My DH is obsessive about walking to the store every day and buying the same things over and over to the point where there is no room in the fridge. After he did it 3 times today and trying to cram more in and everything fell out on the floor for hundredth time today, I just lost it. I through everything on the floor and started yelling and crying. He can't talk (he has aphasia) so he just looked at me. I have resisted taking his wallet and money away because I felt it gave him a small measure of dignity, but I can't stand it. I still work because he can cook, dress, groom himself but this is too much. The pantry is overflowing. Our beautiful home is now a pig stye and looks like a warehouse for pepsi, chips, milky way bars etc. etc. I should have taken my anti-depressant (Prestiq) but try not to on week-ends when we're together. I need a handy-man, a maid and a week of vacation. I can't stop him - he's still strong enough to go and do what he wants even though he hasn't driven in a year. Sorry, I'm just ranting but I do think I'm going to lose my mind!
Dilly , I am so sorry you are having such a bad day. Take your anti-depressant and whatever, to get yourself back on track. I think it is better to take the anti-depressant than to have everything bunch up on you like today and you need to keep calm for your own sanity. I am not a Doctor, but I don't begrudge myself of not taking my anti-depressant every morning. It helps me tremendously.
On the bright side you may have an over-abundance of "junk-food in the house" but it is still cheaper than hiring someone to stay with him while you can get out and work. Are you in a small town where a grocer would work with you on the situation or are you in a city? Food Pantry"s would love to have some of your overflo. I just hate this disease and the way it ruins everybody's lives.....If it isn't one thing it is another......Hope you feel better tomorrow. (hugs)
Thanks Imohr, yes, we live in a small town but since Don can't talk, and doesn't listen well, I'm not sure what the grocer can do. I do recycle the food and soda but I just can't stand it. A good friend and my daughter said they would come help me clean the house but its too embarrassing. I need a service. I have sciatia problem with my leg and can't stand for long periods of time to do all that has to be done. Oh well, on another note, he is very amorous at night - no romance but I'm being polite. Anyone dealing with that?
Dilly, accept the offer of help gladly and don't be embarrassed. I have a lady come help me a 4 hours every other week and it makes me feel so much better for someone to tidy up my kitchen. (I have a friend whose parent needed help and she was able to get a neighbor lady for 2 hours at a time.) I pay her $10.00 an hour and it helps me tremendously. For free help would be even better but to get it on a regular basis you would probably have to pay or else have a very good friend.
Others here have had problems in the "romance dept". We have passed that stage now and I understand your problem.
Yes, others have dealt with "that". There is a thread someplace about it, but it probably morphed from something else and finding it wouldn't be easy. But take it for granted that you are not alone.
One of my first ever "discussion" topics on here, at the inception of Joan's website was on the "Romeo syndrome." A nightmare for me.
Joan did a blog on it way back so check the archives. She also had links to some articles that were done on the subject.
I'm sorry for your frustrations with your DH and the grocery buying. And I totally understand the problem with Mr. Romeo. Just want you to know you are not alone at all.
Please do take your antidepressant on weekends. It generally isn't good to skip days.
Dilly dear heart, I am also dealing with the problem of groceries that my FTD DH buys, mostly junk food. Let me tell you what has happened recently, it just might help. My DH may not drive and has been blaming me and his doctor for this problem, he thinks he is just fine. I also have been letting him keep his wallet with his old driver's license, for ID purposes, along with favorite pictures, medicare card, additional medical coverage card and prescription drug card. I was also letting him use his former business credit card for little things he thought he needed. I do not work outside the home, thank the good Lord. He asks to go somewhere, say the drug store, I take him, he buys things we don't need, etc. all in the name of dignity. Well.....Iast week he lost his wallet for the umteenth time and I had had enough and lost it, too! I cry almost every day. I called the credit card company and cancelled the business card. Told them that we were out of business. I was truly upset about the medicare card because his S.S. number is on it and thought I would have to call them. In the nick of time, I found his wallet intact in our guest room! But I did not tell him. I cut up the credit card, kept the medicare and other cards in my purse. I told him he has caused so much trouble by loosing these things that he may now only have a picture ID card and I will take him to the motor vehicle do that. I said that he may have cash (no more than 25 dollars at a time). He may not have a credit card. He will ask me if he needs more. He seems to be OK with that and seems to know that this was a big problem that he did, indeed, cause. One prolem solved for the time being. Now about the amorous behavior! Yes, yes. I was at witt's end with this one until I contacted DH's neurologist and was told that this is part of the frontal temporal degeneration and is common. My DH is now on meds to control the behavior. Please know that you are not alone in this. It's not pretty I know. Peace be with you.
