Hello, My husband was diagnosed with AD this past summer 2018. He is currently working and will be retiring soon. There are so many questions and I am not sure where to start? Where do I go from here? What do I do first? He is 63 and I think looking back he has had this disease possibly two years now. I would possibly like some guidance. I am writing down things as I come across them. Thanks for listening and please send some answers. Thank you.
Make sure you get all your paperwork done which includes DPOA - durable power of attorney which includes medical and financial power when he is unable. Make sure it spells out when it will become active. With my husband as soon as he signed it I became his DPOA but I continued to let him sign until about two years ago - he was diagnosed in 2008. If you will be needing to use Medicaid later, get everything in your name. Others will come and give you more things. And go to every doctor appointment - in with him to see the doctor because they tend to tell the doctor everything is fine. As for the AD drugs - take time before putting him on them - research.
Welcome MrsMountainGuy and ChristineK as Charlotte has said a wealth of information here so come and come often this site has been a lifeline for many of us. NO judgement just understanding and advice everyone here gets it as they are living it or have lived it. My wife is 62 has been in a home for over 2 years now, was diagnosed in 2012 but by that time she was already in mid stages. Once again welcome.
Hi, my spouse was diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago. He no longer drives and I have taken care of money and bills for years. He is retired from the navy. I have been in denial for a long time and it's finally hit me. I can't stop crying. We are seeing VA doctors now and we are just starting to get some help and support. I have to take care of myself. That is why I signed up here
nama, welcome to our group. I'm relatively new too but have found the message board helpful. This journey isn't easy but please know that you are not alone. Cry your tears and experience the emotions that are deep in your soul. Then begin your self care.
Thanks for the kind welcome. I had to do something to help myself. Maybe I will be able to calm down, having folks that I can talk to. I feel alone even with our 47 year old son living with us
Welcome nama. A great place for support and those who understand. My husband was diagnosed in 2008 and I have been with this family since 1/2009. My husband was Navy and gets his medical through the VA.
Welcome nama. I've been on this forum for a little over a year now & found the information & support helpful. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer 4 years ago when he was 64 yrs old - of course he'd already had it for years unbeknownst to me. Last year, he declined quickly & I placed him in a private facility for a few months. And now he's in a long-term care facility, which better meets his needs. Everyone here is supportive & know & understand what you are living. You are not alone. Feel free to vent here anytime.
You are right - you have to take care of yourself. If possible, you need to go out to give yourself a break from caregiving. Do you have family or friends to help you?
Hello. I’m new here. I’ve been dealing with AD for ten years. I’m tired and angry. He’s unaware he’s afflicted and frustrated with my lack of intimacy, driving opportunities, and has constant health worries. He’s otherwise healthy, but has headaches, gut aches, leg aches, associated with stress and aging. Unfortunately, he can’t remember his frequent trips to doctors. We work out every other day. He does not wander, get lost, or have trouble dressing. His lack of trust decimated our marriage prior to his diagnosis. He can’t recall his actions or public accusations. Wants to know why I am distant and then feels angry and denies the facts of the scenarios when pressing to hear them. We have children and I never left him earlier as a result. They are grown but morally and ethically, I feel it unacceptable to abandon him with his disease. Throughout our marriage I assumed too much responsiblity and he blamed the other guy. He’s had a plethora of jobs and couldn’t make/trust friends. Recently little things he does is trigging internal rage in me. I hope to find how to stop these feelings as I know they take a toll on my health. I hate much of our history, this disease, and the fact that AD is limiting my interacting with our children and grandchildren. He is in his seventies and I in my my sixties. Our children do not live near enough to casually visit. An over night trip visit is necessary to visit, but tolling on all . Additionally, I care for my aging parents- we live in the same city. I’d say it’s nice to meet you, I’m sorry you’re also dealing with this horrendous disease, but truthfully wonder how sharing all our baggage will be helpful?
Welcome Sissy. I know how your feel. Didn't have the best marriage so caregiving is hard. Last Sept I placed my husband but things were not working there so brought him home after 6 weeks. Until then I was angry, resentful, and the hate building inside was horrible. The 6 week break from him did wonders. He changes and I changed. He was easier but probably because I was not so burned out. I am now ready for him to be gone again.
