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    • CommentAuthorKittyc
    • CommentTimeFeb 28th 2020
    Good Morning ,I am new to the group. I have read a lot of the posts.Everyone seems to know how long their LO has had AD. Me ? I am not sure ,I try to think back as to when it all started but can not com up with a date . My LO is *^ , I am 71 .We have been married for 17 years . From all the information I have read, my husband is in stage 5 ,but then how can we really be sure? He was going to one Dr that had him walk down the hall and said yes he has AD. REALLY? I stated taking him to another DR. That sent him to a Neurologist that ask him a few questions had him copy a drawing she had drawn.Gave him a medication that was suppose to slow down the AD . He still takes it but refused to go back to the Neurologist.
    I told my DR.what I was going through.My LO has AD ,my baby brother was diagnosed with cancer ( 2019 he past away last year with a massive heart attack, 2018 I lost another younger brother ,also a massive heart attack .(1year ! Month apart) .So all was so overwhelming. PLUS depression runs in our family! So I take two kinds of meds now for depression and anxiety .I don’t know if it is really helping .I have gained 30+ LBS. I still fell depressed a lot .
    Back to me LO. It is hard to deal with a LO that is and has been very controlling ,but I Deltona with the controlling part pretty well as I am strong willed and hard to control.Now that my LO has AD he is still trying to control.I can not do as I use to in dealing with the controll.I would just leave the house,or go work out my frustrations in gardening. No I can not just leave the house ,and if I go out to work I go out to work in the yard or go to another room to escape the never ending questions (what day is this , is anyone coming over ,do I have a Dr. appointment ...ON AND ON with the questions.) My LO comes to tell me the phone rang ,I have a call. So I leave what I am doing to answer the phone call. NO one is on the phone. No one left a message. GRRRRR.
    I could go on and on ! There is so much to deal with it is overwhelming. He use to help me with so much ,we were always laughing !Now I have to do everything.He voluntarily gave up his license after a wreck that totaled our car. So I make him ride with me to pick up groceries and run errands ..just to get him out off the house ,he sits in the car. He also has orthostatic Hypotension(He stands up and sometimes passes out.) He wont use a cane or walker !
    I can leave him alone for short times. He will sit and watch TV till I get home.I know there will come a time where I can not leave him alone.Till then we will carry on “One Day At A Time” Some days 1 min. At a time.
    Thank you for letting me vent.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeFeb 28th 2020
    Hi Kittyc, sometimes venting helps! I hope so. You are heard!
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 28th 2020
    Hi Kittyc. My husband is 72 diagnosed 12 years ago, I am 67. I place him for good a year ago. Yes, there is lot to vent about - this disease is so frustrating and horrible for both of us. Most of us women can identify with loosing our helpmate - the one who helped so much and now the frustration and anger that can build up when they just sit there while we do all the work, take on all the responsibilities for both and being our spouse/partners memory beside our own. The stress has it toll. I have put on 50 pounds since his diagnosis - 30 the first couple years, another 20 the last 5 years.

    Feel free to respond in other threads or start your own. As for the AD drugs, none of them have proven to slow the disease even though doctors love to tell patients and their families they do. IF they work, which is now said to be less than 30% of the cases, they will allow the person to remain cognitively functioning while the disease rages on. My thinking how would they ever know if it slows it down since every person progresses at a different rate - there is no standard time for progression. The only way you know if it helps is to remove them from the drug. If it has helped with cognition you will know within a few days at which time you can start it again. We use to have a geriatric doctor who was on here. He said if he put them back on within two weeks the patient usually regained back to where they were when it was stopped.

    As for see when it started - not all of us can because sometimes it is so subtle. It really doesn't matter. I never saw any signs. I was tired of repeating to my husband all the time - called it selective hearing like with kids but thought it might be his hearing. I guess the doctor did the MMSE then sent him to a neuropsych doctor for further testing. Based on those results and family history he was diagnosed.

    If placement is in the future and you are not self paying, prepare now for Medicaid qualifications if you have not. I do hope all your legal paperwork is in order.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMar 18th 2020
    Hi Kittyc, I just saw your post. Welcome to the site. My husband was like yours and it drove me crazy. I ended up hiring a companion who came in twice a week for 3 hours. Even though he really liked her, if I stayed home he would still follow me around. So I either had to send them out to do errands or go out myself. I don't know how Alz spouses stay sane.
    • CommentAuthoraaa
    • CommentTimeMar 19th 2020
    Hey Kittyc, I too just saw your post. Guess I just look for the current month when I check in. Almost had to look to see if this was one I had posted, it sounded so familiar. Can't count how many times I've vented here just to keep myself from screaming outloud :) I think AD is a little like retardation was treated years ago - no one wanted to talk about it - just bury your head in the sand - keep them out of sight.

