My husband was a Field Representative/Claims Representative for Social Security for about 18 years. He took SSA/SSDI claims. He also went to groups and agencies and gave speeches about SSA, and went to NH/Hospitals to take SSA Claims and help people with SSA/Medicare problems. He got burned out and started having trouble keeping up with his case load, so resigned (Wonder if AZ actually played some part of that.) He went to truck driving school and drove long-haul for JB Hunt for about a year. Neither of us liked him being away from home so much, and the phone bills were astronomical (no cell phones then) so he left that and drove bus for Greyhound and then school bus until 2003. He retired and was diagnosed with AZ 6 months later. SSA took the onset back to June 2003 when he retired from the school bus driving.
I have always enjoyed reading this thread, but have never been able to write about Lynn. It is so painful looking back. Yet, now that he is in the nursing home and I am not consumed in the stress of 24/7 care, I am able to look back on our lives and remember the good times once again. It still hurts, but now there are smiles mixed with the tears.
Lynn was a jack of all trades, and a master of them all! There was simply nothing the man couldn't do. Most of his life he was a licensed plumber, electrician, and builder. He could look at a piece of land and picture what house would look best there. He didn't just build the houses, he designed them.
It was almost magical to see him at work. He never needed paper, he was able to do all the math in his head. Amazing! He was the hardest working person I have ever known. A friend of ours came up with a great analogy for him at work. He said it was like watching a spider on a hot rock. LOL. It was so true, he was always moving!
We became friends with every person he built a home for. He was loved by all who got to know him. He just has this way about him. He put people at ease. Very witty and never without a smile! It was a testament to how deeply Lynn effected the people he built homes for, that when he started showing signs of dementia,( back then we thought it was just normal old age forgetfulness) Tom, one of the people he built a home for asked him to come work for him.
I will forever be grateful to him for his friendship and for giving Lynn a job where he felt needed and respected. He kept Lynn working well past a stage that he would have been able to anywhere else. That was so vital to Lynn. He and his staff would write him notes and redirect him throughout the day. It broke Tom's heart the day he had to let Lynn go. He called me crying saying I promised you I would tell you when the time came, it has.
It was a group effort to convince Lynn it was time to retire. Not because he HAD to, but because he earned the time to relax. That didn't go over well, he was a worker! The only way we finally convinced him to "retire" was my doctor (also a friend) told him I needed him home to take care of me. As always, I was his top priority and put that way, he found peace in no longer working.
Even in the midst of Alzheimer's he did still take excellent care of me. It was only when the AD devil surfaced that our lives became a living hell. The AD devil is gone now, and I am very grateful to have part of "My Lynn" back. I thank God every day for letting me remember the love we had and for letting me see this side of him again. Such a gift, one I will always treasure.
Nikki, what a great story. i think the AD monster has left my DH as well now. the maximum damage has been done -he has left behind in his wake before moving on to take yet another AD victim -the shell of what remains of the loving, kind, enormously generous human being that once inhabited his mind. as stages of 7 loom closer i also am grateful i have a gentle, smiley guy unaware of the misery he or I have been thru together. divvi
My DH was a surgeon - gifted and caring. His patients loved him. We still see former patients occasionally around town. Often they come up to him, thank him for his kindness and for the good care so many years ago. It makes us both feel great.
He was an optomotrist in a small town with a huge practice. Everyone loved him and his patients came from 90 miles away and never left him. There were four young women working in his office and none ever quit because he was so great to work for. He was active in town affairs during all his working years.
My DW last working years, she was an Interior Decorator in No Dallas and had a great reputation. She guaranteed her work and the only return she ever was asked for was a couch pillow. We still have it on our couch. Now she looks at our picture albums and does not recoginize the rooms she had decorated for others and just thinks they are old houses we had. Our current home was her last job. I think God wants her in Heaven to do a little sprucing up for the angels that have helped us so much. bill
I'm bringing this to the top for some of the newbies, who might like to read it and add to it. It's fascinating to read about our spouses and to realize how strange it seems to say, "well, if they'd only used their minds more, they might now have gotten AD." Hah! Don't let me get started on that one!