You are there - you are burned out. Adding your parents to makes it double burnout. Can you afford memory care placement for him or is he eligible for Medicaid Long Term Care? Or were you fortunate enough to be able to afford Long Term Care insurance?
Thanks, Charlotte. It’s good to hear your story. He’s not ready for placement as he still knows family and is still himself except for executive reasoning challenges and without short term memory. Can’t afford placement in a facility and won’t be eligible for Medicaid. I’ll need to move in with family if/when placement occurs. I just learned this and have secured a long term care policy for myself so that I won’t be a financial burden for our kids further down the road. I’m curious why the home didn’t work out for your husband? Have you tried adult day care? I would take my parents there but they say they’re not ready even though in mid nineties.
Hi Sissy, I was in a similar situation. Husband 75, me 64. He was not aware of having Alzheimer’s and it was dangerous for me to bring it up. I had a really hard time when he’d be raging and saying awful things and sometimes threatening. I would leave the room or the house for awhile. When I came back he was missing me and all lovey doves. I couldn’t switch on a dime like that.
I resisted medication for him for far too long. I tried taking anti depressants myself, had some success with behavior modification techniques. My husband could become accustomed to things with repetition. Some types of AD cannot do that. I recommend getting him to see a geriatric psychiatrist as soon as you can. There are medications that can modify his behavior. If you don’t have one nearby, be persistent and find one even if you have to travel. It is definitely well worth the try.
I took a 12 week series of classes at my local office on aging. That was very worthwhile. Your county might call it something different. Call or go there. They have social workers you can meet with to help you find some services you might not be aware of. You don’t have to be poor to get some help there.
If your husband is a veteran eligible for healthcare, some VAs have wonderful geriatric clinics. When I finally admitted I couldn’t manage his violent behavior any more I found out about the geriatric clinic at the Loma Linda, CA VA. The psychiatrist recommended medication for him that changed our lives. Started that in March this year.
I also started taking him to adult day care. A year before I started that I was fairly certain he wouldn’t tolerate it. When I started it, I didn’t even tell him where we were going. He just followed me. He would get very agitated after lunch and they sometimes had to assign someone to follow him around individually. I was amazed they didn’t refuse to care for him. I did the day care for me. Not for him. Although all the attention and being around others was good for him. Someone here saId she took her Mom to day care. Mom sat by the door every day with a sign saying “I have a perfectly good home, but my daughter brings me to this prison against my will.” Something like that. The daughter persisted anyway. Because she would not be able to do the rest of her Mom’s care without that break a few days per week.
Unfortunately, he died in August. I was convinced I wouldn’t miss him, but, alas, that is not true.
Also, I found that “sharing all our baggage” did help. I was amazed at some of the brilliant ideas people here offered when I thought I was just venting and hopeless.
I am sorry for your loss and grief. Thank you for sharing your story and suggestions to try. He’s very aware even though forgetful. I don’t know how he’d agree to see a geriatric psychiatrist. Perhaps, if I told him we were seeing a pain specialist. When I took my mom (bipolar and dementia) to adult day care it was my hope that he’d enjoy the people and events and want to stay while I ran errands, but he sticks close to me and ended up following me out. In time, I can try again.
Thanks Sissy. I never told him we were seeing a geriatric psychiatrist. They started with a four hour class that was all about Alzheimer’s and the team of people available to help. My husband sat through that whole class hearing Alzheimer’s and didn’t ask any questions or get mad. I was shocked. But he was having difficulty understanding a lot of what was going on by then. He just followed me and let me do the talking. Fortunately he liked the psychiatrist even though he couldn’t understand the questions. She was really creative giving the mental status exam. He scored a 1. We found frequently you get used to things and then poof... things change. But sometimes that can be a good thing in that things that didn’t work before can be tried again. I forgot to mention the training class stressed the idea that you should never Argue, Reason, or Explain (ARE). Much easier said than done. Really hard not to fight back when attacked.
There is a 4-6 hour psychological test that I never heard about until well after he would have been able to participate. I didn’t see the need to get an accurate diagnosis because it sounded like the treatments the same regardless. But you might want to get that kind of testing because in the later stages when you need medications to manage the behavior, some types of dementia or AD react really badly to some of the behavior drugs. I don’t know what that testing is called. There’s more detailed discussion on that other Alzheimer’s support site.
