us to take them gambling. They only get $38 each per month and have no savings or assets. We have become very adept at making excuses. I can't have DH taking them to a casino. One of the first things I had to take away from DH after diagnosis was access to our money. He compulsively spends money on things we don't need. He buys books and magazines, but doesn't read them; they just stack up...he buys a shirt on sale for only $7.00, but buys 8 of them (even the ugly colors) just because it was a bargain...I have to total up/figure out tips on restaurant tabs, because DH will leave a 50% tip or he can't do the math at all...I tried giving him his full 2 week allowance every payday...usually, within 2 days it was gone and he couldn't account for where it went. Now, I break down the same amount of money, but give it to him weekly. He still spends it in less than 2 days. No matter how much money I give him, it is gone in less than 2 days and he can rarely account for how he spent it.
Sandy D, my DH was on Requip for RLS for some time. We not only had compulsive behavior but also had obsession with his sexuality. Frontal Lobe involvement has much to do with aggression, sexuality, compulsive behavior. I should think that gambling is in there somewhere also.
Sandy, i would think the gambling could be controlled if he is doing it online you can find a way to only allow certain websites, kinda like for kids?? so he cant get to any gamble sites..if not online and hes going to a casino you can always visit the casino and speak to security and state why he shouldnt be allowed into the casino. they do this all the time for 'unwanted' guests..usually not for dementia but i would think they have 'face detection' now for this reason-its worth a try -i hope having someone with him during the day will be beneficial and keep him out of trouble. divvi
Unfortunately, in Oregon there are video poker machines in nearly all the bars around and even a few of the restaurants and that seems to be his passion. The only way I see to keep him safe is to hire a companion for him so he won't be alone when I work. It is pretty horrible. I am going to have to take out my retirement to pay my daughter back. I cannot fathom a relationship again until that is done. What next? I haven't slept since I found all this out..AD sucks bigtime!
sandy I feel for you. Your husband may not be able to control his actions but your daughter can. That must really hurt. I was on the phone with one of my daughters while reading your post. She is recovering from bankruptcy because of her husband. Nothing she did wrong-but like you she's left to pick up the pieces. I used to say when I was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't get health insurance that cancer was the gift that just kept giving. I think Ad is even worse. It's tentacles get into everything.
WHY IS IT *YOUR* FAULT, Sandy? that your daughter blames you... she must have had some inkling that something was going on if it happened more than once; why would she leave sizeable amounts of money around the house?? or at least leave it around more than once?
It's bad enough to have it happen without it disrupting the relation between you two.
I know it isn't my fault but I am someone who has always taken care of the family, I have never owed anyone and I have always thought of my DH and I as one. Your right, I don't understand why she would leave such money in the house but they did. I just want it not to have happened. Surprisingly, I am not angry at my DH because it is so clear to me that he does not understand what he did and what a horrible impact it had on the family. I hate alzheimers.
Sandy, gosh, i understand your need to feel you owe her the money but remember its her own denial of the AD that got yall into the mess. and you said your dr sent her the reports of your husbands diagnosis. unbelievaable but she is quite in denial as you can see and probably will never own up to the fact. its definately in your best interest to have a companion for him if hes that able to get out and to bars and places where he can get into trouble. lately, there have been many here complaining of other types of horror stories we as caregivers are going thru with our spouses who are still in the early-mid stages and causing lots of anguish. i am of the sound opinion to get their drs to medicate something to help mellow them out thru these stages if possible. zyprexa worked for us for several months, i admit he slept alot but the tradeoff was worth it to get us both thru =its the only way to help ourselves get thru this horror til they move to another less stressful and more manageable phase.. divvi
Sandy, I need to contact you privately. Do you have an email address I can use, or can you set up a temporary one through Google? ASAP, please. ...or maybe you could email Guy, Marsh, or frand, if they wouldn't mind, and ask them for my email address or to forward your email to me.