My DH was teacher, and because he loved sports, he became a phys-ed teacher. He started out at a Catholic school, and then on to the public school system where he taught at the high school level. I think he was tough, but well respected. He worked at three jobs most of the time, and at one time had five, different jobs on different days. Taught drivers-education at the community college for many years after school, supervised adult education, acted as golf pro and gave lessons at a local club for years He never stopped. He still can't sit still. I know one day he will and that will be sad. He fixed cars, fixed our leaky pipes, fixed our appliances, our heaters, our doors, our roof, our windows, everything. We very rarely paid to have someone come and do a job. He is presently fixing lights in a bookcase. Such a hard worker who always put his family first and did anything he could to keep us all safe and happy. He has two wonderful girls (they are mine too) who would do anything for him, and will be so supportive. He has always been our rock and now it's our turn.
Mine was in middle management. At one point he managed all of the medical supplies for a large Boston Hospital, strange coincidence........ He was so very articulate and well spoken, he was the ultimate host, and the most devoted and caring, setimental, romantic husband. He loved his days in the Air Force and not staying in as a career is probably his only regret. He was the best at advocating for his family and mediating a heated discussion. His favorite movie is On Golden Pond, and to this day I still call him Norman. Something I started doing when his personality began to change. He would call me Ethel. Oh how many times we snuggled and watched that movie. He was and still tries to be a great Papa. I've never met another man who absolutely loved babies like he does. There was a time when I thought our 6 yr old would never sleep anywhere but on Papa's shoulder. He loved to garden and taught our 10 yr old all he needs to know to give him a good start. He also taught him the "art" of fishing. They spent many hours sitting on the lake, waiting for the big one!
The old dreams were good dreams; they didn't work out, but glad I had them. ~Robert Kincaid
My DH was first educated in American schools in South America and later graduated from the University of Colorado. His career was mostly in materials management/purchasing for first Boeing, then Baxter Labs, and finally Hanna Plastics. His work always demanded great attention to detail and organization. Funny that even with AD, he still pays attention (somewhat) to details and is fairly organized. I guess that deeply ingrained characteristics will stick around for a while.
My DH has a degree in Industrial Engineering and worked for General Motors for 35 years, supervising machine repair in a transmission plant. When not at work, he was Mr. Fix It and fixed things for family and friends - electrical, plumbing, building, you name it.
mine was language arts coordinator for Collier county in Naples Fl,before that she retired from mich school system as teacher,ever since we came back to Mich I wonder if retirement helped cause her problems,it seems she couldn't handle all the free time after teaching for 30 plus years?
My DH was a chemist.He retired in 1994 at 64.He worked for the Army as a civilian for almost 40 years.We had the best 10 years after he retired. He worked in his basement, he took care of planning all of our trips.We exchanged our little apartment in New York for apartments all over Europe. He shopped, cooked, sewed, took care of the garden.In 2004, he said the house was getting to be too much for him. He couldn't remember to put the RidX in the toilets, or empty the pan under the boiler.He didn't want to gather the twigs, or to cut off the dead branches , or cut wood for firewood anymore.He kept forgetting his children's birthdays. He hated to be reminded.I think that was the beginning.Phyllis9
I have just spent a long time reading 165 comments on the great successful lives everyone had for so many years. I'm so happy for all of you, but it has made me more sad than I was before I watched my DW go to sleep tonight, and as I sat next to her in a chair looking at how peaceful she was, I had flashbacked over my life and it's many tumbles since 1980 when CHRYSLER released me with just my medical benefis and no job. I had epilepsy, and doctors at U of Mich Epilepsy research said I was permenntly & totalily disabilited, and had a wife, 6 young kids and no way to make a income.
It's now 2010 and I'm home, but now in apartment, no kids and again no way out. Sorry for all the gloom, but this has been one of those days.
My DH was a chemical engineer, worked at the Esso Refinery here for many years, in management most of the time. Then we started our own computer training company which became the largest in Holland for a while. We worked long weeks for many years, enjoyed every moment. He was very ambitious. The start of his dementia did seem to coincide with the bankruptcy of this company, although by that time we were no longer involved and no longer even owned it. It still had our name and he felt involved, responsible to the people that we had hired and were still working there.
My DH was a college professor, and loved it. He loved working with young people and they cared a lot about him. He worked four years past retirement age of 65 and I think he only did that because he must have known something was wrong.
