Today I picked up our community directory. When I checked for our names someone in their ultimate wisdom removed my husband's name from our listing. Even though he now lives in a dementia facility he still lives here in my heart. He is co-owner of our home. He is alive. I feel that his existence has been invalidated. We have so much educating to do.
I am so sorry this happened. When my DH died, I left everything that had his name just as it was. He's still listed in the phone book, on our checking acct, etc. All his photos are around. I know people think I'm nuts, but I could not 'erase' him. It was 5 yrs before I gave his clothes away. Now--am I living in the past, clinging to lost love, unable to face reality, yada, yada. No, I have a good life, family around, college men I rent rooms to in my home, my monthly AD column to write, a house to maintain, a dog, Sophie, and cat, Nueve. I also have a gentleman friend and all that that implies. I certainly do not live in the past, but I acknowledge and remember things that happened, things that got me to where I am today. Yes, bluedaze, my DH still lives in my heart and will always be as much a part of me as my own heart. In my world today, I can separate my present life from past & future, but I will not abandon any of it. Others do not always understand that you do not have to live in the same house to be alive in someone's heart.
Bluedaze--I made a faux paux last summer at a class we go to every year. There is a lady there who always brought her DH with her--he had AD. Last year and this year, he hasn't been there. I made the 'assumption' that he had passed and I asked her how she was doing. She was so sweet. Told me he is still alive and living in a NH. I apologized--I felt terrible but she was very gracious and told me that people make that mistake all the time because he isn't with her at various places.
Let's hope the person who made that mistake won't make any more. Perhaps you should call the place where the directory is printed and have it corrected. I'm really sorry it happened. It had to have hurt so badly.
mawzy I don't want to belabor the issue but I am really hurting. Our directory is put together by our own people and copied from year to year so it wasn't an oversight, it was lack of understanding. That was what I meant by we all have so much educating to do to "outsiders". I appreciate your concern.
bluedaze, they should have asked. When the time comes I'd want to make a different decision from the one you wanted them to make, which means that they should ask. We are all different. And what is really wrong about what they did is that they did not ask what you wanted done. They made assumptions. And that is wrong.
Bluedaze, I can only imagine how much that had to have hurt. Yes, there is a lot of educating needed. I would start with the people in charge of the directory. So sad