I have written several times about my husband waking me up two or three times during the night (to find something for him to watch on TV - he only dozes during the night), then about 4 a.m. he would get up and get dressed and go into the den like it is 6 a.m. (normal get-up time). I have "talked" him back to bed where he would stay until 5 or 5:30, but all of this has left me without enough sleep. Then, for a few nights, he seemed to be better, not waking me during the night, and staying in bed until 5:30 a.m. I could live with that. Then, both Friday and Saturday nights, he went back to getting up at 4 a.m. after waking me every two hours. Sunday morning, after he got up at 5:30 (after I had "redirected" him back to bed (saying the coffee wasn't made yet and we had to stay in bed until the coffee was made - has been my best excuse to lure him back to bed), I went back to sleep until 7 a.m.!!! My daughter took the early shift! <grin>
After I got up, I went into the den (my husband was watching a movie and hasn't been "listening to our discussions" in some time) and told my daughter and grandson that Monday morning I was calling a locksmith to come out and put a lock on our bedroom door that could only be opened with a key so that he would HAVE to stay in the bedroom until it was time to get up. That I HAD to have my sleep to continue to hold my job. They agreed.
Well, it must have soaked into that AD brain of his.....this morning, the alarm went off at 5:50 a.m., and he was still in bed and hadn't awakened me during the night....and when I got up, he stayed in bed an extra 30 minutes before getting up! YEA!!!!! (I'm STILL going to get that lock though!) <grin>
Mary, you go right ahead today and get that lock installed:) my gosh it has been my salvation- for not only having my bath in peace ( i lock us both in while i am bathing and he roams the room)but for security at nite if he gets up i can rest easier knowing he wont get out and get himself into trouble. he can be quite the 'hooligan' (this term is so appropriate i giggle) when unsupervised. i caught him in the service room where the A/c and water heaters are! yipes i had to check to make sure he didnt turn any knobs..this will probably be my next lock installation. if i have to i will deadlock all doors and open as needed. its just too much to have to deal with the daylite issues on top of no sleeping for us. i know how you feel i get up every few hrs to accompany him to bathroom, i am so afraid of falling issues or slipping. take it from me and get that lock now for peace of mind. ps, after he is in bed, i usuallly put the key back into the lock just in case so he could get out next morning. it works he never looks anymore. divvi
ps be SURE to leave an extra deadbolt key on the outside of any room to be open in case!! (my dear 'hooligan' went into the bedroom and got back at me and locked himself IN and me out- and luckily i had the key..:)
Thank you divvi! The lock is being installed in the morning! I got four keys...one for my daugher, one for my grandson, and one for me - with an extra (the keys come in twos) which I will have to keep in my purse. Even with AD, my purse is the one place my husband has refused all of our married life to look in! <grin>
Like you, I'll install each lock as needed. Right now, all I want is a good night's sleep (again)!
Mary, if you get more be sure and have them keyed like the one you have installed in the morning and you will not need a bunch of keys. Actually, it would be nice if you had that one keyed the same as your door key. Anything to eliminate extra keys.
Wow am I glad that this subject has been brought up. About 3 weeks ago my husband began waking me up starting as early as 4:00 a.m. He asks me, "What time am I taking off?" "Do I work today?" He asks me over and over because of course he forgets the answer. He keeps telling me he is fine here by himself (even though he has had a caregiver in our home for 13 months) I am just about ready to purchase the double sided locks for all of our doors because he is pacing a lot. I am interested to know how the DHs and DWs react to these when they first discover that they are on the doors and they can't get out. Mary, I think I am going to mention the lock to him tonight and see if he wakes me up tomorrow. I don't post much, but I read a lot. You all are lifesavers.
Thank you for the advice! I stayed home from work this morning for the installation, and just received a phone call that the installer won't be able to get here today, so now it is Thursday.. Three more nights now!
Mary, you have a heart of gold, cant you call someone else since you wasted a work day???? i would be livid. at any rate, if you wait til thurs i demand a min 15% discount for my inconvenience!! try to find someone else today? 3 days is bliss if you can sleep in peace. surely you have more than one locksmith in town! divvi
ps my DH never guessed there was deadbolts. or the need for a key, he just tugs at them incessantly thruout the day then moves to something else. he was clueless. or rather 'keyless'..haha. divvi
divvi, bless your sweet heart! I love having you on my side! <grin> This lady has replaced all the locks on two different houses for me over the years, and gives me a cut rate, so there is no one who can touch her prices. Otherwise, I would see if someone could do it quicker.
I HAVE had several people ask how my husband will react when he can't get the door open. Whether he will get angry and turn on me, or quietly come back to bed, or walk around the bedroom until I get up. My husband is usually docile as a lamb, so I don't expect him to get angry at me, just frustrated that he can't leave the room. At least that is my hope.
yeah, he will tug and tug and then not remember he cant get out and have a try again:) if i had a penny for every door tug i would be rich- it will fall on deaf ears now i hope Mary, you just roll with the flow and it goes in one ear and out the other. its for his safety and welfare too and for your ability to know he is safe and cant get into troub le while you relax! its been since jan i had our bedroom bolted and he seems to enjoy messing with the lock then laying back down then back at it again. could this drive a person crazy? you bet, so be ready to just do your own stuff while hes dealing with it all:)ignore, ignore, -in time it will lessen and you will regret not doing it sooner! ha. divvi
FayeBay, thank you for my smile this morning! I'm lucky that BEFORE AD, my husband wouldn't have been able to take the pins out and remove the door! <grin> (I don't keep a hammer and screwdriver in the bedroom anyway, and I don't think 40 year old door hinges would come out easily.)
