I need your help ladies. I am at my wits end. My husband is missing the toilet and wetting all over the floor. Its happening everytime I try to lay down for a few minutes and he gets to the bathroom on his own. I am with him 99% of the time,but let me drift off for a minute, and don't tell me to take him before I lay down,I do that. He won't have to go, then just as soon as I close my eyes. This is our direst issue. I am so tired of mopping the floor. Diapers wouldn't help,he would pull it out and go. Today I lost it with him and cried and shouted till I can't speak anymore. I told him its my only difficulty with taking care of him, can't he understand. If I am standing there he goes in the toilet fine,but let me not be there. Please help with some suggestion because right now I am ready to assume the fetal position myself. I refuse to have my house smell like a public bathroom. I believe I may wind up in a home myself because of the breakdown I am going to have.
Magnoliarose, I understand completely regarding not wanting the bathroom to smell. Divvi, mentioned in a previous post that she purchased a large garbage basket for her husband to use. Much larger so not as many misses. My husband doesn't miss the when doing #1 because for some reason he has started to sit down to unrinate. However, sometimes he doesn't do to well with the #2 paperwork & leaves deposits on the seat. Which drives me crazy. I am sure someone will have some other suggestions for you.
I hate to complain about it, its just he only does this when I am not with him. If I am standing there,which I am most of the time hes perfect. I am starting to wonder if he sees the toilet,its pretty hard to miss. My Mom said maybe to put a different color seat on it. It really is my only vice right now.Thank you Kadee for being here because I really need to know someone was.
I have wondered if putting up a large paper doll of myself might bring my H more comfort in my absence. ;-) Probably wouldn't work, but its a nice idea.
I don't have any ideas as to what to do, though, I am sorry to say. Someone will likely come along with some practical ideas. I know how you feel about the smell. Bad smells really affect me. Do you suppose a plug in might help some? I know you will still need to clean (of course), but sometimes cleaning doesn't make the smell go away for a while. And, I personally detest the hospital smell. At least with a plug in, you can control your environment.
Magnoliarose, This is a safe place to come as you said "to complain" so always feel free to do so, no one is judgemental here. We are all going or going to be going through somewhat of the same things. I feel this board has been a godsend to me. Your mom could be right maybe it would help to put a different color seat, sounds like something to try. Sending ((((hugs)))) Kadee
Have you tried surrounding the toilet with newspaper? So if he misses it you can roll it up and throw it out? Or tell him he doesn't want to wet x on the paper - maybe the comics. MIne is VERY careful when the NYTimes beach towel is on his bed, holding down a waterproof pad. He does NOT wet on the NYTimes at night if he can avoid it. (sometimes this means getting up and going to the bathroom in the night, even)
Another thought, you may already use the toilet bowl cleaner tablets that you put in the tank, however, if you don't maybe if there was blue water in the toilet bowl he would try hit the water.
Magnoliarose, I have been where you are and it isn't fun. There are no easy solutions....mine peed anywhere and everywhere....floors, walls, wastecans, floor registers, wheels on the car...! If you find a solution, God bless you.....it didn't end until he could no longer figure out how to pull "it" out and go. There are lots of commercial products available to help neutralize the odors. If you have a janitorial supply house near you they have very effective urine odor removal products. Also, there is the old child potty training trick of putting Cheerios in the bowl and maybe he will try to "sink" them.....
I can remember many times just standing watching him pee in an inappropriate place and wondering how we were going to make it.....hugs.....
There is a discussion called "Incontinence", which you can find by going to the top of this page and clicking "search". It's 4 pages long - a good indication of how common this problem is. I skimmed through it, and one suggestion caught my eye- white vinegar takes out the urine odor.
I find it amazing that so many of our LO's are urine incontinent; my DH pees in the toilet, no problem. But #2 is a different story. He doesn't recognize when he has to go. Sometimes, I feel I would trade the #2 problem with the #1 problem any day. But I know it must be bad too. I just hate that sometimes the smell is so bad when I'm trying to clean him that I start wretching. It doesn't make him feel any better. I have such a weak stomach, always have. I realize now I could never have been a nurse or healthcare worker. God bless those who do this for a living. I couldn't.
I have a different kind of problem. I have no sense of smell. None at all. My husband is ok in the pee department as he sits but he is not getting himself clean when his bowels move. He toilets himself and unless he leaves a mess on the toilet seat as he sometimes does, I do not realize that he has had a bowel movement and needs cleaned up. I am so afraid that I am going to take him out in public or to the doctor and he is going to be dirty and I do not realize it.
I understand your concerns, but this is not a time to get too caught up in the "small" things. Give yourself a break. You are doing the best you can without your sense of smell. Not a time to worry about what others think.
thank you briegull, i am contemplating food coloring versus the cleaners that turn the water blue. i've never been a big fan of mixing urine and cleaners. you would love my cat, shes so cool. i am also afraid she is going to smell the urine odor in the bathroom and start going there. shes so good about the litter box. so many things to think about. did anyone see Dr. Phil yesterday about the effects of stress and why we can't do or remember things because a part of the brain is affected?
