I would love to hear from those of you who are hunters and/or hunt with your dear spouse. DH and I have hunted together and separately since we were old enough to do so. We hunt together and usually without others. Sometimes, our Daughter and Son-in-law or our son hunt with us but usually we hunt alone. We then grind our meat, make our own sausage and hamburger. It is not only a source of entertainment and hobby for us, it is our food and together-time for our families working with our meat in off season. Last year, we processed 5 deer and 4 elk and feed three families with it. DH and I very rarely buy beef, only 1 hog a year to use for sausage making and to eat the rest. So, for those of you (if there are any), how did you wean this out of your lives and what did you do in its place? It is really a sad time for me thinking about this coming to an end.
Thanks for all responses, good or not so good. You really would have to be a hunter to understand the ramification of this question.
My husband hunted for many years, but there is no way that I would think it safe that he hunt now. I don't know if he would actually understand the meaning of pointing a gun. He might just point it at anything and pull the trigger. I have emptied all of the shells out of the hunting rifles. He knows that they are still in the closet, but I am not sure he fully connects what they are used for. I miss venison a lot, but I think I would probably ask a friend if I could have a few of their chops (my favorite) to cook for old times sake.
I understand the ramification of your question because we live on 10 acres and I love the outdoors. I love Montana and I couldn't imagine living there and having my hunting taken away. I would pick some nice trails to walk on close to where your hunting spot was and take in the outdoor experience without the hunting. Do you hunt deer or birds, too? Polly from California
I'm not a hunter, but lived in places where a lot of the people around me did hunt. And also depended on what they had hunted to provide meat for the family as well.
You've got two "problems". The two of you had an activity you enjoyed doing together (the actual hunting) and one that bonded the two of you together (dealing with all of that meat). And in addition, you are going to lose the financial benefit of providing your own meat. Truly, you don't have to be a hunter to understand the sadness and the loss you are feeling.
We are not hunters either but my husband always had guns - long and pistols - and he was always big on being able to keep firearms because you might need them to protect yourself. I knew taking his guns from him would be a big one although he hasn't used them for years. But, one time last year when he was in a decline daughter removed the guns. He missed them about a month later and made a pretty major fuss about them but it passed but is not forgotten because whenever he is mad at me (seldom) he brings up that I stold his guns, etc. Her husband said 3 of the pistols had ammo in them and they were not under lock and key.
You will have a upset over taking them away but eventually you will have to and I know you already know that.
My husband Tom hunted deer and birds all his life. He trapped and fished too. His Dad was a logger in the winter. Tom grew up in the woods. He's 52 with EOAD and I'd say end stage 4 but no signs of 5 yet.
Tom and I have deer hunted, moose hunted, bird hunted and fished together. When we met 16 years ago, we became partners and Tom never did anything with his guy friends anymore. It's just been me and him.
The past two years my son-in-law set us up in a stand, on the ground, with heat, in a slashing, where there was nobody else around. That is where Tom and I hunted together. He dropped us off in the morning and picked us up at night. Tom's fine when I'm with him because he asks me before he does anything.
This year Tom and I are going to hunt on our own land. I don't trust Tom to go off on his own hunting but he's fine with me. He's still hunting birds too, but like I said. I don't trust him on his own but it's easy because he wants to do everything with me.
Like driving, I will know when it's time for the guns to go. And because they are such a part of him I'll probably have to stage a robbery. That's easy because around here it's common for just guns to be stolen.
Thanks, Cynfany, I couldn't have said it any better. I too will know when it's time for the guns to go. We have a locking safe that we bought when our children were little. Our son is the only other person who knows where the key is. We also never keep the ammo with the guns. The guns never come out unless we are headed to the mountains.
Someone mentioned a camera. Last year, DH actually told me that when he stops hunting that he is going to still go but take a camera. I think that the thing that will end hunting for at least DH will be the "pain in the neck" factor. It already is turning into more trouble than it is worth to him. He sold his horses about 8 years ago. He stopped about 10 years setting up hunting camp in the deep woods. Both because it was no longer fun and way too much work. He can't stand the cold anymore and he just doesn't seem to have fun doing it like he used to. When we went mountain grouse hunting in early-September, it was three days of pure hell for him. With the cold, rain, wind and snow. I think that things will slowly evolve into not going.
