welcome MagruderS! yes this is the best site for our worries and issues dealing with dementia spouses. you will find tons of topics and help looking back thru older discussions and you can start your own if you have concerns, questions or just want to vent. many of us have spouses into decades of care now and others here are new or mid in between. all shapes and sizes so to speak. but we all speak alzheimers. a very difficult language to learn and harder to teach. hope to see your posts soon! divvi in texas
So very sorry you have the needs\ to be here, MagruderS, but so glad you found us. This has been my lifeline for the past several years. So much information and support! Welcome aboard.
Welcome, MagruderS! Sorry you have to join us, but as the others have, and will tell you, this is a very supportive, compassionate group of people, with a wealth of experience and knowledge and a willingness to share and to listen. I would be lost without them!
Welcome MagruderS, and I always like to remind people of the "search" feature. Just type in any subject it is a great way to find answers. You can come here any time of day or night, and someone will write to comfort you. We are allowed to yell and scream, cry and rage, and no one will tell you how to act.
lindat posted under Wind Beneath My Wings. Welcome to lindat and an apology for a belated welcome to MagruderS, who I somehow missed.
To both of you -
Welcome to my website. I started this website in 2007 because I couldn't find anyone who would talk about how I felt - I thought I was the only one feeling the way I did about what Alzheimer's Disease was doing to my marriage. I needed a place that dealt with my unique issues as a spouse of an Alzheimer patient. This site is now a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience".
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
I have been a member for a while I just lost all my info to get in that's why the newbie stuff husband was diagnosed feb of 2009 but showed a lot of signs before I just shrugged them off in 1998 he had a full size pick up that the jack moved and it fell on him when we got him out from under it he was foaming from mouth and nose so the oxygen want getting to him the signs started then the forgetful ness it wasn't until 2009 that dr diagnosed alzheimers he also has issued with copd , high bp and now diabetes so it has been a slippery slope for us as well as most here he had 2 tias last year so that is why I decided to retire early
As you all know I am not a new member but I could not sign into my account and I know I was using the right information. So.....I had to do a new account and now I have no picture. The "ole lady" is not smart enough to add a picture, so I'll describe me. Blonde, blue eyes, nice smile, looks great in a bikini and I'm lying......LOL
Nora always makes sure I stay grounded. Coco, sexy is a word that doesn't apply to me anymore. Vickie, the game last night was a nail biter but I surely was glad we won. Love all of you.
Charlotte, I tried every trick in the book. I even checked some of my old post to be sure I was right. I don't post much lately but I come here every day. I want to know what is happening with my family.
Hi- I am new to this forum. I met a wonderful member-ElaineH where our husbands are- the Charlotte Hall Veterans Home. My husband has only been there 2 weeks though he has had dementia for 5 years. i took care of him until recently, and I'm struggling with guilt and sorrow but also relief. I look forward to reading all the comments- they seem so helpful. ColetteR
Welcome coletteR. I don't post a lot but chime in once in a while. My DH (dear husband) is still living at home. He has been on hospice for about 3 months. If I did not have them to help and my daughter living with us I couldn't do it alone. He hasn't been out of bed since October 14th.
Eva just found this site, do not understand as to how it works, what sticky do you use. husband is 83, I am 75, since july of 2013, he got really bad, think he was ALZ 2 years ago, but certain happy, that brough it to a head, had to put him in a hospital, and that is were he was diagnois with ALZ> after he fry his brains, cutting grass in tempature of 95 to 100, no water or food. Then told a nurse, he though cutting grass in heat would end his life. And that is when the hell happen. What ever, never let a doctor, put anyone on HELDO A DRUG, CAN TURN A normal human being into a vegtable!!!! had in him a nursing home, to get better, to a ALZ home, got much better, could take care of him self, and talk OK. memory is a mess, a long road to this. Now I have him home, but with help, would not do it with out help. He is parnoia, delusional, all towards me. But that is my reality now, I can not spell, no excuse the mis spelled words. looking for some one near Peoria Il.
