Jenene 56, I didn't think you sounded defensive at all! You sounded like a VERY proud wife, as we all are! My husband, for the intelligence he had, he was electronically challenged (could not program the VCR or DVR - or the computer, though he could turn it on and pull up his games), and never attempted anything mechanical other than changing the oil in the car. We had a mechanic who took care of our cars (especially when we had three teens and 5 cars - one was always needing something!). However, when it came to statistics and international shipments, he was brilliant. Everyone has their area of expertise where they shine. All are of equal importance in this life. A farmer is my favorite, because he puts food on my table. And a builder, because he puts a roof over my head. And a transporter (truck or train) because he delivers what I need to the town, store, etc. for me to buy. Whatever our spouses (spice) did for a living, it's what made them who they were, and we loved them for it, and shared their pride. Any pro football spouses here? <grin>
Oh, dear, dear Jenene 56 - apologize for what? For loving and protecting a good decent man? Most women should be so lucky. My husband did not have a college degree either, a high school graduate with a handful of college classes. My father only went to the 3rd grade & then, 100 yrs ago, had to quit school and go to work to help support his family. Imagine, only 9 or 10, climbing up to the high theatre ceilings in New York and helping to hang chandeliers with grown men and hiding from the truant officer. Along with my DH, he was the finest man I ever met and a fabulous, fabulous father. He taught himself to speak Spanish, read all of Shakespeare, took classes by mail all through calculus, taught himself to read music and play the piano and more. Surely you know formal education is not the measure of a man (or a woman). God bless the truck drivers who bring me my food and my car from Detroit, God bless the plumber who opens my clogged drain, the electrician who gives me heat & light, the cobbler who resoles my shoes. What would life be without them?
Jenene 56 - I keep saying any job done well is a work of art. The funny part was that started as a light-hearted joke but over the years, I have really come to believe it. My husband hired many people over the years when he was the director of a computer data center. One comment he made one time was that when a person got their Master's Degree they stopped working at their jobs and wanted the degree to impress everyone on how capable they were.
I do know that my husband never wanted to stop learning, he was always investigating, learning and asking questions. He had a huge thirst for knowledge. His favorite TV channels were CNN, The History Channel, The Learning Channel and the Discovery Channel.
It is very sad when we look at what our loved ones have lost, but writing about their accomplishments helps to remember who they were and many of the good things that they did in their life. I love it when someone tells me a story about my husband. Those things help me hold onto the memory of what and who he was as all of that has slipped away to this horrible disease now.
Mu Dh retired from the military after 25 years and then worked for the DoD for 17. All of it in law enforcement. He started at the bottom at each one and worked his way to the top each time. He was the first in his family to finish high school and he didn't go to college. Sometimes I wonder if the AD started when he was with DoD. He always brought paperwork home at night and weekends and then he decided to retire at 62 so it may have been getting to be too much for him.
therrja, your husband's comment about the Masters tickled me no end. Have you ever heard of Edward Land? He invented the Polaroid Land camera (hence the name...) and founded Polaroid and ran it for many years. And he would never hire anyone with an advanced degree for their Research & Development group, because he said they were trained right out of having any imagination or creativity in postgraduate school. He only hired people with Bachelor's degrees (or below), and even then, he preferred a liberal arts degree rather than one in science. And with my experience managing PhD's, I gotta say that I sympathize with his attitude -- and your husband's!
My husband was a warehouseman for storing frozen foods for 30 years. He worked hard putting me through nursing school and later through medical school. He is an amazing father and the kindest most caring man I have ever met. He also is a bowler and has had many 300 games and one of the highest series in the record book at 864. He worked in my clinic for 10 years before his AD finally made it impossible for him to work.
My husband was not highly educated, but he was an intelligent man. He came from a family of 10 (3rd oldest). Graduated from high school, did time in the service and worked for 14 years in the GE plant at Louisville KY. When his first wife's mother died they moved to PA to take care if her father. He went to work in a grave site memorial factory, at first as a salesman and later as a craftsman, laying out, cutting and sandblasting the stones. He did beautiful work. In fact laid out, cut sand blasted his own double tombstone for himself and his wife when she died of cancer. He was friendly and well liked. Loved sports and coached little league baseball for many years. He always liked to tell the story about how one year his team was in the play offs and his father died in Kentucky and he flew home for the funeral. The day he came home his team was playing the championship game and when he arrived at the field, play stopped and the spectators gave him a standing ovation. Wonderful memories and such sadness for the terrible waste of such a good mind.
My husband was a physician, very educated and could multi task like nobodys business. He never used a calculator and now he can barely write his name. Less than a year he was still treating and diagnosing patients. I don't believe the "use it or you lose it " theory.