Wonder what it is with groceries? Mine does the same thing. Solved part of the problem by taking him to a little grocery store that sells overstocked stuff. It's really cheap. I do watch the sell by date. He's obsessed with marinades and salad dressings. I never use marinades but we have had as many as 25 pkgs at a time in the house. I package it all up and take to the local food pantry periodically. Then when we do regular grocery shopping and he wants to buy that stuff I tell him we just bought it at the other store. So far it has worked. But he'd rather go to the grocery store than anywhere!
Thank you all - special thanks to you MMarshall - I've taken away his credit card, bank card and medical cards - when his current wad of cash runs out - I will limit the amount he has. I was worried he would still try to buy but not have the money - has that happened to anyone? What is the medicine the neurologist put him on to stop the romeo symptom? I just cancelled his next neurologist appt because they don't do anything. He had his physical from the primary and all blood tests etc. are fine. The neuro doesn't do anything and since he can't talk, he doesn't do the dumb old memory test any more. Just nothing. I guess I'll just have to make time to take all this food away. Lord help us all.
My DH is on Aricept, Depakote, Paxil and Risperdal (this is the one that controls the amarous behavior and was a relief to me). I would suggest that you insist the neurologist do something for the romeo behavior because you are 'trying to hold on to your sanity' as I did. Be specific, tell the neuro exactly what he is up to and that you are afraid he will take it public. Perhaps that will startle him into motivation.
Hi Dilly, So sorry to hear you are at the end of your sanity, I totally relate. Just one thought on the anti-depressant....the intention is to keep a nice even flow of the medication in your bloodstream so to not have big ups and downs. When you stop taking them even for a couple of days, you have to reach maintenance level again when you restart. When one just quits taking an anti-depressant, they can cause a terrible rebound effect of severe depression, which is why you get off of the drug by taking one every other day, then every third day, ect., according to how your Dr. prescribes. I'm curious why you try not to take it when you are with your DH on the weekend? I think I would need it most then. Again, I can relate.
Go to the top of this page and click "search". Type in "sex", making sure the topic circle is filled in, and click "search" again. Four or five discussion topics on your "romance" question will come up. You may find some useful information there. You will certainly find that you are not alone with this problem.
Dilly, a friend offered to drive me 'here and there' because neither of us drive any more. I was so embarrassed. I thanked her and said no, I was capable of taking the bus or I could also walk. She said "when someone does something for you, they receive a blessing. If you refuse to accept the offer, you rob them of a blessing. So, don't be robbing me of my blessing!"
Just a thought! :)_
Humbling isn't it when you need help and have to ask for it. But, then they say that 'pride goes before the fall.' What does all this mean? I don't know. I think if someone wants to clean your house, you should sort of bite the bullet and let them do it. You can pretend you are the boss and remind them if they've missed a spot. (grin). It'll be easier next time. And, if they won't take any money you can take them out to lunch or buy them one of those gift cards. If you let them do your house, they certainly can't refuse your gift. Right???
As for all that extra stuff that DH is packing in, someone said to pack it up and give it to the food bank. mine was into mayonaise and toothpaste. I won't have to buy either for a looooong time. I finally told him that if he brought any more mayonaise or toothpaste into this house, he was going to have to walk up to the store and return it. So far, that's worked. But, then, again, there's no guarantee.
I've already purchased 3 gift cards for those wonderful people that drive us around. Can't wait until Christmas. (smile()
I'm not a doctor, and not familiar with your antidepressant. But all the ones I know of, you don't start & stop. There needs to be a continuous flow throughout the week. I would speak to your pharmacist to see if what you are doing by stopping on the weekend is a good idea or not. I would think not.
Thanks all for your suggestions and support. Tonight I came home to an additional 4 large bags of cat food and kitty litter - I think we have about 10 now. I will take the anti's on week=ends now and I will let my friend help me clean and try to hire a service. Thank you all for caring. It really matters when you feel so alone.
Having your friends in to help you clean will be good fellowship for you. Then, when it's all cleaned up, you can hire a service. That's kind of funny. But, I know EXACTLY what you're saying. :) Good luck to you & yours!!