Eva, is there an ALZ Support group in your town? The people that operate it have a lot of good ideas. This is a wonderful site to chat with others that are going through the very same thing. My DH (Dear Husband) was diagnosed 8 years ago. He's home and I, so far, have had little help. I know I've got to start having more help. He's 82 yrs. old. Hey, do not worry about spelling or anything here. Just write exactly what's on your heart and what you want to write. Absolutely no one judges. Everyone is very supportive.
Eva, sticky means the top 12 topics stay on the top of the bulletin board. They start with this [sticky] and so they 'stick' to the top.
When you look further down the first topic that doesn't have the word [sticky] in front is the most recent topic someone has written in. Click on that topic and you enter it and are able to read what has been said.
If there are numerous pages then click on the last page to see the most recent comments.
When you are signed in then you can post in the comment box at the bottom of each topic. Also the board remembers what you read if you are signed in and starts you on the next comment in that topic.
Look down past the 12 'sticky' topics and you will see what people are talking about recently.
Good luck. Don't be afraid to ask if you need help. I'll watch a bit here.
I would go down to the February topic, open it, and go to the bottom where the comment box is and introduce yourself there. We're a friendly bunch and with just a bit of help will get you comfortable and get you in touch with people in the same boat as you.
new to the place, nice to be here. i'm only 50, but my wife was recently diagnosed with early onset Alz, what makes it most difficult is that I am her primary caregiver, but I'm disabled and in a wheelchair. Plus i'm going a little crazy because I can't drive so the only person to talk to is her and we don't have real conversations anymore.
BullyHayes so sorry about your DW. We also had early onset. My DH passed last year in Dec. Please read through the topics, I am sure you will find the help you need and ask any question you have about AD. This group has helped me so much.
Welcome Bully. so sorry you are having to deal with Alz with your wife. but you will find a lot of comfort here and tons of helpful info. we have several caregivers who are disabled, and they may soon join in to show you the ways to get all the help that will be available to you now and future. with both of you disabled I would imagine you will get some greatly needed help soon. try to get the ball rolling with contacting the local Alz assoc and area on ageing In your area. divvi
I wish I had found this place over a year ago.My wife was 60 when finally diagnosed ,I was 47.There was relief and sadness at the words "it is the worst I've seen"by the Dr. who did the evaluation .Is there a particular forum here to relate "our story "?More for my own mind clearing than anything.
Welcome, Alberta_Norman. Does that mean you're from Alberta, Canada? To answer your question: on the top left-hand side of the page after you sign in, you will see in red print, "Start a new discussion." Click on that. You'll need to give a title to this new discussion. It could be, for example, "A newcomer's story." (You won't need the quotations marks.) And then, take it from there. That's quite an age difference. In a way, it's an advantage - more energy and electronic skills. On the other hand, it's young to have to face this. However, there are many young spouses here, and they will give you understanding support. If you are from Alberta, which part? I was born in Calgary and have lived in Edmonton.
Mary has given you the way to start a new discussion and tell your story.
You may want to save it to your clipboard before posting because there's a time limit where the board automatically logs us out after a period of inactivity which includes typing into the comment section. Copy your story first after writing it so you don't lose it.
Welcome to my website. I started this website in 2007 because I couldn't find anyone who would talk about how I felt - I thought I was the only one feeling the way I did about what Alzheimer's Disease was doing to my marriage. I needed a place that dealt with my unique issues as a spouse of an Alzheimer patient. This site is now a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". Since you and your wife are so young, you may find the section on EOAD (Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease) helpful to you.
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
Welcome to another nurse, and a young one at that. Sorry that you have this to deal with, but there's a wealth of experience here to help you in this journey. Like you, many of us had seen signs for a few years but didn't recognize it for what it was.
welcome to Norman and Eileen.s. glad you found this invaluable forum. many of us have been here several years now still caring for our spouses at home, others have placed theirs or have lost theirs to the disease. a wealth of info in previous posts.