Dh owned a Hardwood flooring Company, sold out before we bought a Rv resort (Montana) back in 2002, Sold the resort with the intention of coming home to Colorado to buy one here (we both loved operating the resort) couldn't find the right one here to buy, I think God was protecting me, cause had we bought one here I would be running it on my own. He has always been a numbers guy as well as a excellent speller. I actually think that's one issue that I noticed first, I am a horrible speller and always ask him how do you spell such and such, one night I asked him and his answer was honey I don't know. Floored me! He was the type of person who read basically anything he could get his hands on. And retained all that he read. Could speak with anyone about any current event, odd facts, business facts, he knew about every fortune 500 company CEO and could tell you about the good ones as well as the bad ones. Thats why since all the issues with the bailout he has been in his glory ( something he remembers) cause he can tell you about most of the goof ball's that are involved. could carry on a conversation with anyone from a Rocket Scientist to a Ditch Digger. Cause he has read something about everything at some point and remembers it so he's right up with them. So that's why when I hear, keep your brain active, I get pissed! A lot of good it did him. Unfortunately, he was also a master craftsman and still thinks he can use a power tool, not such a good thing....... I am trying to get rid of a lot of them, but due to his collection of power tools, I will still go out to the barn to find him whipping out some saw, drill, etc. Scares the bejebbers out of me!
My husband worked for General Motors as a Production & Maintenance Supervisor with 36 years of service. He was very good with numbers, never used a calculator. He was brought up on a farm & could calculate acreage in his head faster than we could on the calculator. He also could spell anything, I am a terrible speller, so always relied on him. It has been said, many times that he should have been a trial lawyer, he always thought his point of view was correct, after debating for awhile, everyone begin to think he was right, even though you knew different. He was very involved in sports either playing or watching. He loved golf, read everything he could regarding the game. He could recite the rules & expected everyone to play by them. Those days are all gone.
Dick was in Advertising for about 30 years, after coming home from WW2. He attended night college for several years, and worked his way up in a company to account executive. He then started his own small ad firm. When he needed a second cornea transplant he closed his business and eventually went to work for the post office. he was one of those people responsible for the zip + 4 that you see on your mail. he retired 17 years ago, at 68, so we could travel and enjoy life together. during retirement he planned trips, drove our RV to alaska, and many other states, fixed everything that needed fixing, and over all enjoyed life as a retiree. He started showing symptoms around 8 yrs ago (time gets away from me) but we still travel, only with friends or family, never alone anymore. He still enjoys social times, and I thank God for good friends.
My DH served time in the Army, worked for the Post Office for a while. His main career was a mastercraftsman at a large factory. He kept all the big machines running smoothly. On the side, he raised cattle and bought and sold real estate. Had (still has) rentals which I have to take care of now.
This thread reminds me of a book on the bigtreemurphy site "I Used To Be Somebody".
My husband was an environmental engineer and served on local emergency planning committees, was a scoutmaster, etc. throughout his adult life. He knew how to do everything around the house and loved carpentry. I understand what you mean, Rk, about now using the tools. He is now in daycare while I am at work but when he was home, he would consistently go out in his workshop and start building something. I watched his expertise just fade away and was fearful of the danger of him using the power tools. More times than I want to think, he would cut himself with a saw blade or drill. Daycare was the answer to that because now I am home when he is home, and he never mentions going to the workshop anymore. After reading this list of comments, I realize that Alz. is affecting people in all walks and ways of life. Nothing can keep it away.
My husband was a radio technician for the US Forest Service. He worked around Yosemite and the Grand Canyon. When there were fires, he was sent out to do their two-way radio work. He loved his job and I'm told, he was top-notch! He has had his Ham Radio license since about 1955. That was something he also loved.
My spouse was an aerial engineer during WWII and returned home to get his degree on the GI bill. He retired as a Senior Research Engineer. An earlier comment talks about some people with master s degrees who sit on the oars. My husband and I both worked for one of the "big 3" and in one particular area you had to have masters to get hired. We used to refer to that as "living on your potential". Lots of talented folks out there without formal book learning who are fantastic at what they do - good example of that would be my FIL who was a talented, but not formally schooled, accountant. He could add numbers in his head faster than I could enter them in a calculator (and I am a retired budget analyst). My own HS educated only dad rose to be Chief of Police with a fairly large city (suburb of Detroit). Hard work and tenacity are great.
Wife was born to be a nurse. She became a nursing assistant at age 15, RN at age 18, later a Bachelors in Nursing. Fantastic bedside nurse. Worked on Debakey's cardiac team in Texas, loved ER work. Fired from 3 ER jobs when she "couldnt keep up", now retired.
Two friend's parents who have since died from AD: 1. Elementary school teacher who raised 2 children as a single parent 2. Mother who raised 6 children went on to be professional geneologist.