I'm not in the same place you are magnoliarose so I haven't had the experience to share with you. However, as I read your note what came to mind to me is one of those mats that when you step step on them, a bell rings -- like going into a store. Something like that may trigger you to wake up and be there for him. Just a thought.
I wonder if one of those mats might work by the bed at night. My DH gets up at least twice a night to urinate and if I don't wake up, he pees all over the floor. That might wake me up. With my husband it's his inability to hold still (myclonic jerks) that makes him not able to keep the urine going in the toilet. Although at night, he really can't find the toilet. Why does so much of this disease have to revolve around elimination!!??
Flgirl, my husband also has the myoclonic jerks. and DianeT,the mat sounds like a good idea. It amazes me he does so well when I am with him but not so well without me. I have a very bright night light in the bathroom and the bathroom is less than 6 feet from the bed in a straight line for him. I normally feel him rustling when he needs to go and take him right in,but when I am exhausted I think it would take a cattle prod to wake me. I don't sleep well to begin with and I try to nap when he does if I need one. If they put these issues on the AD drug commercials maybe people would have a better understanding of what AD/dementia is. The few people I have know with AD have never had bathroom issues until the very end. But as its been said here many times,to know one person with AD is to know one person with AD.
Thank you all for your quick answers. I get here as often as I can,its a lifeline.
Ya know, I hate to sound trite about a serious problem, but this brings back a memory that I had buried for almost 50 years. I had four little boys. Same problem. They could never hit the and I, too, was mopping the floor several times a day and wiping down the walls. Ugh! I hated that job. The smell drove me crazy. A neighbor told me to just throw some cherrios in the bowl. they float. The trick was to convince them they needed to try and aim for the cheerios. Worked like a charm. Of course, they needed coaching because the first thing the oldest one thought of was to try and knock the cheerios out of the bowl. It didn't work, but there's always one in every crowd. Right?
Now, I understand there is some modern technology along the same lines. there are little black plastic bugs, etc. that float. Same principle. Personally, I'm so fiscally responsible, the cheerios are cheaper. But, whatever....
Let me know what you think about this. Would it work for DH. I don't have the problem YET and I sincerely hope I don't ever have to deal with it.
I swear my hubby has the smallest bladder ever. He's always had to go often during the night, and used a plastic paint pail for a urinal to save the trips and be able to go back to sleep. With his VaD he's graduated to a Tidy Cat litter bucket. He doesn't miss, and if he's closer to the bedroom, he'll go there instead of trying to make it to the bathroom (other end of house). He takes Proscar for the enlarged prostate, but the frequency has always been with him. In the bathroom he won't sit, and doesn't always hit the target. I've put a "floor" towel around the base of the commode. What it doesn't catch, I can pull/push it around to wipe up. It's easily replaceable as needed and can be laundered. I can't have wet spots on the floors--incompatible with braces and crutches. He is aware and has even asked if there's surgery to lengthen his equipment (atrophied) so he could aim better.<lol>
The main thing I'm trying to help him with is tuning into the signals so he gfoes before it becomes a crisis. I remind him to go just before he's due to go away. Very much like trying to remind a little kid, when they're too preoccupied to go often enough. I'm lucky we've got the #2 constipation under control and that it isn't an issue yet.
i will try the cherrio's (i am frugal and little black things would probably freak him out) and the floor towel. i try to make sure he goes at least every two hours and i cut his fluids off at 7 except for water he needs for medicines.hes in bed by 8,8:30. he usually is up twice at night.it used to be worse until the dr. gave him a beta blocker to relax the urge to go,back then we were in the bathroom twenty times a night. i think sometimes he doesn't remember he just went.he has a wonderful doctor who will listen to me and is willing to give him more medications as they are needed. i have to keep him alert enough so i can handle him as i have back and leg problems that are really going to effect my being able to move him around if hes any more out of it. i also thought about finding a tall oval garbage can and cutting the bottom out of it and putting it over the toilet and seeing if that would work. i have learned his signal for number two and will wake me up for that so its not an issue at the moment.
thanks for all your help. sorry for not capping the beginning of sentences, hands hurt to bad to hit the shift key.
Magnoliarose, yes i am where you are and have been for some time:) i am not a fastidious house keeper like my SIL but i cant stand urine smells either. i have run the gambit on commerial cleaners/odor bans. i can only relay whats been working for me lately, is i did buy two white color oval and non sharp edged:) plastic garbage containers like for the bathrooms. the darker colors with my DH agnosia?(sunshyne knows) he doesnt like anything with dark colors! so the white works best for me and i go with him or try every time he goes to pee -you just stick it under close enough to 'cover' it all and voila! NO MISSES! or any cleanups except to empty the can into the commode and i spray it with clorax til next time. god bless him, i missed taking him yesterday and he found his way to the bathroom and DID try to hit the white can instead of the toilet by himself without holding it up close. awww. so i think even he is learning!! whohoo..? to use it now instead and its become habit? all i kn ow is it double duty beats having to clean floors and toilets and walls!!! i do leave two old absorbant large WHITE (again i learned by trial/error no colors! he wouldnt get near them)towels on floor around the commode too just in case for foot mopup..its working so well for me now, i h ope this helps.
