I posted quite a while back with a heading something like this, but have not posted much if at all since then. I have tried to read all the posts and somehow apply them to my situation, but I am afraid I`m failing miserably. With my LO it seems that no matter what I suggest she do in order to make things simpler or easier she just will not do it. I have tried lists,notes,coaxing but nothing seems to work. Somedays I am filled with sorrow and other days with rage, and at times I feel like I am going crazy. I see that the majority of posts are from women and they seem to have more ability to deal with this than I do. I am slowly getting to the end of my rope with this situation, but I keep trying to find something that will help,but as yet no luck. Can anyone see where I am wrong and steer me in a new direction?
Lewvou- glad you are posting again for input. its a hard situation to deal with whether you are dealing with a female or male. but likeyou say most of those here are female with AD spouses. can you be more specific about what issues you are having? is it bathing and coaxing isnt working, eating? on the other hand, we here only offer what sometimes works for our own specific things, and doesnt mean it works for everyone. mainly what i find helps is if you try to get your wife to do something and she is obstinant, try again in 30min. with my own DH he flatly refuses alot of stuff then will do it without fuss a bit later, ie. taking his meds. just now he didnt want to take his BP meds. i know better to force it, so i try again in 30min. usually this works. i am sorry you are feeling at wits end, but dont give up, others will be here shortly to add suggestions. divvi
lewvou--- I'll try to toss you a couple ideas, but it would help to know a little more about your situation. Do you have a diagnosis and do you have any idea how advanced her demetia is? Are you in this essentially alone, or are there family memners still home or close by? Simplify everything you can. She probably can't do a whole list or multiple step instructions. Even breakdown how to do a thing into separate steps. Keep choices to a minimum or eliminate them. At first this will bother you, but when she is compliant and things get done, you'll adjust into doing this more and more. Access the Alzheimer Assn on the computer or call them--they're in the phone book. Also contact your Agency on Ageing. Both will have resources to help and refer you to. When you're frustrated, come here to vent. We have all been there or will be and will help. There are other men here, caring for their LOs and I'm sure they'll jump in too, especially since they especially know the path you're walking. Welcome. Come get acquainted.
We do have many men who post here, but they are just quieter than the women. I am adding to your topic title to alert the men that there is a guy who needs help.
We also need a little more information to steer you in the right direction. What stage is she in? Is she aware of her diagnosis? Is she on Alzheimer medications? Treated at a memory disorders clinic? How old is she? All of this information will help us to give you the most appropriate advice.
Believe me, you are not the only man who is alternating between rage and sorrow - all of us, men and women alike, can relate.
Welcome lewvou, I am sorry you have the need to come here, however, I am sure you will find everyone very helpful & non-judgemental. And believe me we all have the same feelings of sorrow, resentment, rage & there are days I think I am going to go crazy also. I pray for patience each day. It sounds like you are trying to help her, however, there are going to be times when nothing works. You didn't mention is your wife on any medication? What stage is she in? My husband is 57 years old he is in stage 4 1/2-5 with some stage 6 issues. I know there are many others who will respond to your post with many helpful suggestions or just to let you know you have found a place where you have friends to listen.
Louvou, when you say " Somedays I am filled with sorrow and other days with rage, and at times I feel like I am going crazy" I think we have all been there. As Joang said above a specific incident or mood or what it is your trying to get your wife to do would be helpful for any of us to try and suggest a solution. Hang in here with us..Lee
Louvou-a football coach caring for his wife wrote what he called a Playbook. His name is Frank Broyles. You can get the book free from:1 800-272-3900 or www.alzheimersplaybook.com
Sorry I did not post enough detail,I am so frazzled lately. We are both 71. She was an RN b4 retiring. Diagnosed EOAD about i1/2 yrs. Currently on Arecept and Namenda,also a breast cancer survivor so there is a myriad of meds involved for which I shall not enumerate.The problems are-getting the meds taken at right time and intervals, problems with not remembering over the span of 5 min. or less,accepting suggestions about how to keep track of things to do etc. She is not disabled in most ways but this short term thing and how to deal with it from my standpoint is the major item. She responds by saying I`m the bad child, or a constant I`m sorry, but then turns right around and acts as if nothing is wrong. She will sit and read the paper for 3-4 hours in the am and not take any meds or eat and if I am not here to see to it she does, it`s not done. On top of it all she gets put out with me because I am acting as her memory for these things. I hope this is clear enough, as I said I am really getting close to the end of my rope, as far as patience and resourcefulness in how to deal with it all. There are 2 of her 3 children here in this area,son and daughter. She has been recently speaking to the daughter after a year long spat over something trivial(in my opinion). I finally had to talk to her daughter and bring her up to speed on what I see as the gravity of this and she has offered to help by doing some organizing, but LO is resistant.
louvou-you scare me. I am an RN who had breast cancer and I'm 70. My daughter peeks into this site once in a while. Does she suspect I'm going the same route :-).
lewvou- I have fixed my DH meds for 4 years. No problem with him taking them but he can't fix them. I do 2 weeks meds at a time in those boxes you can get at the pharmany. I get the ones with Morn, Noon, Eve, Night on each one. I have been unable to but the larger size locally and the last ones I got I ordered off the Internet and I can't remember which site. There is a weeks worth of boxes in a box.
