I notice from this thread that no one mentions getting "pee'd on" after a shower...I try & try to get my DH to PEE BEFORE GETTING INTO THE SHOWER, but sometimes, it just doesn't happen. I have been pee'd on 2x's in the last week, and another "almost"...BUT, I started putting the hand-held urinal beside the shower so when he comes out I have it "ready" in case I see the need...speaking of, my dh's penis turns slightly "outward", sorta tilting to one side, when he's about to pee...you would think I would realize this & watch for it...which I am learning to do. With all the things we have to do & take care of, watching a penis twitching to one side isn't something that just makes the top of the list most days, but the alternative is not so good either! LOL!! Also, we try to "dry off" "INSIDE THE SHOWER" as much as possible before stepping out into the cool air of the rest of the bathroom...All I can say is I'm nearly 50 (MENOPAUSE) and he's just turned 64 (COLD ALL THE TIME)...it makes for interesting times in our home...esp at shower time.
natsmom, Now that is funny!!!! I've learned to just roll up my pant legs, kick off my shoes and get into the shower with my DH. He can't shower himself or dry himself, or dress himself. I use the shower hose. We have this dance we do when showering and dressing. I try to get behind him to do his backside and he turns with me. Took me a bit the first time to realize I was walking in complete circles trying to get behind him. Now I try to hold him still as I get behind him. Sometimes it works and sometimes he still manages to turn with me. It would be funny if it weren't so frustrating.
Wow, I can't believe you all get in the shower to make it work...I'm just not there yet..or maybe will never be! G takes a 30 second shower every morning..I tell him I'm timing him, and he can't possibily soap and rinse in that time, but he swears he does..NOT! The towels smell and so does he, but we aren't at the point where he gives an inch. However, he goes thru more clothes in one day than I can keep washing. Amazing how many pair of socks he can use in one day! Sick of all of it.
Well, I've been keeping a log: 7/27 shower, 8/3 shower, 8/10 shower, 8/18 shower...none since then. While all he does is sit, eat, smoke, he does get a little "rank" between. I don't nag, worry, fret or "push" the issue. He will shower whenever he gets good and ready. I just make sure I stay "up wind" of him.
I have different techniques to get DH into the shower. It seems each one only works for a short time. - Telling him he didn't smell good. Someone here had suggested this, and it worked for me for a while. Now he just says it's not true, and he's right. He doesn't really smell. - Getting him to take a bath with me once a week. Worked for a while, but now he usually refuses. - What works right now is telling him THE NIGHT BEFORE (he always likes to have a program for the next day) that I'll go out with him in the morning AFTER he has a shower. This usually works if I'm awake on time to remind him. Once he has his clothes half on, however, there's no way. And he tends to get up early and get his clothes on before I'm awake.
My DH changes his underwear two or three times a day. Before he goes to bed, when he gets up, and again if I make him take a shower. He will, however wear the same shorts or jeans all week. If he wears a dress shirt, he hangs it up in the closet after he wears it. His socks always bother him and if we go out to someone's house or to church, he always takes along an extra pair. He never needs them. I have given up trying to change what he does, but will ask him to change his shorts so I can wash them. I take the dirty clothes out of the closet and put them into the hamper.
Jeanette, I wondering if your DH has the same people doing things with his stuff that mine has? I wish his "kids" or "guys" would do a little work around the house for me.
What is it with these showers? When DH worked he always showered every day. Now, he always insists that he's clean. I had less trouble with my kids.
How do you get your LO to remove a "partial" - removable bridge every night? He is supposed to remove it in the evening, put it in a glass of water, and pop in back in his mouth the next morning. It is some kind of plastic and snaps in quite easily. This has been his habit for several years. Now, I have to ask him every night to remove it. Usually he will, but last night he did not know what I was talking about. I dropped the subject. "Pick your battles" as they say. However, I guess we will get to the point where he either leaves it in permanently or takes it out permanently. Anyone had a similar experience?
natsmom, funny you mentioned getting peed on. been there done that -what hasnt happened in our AD world now that i mention it?:)
the cold air coming out of the shower in the bathroom seems to trigger the pee response here as well. i also get down and dirty into the shower with him every time. mine would sit on the chair all day if i didnt.awww. hes soooo good now about showering at any time and i just do it all -even floss/brush teeth in the shower at the end. i dry him off in the chair and deo/aftershave/haircomb/put shirt on before bringing him out. then i find its easier now to sit him in a pad covered chair to powder/depend/pants/shoes afterwards. its the time of out of shower to the chair i have gotten peed on more than once. even this week. but in the overall incontinence issues its still minor in my book:) i do hate when i am not prepared and its on my head though like drying his legs off and bam! ok, nuff you get the picture. sorry girls, its a coming, get prepared to get down and dirty into the showers if you want them cleaned -they just dont do a thorough job on their own esp latter stage. you will learn your own ways of makin git work for you after you get the hang of it. :) divvi
weejun, you know not to 'never say never' especially with AD inhouse. hah.
goes to show, does anybody think any of us said, oh yeah, when incontinence issues hit, i will be happy times?? if you knew me before AD, well i have changed ALOT! its a gradual thing most of time, little by little you wont even feel the pain. :)
Isn't that the truth.....If someone would have told me that I would have been changing the crappy diapers of a full grown man I would have laughed my head off....little did I know......
