Thanks for the welcome. I have been a nurse in a skilled nursing home for 30 years. I also lived with 6 alzheimers residents in my adult foster home before I sold it so when my husband had dementia I knew what to do. I always loved caring for those sweet souls. I am 61 and I have a 80 yr old mother with alheimers.
I just saw your website after looking at the alzheimers website last night. My husband was diagnosed about 1 1/2 ago but I could see that something was wrong at least one year before that. He is 71 and I am 55. It has been very hard to see him change so much. We have a 17 year old son together and he is a God sent because he helps me in every way that he can. I also have another wonderful son from a previous marriage and he and his wife are also wonderful in helping take care of my husband. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for the three of them. My husband has 3 children from his 1st marriage and a large extended family of brother, sisters and a lot of nieces and nephews but no one calls or comes to see him. No one asks how he is or if I need any help. Is this typical of people....it is hard to understand. My family has also been wonderful and I can always count on my siblings and even my parents (who are elderly but very healthy) for help and support. I am trying to work out my angry feelings towards his children and in-laws.....has anyone experienced this?
Oh yeah, that is not an unusual response. It stems from several issues, one is not understanding the disorder, two is not wanting to admit someone you care about has something so horrible. If you bury your head in the sand, you don't have to deal with it. Then there are those who just don't care. My siblings are wonderful to help, my children refuse to admit there is a problem with their father. Even at this time I am the problem, not him..We have had a recent major event that I was sure would make them open their eyes but that is not going to happen. You are not alone. Please be grateful for your family. They sound wonderful.....
Welcome Vbarron, I am sorry for your need to join us, however, you will find everyone kind, helpful & non-judgemental. You are lucky that some of your family understands & offers help, they sound great.
Welcome to all new members-so many new AD victims is very saddening. i am glad you found this website its full of good handson info you will find no where else.
Vbarron-Your story could be mine - DH in mid 70's, i am in late 50's. he also has 3 kids from previous marriage, and i am livid over their lack of interest in their dads wellbeing for the last 9yrs. we only see them at xmas or a grandkids bdays..not a visit or a phone call even after hospital stays. just unimaginable to me but i know what to expect now. nothing. they never offered any of them to take him to lunch or a movie or give me a nite out -my own family like yours i guess for my sake calls daily and my 89r old mom is my rock as well as my married son and grandkids. sorry you have to deal with all this as well, it doesnt get any easier as the disease progresses you have to adjust and become undeterred in relentless efforts to stay sane on top of it all. glad you and all the newbies are part of this family=divvi
Welcome to my website. This is a place of comfort for spouses to land, as no one understands our unique issues as well as another spouse. Please log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - for a wealth of information. Most of the resources are on the left side. I would suggest starting with "Newly diagnosed/New to this website", and then scroll through the "previous blog" section". Whatever your issue, question, or concern, I have probably written about it. Some of the pages take a long time to load - there is a techno. reason for it, which I am slowly working to correct, so just give them a few minutes if that happens. The more recent ones load quickly.
As you scroll down that left side, I highly recommend reading "Understanding the Dementia Experience". It's the one with the picture of the woman in life jacket. It is the best explanation of AD that I have read.
Be sure to log onto the home page daily, as I am always updating the news, and I write blogs every day or so.
You can research the topics that have been discussed on these boards by going to the top of the page and clicking search, then writing in what you are looking for.
vbarron, hi, and welcome to our family. We have a lot of May-December couples here, including my husband (77) and me (58).
I think you'll find that it's unusual to have relatives who care and are willing to help out. Don't take it personally that your husband's family is ignoring him. There can be many reasons, as Sandy D says. My husband has four children ... all four stopped speaking to him when they were told that, because of the AD, he was not going to be able to work any more (at age 74, no less) and would not be able to continue helping them out financially. One actually threatened to kill his father ... I would have preferred that he threatened suicide. (I know, I know, bad attitude.) Every last one of them is well-off, too. His sister occasionally writes ... mostly to scold him for not writing her. She says he needs to update her on his health regularly, and that he needs to do it by letter since she and her husband travel too much for phone calls to be practical. (Asking an AD patient to write regularly IS practical???) We never hear from his brother ... I'm beginning to think he's just a rumor.
It sounds as if you have a wonderful family on your side, though, and your youngest sounds very sweet. How very nice. My sister is a dear and would help if she could, but she (a) lives up in Seattle (I'm in San Diego) and (b) has six children and two grandchildren (at last count) and is still home-schooling her two youngest while also caring for the grandkids while their parents work AND helping out with her husband's job. (I figure those are reasonable excuses!) She does send supportive emails, though, and constantly scours sites looking for new clinical trials etc to send to me.
Welcome here to this wonderful site, vbarron. It is the most helpful place--It has given me some peace of mind when I thought I was alone out there. Sorry for the situation that sends you here.