He didn't get up until 5:30 this morning! For those who read about our "hide and seek" game on another thread - we found the tweezers and one hairbrush! We're down to one missing hairbrush now! <grin>
I now have a new doorknob on the bedroom door that can be locked with a key from either side! It looks just like the other doorknob did! He won't be able to tell the difference - he just won't be able to open the door! This is great!!! I can't wait to try it out tonight! He got up at 4 again this morning, and I'm sleepy!
The locksmith came out yesterday and replace the bedroom doorknob with a key-locking doorknob. My grandson took my husband on a walk just before I got home for lunch (I called him so he would know when to leave) and the locksmith met me at the house and got it changed out without his knowledge.
This morning, sure enough, around 4 a.m. he got dressed and went to the door and tried to open it and it wouldn’t open. So, he got his house key out of his pocket and put it in the key slot. It wouldn’t unlock it. Then he walked to the bathroom doorknob and looked at it, then went back and tried once again to put his key in and unlock the door. He did this about 8 times. Then he went in the bathroom and went to the bathroom, washed his hands, sat on the edge of the bed and put on his shoes. Then got up and got the remote for the ceiling light/fan so he could turn on the light to see the keyhole better.
After that, he tried about 5 more times, going into the bathroom, coming back to the doorknob, trying again to unlock it – before I took pity on him and got up. By this time it was 5:30 a.m., and I figured my solution has been a success. <grin of happiness>
Not once did he get angry, upset, or frustrated! He just methodically kept trying to figure out how to unlock the door! <grin>
NOW, if I can just sleep through his trying next week! I had to stay awake, yet pretend to be asleep to see what he would do this morning. <grin>
By the way, every time someone talked about getting a deadbolt on the bedroom door I took it for granted it would be a separate lock. But having it in the doorknob itself is a great idea. And putting it in when they are not around is an even better idea.
Right now I don't need that, but it goes into the ideas in the back of my mind.
Also, right now the bedroom door has one of those "bathroom door locks" on it. And I'm wondering if that alone might work when and if I actually do need to lock the bedroom door.
Mary, good for you, happy its 'working'..i know, getting used to them tugging picking pulling turning is the hardest thing to overcome early while you want to rest. you will get used to it once you are satisified it works and he cant figure it out. but know upfront for a good time it will be an ongoing thing as soon as hes up he will start the process again and again-its heartbreaking i know to watch them try all sorts of odd things to get it open. my DH still pulls and tugs trying to 'escape' but i know its best for him not to roam while i am not available to check. its just one more thing AD makes us do to overcome safety issues. dont dispair soon you will be comfortable with it all..divvi i know about the pity part, i also open the door after my bath so he can get his pacing finished:)
I think it depends on whether he remembers or not.
I told my husband a week ago he was having an outing this afternoon. I reminded him two days ago. HE asked about it at suppertime last night, and he didn't go on his long walk this morning because today was the day of his outing. He didn't understand it would be in the afternoon however.
OK, so as you can tell he DID remember he was having an outing. And he remembered it over several days. It is possible your husband will remember that he can't get out the door unless it is open. Or maybe not. It is going to depend on exactly how his disease is progressing.
Not sure Mary, its like groundhog day around here:) mine never remembers the door wont open. he constantly pulls that one is hes locked in the bedroom with me. but the one in the living room to outside he has subsided alot on that one- its had locks a longer time, so maybe theres hope they will get it!:). like Starling says depends on how much yours retains about it all from one time to the next- sounds like your DH is still doing pretty good, gets dressed and knows enough to turn on lights to investigate etc. so he should remembre it didnt open but i bet hes going to try try try that key every time:) ha. you just have to learn to sleep around the fuss and he will get up but maybe come back to bed like you want in time. nothing ever happens like we want the first time out! divvi
I thought I would update you on my husband's reactions to the new locking doorknob - for those of you who also might need one in the future!
The first morning my husband woke up at 4 a.m. and dressed and tried to leave the room and encountered the new doorknob that can only be opened with a key. He spent the next hour trying to get his house key to unlock it, going back and forth to the little bathroom and looking at his key and at the bathroom doorknob, then going back to the new locking doorknob and trying again and again to get the house key to unlock it. At 5:30, I got up and let him out and stayed up with him. He had no anger, rage, was not mad or anything!
On Saturday morning he got up a little later, and tried again to unlock the doorknob with his house key, but I waited until 5:30 to get up (I'm good at faking sleep). <grin>
On Sunday morning, my dressed husband tapped me on the shoulder at 7:15 a.m.!!!!! I rolled over and asked if it was time to get up, and he said "yes." YEA!!! A GREAT NIGHT'S SLEEP!!
THIS morning, he was still in bed with me when the alarm went off at 5:45!!!!!! We got up together, and I unlocked the door and we went to the kitchen as if it was a perfectly normal day!
I think replacing the doorknob with a locking doorknob was a great idea and a success!!! Now I can sleep more soundly and not have to worry about him getting into trouble in the middle of the night!
One bit of wisdom - make certain that you keep a key hidden in the bedroom, because the door is automatically locked when it closes! You don't want to lock yourself in the bedroom with him loose in the rest of the house! My daughter, grandson and I each have a key as well, so we can all open the door if necessary!