I have just finished reading this book as I am now in the position of having to make those choices. My DH, who is 72 yrs old, has been in the NH for over a year & is in his 2nd round of Pneumonia. I agreed to let him have a round of oral anti-biotics. He can not walk, has to be fed, says a few words but no conversation & is totally incontinate. I am ready to let him go because I do know that is what he would want. My 4 sons are scattered, 1in Florida, 1 in NoDak & 2 in Minn. I tried having a discussion with him after the first round of Pn but they never really said any thing. I am going to send each of them a copy of this book, tell them what I think & ask them all to give me their input. Of all the books I have read I would recommend this to anyone who may have to choose in the future.
Carol, I am so sorry you have reached this point. It is terribly hard, no matter how difficult your husband's life has become.
I agree with you that Hard Choices is a wonderful resource ... I wish I had had it when my first husband was dying of cancer. It would have made my decisions much easier.
Carol I only somewhat imagine your hard choices. My DH and I did a long discussion 6 years ago when we had all our wills and MPOA done. I know that his wishes and mine are to be kept from any invasive procedures ie pacemakers antibotics. My husband had a cold last week and my first glimpse of what I may have to do was very apparent. I thought OH GOD what if this turns into Pnemonia I am not ready to give him up yet. I will do it though and with all the love and compassion here on this website it will be easier than going it alone. Everytime he is fighting the fog I hold my breath PLEASE GOD just a little longer. I find my strength from my Mother who swears she will haunt me all my days if I do not put her in a NH and do not try to take care of her myself when the time comes since I am her executor. Such a nasty unforgiving horrible disease. Jenene