Charlotte, I haven’t looked at that one in ages and don’t remember it. Sissy might like that too.
Sissy, my husband has been going to day care 3 days a week for over 2 years now. The bus pick him up and brings him home. He never fought me on it - early on I told him it was so I could get a break and he could have people to socialize with. Now when I wake him up I just tell him it is bus day. Originally Aging and Long Term Care arranged the daycare, then the VA took over 3 days, Aging paid for one.
The test is a neuropsch test. It can be a few hours to a few days. MY husband originally went 2 days, 4 hours each. A year later he walked out in tears telling the doctor he didn't need to be reminded he couldn't remember. That was 9 years ago.
He took a day’s long exam at a top university ten years ago. He was so angry and fearful during it saying it was an insult to his intelligence. “MCI not consistent with aging” was the diagnosis, he denied the possibility and has long since forgotten the episode. He’s lost three siblings and a parent to “Alzheimer’s”, yet none underwent an autopsy. That won’t be his story. We will learn the name of this thief. The children/grand children need to know. The good and bad news is how slow it is creeping. I don’t know what to hope for anymore. To think we could go another ten years like this...
So maybe it wasn’t so bad that I never heard about the testing. I also had experience with his mother and his entire journey was eerily similar to his Mom’s from the very beginning. She died at 78, he was 75. Same cause of death. Bowel obstruction. My biggest fear was that this could go on for 20-30 years. He was still stronger than me (and I am no weakling). We lived frugally, always saving to make sure we had the resources to care for us in our old age. I was just about to get him into a memory care place for respite care. In all my preplanning of scenarios I never considered being single at age 64. It never occurred to me that he could die before 90. That’s why I feel so out of control. I always have had plans A, B, C, and D. Think about some kind of respite care. For your sanity not his. You could stop in to see some memory care places. Medicare pays for a certain amount per year. Or you could arrange things with kids perhaps. Pay expenses for a kid to come stay with him while you visit another one. You can pay for in home care. It is time for you to start collecting some of these resources. The office on Aging is a great place to start. Start by calling for an apt to speak with someone about options for Alzheimer’s care. They will have all kinds of lists of local resources. I didn’t even know what questions to ask. They got me started. Sounds like he might resist in home care, day care, or respite care. In that case you may need to find medication. My husband’s primary care doctor prescribed low dose Haldol. This is an antipsychotic, but at low dose it can be calming and control violent behavior. Nursing homes were overusing this and are no longer allowed to use that. The geriatric psychiatrist said it’s much preferred to try other drugs before anti psychotics. We started with low dose Depakote. There is a generic. It was indeed better than the Haldol. Sissy, at this point I recommend we start another topic, rather than continuing on this introduction thread. I think you will find interesting support here. Oops, I didn’t notice you have already figured out how to join in on other threads. Welcome to the group no one wants to join.
Hello Sissy, "Welcome to the group no one wants to join" - that's us :) You wonder how sharing our baggage will be helpful? There's lots of information and resources available from those who have been there done that - but truthfully, what this group means to me is a safe place to yell and scream about all those things that drive me crazy - and know that no one will judge me - but even more important, everyone knows exactly what I mean. Our situations are all different, but also all the same. Who else could you talk to about all these intimate details of your life?
My husband is just recovering from a diabetic foot ulcer, I'd never even heard of it before. It has been five months now - will be 6 when he is released by the doctor next month. He cannot be on the foot other than necessary trips to the bathroom. It has been a nightmare for me, knowing we had to follow doctors orders or risk losing part of his foot. He continues to think it's just been a few weeks and doesn't believe me when I tell him its 5 months. He has had home nursing three days a week, I changed the bandage the other days, and we went in to the doctor every other week. Yesterday was his last day of home nursing. After she left he said he'd miss them, hadn't had so much company in years, LOL.
