My name is Brenda, I am 59 almost 60 in another week or so. I live in Indiana. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. He was diagnosed with AD four years ago. I have been feeling frustrated, angry, sad,and alone. Ike has one son who lives in another state. I have four children from my first marriage. Ike has three brothers, three sisters, and of course they are no help. I feel maybe they are afraid that they will have the same fate, because there father died about 12 years ago and he had AD. My husband is a wonderful man , kind gentle, loving at least that is how he use to be. Now I don't know who he is anymore and sad to day he does not seem to know me anymore. Every morning I seem to be someone different.
For the past six months Ike has been have hallucinations. Mostly he talks to children or dogs, and he talks to himself or some one in the mirror. He use to love to go out walking, to the mall, to the park and I loved to do these things to, but lately doing those things have been very difficult. Two weeks ago I took him to Red Lobstser for lunch after his Doctors appointment. He started talking out loud, he seemed to think every one was talking to him. He gave me a hard time going out of the restaurant, he did'nt want to go with me. Once out side he refused to get into the car, he didn't know me and he said he would walk home. He ran to drivers side of the car, trying to open the back door, I opened the door he got in and I put the child safety lock on . I was truly frustrated. AT home he looks down all of the time he runs into the furniture and when he talks he always look down when talking to his friends who are not there as far as I can see. Is there anyone who out ther who is experiencing these kind of behaviors. At home I have to keep the doors locked a keep the keys out of the locks so that he can't get out of the house.
I have bend reading a lot of the information on this site and I already feel encouraged just knowing that I am not alone and that others are out here willing to help each other. I wish I had found this four years ago. I love my husband and I want to help him as much as I can, but I need help myself. My first husband was an alcoholic, that was a truly night mare marriage. The best thing out of that marriage was my four wonderful children, and I have four beautiful grand-children. I feel sad because I feel that I was robbed of what I hoped would be wonderful ,happy years together with a wonderful man.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I haven't had your experience, but there are others who will respond soon with some help. I understand what you mean about feeling as though you've been robbed. You've been a caregiver for half of your marriage - - and your first marriage was unhappy.
Brenda, welcome again. My husband has not had hallucinations, so I can't address that issue. I'm so sorry his relatives are not helping you! Your experience at Red Lobster would definitely make you think twice about going out for a meal with him again. His doctor should be told what you've just told us, and see if there is any medication he can be given to help both of you.
This is full moon cycle, so for the last three days and next three, we'll all be experiencing odder than normal behavior.
Hopefully others can give you advice on what you can do. Hang in there!
Brenda, welcome to the site but know that you have found friends who are in your same situation and offer comfort and support. I have seen many of the same characteristics in my Dear Husband DH) as well. i have had the same difficuties eating out and trying to get him back to the car. once in the car he doesnt want to get out or viceversa. actually have to push his fanny in once his legs ar in, then he just loves to ride in the car and look out. before i had the deadbolts installed to get him inside and from wandering, he would go out every morning like clockwork to pull on EVERY handle to the car trying to get in to 'go home'..once i forgot and it unlocked, once inside he sat their quietly for a long time until i missed him. wakeup call. i had to bargain with him and drive him around for a while then bring him home and coax him out of the car with candy:) my DH also hallucinates i guess you call it, talks to inanimate objects ALL the time and laughs and carries on converations with himself in the mirror too. i am not concerned he does any of this, he gets enjoyment out of it and talks to our dogs too. in the world of AD who knows what is sane or insane anymore??? just try to do what you can to make his life tolerable and comfortable and keep him clean and as healthy and happy as possible -everything else will come at its own pace and ther is nothing we can do but accept it and keep moving forward with a positive outlook. its far easier to succumb to these strange behaviours once you accept the disease is here to stay and you must deal with it headon but with humour when possible. i have been just about everywhere you are now and its not easy to see our loved ones losing so much, but it will make it easier on you if you visit here often among friends and relieve your stress. my best, Divvi
Brenda, Welcome! Though I haven't had these issues with Dh yet, I know my FIL had many of the same as your Dh. My FIL pulled the not getting into or out of the car thing with MIL a few times, Cop's showed up once to check on what was going on....... At Mc D's. LOL...... Once we were out having dinner and when we all got up to leave, he was going nowhere, My Dh tried to get him going and FIL just crumpled to the ground. I tried to get him to help me help him, he wanted no part of it. Dh and I just picked him up and walked out the door with him. We had to, the darn place was packed and there was no room to hang out and wait for him to want to go. That's when my MIL decided to curb taking him out. As far as talking to people who are not there. That was huge thing for my FIL. He talked to children alot, asked if we saw those 3 men in the yard with the red bucket etc............... Seemed like Dh and I were there a lot when this was going on, so I finally asked him if he ever talked to the people he saw? Mostly cause I was worried if he was afraid of them. He told me no. I told him to say HI, and ask them if he could help them, I also told him that maybe these people were his guardian angels and that they were there to help him. He actually did really well with that explanation. LOL......... except one night when I told him that he said, well I thought maybe you were my guardian angel. Really big LOL............ I assured him God would be talking to him about that! FIL also had kitty's, puppy's etc that he saw, actually blamed a few bathroom accidents on the kittys. Unfortunately my Dh was diagnosed with AD just a few short weeks before his Dad passed from complication of AD. So we both know what is to come we have seen the good and we have seen the bad. Just trying to do it different and keep going for as long as we can. Best of luck, Hang in there. You have found a great place to get support. Rk
You do need to tell the doctor about the hallucinations. They do happen with any of the dementias. It is possible that there are drugs that might help, so do call the doctor and tell him what is going on.
You are very welcome here. Like everyone else I am so sorry you need to be here, but glad that you found us.