I copied the 7 stages and am sending them to a dear friend in New Mexico. She always gives me a straight answer with kindness and compasion. I'd like her to give me her take on where she thinks I'm at right now.
I'll also send it to my daughter. She wants to know all about all of this and what's going on with me.
There were, (and still are), many sad moments during my dear wife's downward spiraling journey. One of the worse times for me was when she would look at me with tears flowing and as I was hugging her to give her comfort, she would say to me that she was so confused and scared. My heart was breaking during these moments, knowing all I could do or say to her was that I would always be here for her, love and protect her and that everything would be okay. I was happy when that phase of this dreaded disease ended and I didn't have to hear and see her suffering any longer over something that I had no control to change.
Almost everyday my DH says how confused and scared he is. This usually occurs also when I am hugging him or comforting him in some way. This is so heartbreaking. But he still thanks me - daily - for all I do in keeping our environment as stress-free as possible. God help us all on this journey.
I was hugging DH and asked "Did I tell you that I love you today?" He got tears in his eyes and asked asked "Do you really love me? How can you love me? I'm not much good to you anymore."
I loved on him and kidded him a bit and asked if he was 'fishing.' I told him that he was very good for me. He was my friend. My sweetheart. And I love snuggling up to his warm body."
He started to laugh and said all I wanted was his body. He's 82 I'm 77. We've been married almost 59 years. His sense of humor has always been wicked. I hate to see him leave me.
I know I'm fortunate. It doesn't happen every day but when it does happen, I treasure the moments and try to keep them going for as long as possible. Generally it only lasts 3-4 minutes. But, that's gtood. Today, he's not communicating at all. But, that's ok too. I guess.
Mary-this does bring back memories. How much has changed since we started posting here. Our spouses have declined or passed away-but we have forged such wonderful friendships.