I am the lone care giver for my husband diagnosed with Alzheimers app. 4 yrs ago. We have 3 grown children willing to help if & when he is comfortable with it. I have not discussed with the details & don't know what is the disease & what is just him magnified. He is a controler & has always been to some degree. He sways from that to feeling abused. He has other issues & it is hard to tell what is true & what are "pity parties." He has diverticulitis recently, but before that was becoming just plain anorexic about his weight. He is very critical of me & then very loving. Has any one experienced the problem of the patient complaining about the aroma of common foods, that he has always eaten, making him ill & have to go in the bedroom & close the door? Help!!!
Welcome to my website mawmaw. You will find a wealth of information and support here. The very first thing I would suggest you do is go to the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com -of this website, look on the left side, and scroll down to the woman in the life jacket with the "help" sign. Click and read "Understanding the dementia Experience." That is an excellent resource to help explain what is going on with your husband.
Alternating between critical and loving is also part of the disease. On the home page, click on "previous blogs", scroll down to #179 and #209.
There are so many topics on this message board that may help and inform you. Try going to the top of the page, click search, and write in a subject under "topics". If what you are looking for does not come up, try looking under "comments."
We are all spouses going through the same struggles, and we're here to help each other.
mawmaw welcome. I'll try to provide a few thoughts to get you started. Others will be along soon with even more help. I'm caring for my Husband with VaD, mental illness, and learning disabilities. He's always tried to be controlling and still does. I think a lot of it comes from the feeling that he's losing control of so many things. He knows or sense it and so whenever he sees a way to take control he does. Sometimes that's ok; nothing will be lost by going along with him. Other times, if possible, I'll try putting the matter off---We'll do it later. or That's not until Tuesday, so we'll take care of that later. Later I or we do it the way it needs to be done. When he expresses feelings of abuse, I lightly say, "I'm sorry you feel like that." and try distracting him onto another topic or activity. NEVER try negating his feelings, or discussing/getting into an arguement about this. He has the feelings--right or wrong--and doesn't have the ability to understand anything beyond that. Generally, I think a person has a choice in throwing "pity parties". I don't think our LOs have that capacity, but as they regress to more childlike thinking, I think they definitely remember how to garner sympathy wit their "poor me" behaviors. The yoyoing in the way they act toward you is common. Who else can they pull that on?
The aroma issue isn't one I've run up against, but my husband locks on to certain foods and eats the same thing everyday--and we'd better not run out. Then suddenly, he doesn't want any part of that and locks on something else. Of course we still have a supply of the other still left. <grin> He has a hearing loss, as do I, but I have to keep the TV very low when he goes to bed because "he can hear it", and he can hear what I say on the phone in the living room when he's in the dining room about 25 feet away, when he wants to, and can't hear me 8 feet away when he doesn't. One last thing from me for now---please talk to your children. Finds out all you can and share it. You said they're willing to help. The more you all know the more they'll be able to help, and the more they will understand what is happening and why.
Read Joan's Blogs. Read the threads. Vent when you need to. We're here. We've been in your shoes, or will be and we can share what we know so we all get through it.
For me, this site has been the most helpful. Especially to be able to see that so much of this complete strangeness is truly part of the disease. Today I can say that in most circumstances, I realize that if my husband actually COULD, he would be able to use better judgement and listen to 'reason'. On other days, I think he's being so mean spirited and hateful that I can hardly stand him..even though 'its the disease'.
This site has helped me to try harder to ignore the growing number of 'little things' that really don't matter in the bigger scheme of things.
There is no way our children can understand this unless they have ENOUGH opportunities to experience whats going on. Also, their ways of understanding may be different, because of the relationships they've had with their dad. We have four children. I'm fortunate that, although its been 8 years since noticing something was wrong and only 3 years since diagnosis, they finally realize that this is not just a matter of remembering 'who' people are. Even so, each of them have different levels of tolerance for 'helping' and each helps in different ways. The sooner your children get involved WITH you in this, the better.
Welcome mawmaw, and all of the other newbies. You are all truly welcome to our family. We are sorry you needed to find us, but we know - because we used to be there ourselves - just how much it will mean to you that you did find us.
It is, of course, the little things that will drive you crazy. They aren't important. They can't be fixed. There is no way to do anything about them. They are the disease and not the person who you are trying to live with and take care of. And everything else everyone has said. You feel so small because these little things begin to make you nuts. And it all wears away at you.
It does help to know that there are other people dealing with the little things. There literally is no where else to find out that the thing that you ought to be able to get fixed can't be fixed. And maybe, because you know it, maybe you can actually put it all away. And if not, you at least now have a place where you can vent.
Welcome to our little family. I hope we can help you.
AD can change the senses of smell and taste. Some researchers actually think that it might be possible to detect AD very early in its development using a simple scratch-and-smell test. As the disease progresses, many AD patients eat less because food doesn't smell or taste as good as it used to. It is often necessary to resort to adding something sweet or spicy to foods to entice the AD patient to eat.
However, to my knowledge, nausea per se isn't usually directly associated with this particular symptom of AD. Patients in the very late stages can develop digestive problems that cause nausea, but your husband does not seem to be nearly that far along.
Many AD patients are susceptible to urinary tract infections (UTIs) and these can cause nausea. UTIs are usually painful and cause the urine to look cloudy or milky, but not always -- some are what we call "silent", but they can still affect the AD patient's behavior in unpredictable ways.
It's also possible that your husband is developing an adverse side effect from one of his medicines. Even if he's been on a med for a long time, the AD can change his metabolism and cause the med to bother him. Cholinesterase inhibitors such as aricept, exelon, and ravastigmine can all cause nausea and/or diarrhea in some patients.
Whereabouts is the diverticulitis? In some instances, it can cause jaundice. If that is happening, the smell of food can indeed be nauseating. Is his urine getting darker? Stools getting pale? Skin or the whites of his eyes getting yellowish? If you see any of those, get him to the doctor pronto.
If the doctor hasn't seen him since the nausea started up, whether or not you see signs of a UTI or jaundice, I'd give the doctor a jingle and tell him what's going on.
Welcome MawMaw- you have found the only place to get handson advice and suggestions for AD spouse caregiving- even in late stage 6 AD, i see my DH sometimes 'smell' what hes going to eat. strange, since in the begiining it was evident his smelll had deteriorated. my RIP dad on the other hand actually wouldnt eat his fav foods anymore and could taste all sorts of things in his foods-even cookies he would say the tast was bad-he dropped massive lbs due to this phenomenom. he was not dx'd with AD but i am sure he had it before he passed 2yrs ago at 87yr. he also had familiar tremor. he showed every symptom of dementia in the end but heart attack took him in the end. i would also think like sunshyne says, some meds can cause this as well, check with his dr and let him know whats going on. divvi
Mawmaw, you said you have children willing to help "when he is comfortable with it". You should get started on letting them help. If anyone offers help, you should say "yes". Sometimes you will have to suggest a way in which they can help, but accept help if it is offered.