Absolutely! I remember the good old days when we were newly married and bathed together..for fun..<sigh>
Now the every other morning showers are pretty routine - I get him up, stand him in front of the toilet until action occurs, turn on the shower, check the temp, and he walks in and I follow. Afterward, I come out and grab the towel and dry him off, then pull on the Depends, use underarm deodorant, put on tee shirt and pants and then dry myself off and get dressed.
Everyone has to get their own routine going and be willing to be flexible if their moods change...and when he stopped getting clean while washing himself, I could wash him in the tub; then he couldn't stand up by himself, so we got the shower chair; then I just went for the shower - it is easier on my back. I haven't had the experience of his not wanting a shower, or of giving me one! Just lucky, I guess!
Weejun, none of us want to do it...the first time they have an "accident" of the worse kind, you have no choice but to clean them up and then clean up the mess....then remember what they ate and never serve it again! <grin>
Well i was one hard cookie to crack but AD made me a believer. i have learned to 'grovel and beg' on my knees when i forget AD has the upper hand -if you try to get haughty you get whacked into submission again time and time again. we never seem to learn AD is going to win this hand no matter what our frugal attempts. all we can do is hold on and keep treading with our head above the water -divvi
Former soulmate, I have the same problem with the plate and the partial. he doesn't take them out, I don't think he even takes them out to clean them, although he says he does. I insist everyfew days, and clean them myself. then i have to put the lower partial back in for him, he can't get it snapped in right. Showers... you really have to pick your battles. i get him in the shower once a week, and shaved. It's just the best I can do.
Marsh, to be honest, my imagination has always been a lot better than what the TV and movies show as the real thing...it will be more of the 1950-1960 style where you KNEW what was happening, without viewing it!!! <grin>
I just read this entire thread, = a little behind today. I've lived every single thing (with exception of pee/poop on the head). I don't know if his partial plate CAN come out anymore. He won't let me help him get it out, (bit the heck out of my fingers), he won't take it out, and there it is. He does brush with "Groom 'n Clean" hair cream every now and then, and I would think the oil in that would help, but nope.
Bathing issues, WHEN he lets me bathe him, - or he agrees to stand in the shower and try to bathe himself, - is always a hassle. I love the new men's shower liquid soaps, that can be used as a shampoo and a body wash. I squirt a liberal amount into a net ball and when it gets wet, he can be lathered from head to toe. He'll help me wash his armpits and 'other parts'. with a washcloth I have soaped up and handed to him... I wash his hair with the same liquid soap. Then, I take the hand held shower attachment and (with him sitting on the shower stool), I squirt him all over and removed the cleansing soap.
Zest makes a great one, as does Nivea. At least, it gets the dust off of him...and I'll take it as a good bath. He doesn't smell for a few days, for sure!
Regarding getting pee'd on, I usually dry him from the back side...and give him a towel for the front side. He rubs his feet back and forth on the towel to dry them.. Then we put on his underwear and whatever clothes he is wearing. Before we put his socks on, with him sitting on my dressing table chair, I dry between his toes, and (per his podiatrist), I sprinkle a little anti-bacterial powder in each sock. This helps to avoid stinky feet, and other problems, since he insists on wearing his leather dress shoes every day. (He has a closet full of Topsider boat shoes, tennis shoes, sandles and evening slippers. NOPE, only his Florsheims! Pick your battles...this is an easy one. It sounds funny to write this routine down, ...it's just a natural routine - Who would have thunk it?
>>Marsh, to be honest, my imagination has always been a lot better than what the TV and movies show as the real thing...it will be more of the 1950-1960 style where you KNEW what was happening, without viewing it!!! <grin>
Mary, I think that is why I like the old movies and shows - they left it up to you to imagine what happens. Remember when "going all the way" meant kissing then heavy petting, etc .
Oh, yes! <grin> We had a great growing up period in America's history....we were innocent, got plenty of exercise, lived at a time when you didn't lock your doors (in our town, anyway) and kids could walk to the park or downtown during the daylight hours without parents worrying.... oh my.....off topic...
Nancy can you get that contraption to heal your arm wet when you help him shower? Or do you take it off?