My DH worked with a psychological testing firm for many years; then we started our own business in career consulting and recruiting. The last 13 years before his retirement he was administrator of the OBY-GYN department at the Cleveland Clinic. Retired at 62; DX'd at 79.
My DH was a NFL football player for a few years then coached for one of the Big 10 teams a few years. The remainder of his working years he was in scouting and personnel for NFL teams. He is now 75, diagnosed at age 72.
My hubby was an active duty Marine attack pilot who flew 407 fixed wing combat missions in two tours in Viet Nam. Upon his retirement from the Corps, he was a real estate agent/broker in AZ and after we moved to CA he was a substitute teacher for many years. He was always active playing golf, going fishing or prospecting for that yellow metal called gold. He now has less ambition for much of anything unless someone else organizes the events. It is hard to see one who was so robust and strong and active in this position.
This thread must have happened during that interlude where Jeff had been diagnosed, but I wasn't ready to think about AD all the time so I was less active. He was a hardware store owner, housebuilder and designer, architectural rehabber, and general self-educator in any field that interested him.
My husband was a supervisor with a large bridge construction co. He could do all aspects of bridge building,he could also do electrical work,plumbing, car repairs,you name it, he could do it and he taught our son how to do everything.After he retired at 55,he ran a very successful antique business and was widely known for his expertise.
My dh was a Federal Coal Mine Inspector. I looked through the other posts and I don't see anything like what my dh did. He was also Treasurer of his union that covered 5 states. He loved his job. He always wanted to take me down into the mine....noooo...wayyyyy....would I do that.
My wife was senior management with Gillette, travelled on business globally, made six figures when most men didn't, and thought absolutely nothing of any of it. If she saw what I just wrote she would have slapped me on the shoulder for being cheeky. You don't talk about those things. English/Scottish you know. Or Celt in a Kilt as I called her. Her only mistake was marrying a Hun. Or Hon as I called her. Sorry, what were we talking about?
Since I've been coming to this site since 2007, I thought for sure I had already posted on this topic. Guess not.
DH started out as a teacher, but sort of burned out in that field. He was working on his master's in education when he started in another direction. After so many classes I couldn't keep count, he eventually became a quality engineer, then a quality auditor, and finally a quality manager in the automotive field.
After just reading over what everybody else wrote, it sort of kills the idea that using your brain keeps you from getting dementia, doesn't it?
My husband was in the USAF for 25 years and retired as a Chief Master Sergeant. He then worked for the governement at Wright-Patterson AFB and became a supervisor in charge of Security and Pass and ID. He knew regulations by chapter and verse and could reel them off. When AD got hold of him he couldn't remember anything. He was supposed to use baby soap on his eyes to keep the lashes clean except he kept using it on his eyebrows!
I started this thread in 2008. My thought then-and now-is that nothing can stop this monster of a disease from roaring down the track. Doing all the right things doesn't matter. I did enjoy reading posts from old friends, many no longer posting. Divvi is still with us doing a magnificent job caring for her husband.
My Dh was a circulation manager at the newspaper for 33 years. He also did market research, surveys, and worked with the local leaders on market/city growth. Also worked with the Boy Scouts, local schools on job fairs, leadership classes for school kids and adults. Had a private pilot license, ham radio license as well as did testing and classes for ham radio. Enjoyed model planes and helped others learn how to fly. Could fix almost any electrical item, put in all our lights/fans and could fix almost any thing on the older cars. (Before it all went to computer). Did all the tech stuff around the house and for years worked on the computer problems at his job, long before they had an IT guy.
If any one used his brain and learned more each day it was DH. I feel he was born with this and went from ADHA to AZ. That seems to be how it went with him. I feel like he has had AZ for more than 10 years in one form or another.