I have learned to let go of some of my anger, it helps no one and the constant stress was harming my health. Met with my doctor and had a long talk, she wanted me to talk to a physiologist but I refused, I could talk for a week but it won't change the situation and the people on this list are better for ways to deal with it since everyone is going through this terrible disease together. She did give me an anti-depressant and something to sleep, it's been a month now and has helped. I had been so depressed I was getting deeper and deeper into the hole. I find it easier to just ignore him, or let it slide off my back and do find a little time for myself. My splurge is to have a mani/pedi every month. At least an hour to myself and no need to talk to anyone, and I feel better when my nails look nice. I've not been able to go for a few months so looking forward to that hopefully next month. There is a phrase, I think I first heard it from Rodstar, Velcro Spouse. That was so true about what I go through, stuck together like velcro, LOL.
I appreciate your warm welcome and sharing your thoughts. Yay, your husband’s foot wound is just about healed. I hope that the sores don’t return. I’ve been assisting my mom with an ulcerated leg wound from last year. Every other day dressing changes are difficult. I agree with you about the strengths of this group. Even while asking how sharing can be helpful, I knew it would be. That’s what drove me here. Self reflecting on those words revealed I’m reeling and resisting, rather than accepting, his (our) condition. This, perhaps, due in part to his inability to recognize his disease and the manner in which routine guides him through the days. He looks like himself, can seem like himself, but then some act, statement, or question surprises, assults senses, and stokes fear. Seems ten years would be long enough to accept, but no, not us. We were going to beat the theif who took so many members of his family. Exercise, walk every day, healthy diet, eliminate sugar and flour, take supplements, add probiotics, and consume coconut oil by the gallons might have slowed it down, probably, maybe, who knows? But,truthfully, it’s oh-so-slowly advancing and in its wake extinguishing hopes and dreams. I have dear friends with whom I share, but perhaps this forum is the place to identify and subsequently accept and deal with dementia. It’s a horror show. I hope to unload much, lest it consume both of us. Some of you have transformed from spouse to widow and I appreciate your having survived and being here.
Sissy, A little while ago I mentioned another support website. It is https://www.alzconnected.org/ They have several forums - Best for us is for spouses. There's one for those with Alzheimer's that can be enlightening.
I am bhv there as well, but haven't posted since Jim died. Charlotte is RVGrandma (something like that) Several others are there too. If this site is down or goes away, you can reconnect there.
I suggest you check it out anyway. There are more active posters there these days. When Joan started this group, oh those many years ago, the other group didn't have a spouse forum. Now they do. There's a guy there called Crushed who is a lawyer. Some get upset with him over there, but he gives free legal advice and knows the ins and outs of Medicaid. He can help you frame the right questions to get what you need. You can even start a topic and call it something like Crushed - need legal advice and he will answer you. We have a number of experienced nurses here. Over there they have some doctors and nurses and a number of people with VA experience. Some have worked at the VA.
BHV- It was a surprise when I received a “denied access” message from this site a few days ago. Thankfully, it was just temporary. I must have explored Alz Connected when he was first diagnosed, but the content on the message boards scared the hebejeebies out of me and hastened a commitment to beat AD. I had subsequently forgotten the resource. Perhaps, I thought I was on it here? At any rate, thanks, I think???!!! Still working on acceptance to the group no one wants to belong!
Hello, I just wandered on this website when I was looking for support for issues related to caregivers/spouses of a person who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. My husband was diagnosed in 2014 at the age of 61. I suspect that he had this disease many years before. He is still in the stage where he can do a lot for himself and therefore thinks that there is something only mildly wrong. I have been with him since 1970 so I know that this person is not the person I married 43 years ago. I appreciate the recognition that spouses who have unique issues to deal with unlike many other groups. I honestly resent my husband that he adds to the chaos in my life and does so flippantly. Ofcourse, I know it's not his fault and this makes me have overwhelming guilt when I snap at him, usually when he snaps at me. Our home is hell and there is no peace even though there are just two people living in it. I am tired. I am weary and I would like to get off this roller coaster. But, he is dependent on me. I am the buffer between him and the world as he tries to look like he has it together to the outside world. In a group, he may nod, be somewhat charming, and carry on a decent conversation with a person only to ask me, "who was that" when they leave. His behavior behind closed doors, his constant questions, his lack of understanding on the simplest things can be maddening. yes, I know it is not his fault. I am not doing well and have started to have panic attacks. I know I need help and soon!!!!