Note common thread to the posts here: multi-tasking
I noticed years ago working in SNFs and LTC that the patients all seemed to have lost whatever they cherished the most.
With a few exceptions all the dementia patients worked at intelllectual occupations.
Conversely, all the sharp minded but PHYSICALLY debillitated patients had worked as laborers, factory employees, athletes, etc. (even a professional dancer with Huntington's Chorea - Chorea meaning "dance") Anybody know of any professional body builders that have AD?
Another observation. I could always pick out the dementia patients by looking at the medication administration records. The failing brains were taking only vitamins and colace. The sharp minds had failing bodies and were getting up to 10 different medications daily. Althrough years ago I found a medical article that rebuffed this association. I think I would like to review it again.
Lose what you cherish most, maybe that is what it is all about? And hey, we are all losing our spouses . . . . maybe somebody is trying to teach us all something?
My husband had two masters degrees and worked the last (almost) 10 yr as an Assistant Dean for Business and Finance in the UNL College of Arts & Sciences. I'm underemployed as a Safety Specialist here at UNL. But the retirement (if I ever get to use it), sick leave (6 months IF they let me use it) is nice.
My husband was a CPA. Has anyone thought about this--perhaps this thread shows so that so many of our spouses were successful in their careers or jobs because they are more likely to be married to people who are also intelligent and would use the Internet and communicate through a message board? I bet there are AD patients who were formerly manual laborers, security guards, trash collectors, etc. out there somewhere, but their spouses may not be computer literate or apt to reach out using technology.
Dementia seems to be the great equilizer=striking across all barriers. Perhaps brighter people have more brain reserve and can "cover up" longer. In the end they all seem the same. Manual laborers as you call them may be just as intelligent but without the opportunity for higher education.
My wife was a reading teacher, an english teacher and became our school districts first English as A Second Language teacher when our school had it's first non english speaking student many years ago and built such a reputation as a great program for Japanese students who came to Ohio when Honda built it's Honda plant there that many of the Japanese engineers that came with families chose to live in our district even though it is some 40 miles from there plant. This makes her condition all the more ironic because she started soon after retiring at age of 51 to have trouble with some words and then trouble getting her thoughts and sentences out. When It became obvious it was not a minor thing I took her to a neurologists who immediately knew from what I told him that she had Primary Progressive Aphasia which I had never heard of and find most people don't either. She is now 57 and not only can't express herself at all anymore she seems to not understand anything being said to her now which is where the irony comes in. English is now the language that she cannot understand. When she was first diagnosed being the teach she studied it like it was a subject she was preparing to teach. I didn't know at the time and still don't know if that was good or not. All I know is she was the most caring and understanding person I ever knew. She raised my two sons from my first marriage as if they were her own and never complained about doing it or money she spent and gave them all through the years. Life is truly not fair to the best of us sometimes. She is now probably late stage 6 if I understand it with the added difficulty of little or no communication of what she is thinking or feeling. I don't know how she faces every day the way she does. She still is hard to deal with at times but is still seen by those who meet her as such a nice person that they can't believe she is so young and has this problem.
My husband was a director of Special Education. He had a great sympathy for children who were not in the 'norm'. Now he has been gone for four months and I still hear him saying over and over, "Fran, help me, help me" - and continue to mourn a man who helped so many others and who ended up needing so much help for himself.
briegull She used to love to read and still tries to everyday but I notice she just goes from one book to another and I doubt she is comprihending much of what she is reading. She also likes to look at quilting magazines all day. She was just taking up quilting when this happened and doesn't have patience for sewing anymore. She likes to watch animal shows on tv which I think is about all she can understand without language. It is very hard to think of things for her to do and I am sure she is very bored most of the time. She used to always have something to do with her time now almost everything is just to hard to do. Not being able to talk or understand someone speaking to you is very hard to deal with, plus missing someone who you used to share all your thoughts and plans with.
lkincaid hi, and welcome to Spouse. I believe we have quite a few members whose spouses have been diagnosed with PPA. It is a terrible thing to lose the ability to communicate, but with your wife's background, it must be so much worse for her!
A bit late to the party but my DH was an International Marketing Manager with a large information systems company. Traveled overseas extensively, fluent in French, very social. I am a Human Resources Director with a utility.
LFL my husband got SHERM's top award for human resources. I hate the new term. When it changed from personnel to human resources it sounded like farming people. :-)
My husband was a offset pressman just like his father (who has Alzheimer). During his career he managed print shops and we even had our own for 5 years. In 2004 he was laid off (the company was getting rid of their older workers) so we went to our dream of Workamping where we worked in RV parks/campgrounds.
