Well we have made the dicision, JR is going to respite in Feb and if things go well he will stay on as a resident. He will have his own room own bathroom. A shared dining area and only 12 residents all with AD and 2 care aids all day. We may bring in his own bedding, TV, chair, clothing and of course family pictures. I hope I am doing the right thing for him. I just wish that I could afford to quit my job and stay home with him. I know I am the best caregiver for him, but I am so concerned for his safety while I am at work I do not know what else to do. I so hope for his sake that he is comfortable and happy there. The kids and I will each take turns going to see him, the care home is 1and 1/2 hrs away but one of us will go each day for dinner and take our little dog in to see him. kathy
This is a decision only you and your family can make. It is a big step, but you will know if it is right for him and you. You are fortunate to have family to help you with the transition. I think a smaller home is better. There is more individual attention. There will be a period of time for adjustment. You have to do what you feel is best for both of you. Your concern for his safety makes it very hard for you right now.
I am putting my husband in a home on Friday. I also found a small home with only five AD patients. I know that I am doing the right thing for both of us. I feel I will have more quality time with him without the stress that I have now with 24/7 care. The stress only increases. I have had doubts about by decision and one I made with lots of research and prayer. I am having family here for the holidays, so felt it was best to do it before they all arrive. My daughter is here now to help me with the transition. It will take time for him to adjust, but feel like he will be well taken care of at the home.
I will be thinking about you. It is not easy, but do what you think is best.
Thank you for your comment Darlene, I will also be thinking of you . I know how hard it is to come to the decision of placement. I am glad you also found a small one. I think it will feel more like a family setting as well as gettting better care. I just wish it was closer so I could pop by on my lunch breaks and after work instead of having to drive so far. next year I may see if I can transfer my job to the city and then I will be closer. I will be thinking of you this week as you make the transition. kathy
I also had to place my husband, hardest thing I ever did. No sooner was he there than I was sure I could bring him back home and do a better job--but that was just fantasy--we were both better off and he did adjust--had a 'girlfriend' and all that. You will have 2nd thoughts, 9th, 27th and even more, but if there is no abuse or neglect, it really is best for everyone.
Thank you to all of you, I ahve spent the afternoon in tears and feeling like I am losing my mind, he seems so fine sometimes as he sits on the sofa watching TV, then the next minute he is trying to pee on the chair in the kitchen or trying to put the remote control on his foot as a slipper. This is the most horrible thing I have ever done in my life. Kathy
Hang in there Kathy. I know you feel like you can do everything, but can you? Know what you mean about all the strange behavior. We were in town tonight with my daughter and she ran into a shop in a strip mall. Ralph got out of the car and proceeded to pee in the parking lot. Thank goodness it was dark and there wasn't any one around. OMG, I could just see someone calling 911.
Thanks all for your kind words. I do need them. It's been a rough day and he has been aggitated today. Darlene
God bless your hearts, Girls, you are having so much to bear, and I can only imagine. No one really can know till they face all that you have. My thoughts and prayers are with and for you. Thanks for Sharing, PAT
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I too faced the same thing in May of this year and had to place my dear husband. It is very tough and still is at times, but, you will get through it. The first few weeks I felt I had made a mistake, but, my daughter talked me into giving it more time. I cried alot during this time, but, I did give it more time and now I am glad I did as he is doing so well, despite the AD. I see him everyday and he is getting the best of care. The choices we have to make during this journey are not easy, but, nothing in this journey has been real easy. We are all trying to do the best we can under the circumstances. There is no road map.
I agree there is a shortage of Health Care Professionals all over the U.S., but, as a Caregiver, I just go in and be with my love one and also try to assist in any way I can. This has also helped me knowing I am giving of myself and also able to be with my DH. Luckily, the home he is in has plenty of help right now, but, I still try to volunteer my time when I can. The CNA's do have a very difficult job, and when I am there I try to make that job a little easier for them. All the hugs and thank you's from the CNA's and Residents make it all worth while. Also, that big smile and those "little fish kisses" (as I call them) that I get from my DH gets me through. Still hurts to leave him, but, we have to go on with life.
I really need to hear these success strories right now, I cried most of the night and have even thought of quitting my job and going on assistance so I could stay home and look after him myself. This is just such a hard decision! I know how lost he is going to be without me. We will go see him everyday but it will have to be in the evening because of work and the distance from our home to the nursing home. Thanks again for your words of encouragement. Kathy
I have signed with Hospice and I will be getting 3 days of respite this week. I was thinking that DW would stay at home and I would go away. They told me they only offer respice in a NH. So now I am having second thoughts about this. She told me that she would go to a NH, but she if very afraid because she can not remember anything and is afraid of being lost. I am thinking that she could hurt herself if she is not being watched. I would feel terrible if something happend to her. I understand that you have to sign a form that takes away all resposibiliy of the NH or am I making that up? I told her it is only for a couple of days and I will pick her up on Saturday moring.
moorsb I would not be too concerned about her getting hurt or lost in the NH due to the fact that when DW was in the NH last spring they placed alarms in the bed and her wheelchair so that if she tried to get out they would alert the staff. These were pads with sensors in them and they monitored her getting up or even sitting up in bed. hope this relieves your mind somewhat. bruce
moorsb--Call and ask your questions. Fastest way I know to ease your mind. Keep in mind this first time will be the most difficult. Her memory difficulties may actually work in her favor. Your the one with the working mind doing all the second guessing. You told her it ison lyforacouple days. Now tell yourself.
I was surprised to find out that respite in my state under hospice is strictly done in NH's, very few of which had locked dementia units, and most of those were inappropriate for my hb because he is so ambulatory. The majority of the locked units are in ALF's that don't participate in providing respite for hospice patients. I think you need to find out the specific NH they will use and check it out. And remember, if it's over a weekend, they will have minimal staff on duty.
Have made tentative arrangements for my hb to spend a week of respite (for both of us) in the Alzheimer's wing of the local nursing home in Oct. He stayed there in July while I attended a granddaughter's wedding and did fine. I plan, Lord willin' and the crick don't rise, to visit our son in SB, CA. I'm thinking this is the place he'll live if/when he's too much for me to handle. The stress of keeping him in sight even at home and cleaning up his messes is VERY stressful. Seems some of it must be deliberate: peeing in laundry basket, peeing in stack of clean towels, peeing here and there and everywhere (almost). Moving objects from one place to another. Have put most stuff away. Can't leave anything I care about (mail, etc.) where he can see it. Oops! This isn't a vent thread, sorry.
I visited one small family home close to my home. It only had women, which I thought would not work out for my husband. I also wonder if/how these (mostly) women can deal with a man much larger than they are in this kind of a setting.
I don't have to deal with this at this point, but, who knows when that day may come. I have noticed accelerated memory loss in the last 6 months and even faster lately. Of course, he will not stop drinking and after the first glass of wine, his cognitive skills all but evaporate. But, even without that, he is forgetting soooo much lately and much faster than before.
Confusion, Hospice told me I could have 1 - 5 days respite every 90 day period of Hospice Care. I then tell DW she will be for 3 days and she agrees to go. When I get to the NH and we have DW in room. I am filling out the paper work, I am told that there is a 5 day min respite stay policy. I think DW will be ok, it is I told her I will be back in 3 days to get her. I am hoping that this is one of those things that she forgets.