Welcome ljc12154 - Sorry to hear it is so difficult for you. We are all in the same boat & there is a lot of help & support here. The stage he is in is difficult because he is still capable of doing most things & probably aware of his memory loss, which no doubt frustrates & angers him. This is wearing you out & we all know too well, the roller coaster ride. It is very normal for you to feel resentment & then feel guilty - we have been there. I am assuming he can still be left alone, so can you go out & do something you enjoy, to get a break from the caregiving. It helped me, especially after he could no longer be left alone & I had someone spend time with him. Do you have family members that can help.
My husband was also diagnosed in 2014 at the age of 64. Like you we have been together a long time - 46 years married this July. A lot of us here have long relationships, so we know this is not the spouse we married. Feel free to vent anytime.
Hello ljc12154. I just want to mention another support group that may also offer some help from fellow travelers. FTD is a dementia different from Alzheimers in that the first indications are not memory loss but changes in personality. Logic and reasoning go out the window. However there is overlap in the consequences of the behaviors for the care giver. You may want to check out FTDSupportforum.com. Best Wishes to you.
I was also wondering if he might have a FTD diagnosis, in which case I second CarolVT's recommendation. FTD is often misdiagnosed as Alzheimer's and I wonder from the brief statements and his age.
Or it could be Alzheimer's. Your husband's progress sounds just like mine except the chaos. That could be from the frustration he feels and exhaustion after trying to 'act' normal around others.
Hello. My name is Rene Castillo. I am a 61 year son of an 86 year old dementia patient currently under hospice care. I have in home care providers that help out during the day. Nights are living hell as my father has developed sundowners in the last couple of weeks that begins around 730pm and lasts till the early morning. I've been reading posts on this thread and find them very helpful. I just wanted to introduce myself.
Thank you for introducing yourself, Rene. Welcome to this group of people trying to make the best of unhappy circumstances. I am sorry about your father. He is lucky to have you looking out for him.
Hello All, new member of the club no one wants to join. DH and I are married 13 years, together 16. Second marriage for both of us. The usual difficult step daughter (won’t interact with father, but happy to act up...). We have 5 kids between us. DH is 76 this month, I am 56. Been a caregiver due to the vagaries of life for most of my life. DH just diagnosed last week with moderate to severe Alzheimer’s. I think likely it’s moderate. Those who don’t know / are at periphery say that they can’t tell. He has never been a great conversationalist, and due to significant hearing failure has been “absent” conversationally for 10+ years, so it’s not noticeable to others aside from the kids. Anything memory loss related he put down to not being told or his hearing problems. At dx was put on memantine. Is anyone familiar with it? He seems to have worsened dramatically in just 10 days. Is that possible? Is he just giving up trying to cover it up? We are in the middle of a big relocation and it’s been all on my shoulders. Still ongoing and will be for another 6-9 months. Are there threads here about what to do to protect me and my kids? Most of what “we” own is due to me, but his ex has his kids thinking he is sitting on a pile of gold. He walked into this marriage 60k in debt and didn’t contribute his income until he retired 8 years ago. Sorry for rambling. Still #ShellShocked . The relo was supposed to kick off our long delayed “golden years” together. So grateful to have found this Forum after frantically looking for real support since the 11th.
My husband took Aricept with no difficulty, but also no idea if it worked or not. He had explosive diarrhea with Namenda and had to quit that. When I found out he was also lactose intolerant, gave namenda another try, but same result so quit it again for good. Sorry I forget the generic names.
With your husband being so much worse in only 10 days, I’d stop the med and go back to the doctor. First do no harm. These meds help some of the people, some of the time, for an indeterminate amount of time. Supposedly they slow the decline, but there is no way to know if it is working or not.
To protect yourself and kids, see an elder care lawyer ASAP. I already had an estate plan. When I took a caregiver class at the county Office on Aging there was a wonderful presentation by a lawyer who specializes in Medicaid and VA benefit planning. If I were you, I’d contact your county office on Aging (it might have a different name) and ask to speak with someone who works with caregivers. Ask that person for references for local lawyers. If your DH is a veteran you want someone certified to work with VA. If he was in VietNam he can qualify for VA healthcare.
Build files with documentation of the debt he brought to your marriage and where his income went until he retired. Get with a lawyer and make sure you both have wills protecting your interests. With what you said about the ex, dont do it yourself. Having a lawyer do it gives you someone to defend the will and/or trust in case of a challenge later. You must get this done while he can still sign his name and before he is declared incompetent.