As for this year, in three weeks, we are planning on setting up our "cabin" tent. (Like a wall tent but with a floor.) and staying, just the two of us, in the high mountains. We will do some short walks and hunt for elk. After that, we will take our pull trailer with all the comforts of home to the lower mountains and hunt both deer and elk (if we haven't gotten the elk yet). Again, only us and may be a day or so with his brother or our kids. If I were a betting woman, I would place odds on this being our last year.
As for me, you will probably still see me going on day trips with the kids. And, for sure, I will be helping them process their game.
My DH was diagnosed @ 3 years ago, after hunting season, so the issue didn't come up until the following fall. Thankfully, the issue of shooting took care of itself. He decided he loved animals and didn't want to shoot them anymore. But he still wanted to go hunting with his friends. So they took him several times in '06 and '07, and from my husband's account, would take turns sitting with him in the truck while the others shot. His love of hunting was always much more social anyway. In the meantime, I went thru his locked gun closet (he had put that in when our children were young) and got rid of all ammo, and then had a friend come over and double check the guns themselves. Fortunately, my DH was so compulsive about separating the guns and ammo because we had children, it was easy to confirm all was safe. So he still has the key to the closet, but only guns no ammo, and THIS fall he announced no more hunting trips because the cost of the leases were too much. So after this season is over, I will probably sell the guns (his hunting buddies have been great in giving me leads of reputable dealers, etc.).
We had our 8 days in the mountains with our tent and all. It was wonderful. Without the stress of every-day life, things went really well for DH. We had good conversation, and lots of walking. His first couple of days back were fairly normal because he was so tired.
Yesterday started turning bad. He started to get bored, then a new storm front is moving in which always causes joint pain. Last night, the joints and probably sundowning hit hard. He kept telling me that he was going to die. This is usually where his conversation heads when he feels so achy. Not related to mental stuff, caused by how he feels physically. He wanted to make sure that I kept him (his ashes) with me. We both want to be cremated and kept at home. We have talked about this for many years. So, he is very worried that I will get a new man and then get rid of his ashes. I can't believe this one. He was so disturbed with me that he slept in the basement last night and then this morning, he was actually crying because he doesn't know where he is going to end up. I have always told him that I do not have any intentions of getting a new man and he just has it in his head. To top this off, he is so undecided about our next trip to the mountains that I can't even schedule my vacation a work.
I just called DH to check on him and he said that because there is no one else who loves him except Curly our wired haired fox terrier that he is going to cook for Curly and take care of her. He is making pasties. If you don't know what pasties are: they are a pastry folded over meat, potatoes, onions and sometimes carrots (we use carrots) with spices. They look like a half-moon and they are cooked on a cookie sheet. Very good with gravy and/or ketchup.
I'm glad he is feeling better and going to do something productive today.
I hope so. I hope that he doesn't just make one for him and one for Curly.
We were going to make them two weeks ago to take hunting and things were so messed up that I didn't want to get it going. They are really nice to eat in the truck for lunch while watching a side hill. With a bottle of ketchup, of course.
kacnk - what a great comment for some of us. We are 78 age married 46 yrs, officially diag about 3 yrs ago. Wife.Family - 2 sons = 1 haqs 2 girls othewr 2 boys. Both live in town away from us.They will be here Nov 15 for our Neb deer season. Wife shot a deer years ago theb we gaqve her rifle to one of the boys. Last sun 1 son ,wife & I went to our deer hunting place wlked to our stands fixed then . Then sighted in our rifles.. Wife doesnt shoot any more but goes with us. After diag i was told to lock up our guns as she was diag with a terrible get mad at me problem. They prescribed serqunol it made a world of difference. Then we went through the hiding pills , not taking then, an epesode of hiting, kicking, & cussing. The problem with that is not that she hurt me but what if I cant control me & do something stupid. Anyway we live in rural area and her and I go out many times just to look for deer and anything else including sunsets. Sounds like some of the comments are real hunting and loving families. Glad I found ths site. Oh 1 more last spring wife, 1 son & I sat in a ground blind and I shot a turkey.. We fish also.
I enjoyed your remarks, kacnk. There really are so many changes. Our 26YO daughter bought an elk tag this year. First time. In the past, she only hunted deer. Hunting wasn't good the first week but we had a great time.
