I am nearing my 64th birthday, husband 76: This journey started with dx 2003 I retired 2005 as during Katrina hurricane I finally realized it was time to come home. Some days I feel older that him!
Nancy B* here. Just checking in to be sure you deleted me from the caregiver count. So sad when I read how many 40 and 50 year olds are on this journey. Bless them everyone!
On June 6 I will add one more number to the 60 group. I always had a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 60. But now it approaches and I feel like I have lost the decade of my 50s to this disease. DH was diagnosed Feb. 2007 but AD had negatively impacted our marriage and my life for much of the past decade. There were many plans for "after 60" too but they the kind we all had of our retirement, travel, renovating and living in the house we purchased several years ago and living an urban lifestyle for a change from 25 years in the suburbs. I have never dreaded a birthday as much as this one and I AM SO ANGRY!
Anchor, I think you are right. I was 80 when I decided my brain needed exercising and stretching. I can't type and have to use one finger and can't even program a VCR but I bought a computer and a book for "Dummies" and I am doing okay. My typing and spelling is better. My next door neighbor is 90 and she has decided to take some lessions and get on Facxebook. You can't keep us ole ladies down.
Terry--I know exactly what you're saying. I'll be 50 at the end of this year, and feel--like you do--that AD ate my last entire decade. So to hit the next milestone wondering if it'll get eaten too does make me anxious and more than a little angry. Not a worthwhile way to feel though, so I really just try not to tap into that emotional plane very often.
Bama, I only got one because my son build it for me. If he hadn't wanted me to have one I still wouldn't have one and my Father was 81 and refused to get one. Even now if my friends really need to get hold of me they don't email me because they know it may be weeks before I check my emails. My friends also don't leave messages on my phone because they know I don't check them at all and that I will just call them back as soon as I see that called. I do use the computer to check what movies are playing and what time because I take Kathryn to every movie I think she will like. We have always enjoyed going to the movies and still do. I love to hear her laugh. It's like a gift.
I am 75, DH is 73. I have always had the energy of a 40 year old, but this disease is beginning to take its toll on my formerly boundless energy. At this point, the hardest thing is trying to do things DH used to be able to do -- fix sprinkler systems, repair fences, repair concrete, on and on. Am attempting to make the yard more maintenance free. So many talented people in our church, but they are all so busy one hates to even broach the subject. If I have to hire something done, I feel like I am getting ripped off -- and 30 year old grandson tells me things like "Grandma, the price you paid was okay, but definitely not a bargain." So many talented sons, sons-in-law, grandsons, and granddaughters. The one with most energy and willingness to help is my dear 48 year old daughter, strong breast cancer survivor for 7 years now. Her hours are precious too. She is a lay counselor with a faith-based counseling service here, and her days are quite busy -- she is attempting to put together a family work day to help with the yard. All are so very busy with their families and careers. Being a true widow would make it seem as if helping me were a bit more urgent, but I "have a husband" (who of course used to be able to do all those things, and quite well) so outwardly it does not appear that urgent. Sorry to rant on and on, but you told me I could do that here!!
Spellchick, My kids and spouses are coming to our house tomorrow to do yard work. One of my SIL called last night to see what all i wanted him to do and told me that he would try to come up once a month to do whatever I wanted him to do. We both still mow (I love the exercise) but trimming bushes, etc is too much for us. I also hate asking anyone to help because I know everyone has their own things to do but I finally got ticked off at my kids and suggested that instead of calling to see how we were, that maybe they could visit and help do some things we can't do anymore. They live within an hour of us. I think I made them feel guilty but thats ok. They should! I better quit typing or I will be ranting as well! :)
My one almost local daughter asks that I have a Mikey-do list for her hubby when they visit. She pitches in, too. I do try very hard not to impose on them and do as much as I can on my own. Of course I have threatened that if they don't help clear out stuff now they will have to later when I am gone (very big grin)
yes spellchick you can rant and rave here so don't worry about that. I guess I think like the older generations in that I feel like family should stick together thru thick and thin and help out those that can't do anymore. This disease gave me a Huge wakeup call in that family doesn't always think like I do. That means we have moved from our home of 17 years to a rental 300 miles away to be near other family that I thought would help.,.,..... bad mistake. I am learning that I have more strength mentally and physically than I thought and try to do most by myself. It is not easy and all doesn't get done, but oh well, it will still need doing when me and my dh are gone so let someone else do it then...... if possible...... then they will see just what we managed to do with our not so normal life. Rant and Rave we all need it...... Hope you have a great weekend....... And Happy Mother's Day if it applies.....