I posted on the 12-6-7 Blog thread and Evalena suggested that I post here to let others know that I finally got brave enough to post. My husband is 57 and was diagnosed with eoad almost 1 year ago. I have been browsing the posts here for months and feel great sorrow for many of the situations and yet all of your writings bring me comfort and lessens my feelings of loneliness. (I also love the joke thread!!) I hope that I can be of some comfort and help to others' sometimes as this site is often for me. SusanB
SusanB--welcome to the site but I'm sorry you had to come here. My husband is 59 and has probable FTD diagnosed this past August. It does help to talk here and get information.
Hi Susan, my husband is 59, was diagnosed 9 months ago but has most likely had this 3 years or more. It is all so scary. He is still driving but can no longer work in his field. He has tried several jobs since leaving Tyco but has not been able to keep them. What a life changing experience in every way. Thank God for this site!
Welcome Susan, if you have been reading you kow how much nfo there actuallly is here. none of the mumbo-jumbo that medical professionals can write that they have never personally experienced.:) we here write our honest to goodness everyday lifes experiences and some arent so nice nor are they in the commom comfort zones-most of us just write to get things off our chest and vent and then hope it helps someone else who may be going thru the same. you will find lots of caring souls here and a good place to let it out. Divvi
Welcome, SusanB. Yes you are brave to come here and write to us. I was afraid and was lurking around for quite some time until I gathered up courage to do what you have done. It costs a lot of emotion to tell others your troubles, it is not easy to admit what is deeply hidden in your heart. Everyone cares, everyone has similar experiences and can advise you or just plain hold your hand. You will not be sorry.
Welcome deanna1937, I am so sorry you find the need to join the forum, however, I feel you have come to the right place. Everyone is so kind, helpful & non-judgemental. My husband is 57 & suffers from FTD. Please feel free to post at anytime, seems like there is always someone to quickly answer.
Welcome to all newbies!! IZA, what a lady you must be to have AD spouse plus taking on the care of mom. my respects. lots of advice and handson input here, no nonsense tactics. you will find lots of info here and many topics which may help. Divvi
I'll introduce myself, I'm Jim, my wife has suffered from Vascular Dementia/AD for about 6 years. She is now in early stage 5. I've participated in some other AD forums, this is the only forum I've seen that addresses the spousal relationship and AD. The trials and issues we go through as spouses are very different from those who are caring for a parent, a grandparent or other relatives.
I signed up for this forum because it is so unique, I didn't spend anytime looking at the other posts or lurking for a while. I think it's going to be a positive experience for me.
Welcome Jimmy, I am sorry you have the need for the forum, however, everyone is very kind, helpful & non-judgemental. As you mentioned this forum is unique, and we all thank Joan for creating it.
Welcome to our special family. Like the others, I am sorry you need to be here, but I am glad you found us. I haven't been here very long and there are so many new people that have joined this group in the last couple of months alone. It takes my breath away.
Welcome to my website. I hope you have had a chance to visit the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com. It is full of information and resources. I would suggest you look on the left side and start with "Newly Diagnosed/New to this Website". Then click on "previous blogs" and scroll through the topics. There will be many you can relate to.
We have many men who read the site and write on the message boards. We love to hear the "guy" perspective.
I will be back to finish this, but right now I have to do a radio interview.
Hi, Jim, and welcome. If you wouldn't mind, we'd love it if you posted on "Where are you from", "What are the age groups" and "Ages of caregivers". And please let us know if there's something we can do to help...
I'm back, and want to finish my introduction. As I was saying, please take advantage of all the resources on the left side of the website. Some of the pages will load slowly - it's a technical glitch that I am slowly fixing - just give them the time, and they will load. Others load very quickly.
The section - "Understanding the Dementia Experience" is very valuable. Please be sure to check the home page every day for updated news and blogs. The "Articles of Interest" section has not only articles, but videos. I would also encourage you to listen to the 3 radio interviews I did - they, too, are on the left side of the website. As I mentioned in my previous post, I recorded one this afternoon on caregiver stress and holidays.
As for this forum, we are spouses who understand each other, because as the motto of the website states - "Our Issues are Unique." You will find subjects discussed and understood here that cannot be either discussed or understood by caregivers of parents and grandparents. I encourage us to talk about these issues as long as it is done with tolerance and dignity. You can find topics by going to the top of this page, and clicking "search".
Welcome to my website - please see above to the welcome to Jimmy. It has all of the information in it that I give to newcomers. Please be sure to check the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - every day for updates on news articles, information, and daily blogs.
You have landed at a place of comfort and understanding for spouses of Alzheimer patients.
Hey, Iowawife, I grew up in Cedar Falls. Council Bluffs is quite pretty, as I recall -- I've been through there a couple of times, long ago. Now I'm Sanjosepat's neighbor, living in San Diego. I do like the weather here better! Welcome to both of you!
Welcome to you all. So sorry for the reason you are here but you have landed in a soft place with lots of understanding people who have gone through or are going through rough times.