    I don't remember seeing your name on the other threads, did you decide not to come back? Really, it's about the best deal going now, a place to vent, ask questions, complain and complain again :) as there is no getting away from the daily realities of life with AD.
    • CommentAuthorWyrock11!
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2020
    My name is Linda Houston. I was writing and was interrupted and can’t find my comments so I can finish.
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2020
    Linda, try again. We'd like to welcome you.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2020
    Hi Linda. You can always write your comment in word or some other program then copy and paste to here. That way you don't loose it.
    • CommentAuthornana
    • CommentTimeAug 15th 2020 edited
    I am nana. my dh has had dementia that started 8 years ago. he is was 66
    I cry all the time. He talks to me just fine but he is incont both ways. He can walk and feed himself but that's about it. Where should I go to discuss intimate things I am very confused and I need to talk about it. He also see's thing. To talk to people might help a little.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2020
    Nana - if you have not found us yet, we have all moved to a closed facebook group. Here is the link: copy and paste it in your address bar. You will have to request to join. When asked if you had a name here say you were sent from here.
    • CommentAuthorJoyce13
    • CommentTimeFeb 14th 2021
    Hello everyone, my husband was diagnosed 1.5 weeks ago with mild Alzheimer's. Last Sunday he had a horrible nosebleed that couldn't be controlled bc he was taking to much aspirin that I or or doctor was not aware. The paramedics had to be called. He was in the emergency room 3 times over the last week and its been horrible for both of us bc it was always at night and neither of us had any sleep. He was fine 1.5 weeks ago, but now he's mostly confused and I'm scared to death. The doctor said this happens when there is a traumatic event like being in the ER 3 times over 7 days and no sleep. She said he should return to himself once this is over with and the balloon in his nose is removed and he can get back to his normal routine. Is this true? I haven't even processed his diagnosis yet and now this event. I don't think I can live through all of this and what will happen in the future. I've already lost weight and can't even look at food. I hate myself for feeling like this, but I'm so angry and terrified. I dont know how I'll cope.
    Joyce, this website is no longer active. Today was the first time I looked at it in, what, three months? and I'm not really sure why I did. But I did, and here you are.

    Yes, a traumatic event can cause an Alzheimer's patient's symptoms to get massively worse in the twinkling of an eye -- one trip to the ER, a fall even if the patient isn't hurt, you name it. And yes, if that's what's causing your husband's current symptoms, he could return to baseline once the trauma is over and done with, although it can take time.

    If you use facebook, I believe some of the spouses have set up a facebook group but I don't know if it's still active. The post just before yours has the link.

    The Alzheimer's Association has a very large, very active message board with several different forums, one of which is specifically for spouse caregivers (the second one on the list):

    You can browse without setting up an account, but you'll need an account to post questions (and answers), start threads of your own, etc. I'd recommend that you use the Caregivers Forum as well as the Spouse forum -- you'll need plenty of help. You can participate in any/all of the Forums if you want, but please be sensitive as to who might be reading what you say and how they may react. Warning: the Clinical Trials forum is full of misinformation -- the Association makes no attempt to monitor that forum for scammers. Don't waste your time, and don't believe anything anyone says on that Forum. Snake oil salesmen...
    • CommentAuthorjeffc
    • CommentTimeMar 7th 2021
    My name is Jeff c. I have watched my wife steadily decline mentally for over five years. Physically she is still doing very well. Last summer I finally put her into a nursing home. She walks up and down the halls constantly. She no longer speaks coherently nor does she know me or our kids. I miss her very much. We will celebrate our 45th wedding Anniversary in May.
    • CommentAuthorjeffc
    • CommentTimeMar 7th 2021
    Hi Kitty C. You and I are the same age 67.How do you deal with the loneliness in your life. Do you ever want to just go out with a man to talk and have dinner?
    • CommentAuthorjeffc
    • CommentTimeMar 7th 2021
    Sorry that comment was for Charlotte.
    • CommentAuthorLongtimer
    • CommentTimeJan 16th 2022
    Hi all
    My husband has been in LTC with bv fronto for 8 1/2 years. His memory is now starting to be affected but at least his violent outbursts are subsiding.
    I'm living alone with my little dog and with covid so bad don't have any visitors except a cleaner once a week.
    I'm hoping to be able to join in on conversations here as t get pretty lonesome.
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2022
    Longimer, I trust that someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that Joan has closed this site down, due to her health reasons. Charlotte, would you please comment?
    • CommentTimeJan 23rd 2022
    There is a similar site available, but I can't remember its name. At age 92, my frontal lobe is definitely shrinking, and my memory is not good.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJan 24th 2022
    LONGTIMER - I put the instructions on how to get to us up to the top of topics. Look down a few and you'll see 'new facebook group' that has the instructions on how to get membership there. Mary is right, Joan has closed this site down.
    • CommentAuthorBarb F
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2022
    I am an 85 year old woman caring for my husband of 65 years. He will be 90 in October. I have had 2 rough years caring for him, and I am exhausted all the time.
    • CommentAuthorol don
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2022
    Mary 75 how good to see your still kickin,I still read your husband books and still laugh even after reading them numerous times,I wish you the best,85 here and still do yard work and take care of many flowers,winters however are trouble,stay in the house unless I have to go out
    • CommentAuthorJimbobith
    • CommentTimeAug 10th 2022
    Hello, My wife got the devastating news that she is in the early stages of this terrible disease called Alzheimer’s.My family and I have noticed changes in her for a while. We have been married for 24 wonderful years. My whole life will be changing in a way that I do not know how I will be able to handle it. She changed and saved my life! I pray that God will guide us through this unknown journey and help us with our many heart breaking changes we are facing.
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2022
    Hi, ol don I just happened to check the old site and was delghted to see your post. Glad to read that you are brightening the world with your flowers. We've had a hot, dry summer here in British Columbia, Canada, and my garden is suffering. I have an automatic watering system, but it can't keep up. The grass will recover, but I've probably lost a few of the shrubs. I'm 92 and still managing on my own, although how well is a matter of opinion. My short memory loss has to be supplemented with frequent notes to myself in a stenographer's pad to keep me on track. I'd like to say i've mellowed with old age, but I think it's more that i''m running out of energy. But there is still much to be enjoyed in life. My biggest regret is that I I didn't take more chances with the summer boys.