Hi Folks, I've visited this site frequently for several months and have gained so much information. I've really been touched by how warm and eager to help each other this community is. My DH is 67, been having short term memory difficulty for several years and is on Aricept and Namenda following a neurolgist diagnosis of MCI nearly two years ago. He now just sees our FP for check-ups and medication refills as he (DH) despised the long waits and the depressing waiting room atmosphere at the neurologist's office. DH acknowledges he has a memory problem but definitely does not recognize how much more drastic it has become in recent months. He seems to have a distorted sense of time now, spending hours and hours on projects (ex: finding a source for refills for a couple of older ball point pens, researching just the right fuel additive to put in his older collector car). It is driving me nuts, because there are huge projects that need tending to and all I hear is, "I'm working on that" or "I'll get started on that Monday morning." Of course, nothing happens other than a new piddly project. I know why this is, and I do a pretty good job with patience. However, beneath this issue is his longterm habit of procrastination and as a result of this all is that he hasn't filed a tax return in three years! He has paid a generous estimated tax each year so we are probably due some refunds, but still I get freaked out every time an envelope appears in the mail from IRS. Because of commercial and rental property transactions during recent years, the accounting end of it is pretty complicated. I think if I went in his little cubby office and tried to round up and confiscate just what is needed for the first year involved here, I am facing a major battle. Our accountant knows the situation and is waiting for me to show up at his door with appropriate paperwork, but I am bumfuzzled. Has anyone else out there dealt with a similar situation?
Wrennie, hi and welcome! so glad you decided to join in person. your DH sounds alot like alot of DH here on this forum! it drives us crazy too if that is any comfort. now on the tax issues, thats a whole different ballgame. you need to get that done ASAP, ASAP. you may have HAD a refund coming but you must keep in mind that the penalties for non filing AND daily interest accrues and it can add up fast. since its been 3yrs thats a long time to not file, plus your tax man is going to have headaches having to file for previous yrs. i know all about this from personal experience. i wont go into it but believe me i almost vomit if i see a letter with an IRS heading:) i can tell stories would curl your hair-Ha. so be a good girl and get all the relevant paperwork in order this weekend and get it to the tax man next week without procastination. you will feel such relief when its done. i k now! glad to have you onboard. divvi
wrennie, Welcome. After my DH made mistakes on the tax return for several years, I told him that I was going to help him and I took it over. Our tax returns are pretty simple and I was able to do it with some commercial software. Do whatever you can to get the paperwork to you accountant. If you husband balks have the accountant or someone close explain how it is a crime not to file. Maryd
Wrennie, welcome to the group..We went thru a similar thing with taxes except my husband DIDN'T pay the estimated...I nearly croaked when I found out and took over right away. we are finally free from that, but it took forever. Yep, when that IRS envelope arrives I feel ill immediately. Divvi is absolutely correct...get it handled ASAP or the penalties will kill you.
I haven't even read the rest of the comments, wanted to jump right in. PLEASE file married filing separately. My husband made a big mistake twice in 3 years, and this year I filed married filing separately for the first time. That safe guards me from any mistakes he makes. I have read about women who have gotten into BIG trouble due to this. I personally don't want to fight the IRS in addition to the other battles I am facing. Have the accountant separate everything & go back & file separately from the past 3 years. I don't know from your post if you have an income or not, but don't sign anything jointly.
Welcome Wrennie, I have our accountant handle everything to do with taxes, scares me to death. I haven't experienced the IRS envelope, however, I would vomit also if one came in the mail. As everyone has mentioned, please get all your information together this weekend. I am sorry that you have the need to join us, however, I am sure you will find everyone to be very helpful, caring & non-judgemental.
I don't really have advice, can only say that I can relate to the disorganized mess issue. At least a few years before DH's diagnosis, his basement "office" was a mess of papers and envelopes everywhere. We had the biggest battles over this. He would get so upset if I moved anything. It was as though his "mess" made sense to him some how and if I moved anything, his whole "system" fell apart. I now attribute this to early AD. I should've known then. It would've helped.
Can I relate? Oh, me. My husband was in charge of finance and admin for my business. We did research under grants from the National Institutes of Health. You would not believe the tracking and reporting and auditing that is required for the NIH, on top of corporate tax returns. GAAP compliance and all that other good stuff. I had no idea what was going on in his part of the business -- I had enough of my own stuff to do, and he was a world-class expert in Government contracting. Our accountant had a baby and decided to stay home with it, so he hired a new one, who turned out to be worthless. He couldn't figure out what she was doing, since his math skills were among the very first to go, and things got hopelessly bolloxed before I realized he had a problem, finally got him to see a doctor, and got the diagnosis. And I had no training or experience in accounting -- I mean, I didn't even know what to ask for in a new accountant when it became painfully clear that the last one didn't know what she was doing. I found out we hadn't had an audit for a couple of years, NIH figured out we were deliquent with the audit reports and started making ominous noises, and the records were in a mess and couldn't possibly stand up to an audit. And if the auditor doesn't agree with the books and "disallows" any items, the money goes back to NIH. Not to mention, if the books aren't correct, then there's a preeeeeetty good chance the income tax returns aren't correct.
Well. I hired and fired a couple of times and brought in outside consulting firms and burned the midnight oil trying to figure things out and did a LOT of sweet-talking and groveling with the auditor, and eventually got it all cleared up ... it took a year and a half ... just in time to have the company go belly up. Now I'm dealing with THAT paperwork.
Nuts.
And like you, I simply LOATHE doing personal taxes, let alone corporate, and yes ma'am, I freak out when I get mail from the IRS. My husband was just a teensy bit sulky when I insisted on getting an accountant do the personal taxes from now on, but enough is enough!!!
You come cry on my shoulder whenever you feel like it!
Thanks so much, everyone, for the warm welcome and all the encouraging advice. We just got back from dinner out, and I was delighted to get all the feedback. Kelly 5000, I could have written your response word for word. I have been in the "office" twice to try to straighten up and get an organization system going. Yes, he was irritated and he sulked, and now the mess is growing again. Don't think he can even utilize my category basket system. DH is going to be out all afternoon tomorrow, so I am going to see if I can find all the papers and records for 2005. I have a friend (accountant, retired) whom I am going to ask to help me sort and organize it. Our current CPA will charge $50 an hour for "sorting." Kitty, I will ask his advice on the filing separately; I've been reired since 2004 and have both SS and state retirement benefits as well as an investment account. This tax stuff is one of several mountains that have been casting shadows on my peace of mind lately (not including the AD.) I did get the ball rolling this week on will updates, trusts, POAs, etc. so do have a bit of momentum going. Good to know I have so many ladies with experience in my corner. I would be uncomfortable talking about this with my local friends, and I am not in a local support group as yet----just a counselor who has also been helping me grow the courage to tackle these things. Again, Thanks!
Years ago, and having nothing to do with dementia, we had several years of IRS "questions". It turned out that the tax man we were using had made very minor mistakes with how he wrote out a piece of the tax forms. I sent out copies of the underlying documents and there were no real problems with what had been done. We had declared everything accurately. But I've gotten IRS envelopes. And yuck!
The current tax man has been doing our taxes every since 1991. I've been the one putting together the organizer he sends out every year. As a result there is no reason for me to file separately. I've been in charge for years and years on this issue. Filing toghether works in our situation.
However, if you are in a situation where you believe that your LO has messed up your taxes because of dementia, then getting them fixed however you believe would work is a sensible thing to do. That may mean filing separately. It may mean getting control over finances with or without the help of a professional to do the "sorting". Because you absolutely do not want to try to deal with the IRS in addition to everything else at this point in your lives.