This is eva, has anyone else, felt such sadness, about spouse Alzheimer's, my husband, probable had it for a few years now, but no one pick up on it, till last july, the year before he was on me, about a boy friend he though I had. He never wanted to do any thing but stay home, I am not that way, I have to doing something, so started the YMCA 3 days a week, after wards, no real reason to hurry home, I would do some shopping, what ever, all of a sudden he came up with this boy friend stuff. Not to go into to much details, it got badd, very bad, I had to leave home for a week, till, he sign a contract, that there was no boy friend, and would do things with me. Lasted a year almost to date. WE moved into our sons home, I think, that did not help, a proud man. He started up with the boy friend stuff, hid my lap top, said he wanted find my secerts, I ask, him were it was, he got mad, I mean mad, told him to leave, go to old home, (not sold yet). He decided he was going to cut grass,in 95 degree temp. had a sun strock, not enough water, ended up in the hospital, from there to mental ward, put on HELDO, because he got angry, took 2 cops to hold him down. From there things went down hill fast. He ended up unable to dress, feed, talk eat for himself. Got him out of that hospital, to another one, they got him on better med's, from there to a nursing home, to re learn everything. Because of his angry towards me, I place him in a Alzheimers home, there for 3 months, got much better, his attude towards me change, so on thanksgiving I brought him home. Since then all has been going well, I keep him busey, have help at home, more of a camponship for both of us. But I am so sad, I cry all the time, I am on med's for depression, but feel it is not depression, just plain sadness, very bad, hard sadness. The person from home instead is great, but, I still feel so sad. Very hard to put into words, Has any one else experience this????
Welcome, evasally. So sorry you have to be here but you'll find some of the most caring helpful people here who really understand. Yes, I have experienced the extreme sadness you're going through and I'm sure everyone here knows exactly what you're talking about. Joan will be along shortly to welcome you to her website and others will share some of what they're going through. You're not alone. We are here for you.
Eileen - Please tell us a little about yourself and your spouse so we can help you. Eva - You have come to the right place - we have all felt what you are feeling. That is the whole idea of this website - that no one but a spouse can understand.
To both of you - Welcome. I started this website in 2007 because I couldn't find anyone who would talk about how I felt - I thought I was the only one feeling the way I did about what Alzheimer's Disease was doing to my marriage. I needed a place that dealt with my unique issues as a spouse of an Alzheimer patient. This site is now a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience".
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
Eva, I'm so sorry you're going through this. My DH, according to dr. is in the beginning of final stage. I've spent 8 yrs. wanting to cry and just not have the energy. This site is so wonderful because you pick up little tidbits on handling different situations. Also, everyone knows exactly how you feel and why you feel the way you do because we're all suffering through this same miserable disease. I, too, remember the rage and period of throwing things. We remember and the patient forgets.
welcome Eva. I don't think any of us have not felt as you are. I have brought up older topics under discussions for you that deal with this very issue.
I am from Arkansas and my husband was recently diagnosed. I saw a reference to this blog in an e-mail. I am very new to this but I can see there is a lot of help out there.
welcome jsrich! This is a great support for spouses who are caregivers no matter how early or how late stage their LO is. There's a lot of information and compassion here.
Hi all. I am new to this website also, although I have posted on a couple of the other topics already. A brief overview. My husband Bill was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia 10 years ago or so. He was 67 at the time. I am currently 56 (there is a 20 year age difference). We have been married 31 years come this December; but of course he is not aware of this fact. That's okay, I am. We have run the gamut of denial, anger at the diagnosis, vagueness, anger and violence towards me, suspicion on his part (about everything: money, infidelity, me wanting to leave him (he was actually right about that on several occasions-but I never did), etc. It is a learning experience that I would wish on no one. He is in the later stages of the disease, but there are times when I see glimpses of him. I can still make him laugh and smile which strangely I am both happy and devastated about at the same time. I cannot explain this, only that it is the feeling I have. I had to place Bill in a Memory Care facility two weeks ago. It went better than I expected, but he is very depressed and confused. He believes that he has been arrested and is now being held until the sheriff says he can return home. The facility is okay. Sadly, the other residents don't seem to inter-act with each other voluntarily and thus he has not had the opportunity to connect with anyone. Most keep to themselves and are either very angry or are practically sleeping every chance they get. The staff try and keep them alert and entertained in activities, but most just do not join in. Is this typical? I have been second guessing having him placed, but honestly can no longer care for him at the level that is needed. I still work full time and cannot find good help for in the home. For several years, I did have a friend stay with him while I was at work and that was okay for awhile, but when Bill became incontinent - that was no longer an option. Plus, Bill got to where he was sleeping during the day (friend tried but couldn't keep him awake), and so was up all night. Very hard on me to be up all night and then try to work during the day. Something had to give and I was afraid it would be my health - which wouldn't have done neither of us any good. So, I had him placed. I have never been so depressed in all my life. Where do all these tears come from anyway? I should be completely dehydrated and should have lost some weight at least!