I have to take the darned thing off a zillion times a day. I'm going to wear the velco out. It hurts so much, it's awful. I'm thankful to have an excuse to take itoff. (But daily baths is not even a thought. If He takes one a week, it's a miracle...Just depends on when I'm ready to start the argument/challenge/orders!/demands that he bathe. If he had his way, he'd NEVER bathe again.
Oh Nancy, I can SO sympathize with that. I can't imagine how a man who was so fastidious now won't shower. I read somewhere that they become scared of the water. He went in our development pool once this summer with the grandies, and I was so thilled. i told my daughter it would be perfect if they let me bring soap :)
That's what I love about this board. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one with the same problems. I'm lucky if I get him to wash under his arms and his bottom. He usually tells me that he already did when I know he didn't.
I don't really have the problem; my husband willingly gets into the tub and out each day and I very much encourage it because if he loses that ability I will have to step to a new level of care completely. BUT: there exist those body wipes that are pretty good sized, that people use (I guess) when they work out at noon and go back to work; I used to take them when I was travelling because I stayed in guest houses where it was not always certain there'd be a clean place to shower. They work reasonably well. Has anyone tried to sortof give their husband a "spit bath" with one of these - maybe even in his bedroom - and just concentrate the heavy-duty washing on the rear end? Talk about it as a massage - maybe the new thing you saw on TV...
Mary...I found a product called No Rinse shampoo at Sally's Beauty Supply. It is ready to use and you just apply, lather, and towel dry. Leaves hair fresh, clean, and odor free. I have found it very helpful. There is also a product called Comfort Bath that have ultra thick premoistened washcloths that are disposable that I also use for those in between times to give him a "spit" bath. And of course, no bathroom would be complete without baby wipes.
(I've always wondered where the term "spit bath" came from. I used it because I knew at least the southern/Texas tier of us would know what I was talking about, having grown up there.. but I wonder, is it country-wide or a "regionalism")
I don't think there is a mom anywhere that didn't "once" use a little spit to clean a toddler's smudged face. One of my Mother's favorite stories was about the time my little 3 year old sister came face to face with a little black girl who was about her same age. Face to face, nose to nose, they eyed one another. Then my little sister licked her fingers and wiped a spot on the little black girl's arm - to see if the ' dark smudge' would come off. Mother was mortified, and the little girl's mother laughed and laughed. Thank God! for understanding mothers with a sense of humor. (This had to have been in the early 40's in Texas.)
ME...I really don't know what they do but it is an expression I have heard for years to describe a spit bath. Little ole innocent me always skipped over the heavy breathing parts when I read those steamy novels. I am having a few laughs this morning and that is a good thing.
I never did either, deb. HOWEVER, DH uses spit to clean a stain off a shirt, etc. Arggggggggg. And just as bad, will dip a paper napkin in iced tea or coffee to do the same - just makes the stain harder to come out! LOL
I didn't know you were my daughter!!!! <grin> Really, she must have been a good Girl Scout too! (only I have Tylenol instead of aspirin, and a small 3 oz bottle of hand lotion, and hand wipes in the purse size, a fingernail file, a mini flashlight, pen and pad set, a 3"x3"x1/8" vinyl piece that zips open to a 15"x12" bag with handles to carry stuff I buy! It was a gift, and one that I love!)
I was looking for the right thread and I found it.....Having a problem with DH getting into the shower...its been over a week...I had been doing pretty good before, at least taking a shower 3 times a week....now he won't even change his depends...while he was sitting on the tolet, I showed him how much the depends needed to be changed....no way.....he gets angry when I insist.so I back off....choose your arguments..not easy.... Soulmate: my DH also has a partial that should come out every night....no way....sometimes it must bother him, I have found it in bed, between us...and another time on the floor...almost stepped on it. EAch day is a new challenge...as we all know...Bless us all.....I pray for Patience
Yes, Bless us all. I stopped praying for patience because every night I had to ask for forgiveness. I wasn't even patient with my 3 kids when they were growing up.
Oh Grace! you said it all. I pray for forgiveness - Lord knows I need to be forgiven for my thoughts. To get my DH to take one bath a week is WINNING! It's always an ordeal. In spite of my current disability, ya' should have seen me dodge the flying shave cream can yesterday. I'm good at dodging flying objects, but I still get rattled when he yells out in frustration. Poor guy!
Mary, you should still carry a few asperins... in case of heart attack. My purse is usually filled with litter. When my kids were small, of course, I would take the wrappers from everything, so they would learn not to just toss them, if there was no litter basket. now I have to do it with DH, because he will just throw stuff on the floor, street, wherever we happen to be, so I simply put out my hand to take whatever, and then it goes into my handbag. Every couple of days I clean it out. I also have every receipt they hand me at the store, even if all I bought was a cup of coffee. I never know what to do with those little pieces of paper, so they all end up in my purse.