To make it easier and cheaper when meeting with the lawyer you can download a will for your state from the internet and map out who should inherit in various instances. Also, who would care for him if something happens to you.
Any drug used for dementia has the potential of negative side effects. We don't that much about how the brain works. Doctors prescribe them in hopes that one might work. I would contact the doctor about what you observe, discuss discontinuing it, and how to stop the medication. Many of these medications need to be removed slowly, but with just 10 days use stopping it should be easy. Some drugs take a long time to take effect and might have poor results followed by positive results, but I am not optimistic in this case.
As bhv said, see an eldercare attorney ASAP. They will help preserve as much as your wealth as possible as the well spouse if he needs to go into a nursing home (NH) and go on long term care Medicaid. The various laws involved are different in every single state. This is a highly specialized aspect of law, I would not depend on the family lawyer.
You will need Power of Attorney (which is good only as long as he is legally competent and he can counteract your decisions), a Durable Power of Attorney (which is enforceable only after he is declared legally incompetent but must be set up while he is competent), and Medical Power of Attorney (you can get at any hospital or medical office). I found for POA and DPOA a lawyer can do a better job than the ones you can download for free on the Internet. This paid off for me when I needed to make changes for my wife's retirement accounts.
My name is Elise. My husband Dennis was just diagnosed (though the neuropsychologist said beginning of Alzheimer’s and the neuropsychologist said amnesiac mild cognitive impairment). I started noticing how bad his memory was really getting this last summer. He’d forget conversations, left the car running in the garage, forgot how the electric blanket worked and (the thing that really got me worried) forgot he had surgery. We have been on a roller coaster these past 2 1/2 years. He had throat cancer. Refused chemotherapy and radiation and had surgery only. Was fine, it came back and he had a second surgery.
But this diagnosis is so much worse. I am overwhelmed. We have no children so it’s just me. And I can’t talk to the one person who Inwoild normally talk to—him.
Sorry you have to join us but we are here to support and help you. I would say the surgeries made his condition worse. Anesthetics are big enemies for people with dementia. Majority are designed to cause temporary memory loss but unfortunately for our guys it can cause big losses.
my name is Barb and ny husband will be 72 in January. He was diagnoised quite a while ago, He has been taking medications for 5 years and i think they dont hold him much anymore. He was a physican and worked until 5 years ago. I was a teacher and retired when he did so i could be with him. If i tell him something or ask him something, a minute later he dosent remember . Yesterday I found him on the computer making a sign that said Wet Floor", only then did i go into the bathoom and find soaked towels in the sink and the floor slightly wet. I went downstairs and found the kitchen ceiling leaking . He couldnot tell me what happened. I asked were you using the sink? the Tub? What caused the floor to be wet? He said I dont know i cant remember. So I am trying to figure it out so i can get someone in to fix it, but of course i dont know where the problem came from. I gues i'm sharing this becuase things seem to be getting worse everyday and that was what happened yestereday. I am glad to have found this website and chat room. I feel like i have lost my spouse of 48 years. I live in the east side suburbs of Cleveland,. If any one else is near here I would llike to meet up with them. I have not found a support group for spouses. If you know of one., please let me know. Thanks bz
I think about the only place you will find support groups for spouse/partners is online.
If you are referring to the AD meds like Aricept, Galantamine, Exelon, Namenda - they only work to allow them to stay cognitively functioning longer while the disease rages on - if they work which is maybe 30% of the time. The only way you will know is to remove him from it. If they were helping at all you will notice a big change for the worse within a few days at which time you could put him back on it.
My husband is also 72, diagnosed 3/2008. I took him off Galantamine about 6 years ago - saw no change. He never could take namenda due to the side effects he had: change in vision, brain fog, easily exhausted. I placed him in February so we are approaching the one year mark. Thanksgiving was hard because it was our first Thanksgiving in 49 years we were apart - will be the same for Christmas.
As for the leak, let the ceiling dry and if it doesn't leak again I would assume it was the sink or toilet overflowed. You have to be careful because clogging toilets is a common 'past time' for people with dementia. One way to help avoid is to turn the water off to the toilet so they only have the one tank full to flush. You can go in later, refill then turn off again. As for the sink make sure the plug doesn't work.