D&W and I married very young @19 & 17 nearly 53 years ago. She was a" stay at home mom " until our youngest started to attend nursery school. DW began college one or two classes at a time. After school play groups enabled her to go full time several days a week as she really got into it. (great parents and inlaws would fight to help out and care for our kids and were invaluable) I'd go to school 6AM-8AM work all day then return to school nights . DW earned her Associates, then her BA and within 7 years we'd both earned our Master's Degs Her first job was is sales, joining IBM when she received her BA. At IBM (the best company one could ever work for) she rose thru the ranks to become a Marketing Customer Service Manager for all the major corp accounts in Manhattan transferring to recently acquired company Rolm Telecomm. She remained with IBM until the late 90's when she accepted an optional early retirement package after 20 some odd years of service- An offer of one month pay for each year of service, plus continuation of family health insurance benefits until age 65 too good to turn down. Additionally she had earned a 12 week full pay sabbatical a Rolm benefit. We purchased 2 round the world tickets, ($2200 then) started in Hawaii, Tahiti, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia, Bali, Thailand, Singapore, China, Japan Vancouver, we'd call several days in advance for reservations for the first night in each country they we just explored never calling home once LOL. During our careers we both had numerous trips to most European countries and to the Far East either biz or vacation/biz. Our travel resume doesn't have much in the way of a bucket list. After six months of retirement she joined a local mail order firm specializing in the sales of wine accessories and spent several years working with a product she genuinely loved. She retired when we left NY for to our current home in Palm Beach FL in 2002. Two daughters both happily married 15 & 17 yrs. One a stay at home mom by choice, the other a Global VP of Sales flying 750K miles a year much like George Clooney's life in "Up in the Air" For grandchildren two of each and grandson number #! just got his drivers license, making us feel very old
George, I always only wanted to be a wife and mother. But sadly had to work part time. Now I get to be the mother and mother. Your Dear Helen was way more that a wife and mother. No one else could of done the job she did for you and your family. Sandi* is so right you wear many hats in that job!
Mother's day is this weekend, where would we be without our mothers :)
someone maybe joan should send this thread to dr oz who has previously said that keeping the mind active and exercise wards off alzheimers/dementia. what a joke, this thread proves that no matter the circumstances or walks of life, if you are going to get it so be it. nora this was a good thread, I too enjoyed rehashing and reading from long ago, seems a lifetime for sure. so many" gone but not forgotten." divvi
My DH was a boilermaker welder, same company Detroit Diesel for 28 years. Did everything his way as Frank Sinatra's song goes suites him to a T. Loved to pull things apart and put back together again. I'm a retired seamstress. We were just a happy working class family with 3 kids and 5 grandkids.
Just goes to show you that AZ can hit any time any where to any one. No rhyme or reason. And yes Dr Oz needs to explain this one away!
I felt that once coach Pat Summitt was diagnosed that was proof that there was no stopping this. If anyone used their brain she did. Stats, plays, drills, players names, other teams stats. And all of this changing year to year. She was active, healthy, busy with work and home and everything else. I really felt that once she came forward that all the old thoughts and rules to beat AZ just went out the window.
My dh had a degree in Aero-Space Engineering. His field was in rockets. The company he worked for almost 30 yrs. is the largest rocket test facility in the world. He helped design and was in charge of technical support for the last rocket test cell built at this facility. In his earlier work days he was test engineer for the 3rd stage booster rocket for the moon flights. He also was test engineer for ICBM motors. His hobby was finance, woodworking, fishing and gardening. He kept up with the St. Louis Cardinal baseball and Okla. Univ. football. He also loved raising spotted saddle horses.
My wife was an editor of a psychiatric peer reviewed journal. Prior to that she held other editorial positions and had worked as a paralegal. Her education includes a MA in journalism.
My DH was a structural engineer and architect, licensed in both Illinois and Wisconsin. He started his own firm and it lasted for 22 years until this crazy disease made it difficult for him to carry on. As I read through the comments, I think bluedaze* was the one who said that it seems the smarter they are, the more brain power they seem to have to cover up. I totally agree. I also think that it really doesn't matter what we eat, or how much we exercise or how many crossword puzzles we do. If it happens, it happens and until that magic key is discovered, there's not a darn thing we can do about it.
I think the exercise, mental activity, eating well etc. helps, just not in an absolute way. It may slow down the progression or put off the start of the progression or be able to better cope with the symptoms. I think the smarter people are able to make adjustments along the way, such as writing lists where previously they depended on memorizing everything. Or making other changes to their lives.
But does any of this stuff prevent dementia from happening. I doubt it.
And I don't think there is any magic key. There are different types of dementias and I think each will need its own medical approach. And right now we are terrible at even diagnosing it of knowing the organic mechanisms.