I am new to this site, although I have gained alot of support from reading some of the contributions in the past. My husband has dementia, probably AD, he is 60 yrs old and was diagnosed 3 yrs ago, but was showing early signs probably 2 yrs before that. He has ups and downs with his moods, sometimes getting quite angry--he has never been violent, never abusive--most of his anger is towards himself. When he was first diagnosed, he refused to believe he might have AD--and he will not admit to anyone that he has ANY problems. Part of this is due to anosognosia I know. He is not able to drive anymore which is at the root of most of his anger. I feel so badly for him, he tries so hard, but cannot write letters/numbers, it's difficult to read most of time; he can't even put a dvd in player
anymore and he loves movies--quite a collection! He worked in a county gov't office--the industrial development agency, he was an assistant admin., put together loan packages for new and existing companies. He was brilliant w/ accounting, finances, figures. Now he is retired, but not enjoying it by any means. Guess this is kind of a long entry, I don't know what else to say except that I hate this disease--I hate what it has done to him, to us, to me, and our family. Thanks for letting me vent; and thank you for your encouragement you give.
Welcome bella. Glad you are finally posting. More will be here in the morning but not much activity here after 9. I am here till 1 usually and in the night, if I can't sleep.
I've been reading these and other postings for quite some time but haven't felt comfortable participating. Just the reading has helped me tremendously. My husband is 67. He was diagnosed with AD at age 62 and now is exhibiting all elements of stage 6. I didn't realize how bad this was going to get. It is like tending a 4 year old, or worse. He has become very dependent on me and follows me everywhere. He doesn't like me to watch tv, read, or be on the computer. I find a wait till he falls asleep in his chair and then take an hour or two for myself. I do appreciate all the good information I have received from this site. JoAn H
Welcome gmaewok. Glad you have received some peace from reading. So glad you now decided to post. Posting is hard at first and becomes addictive - but good for the soul addictive. Come back often.
Hi & Welcome to bella & gmaewok, I am so sorry you have a need to join our family, however, I am glad you decided to post. Please feel free to post anytime. If you feel comfortable please post on "Ages of Caregiver's, Ages of Spouses & Where you are from"
Good morning, bella and gmaewok. I also read a long time before I started posting. It helps, though, to post. Imohr seems to have been the only night owl last night but as others come in, they will welcome you. Also admin, joan, still welcomes everyone personally. You will find a certain peace here that you can't find anywhere else as you travel this rough road. Welcome.
Good morning Gmaewok and Bella. welcome. you will find alot of compassion and friendship now that you are out of the closet and posting! we can be quite longwinded and silly but know exactly how hard stumbling thru the caregiving process can be. hope to see your posts often. divvi
New Friends: Many thanks for the expressions of welcome. What a valuable resource for those of us in this situation; I've learned so much here in just one week. Thanks Joan!! ~danielp
This is my first posting, although I have been reading along for a week or two. This blog is compelling reading - the first place where I have found my own thoughts echoed. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and this disease has gradually eroded our previous relationship and a new "normal" has taken its place. Everyone tells me how wonderful he looks, how "present" and "lucid" he is. I hear from his grown children that he is "fine when he is with us." Friends ask me if perhaps I am mistaken and that his is just a normal "aging." I have been asked if a physician has labeled it Alzheimers or is this my own idea! Thank you being there. I will be listening. Brooke
Welcome Brooke, there are many newbies here and your situation is alot like many here. read the denial thread for family members. lots of handson info and help and advice from those who are ahead of you or alongside you on this journey. you will be glad you joined-we have silly fun that lightens our load and some very dramatic taboo subjects as well. anything goes and most will find help with anything they ask. joan the website owner will be by as well as others soon.divvi
A personal welcome to all our new members. I am sorry that I have neglected you all but sometimes it gets a little tough at home and I don't post for a little bit. But I do lurk and read and I notice that we have so many new folks that need some encouragement. Please come often we are here to help....M
Hi & Welcome Brooke, I am glad you decided to post. From reading I am sure you have found everyone kind, helpful & non-judgemental. Regarding that children, friends & etc. who tell you he looks normal. My husband looks normal also to the outside, however, believe me he isn't. There are quite a few people who think "that if you don't acknowledge a problem, then there isn't one."