Mammie, thanks for the happy mother's day wish -- and same to you!! Have four of "my" kids, two of DH's, 13 grands, and several greats. Grandson Tim (6'4" -- I am 4'11"!) came by a couple of hours ago and said he will be over Monday to get the sprinkler system adjusted and working properly. He just got a new, better job, and has a few days between them. And my brother came today with some sod, put it over a large bare spot in the front lawn. We worked together on that -- so as time goes by, the family is pulling through and I don't even have to whine or beg! My daughter said she and I will go to the early service Sunday and the rest of them can fend for themselves, go to the second service or whatever while she and I go out to brunch. Can't beat that! I am truly blessed.
Bluedaze, I have also used that threat about them having to do it all when I am gone -- hehe! (evil cackle!)
Oh sheezzzzz.... My countdown to 60 is now just one month. back in February I made so many plans to do "stuff for me" during these last days of my 50s. I can't believe I was so stupid to exchange workshops at Esalen in Big Sur for a two week road trip to Richmond, VA, which turned into my respite from hell which I spent entirely dealing with psycho tenant, visiting ALFs, and having my empathy-empaired son tell me he "was not looking forward to my moving to Richmond.". If I can make it though that heart wrenching experience I guess I am damn strong just like everybody thinks I am. One month and I can't think of a single thing I want to do for myself except the impossible of having a caring family. I see a book on my shelves titled "On Women turning 50" which I never read. Too busy trying to deal with DH. hope there is a turning 60 one.
Emily, if you send me your address I will send it to you.
terry, I am within 2 months of the big SIX OH. Plan to spend it in Chicago with my little sister and best friend. Hope DH will cooperate and stay with his brother during that time! If not, I'll just leave his rear at home and let him flounder for 5 days. Evil...I know....but I am not giving up this trip.
49 , count down is on to 50 the end of Sept. Caregiver since 2007. My daughter wants to know what i want to do for my birthday. Why is it so hard to think much further then what needs to be done before bedtime.
donna L,why do they ask what we want to do? If you are antything like me you just want to get some REST. Tell her you would like a mini vacation for your birthday,that is what I would like for mine(in Oct.)just a few days ALONE-ALL ALONE!!Of course that is not going to happen,but everyday at bedtime(which is H---)I just dream of it. I will be 61 going on 95!!!!
bak, i can relate. i have not had more than 3 hours away for my husband in over a year and a half. i think that was the last time some of his friends took him to out of town with them for a couple of nights. time is soon approaching that we will have to get some help so i can get away. i keep putting this off because i don't want to have all the feeling i know will come when i leave him. he only let's me take care of him. he is still so proud and i still want to respect him all that i can. i am so lucky to work at home but it is a forty hour week along with all the other things we as caregivers do. awwh, dreams....
donna L- I finally found thaat our local senior center has an adult day care that will watch over Paul while I go to the store and to appts.. They are very good with him and I do not know what I would do without their help. I can as least have a few hours to do the shopping in peace,it was hard the first few times to leave him,but like with children it gets a little easier with time. The guilt thing creeps up on me when I leave him,but I have seem how good they are with him. Yes ----dreams--we always dreamed of growing old together but now it is I that am growing old and he seem to be the toddler. So much for dreams of our golden years,they will be tarnished now!
Alrighty, guess I'll fess up to being 58, 59 in November. My dh is 81 and I think in the earlier stages of this disease. I try not to wonder too often if I'll be sacrificing the last youngish years of my life to this disease. So many things I'd like to do, places I'd like to see, time I'd like to spend with grandkids. Oh, alright, I'll stop my pity party now. Good night everyone.
I am 68..DH is 72. diagnosed a year ago, but I saw it coming after he fell off the roof 3 1/2 years ago and sustained bleeding on the brain...family noticed it coming before that
Don't see that I've posted on this. DH and I are both 78 been married 59+ years. Problems began about 1 1/2 years ago dx this spring with vascular dementia. He is still capable of taking care of himself and doing all the yard work he enjoys. Not supposed to drive so our favorite pastime of camping is over since I can't drive the truck pulling the 5th wheel. He no longer keeps the check book or pays the bills but is critical of the way I am doing these things.
Don't forget--there are a number of couples where the wife is significantly younger than the husband--for example, a woman in her 50's can easily be married to a man in his 60's, 70's, etc. That would increase the CG's in their 50's.