Anyway, it is a blessing to find this website and I have found so much comfort reading other posts; knowing that I am not alone in this. What a horrible, horrible thing to happen to someone. It is just so devastating.
Welcome to this life-saving site, Darlene. I lost my husband 11/24/13. There was a 16 yr. age difference but we had almost 40 years of a wonderful marriage. I kept him home 10+ years until the last two weeks of his life. This is a constant roller ride we are on.
I am so happy you found us. You will find much comfort, support and loving caring here.
Welcome, Darlene. My husband also thought he was being held by the police. I had to park my car where he couldn't see it when I visited his facility. You are right-sad beyond anything we could have ever imagined.
Darlene, welcome to a terrific site where you will find support and lots of information through reading blogs and the past discussions. I understand your concern about the residents at your husband's ALF not interacting with each other. My husband has been in ALF for 1.5 years now. He is at a stage where he does not talk too much (although makes sure he tells all the other guys in his Men's Unit that I am his wife). He also does not interact with the other men and does not participate in many activities. He cannot find words to have a conversation. He cannot understand or process what anyone says to him. He gets very anxious at all of the noise and commotion of activities, so walks away from the group. I, of course, wanted to see him make friends in this unit but I've discovered that is not what he needs. He needs to feel safe and content, and at this point that means calm and quiet with a friendly hello from staff when we pass them. He also needs to feel love, so I'm there with him for a couple of hours almost every day. He does not want to leave the Unit even to go out on the patio, so we just sit, and I hold his hand, stroke his face, make him give me a hug - although it makes him uncomfortable (picture a 10 yr old boy kissing an old maiden aunt!). I tell him I love him more than anything in the world and give him snacks. Although is is failing more and more, I do get some connection with him each day. He knows that he's loved. He eats well and sleeps well and we've increased his meds to combat the anxiety and combativeness that have been creeping back these last few weeks. It keeps him a bit muddled, but he is no longer threatening to either me or the staff.
I never know what I'm going to find when I get there and try not to expect too much from him. I confirm that he's eating well and sleeping well. And for the rest, I take my cues from him. Give your husband a few more weeks to 'find his feet' in his new home. I believe he will settle in. I've watched 8 new men enter husband's unit in the last 5 months. On average, it's taken each of them about a month to feel comfortable - but they all have. All the best to you and your husband.
Thanks for the warm welcomes. It really does help. Yesterday I visited Bill for a couple of hours during which we sat on a couch in the common room watching the Niners game. I noticed that during this activity he seemed very calm and content - not restless at all, and then it dawned on me. For years it was a routine of ours to sit together on the couch (at home) and watch the Niners each week during the season. He seemed oblivious to the fact that we were not 'at home'. A staff member came by and offered snacks and for the first time in ages, he engaged in a conversation with someone. It was so wonderful to watch him interacting with someone. Usually, the best he can do is nod or shake his head to acknowledge a question or comment. When he tries to speak or communicate, it is more often than not, gibberish. Or, he gets frustrated because he cannot 'find the right word' to express himself. So he basically shuts down. At this point when he spoke with the staff person, two of the other male residents came over and introduced themselves (Jim and Philip). I was stunned. Of course, I am sure none of them will remember each others' names, but it was so good to see a connection made, even if it only lasted a minute or so.
I also asked Bill if he wanted to go for a ride in the car for a change in scenery. He wasn't interested. His big worry now is that he thinks his beloved dog, Pepper, will forget him. I keep reassuring him that this will never happen, but he misses his 'best friend' so much. I have asked the facility if I could bring Pepper there to visit, and they have said I could; but that he can't come into the building. In a couple of days, I will bring Bill outside the facility (there is a park next door) and let the two of them visit. I hope it goes well and doesn't make Bill focus on going home.