Feel free to start a new thread with your questions or join in on other conversations. Don't forget to visit our Christmas Lodge thread.
Welcome to the club no one wants to join, but we are glad that you found us.
Unfortunately this is a sign that your husband needs constant supervision. You need a plan so you don't have to be with him every minute. Do you have any helpers (paid or unpaid)? Are you eligible for any type of assistance? Is your husband a veteran?
Hi Barb, I’m Bonnie, Welcome to the club no one wants to join. This is a friendly place. Your county Office on Aging will have info on support groups. Lots of other help there too and you don’t have to be poor to get some help there. Even if you’re not ready for Adult Day Care you could check some of them out. The one my husband was at for a few months had a nice support group with some spouses and they even welcomed me after he died. Your wet floor reminded me of something else. I’m going to put it in a separate thread.
Hi everyone! Thanks to eveyone who welcomedme to the club on one wants to join. It is good to find a place to share this journey and not be a burden to family and friends all the time. Is this the place to share the daily goings on ? or is there a different thread to use . Jerry is not at the point of a day program and i am resisting a care giver. Jerry is till somewhat independent and i am not worried about him being alone in the house. He drives to places he knows that are close by. I have cleared this with his internist and his neurologist. I also had his driving tested at the cleveland lcinic and they found he is still a safe driver. Our most recent episode is Jerry being unable to find his coat at the gym. I had tried giving him a keychain/ phonecord type braclet with a pen attached. But he either didnt remember to use it, left it in the car, or didnt want to use it. So usually i am at the gym when he is and hand him a paper and pencil and he writes down the locker number. ( the locks are on the lockers . You just put in the combination you want) Today I missed him and he of course he didnt know where his coat , phone ,etc was. They are very helpful at the gym and opened up lockers to find his things. This has happened many times. Unfortunately they will not give him a pernanent locker. Then he had trouble finding his car. Evenutaully with the " key clicker" he found it. Another helpful thing i use is a Title.. it uses gps to locate things. I have one on his keys and in his wallet. It uses the a cell phone or computer to locate things. It indicates when you are getting close to the object / and also shows you on a map. When you are quite close it makes a ringing sound. I have used it to find his cell phone, keys and wallet many times. I could write an endorsement for the product! Maybe this will be helpful for someone else. Thanks
Please check with your insurance company that they will still cover your husband. If they are not aware of his condition they could refuse to cover him in case of an accident, if if the other driver is at fault. If the insurance company gives their OK insist on getting it in writing from an insurance company lawyer. A verbal assurance on the phone from someone in the service center isn't worth anything.
Keep in mind that it will be easier for your husband to adapt to changes the earlier you make them. Learning to use a bus, taxi or other mass transit as an alternative to driving is much easier now than when he needs to stop driving.
My wife was diagnosed 20 years ago and moved to a care facility 3 years ago. She was 83 last month. We have been married for 60 years. The progression has been slow but recently she has reached the stage where hallucinations occur frequently. Despiste attending caregiver meetings and understand the nature of Alzheimer's I still have a very difficult time accepting the devastation the disease has brought to the beautiful, intelligent woman I have shared my life with. I know that she is getting better care where she is, but I still have guilt feelings about not having her at home. I have been fortunate that despite the nature of the disease she is generally very pleasant except for when she needs personal care for toileting. I have shared the video with family and friends regarding Alzheimer's posted on your website.
Welcome Chuck to a group no one wants to belong to. My FIL went almost 25 years - so his progression was also very slow. March 9th will be 12 years for my husband.
Please do not feel guilty about placing her. You did what was best for you and her. We can't let this disease take two lives.
Welcome Chuck. I lost my husband 1.5 years ago. No matter how well I understand I don’t know that it is possible to accept the devastation this disease brings to both of you/us. No way around the guilt either. All we can do is make the best decisions we can. People not in Alzheimer’s world have no way to really understand what’s happening to either of you. Here is a place where we do get it. You can share any thoughts, feelings, ideas, here. Elizabeth throws out a lifeline —————+—————+—————+—————+—————+. Grab on. We’re here on the other end of that line.