My husband and I always hunt together but last year we did not go, he mentioned this year that we would be going and I got nervous. We can set on watch together but I am thinking of having our son take the firing pin out of his gun. I missed it so much last year. We hunt with a nice bunch of guys and stay in a hunting camp 1-week. I need to talk with the guys about hubby, I may have our son do that as well. We also process our own meat, canned it, made jerky and sausage. Missed all that last year. We also fish a lot, have a camp on Black Lake in NY, the last 2-years his balance was bad and he fell everytime he went on the dock or in the boat. The Dr said to make sure he wears a life jacket. (The camp in on an island) Our kids have been good about taking supplies over for us and keeping the boat ready so we just have to drive over, actually last summer they even picked us up a few times. Life is so very different!
Gosh, Mary in Montana, this topic brought back a flood of memories. Glad you got in the trip to the mountains. I miss the mountains and hunting. We are in MO since last Dec. with my wife in the nursing home. She is from Colorado and I moved out there in 1970. She went deer hunting with me several times but mostly just to camp and hike. She could shoot pretty good but didn't really want to shoot a deer. Black powder elk hunting was my favorite and the years I got an elk I didn't gain weight during the winter. I haven't been hunting since 2003 and haven't been to the mountains since I took her camping July 2007. That trip was our last camping trip and was sort of hard on me but she enjoyed being out and I'm glad we made it and that I have some pictures of her on that trip. I don't think she has looked as serene anytime since.
Hey, oldbiker, I love your name. It actually reminds me of my husband when he would ride his horse in the mountains. Even though he is still fairly young at 55 right now, he looked "seasoned" in the mountains on his horse. He also road kind of side-saddle with his knee over the horn because his legs would hurt him. Another great memory.
He is so calm in the mountains and our Son IL is so great with taking him on walks and being patient. Understanding from others is so wonderful.
Daughter got to hear a rant last night. She asked me on the side later if this happens very often. She has had her eyes opened a few times lately. She asked me why I put up with it. I asked her what my choices were: should I divorce him, have him lose my employer insurance and then move back in in a couple of years when he needs help...or...should I just try to keep him calm and "go with the flow" helping him when he needs it. She agreed that I was doing the right thing but that she didn't like to hear him yell at me like that.
This weekend, we are pulling our camp trailer to the mountains and hunting with Daughter and SonIL for two days. Daughter and I will take turns walking and taking care of her two little girls. Husband and SonIL will take bigger walks and, hopefully, find elk.
We are in the midst of the hunting issue now and this will have to be the last year that DH is encouraged or assisted in any way to go. Last year I watched as he held his gun and it was obvious that he wasn't using good safety practices and he formerly TAUGHT HUNTER SAFETY. This year, our grandson took him to the stand and within an hour he was ready to leave.. something you don't do around here because other hunters are nearby. It isn't safe AND isn't fair to other hunters to have someone driving around on the lease. Our grandson brought him back to camp and was a good sport about it. He even took him again the next afternoon but sincerely, we are at that point where although people mean well and such, the deer hunting camp is NOT a place for someone who needs supervision or is impulsive. Hunting and fishing have been lifelong interests and I'm so sorry that he can't go out to camp and have it be a good experience for everyone.
Judy, it is just so sad to see these things have to end. For me and for the family. So far, we don't have any safety issues and, here in Montana, it is pretty easy to go where there isn't anyone else. We don't use blinds and such. The last couple of years, he has become sensitive for the animals, mostly the deer. Each year, he tells me that we should buy a beef and not hunt. Then as it gets closer, the excitement starts. I have said previously that this will probably be the last year but I said that last year also. When he starts to show problems with safety, I will know it is time to stop. We are not diagnosed and I'm pretty sure it is FTD, so we are dealing mostly with the mood changes, the personality changes, the adgitation, etc. Also, sundowning and tiredness almost daily. Also, pouting, ranting, etc. So far, not having to deal with much short-term memory and "forgetting how to do things" stuff.
It has been two years since I found this site. I wrote this thread in November of 2008 during hunting season. Things have changed although not really gotten much worse. He tends to get more tired and is usually in a better mood when he is tired. He tends to let me make all of the decisions without much fuss although I still catch heck because he doesn't remember that we talked about a decision before I made it. Still thinks that it is all my fault but not as often. Divorce doesn't come up as often as it did two years ago. His bad days are not nearly as bad as they were two years ago. is not as alert with his activities. Is not as demanding with what he wants to do. Is getting much worse when he dwells on something. Last year, we went hunting again but did a lot of day trips hunting deer and did not spend the camp time. I miss the camp time but it was getting harder for me organizing everything. It's much easier packing a cooler and leave from the house.
