A woman whose work I've admired over the years (in Ms. for instance, is Alix Kate Schulman. Her husband suffered a fall four years ago, with brain damage we can all relate to, and she's written a charming article about it in the NYTimes this Sunday. Look at:
Interesting article briegull. Could you be that receptive to another woman? I have a jealous nature and even though he is incompacited I doubt if I could without the little green gremlin appearing. I wish I was more broad-minded.
Oh, I'd be receptive, I think. My husband had a first love, sixty years or so ago, who married another man. He always kept in touch with her; I met her many times. Now he talks about her all the time. I figure, whatever makes him happy..!
She has written a book about them 'To Love What Is' just ocming out. My DH had a girlfriend in his care facility, they were all over each other. He introduced her to everyone as 'my wife, Betty.' To be perfectly honest, I was happy for him. She gave him affection and attention that I could no longer give. People asked how I could be that way, but the man I married who was still in my heart was no longer the man who now walked with his 'wife Betty'.
Sandra Day O'Connor's husband found someone new in the care facility he is in. The family told about it several months ago and I remember reading about it in the press. Apparently it is not uncommon.
My husband had someone attached to him in the last facility he was in. They were constantly together. I agree with Bettyhere - she game him attention that I could no longer give him. I did get a bit of a shock one day when she asked me if it was okay if she kissed him sometimes. I had no clue how to answer that one. I mentioned it here at work and one of the women came up with a terrific answer - "its okay to kiss him on the cheek".
I later learned that she had been quite a flirt when she was young (in her twenties).
Frankly, I would love it if my husband were to find a "special someone" in his memory care unit. I've even told the staff not to discourage this if it happens. Someone around all the time to give him attention would be great for us both!