I've been reading these boards for several weeks and finally joined. DH's wonderful daughter found the AD sites for me and what a blessing they've been, finding others who have experienced the same things I worry about. Thanks to all of you.
Hi & Welcome PrisR, I am sorry for your need to join us, however, I a sure you will be glad you did. You will find valuable information, kind friends & lots of support. Please post at anytime. Welcome again. Kadee
welcome, all new members! each of you deserves a personal welcome but as you can see there are so many new ones joining these days. hope you find what you need to get you thru the journey here among new friends. divvi
welcome Shanteuse! hoping you find the info you may need to help your journey thru AD =when you get a chance maybe update us on your story if you feel comfortable. there is a post where are you from and ages of caregivers which Kadee likes to keep current as well. glad to see you are jumping in the posts without delay. divvi
To Everyone who is new, who I have missed welcoming personally:
Welcome to my website. It has grown so much since its July 07 beginning, that I cannot always keep up with our wonderful new members and greet each one personally. To PrisR, Brooke, brindle, and everyone else who is new - You have come to a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". If this applies to your spouse, there are 4 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD (now called YOUNG onset AD- diagnosed before age 65). There is a great section on informative videos, and another excellent resource - Early Onset Dementia - A Practical Guide. You can go to the top of this page, click on "search", and type in EOAD, making sure the "topic" circle is filled in. All of the EOAD discussions will come up - there are about a dozen of them.
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
Welcome to all - I hope you will visit often and get the support and information you are looking for.
Currently, the message boards and all of the resources can be accessed for free, but due to the high cost of maintaining the website, anyone who is able to make a payment in any amount to help defray the costs may do so by clicking on the "sticky topic" - Payments to this website. Any purchases made through the Amazon links and Zazzle Marketplace also help keep this site up and running. Thank you.
I am a new member. I joined 2 or 3 weeks ago and have just been reading so far. The reading has been very helpful. My husband was diagnosed about a year ago with AD. He will be 62 in September. What Brooke said above is eerily familiar. My husband has two grown children who live nearby and that is what they always tell me.....we don't see anything wrong with Dad, are you sure, he seems fine to me. But you know what, I really think he tries extra hard to be normal around them and with me (only), he lets his guard down. He had a really bad night last night, but right now he is in the garage helping his son work on his truck and the son just came through to go to the bathroom and asked me how is Dad doing, he seems great to me. I don't know whether to be frustrated by this, or be glad that he can be as good as he is with them. His sisters all live in Michigan (we live in northwest Tennessee) and they also say they don't see anything wrong with him when we visit. Thank you for letting me be involved with this most needed support. (Elena Chapman, McKenzie, TN)
Welcome, all! Buzzelena, I was at the same place when my husband was Dx'd at age 62. Everybody said he acted and looked just fine. His children thought I was wrong and one SIL actually said he throught we were both just faking it to get attention. My own children recognized it a lot sooner than his did. We are at the stage now (he will be 68 in July) that there can be no doubt in anybody's mind that he has dementia!! It was still hurtful. And now his own children have sort of distanced themselves from us, whereas my children seem to be drawn closer. Go figure!
Welcome Elena. Sorry you have to be here. My husband will be 62 in September also. If he has been tested and you have the printed report from doctor, show that to them. Also tell them in the early stages (and often later) they are able to fool people when they are not around very long.
Welcome, Elena. You're spot on about them being able to pull it together in front of others, for awhile, at least. That becomes less and less possible as the disease progresses, and eventually his kids will realize. Meanwhile, this is a good place, come often, we're here for you.
Welcome, Elena! There are great articles on Joan's main page that you should read regarding dealing with denial of relatives, and there are also discussions on the subject. You are right. They act normal for others, and let themselves relax around us. That is part of this disease - that they can look normal until stage 7!!! My husband's DOCTOR thought I was imagining it when we went in for his physical. I felt like an idiot. The next annual physical I was armed with 5 typed pages, single spaced, of the changes in attitude, personality, abilities, reasoning, memory, etc. and rquested an MRI and PET scan and an appointment with a neurologist. And got them. And he was diagnosed with AD. So, if they can fool their doctors, fooling their kids who don't want to believe it and think you are exaggerating is easy for them and so frustrating for you! By the way, the kids won't believe the doctors either...just to let you know. Later, as others have said, he won't be able to hide it any more. As TJ said, welcome to our leaky boat!