The last few days have been the worst that I have dealt with in several months. A lot of dwelling on things, worse sundowning, always talking about how no one loves him, more rude and short with me, angry and not very patient. I started a log a few months ago and have just been puting in the really bad things or things that are "aha" moments.
Today at lunch, our son walked over and sat in the livingroom. DH was sitting in the diningroom and I was in the kitchen making sandwiches. DH asked me if we were going to eat in "here" or with son. I told him in the livingroom. He immediately told me that it would be nice if I would answer him when he talked and eat in the diningroom as I didn't tell him to eat with son. This is the behavior that I am dealing with currently.
As for hunting this year, we have not bought licenses and may not. DH just doesn't seem to enjoy himself anymore and it would be a good way to stop. "sad for me though."
It is good to hear from you Mary. Sounds like things are progressing slowly, rather than a quick decline. Please keep an eye on the anger and impatience- that can escalate without warning, so be sure the doctor knows about it.
Have you had his hearing checked? It's possible he really didn't hear what you said about eating. Sid's hearing is terrible. When you combine hearing AND comprehension problems, you really get a mess. I'm trying to get some insurance help with paying for hearing aides.
My husband was a different kind of hunter. He flew the A-4 Skyhawk , 407 combat missions, so he fired some hefty "guns " and held the record for gunnery for many years. And he also tried hunting when we lived in AZ. He went out once, shot dove, and then felt bad about that and said he would never shoot anything that flew again. He has gone to Alaska on his gold prospecting trips and the smallest firearm they could have was a 44 MAG for bear. Lucky he never saw one. We used to go out target shooting. He has two collectors guns..one an old cap and ball..the other a replica of a 45 from the Battle of the Marne. We have always kept a gun in the kitchen up high and one on the end table in the bedroom. I have had the concern about the guns too and one day about a month ago, without saying a word, when I was changing the sheets I just took the guns and locked them away in the armor plated gun safe that we have. He has not said one word about them. It always sat beside his CPap machine..and not a word has been said. I know where to get it should we need it ( there is a house two doors up where there are known drug dealers) and we live in a pretty nice neighborhood..but with that mess up the street who knows.I have also told his brothers not to talk about guns at all anymore. He belongs to the NRA and gets the magazine and admires the fire arms but the prices are so high he is not interested. I am going to remove those magazines from the mail to reduce that interest even more.
I hunt birds(grouse) have for over 50 years so last fall I took LO along an thought I would stay close to the car an she would be fine,found a little woodlot that I've hunted for years told her to stay put an I'd be back in about a half an hour,I hunted around the car an came back to check on her an she was walking down an old two track with her PURSE over her shoulder,asked what she was doing an why was she carrying her purse,she informed me that ladies didn't travekl without their purse in case they find something they wanted to buy,hmmm since there were only trees an scrub brush in the area I can't imagine what she was thinking of buying,but then again I can't figure out whats she's doing anytime,so I guess after fifty years my hunting is close to being just a memory
Ol Don, can you get someone to stay with your wife while you go hunting? I hate to think that you can't continue to do something that you enjoy. You are a great caregiver, but you also have to take care of yourself.....
I didn't have to make guns disappear. But, after a lifetime as a builder, handyman, and hardware proprietor, my husband has trouble understanding that it's not a great idea for him to operate sharp power tools. Hence, when a thought comes up--we need to take a limb off that tree, or I need to repair the fence--I tend to just defer the thought like this: "Oh, we'll just do that later." Then I do it myself, or hire someone. He seems to buy the idea of hiring people now, more than he used to.
It has been said many times on this board, but it bears repeating - Guns and Alzheimer's Disease do not mix. Not under any circumstances. An Alzheimer brain is unpredictable. What they understand and are capable of doing can change in a second. If you want to hunt, keep the guns at someone else's house, and leave the person with AD at home with a friend, relative, or paid aide. I cannot emphasize that enough. It takes only one brain "blip" at any time, and completely unexpected, to cause a tragedy of monumental and irreversable proportions.
Amen Joan, that is why our guns are in a locked gun safe. DH never had the combo and would not be able to open it now. However, as soon as his brother comes again for a visit I'll get them out of the house and reclaim them later.