Call me crazy, but I had an idea so I just went and tried it. I took a regular metal coat hanger and, holding in in front of me with the hook pointing up, I squeezed the "shoulders" down on each side to flatten out the hanger. I then bent it in half making a U'shape of the 2 shoulder sections. I then took the hook and bent it around a little more to try to close it up. Then I slid the U portion over the front edge of the toilet seat from the inside, 1 portion on top of seat, one underneath. (Sorry ladies, we need the seat DOWN for this one!) So, the closed hook was now protruding into the target area. I went out to the garage and got my transmission fluid funnel and placed the nozzle into the hook. (Funnel is about 24" long in total) It held it there perfectly and at just about the perfect height. I would hope this is "different" enough that husbands would see it and just grap the funnel, position it close to Mr. Johnson and hopefully problem solved. The funnel is plastic so the hanger easily holds it in place. Making the hook more into an oval shape than a circle helped keep the funnel from rolling to the side. Maybe too much trouble to go to but honestly, I'm just trying to help. Thenneck
divvi, that's an interesting thought. Visual agnosia is the overall term. One of the subtypes is "color agnosia", which is the inability to discriminate colors. The AD patient may not be able to name colors (my husband has some of that), or may have trouble "seeing" contrasting colors. This often manifests itself in the ADLO refusing to step onto a dark rug (such as a throw rug in front of a door or a dark bath mat beside or in the tub) because it appears to be a deep hole. So perhaps an AD patient may have trouble telling exactly where the toilet bowl is, because it's all white. The use of food color in the water might make it look more like a hole.
I'm also wondering if there may not be enough light in the bathroom when magnoliarose's husband tries to go by himself at night. My husband insisted he was fine, but I bought a fairly powerful little nightlight for his bathroom. It has an on-off switch, and I've noticed that my husband faithfully turns it on every night.
Another idea I just read that might apply to older ADLOs ... they tend to go back in time to their childhood. If they were used to using a bedside commode back then (or an outhouse), they might be confused at night, having just awakened, and tend to look for the toilet in the wrong place -- by the bed, in a closet, etc. Sometimes a bedside commode can help, or laying a brightly-colored carpet trail from the bed to the toilet.
Also, Bigtree Murphy has a really good site for all things incontinence:
http://bigtreemurphy.com/Incont.Home.htm
She also has lots of helpful tips on "dressing for incontinence care" at:
Sunshyne, well i found the opposite, that white colors dont bother DH but any flowery or dark rug towel like you say he voids. he was trying to step over a black bath mat thats how i first knew his colors or perception is off. thankfully we have white carpets thats good for this but bad for the 'other' stuff. but the idea of colored water maybe worth a try. i am still going to use my garbage pails i know that works even if i have to be there to help. divvi
Again thank you all for your help,you all have given me great ideas and things to avoid. I did notice today one one of our bathroom treks,he looked like he was afraid of stepping on the bathroom floor. Its a marblelook greyish floor, maybe this is a visual thing. I have heard of people saying their lo often wouldn't step on a rug. I am also going to buy a quilted bedpad and cut it out to fit in front of the toilet and around to the back.
We had a birthday party for my nephew today,I was so worried about how he was going to react around a group of 6 year olds, normally kids get him adgitated when they are running and screaming,but today he did well.
Magnoliarose, another thing I am not sure if anyone has already suggested? I buy puppy training pads, the pee can't soak through the plastic backing. I just toss them each morning and place new ones down at bed time. Saved me a lot of clean up. Best of luck!
My dog became paralyzed after a fall last winter. He had total incontinence for about 6 months. I was using a ton of these, so ordered them online in bulk. The pup is now fine, and I had a lot left over...so I figure why not give it a try. They work really well :)
You can buy "targets" from toys r us and babys r us and I do not know where else. but google, potty training aids and targets. We bought them for my grandson and now my hubby uses it. It gives him a colored picture at the bottom of the bowl to focus on and aim at. I keep a canister of colorox wipes on the back of the toilet and use auto matically use them to wipe around the toilet each time I go in there. I stopped going in there with bare feet several months ago!!!!!!!!!
I love all of your suggestions! I just had a crazy thought....how about painting a "frame" around the toilet seat in NEON paint so that it shines even if they forget to turn on the light? It would have to be a color that they like and can see. Sometimes the color of the seat is too close to the color of the floor.
Just a thought. I am going to try Theneck's and Nikki's suggestions when the time comes! I've already taken divvi's advice! <grin>
I know this might sound silly but when my kids were first starting to potty train which is what we are now dealing with is potty training again. I put cheerios in the water and made a game of it but it doesn't help if you are not there to keep score for him. We do what we have to when our LO have deteoriated to toddler stages.