I wish I could have spoken to the neuro-psychologist who did his work up. He seemed to make a big deal that his reading was 4th grade level. It always has been even though he graduated from high school. People would ask how he could be a printer and not be able to read. Simple - you don't read what you print, you proof for obvious mistakes. It is all visual. I am the opposite of him - love to read, did great in school, love to research, etc. even though I have only had some college. I love numbers so have done bookkeeping for years.
I remember back when they announced that people who read, higher achievers, always stimulating their brain are at low risk for Alzheimer. I don't think it was a week later it was announce the President Reagan had been diagnosed. Everyday they come out with new factors to lower your risk, but all these post would prove them wrong. I wish they would be honest - they are only guessing.
Interesting change: my husband use to hate word searches and game shows. Now he sits and does word searches while watching TV and tries to answer the questions on the games shows (he gets many correct).
Workampers are people who live in RVs full-time,, travel and work at campgrounds, RV resorts, amusement parks, construction, etc. Basically, anyone that lives in an RV and travels to different jobs are considered Workampers. There are numerous sites for finding employers looking for seasonal employees (workampers) or often long term employer. Some big employers of workamers are KOA, Disney Resort, Dollywood, Branson, US forest service, state and local parks, etc. The compensation can go from site for x hours worked to site plus wages for all hours worked. Due to no retirement, we need site plus wages for all hours worked. Summer is easiest for that due to the need, winter is harder since the south is where the most are needed and many retirees are willing to work x hours for their site.
Due to my husband condition, if I do not find a long term job, we will look for work within a few hours drive of Portland for this summer.
we know of two couples that live in their RV full time. I met some people who lived at the Port of Kalama's RV park. Unfortunately they had to move on when the Port Commision decided to make it over into a day use park. Always sounded like a fun way to live, at least for a few years. One of the couples has been camped in the back parking lot of their church alot over the years. Of course, they do tons of maintenance, and in a sense security for the church in exchange. Someone is always there which discourages theft and vandalism that the church has incurred in the past. If you can't find camp grounds within a reasonable drive that have a need for workampers perhaps you can find places that would appreciate just having someone present at nights in exchange for your hookups, etc.
Frand lives in a RV full-time and has for a few years. She still pops in every once in a while on this site. She may be able to give you some suggestions. She sent me a picture of her Rig and it looks fantastic. She is still moving around in the NW by herself after her DH death. I think she is in Oregon beach area now. If you want to talk with her post your e-mail and I will forward it to her for you.
My DH worked for "The Good Hands" Insurance company. It was a new company at the time but is now one of the largest. He retired after twenty years and sometimes he dreams he is having to endure one of those contests the company was always having. He really hated those contest.
Mine was an advertising creative director like "Mad Men" - he worked for the big agencies BBDO, Benton & Bowles, FCB -- also had he own agency before he retired. Also did some acting in commercials, a play with Celeste Holm. So sad he started as a writer and now when he reads what he wrote even two years ago he can't remember writing it. It seems so many highly educated get this. From Presidents on down. So sad.
my wife taught school in Mich for 30 years retired an then got a position in naples Fla for three years,returned to Mich in 2003 an don't ask me why,still trying to figure that out as I look at the snow in the field
Can't remember if I posted in this discussion before.
Claude was a cook for nearly 50 years. Nine years in the Army and then the rest in hospitals as Lead Cook.
I loved it when he would cook at home. I always had weekends off and his days off varied. He would have supper ready when I walked in the door. He loved to bake and his chocolate chip cookie recipe has been published.
Frances was working as a secretary in a bank when we married, and she continued working similar secretarial jobs for about two years while I finished college and for one year afterward. After that, she was a homemaker/Mom for about 18 years until I saddled her with the job of co-owner/manager of an ill-fated small RV business for about five years. And when we finally extricated ourselves from that business, she plunged enthusiastically back into homemaking and myriad hobby activities, including golf, gardening (20 year Florida Master Gardener), flower arranging, crocheting, clay sculpting, stained glass, and finally gourd crafting.
my dh was many things he started working in a gas station when he was a young boy,had a learning dissability and in those days they only thought if you didn`t do well in school you were a trouble maker, worked as a janitor at a collage, parents owned a gift shop, he ran a music shop from there, he ran a band that traveled all over MI.,Wi. and Minn. it had over 100 teenagers in it, he worked for our township, dug ditches, you name it, now can`t even tie his shoe right.
My wife Sandra worked as a social worker for the state of Texas, she also taught school early on for a few years. Her last job,she worked for Scottish Rite Hospital in Dallas in the Financial office working for the CFO. She took early retirement when she reached age 55 seven years ago. She has been active volunteering in local charities the past few years. She is in the late early stages not quite in the mid stage yet.
Sunshyne-I started the thread in desperation. I was still seeking a commonality. There is none! It is still learning about each other. How is it possible to love people we have never seen-but who are joined in misery and understanding.