Thanks, divvi. My husband's life-long nickname is Buzz and my name is Elena, so we coined that name way back when we got our first computer and still use it as our screen name for many applications.
Guess I'm one of those "lurkers" I have been listening in for about a month now. Don't understand all the "shortcuts" that you all use, but I'll get the hang of it. I am my husband's caregiver, and I want to thank you all for the information that I have learned from everyone of you. This site has helped me understand what is happening to him and to me. Thank you all.
welcome nancy! there is a list of the abbreviations used when we type i think somewhere -someone can let you know where it is! hope you join in the postings soon. divvi
Welcome, Nancy. I,too was a lurker for quite a while before coming out of the closet so to speak. On Joan's main blog page there is a link part way down the left side that will give you a lot of the abbreviations. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Thank you all for your welcoming words. After reading a lot of the posts, I feel like a bit of a phony, the doctors tell me that my husband has alzheimers but so far we have not had many of the problems that you all are facing. His memory is very bad, he gets extremely upset if he can't find me, but as long as we stay close to home and stick to a routine, he is happy, in fact our kids say that they have never seen their dad this content and I have to agree. I know things are going to get much worse, we have been doing this for just about 5 years now, so for now I'll just enjoy the good times we are having right now. Again thank you all, at least now having found this site, I don't feel like I'm completely in the dark.
Yes Charlotte, I agree, I am learning so much from all of the people here. In fact I'm learning more here then I have from all the doctors and other health care workers I have dealt with. I understand that each person with this nasty disease is different, and doctors etc. can only give us "textbook" information, so getting insight from the people in "the trenches" in invaluable. I can't say thank you too often.
Welcome to my website. I wrote a generic "welcome" up above to all newcomers, but I prefer to welcome each one individually when I can.
Since you have been "lurking" for awhile, you know you have come to a place of comfort for spouses who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". There are 3 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD (early onset AD). There are sections on finances, Medicare, drug trials, elder care services, and many more. Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. And if by "shortcuts", you mean the abbreviations, such as dh, dw, MCI, ALF, etc. you will find a section for that on the home page also. Scroll down on the left side to "web abbreviations." Most common ones are in there. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
Welcome 777Nancy. I hope you will visit often and get the support and information you are looking for.
Currently, the message boards and all of the resources can be accessed for free, but due to the high cost of maintaining the website, anyone who is able to make a payment in any amount to help defray the costs may do so by clicking on the "sticky topic" - Payments to this website. Any purchases made through the Amazon links and Zazzle Marketplace also help keep this site up and running. Thank you.
I seem to be in the same boat as you. My husband was diagnosed a year ago. He takes Aricept, Namenda, Clonazepam and Cymbalta. He does much better at home with just me than he does outside his normal routine and he is so attached to me now, he doesn't like me out of his sight for long. His memory is bad, but mostly his whole personality has changed. I have noticed a small improvement since the Namenda was added. My motto is one day at a time. I, too, have learned more here than I have anywhere else and have achieved a sense of not being alone in this.
I'm new. In the short time I've looked at your posts, I've been surprised by how many of us there are. My husband takes Aricept and Namenda. They seemed to slow things down for awhile. He had a URI, Sepsis a few weeks ago. He seems to have lost so much almost over night. Everyday I see another loss. He is 77 and I am 72. I don't remember where I found the site, but I'm glad I did. I just can't believe all the information. So nice to not feel as if you are the only one. Thank you so much. Callie
Callie, welcome to Joan's place! Her home page has a wealth of information accumulated, plus her blogs, and we're all here to help each other every way we can! Have a hug! (((HUG)))
welcome Callie, are you from the old wanda forum? i think i remember you posting there maybe?? if not -welcome anyway! and if you are, welcome here too! this is a great group of caregiving of spouses only, our needs are different from other caregivers!divvi