I had an interesting conversation last night with a friend of mine. Her neighbor (age 70) has AD and I don't know what stage but his wife leaves him home alone frequently, including a recent trip to Fla for a week. My friend says he is verbally mean to wife, telling her she can't cook, doesn't know anything, you get the picture. He now drives to Wendy's every day for his food (about 1 mile) and orders the same thing every time.
While wife was in Fla. he kept coming over to her house (she is a 70 yr. old widow) asking her questions, wanting her to go out to eat with him, etc. One day he appeared with a chain saw and said his wife told him to trim her tree. She tried reasoning with him that she didn't want her tree trimmed, etc. and gratefully her son came and defused the situation while she went in the house. He called her from Subway one day and had locked his keys in his truck and wanted her to go in his unlocked house and bring him the keys and she did so and when she got there he wanted her to sit down and have a sandwich with him. His daughter called her one day to see if she would take him to Church with her and she did, then he wanted to go to Wendy's for something to eat. You get the picture.
Friend said he has had incontinence accidents and refuses to wear Depends. Said he was in bathroom at Church for a long time and the next day the janitor commented on wonder who had pooped in the bathroom, missing the toilet and there was even some on the wall.
I don't know who is sicker, he or his wife. My friend said his kids and wife kind of look upon her as one of the family and here she is consorting with a married man with AD, much to her dismay. Any ideas on how to stop this behavier? The wife does not have internet service.
Seriously, he is lonely and apparently without his wife around, he wants company. It could be that she just needs to have a heart-to-heart conversation with the wife, and ask her what SHE thinks should be done. If they consider her a member of the family, then she should be able to bring her feelings of the situation in front of the wife (without the husband present of course). It could be that the wife has no idea how uncomfortable the situation is making her. She has done nothing wrong, but obviously is very uncomfortable.
I would also learn different excuses for not going and for not taking him to Church!
If the wife is leaving someone that disabled alone at home for a week at a time, I'd call Adult Protective Services. They will not tell the wife/husband who contacted them.
Talking with the wife about not asking your friend to help out any more is fine, due to the husband's apparent attachment to her, but the wife either has some serious denial issues, or doesn't care at all what happens to the husband. Your friend has a serious problem.
I thought the daughter was staying with Dad, or at least checking on him while Mom was gone. I must have read more into the paragraph than was there....sorry.
I would also call authorities about his driving--the police, motor vehicles dept. this is a tragic disaster waiting to happen. Call the local Alz Assn. A talk w/the wife may help, but from what's been written, she doesn't seem to understand what she's dealing with. So long as the neighbor steps in, it will continue. I don't know about their neighbor history, but she should tell the wife that she cannot be responsible, will not ride with him, take him to church or anyplace else. He has his little life, probably knows the people at Wendy's, etc, but it's dangerous and not easy for his family to take it away. If the wife can't stay home, maybe she can hire someone to stay w/him, a male companion, for instance.
I am forwarding your comments to my friend. You all have a handle on it, and I agree it could get to be a real problem. Wife must be in denial, but hard to understand why with all she is obviously aware of.