Mornings I get his days box out and put the morn. ones in a little pill cup that you can buy at the pharmacy and set them with his juice and he takes them, no problem. (You may not be so lucky). He just takes them morning, eve and bedtime. I do the same for the other 2 times. Someone else will be along shortly. Good Luck
I would try to simplify not only how she does things but also the *number of things that need to be done. * Go back to the basics: only do or ask her to do what is essential.
For instance, with the meds - talk to her doctor and see if she really needs all of them and if they have to be taken in the ways specified. Yes, those might be the optimal, but compliance on the main ones is what you're aiming for.
I think most of us have learned to accept that, particularly at certain stages, they're going to just sit. Suggestions to DO SOMETHING which we all want to make don't really matter to them! For a while I tried a timer to get my husband to go to the bathroom every couple of hours (there were suggestions to use a timer) - well, he resisted that yet continued to have accidents. I put him in Depends and ever since he goes when he wants to, or with a suggestion from me that we're going out or whatever, and isn't anxious about it. And neither am I.
It's quite possible that she's aware that she's screwing up which makes her nervous and screw up more. Don't SUGGEST that daughter comes over and helps, have daughter come over and HELP. Don't ask her if she wants to do things or "suggest" that she do things so much as start doing them for her. She may take over doing them halfway through.
She may feel like she's under constant scrutiny and that's not comfortable for anyone. Try to get your mindset back to when you had kids. You really do have to approach many things as if you are dealing with a reluctant toddler. Read and read here and you'll find lots of help!
Lewvou, my wife had mood problems like you are experiencing several years ago. She is in stage 6+ now.
She takes Aricept, Namenda, Paxil and Seroquel. The Seroquel suppressed nighttime hallucinations she was having in 2002. The Paxil suppressed the violent mood swings she was having 2 or 3 years ago.
I'll bet her doctor can prescribe an antidepressent that will smooth her moods, if you ask him for it.
I have to give my wife each pill by hand at the appointed time and then make sure she swallows it. Sometimes I have to retrieve the pill from the floor and try again.
Dear lewyou, I completely understand because I feel that rage. Everything I try to do to help "correct" a situation is for naught. I put labels on things, reorganize the closet to make things easier, put the medication in little boxes in places where they are obviously visible and the next day, I find that kitchen utensils are in the wrong drawers, the clothing is is the wrong bins and medicine is not taken. So I put things aright and hand him the pills. I mentioned this to my support group and the psych running the group suggested that I hadn't really yet accepted that my husband is ill and that there is nothing I can do about it. He asked me to consider that if I accepted the inevitability of the disease and stopped trying to make repairs either to our physical environment or our emotional life that I might find some measure of serenity.
I think the hardest thing for us to understand is that many AD patients really and truly do not realize they have a problem. It isn't denial, it's a malfunction of the mind due to damage being done to a particular part of the brain. The symptom is called "anosognosia".
Anosognosia doesn't just mean that the AD patients don't realize their abilities are declining -- it also means that they don't realize that anything needs to be done to regain better functioning. We expect them to want to take medicines ... they don't see any reason to. We expect them to want to remember appointments and chores ... they think they're remembering just fine and don't need lists and calendars.
I don't think it's quite a matter of accepting the inevitability of the disease -- I think it's a matter of gradually beginning to understand what is going on in our spouses' brains.
It says, "Being aware of how we are feeling and how we are functioning helps us take care of our daily personal needs, work or home tasks, and relationships. When we are aware that we have a tendency to forget an appointment, we write it down on a calendar. After doing yard work when we feel sweaty and dirty, we bathe and put on clean clothes. If we break a leg or arm, we know that we have to take special care of the limb until it is fully healed.
"If we are unaware of a problem, there is no expectation that we need to act, take care of matters, or change anything. If there is no mismatch between how we expect to function and how we actually function, then there is no attempt to change, adjust, or fix anything. We assume that everything is fine. We do not try to compensate, such as writing a list of errands for the day, because we are unaware of any memory difficulties and we never used such a list anyways.
"...Some researchers have estimated that as many as 60 % of people with Mild Cognitive Impairment9 and 81% of people with Alzheimer’s disease have some form of anosognosia.
"As the dementia progresses, the anosognosia may progress. The person may be unaware that their memory is declining or that they have difficulty with routine tasks such as keeping fuel in the car and preparing fresh food and water for a pet.
"Anosognosia may be difficult for family caregivers because they are trying to help a person who insists there is no need for help. Not only may self-estimates of functioning be inaccurate, but people with anosognosia may overestimate their abilities to perform tasks especially when their estimates are compared with what their primary caregivers know. The person with anosognosia may refuse to go for a medical evaluation. They may refuse any medical treatment.
"They may become angry when others accuse them of forgetfulness, making poor decisions, making up stories, mishandling money, or not taking care of themselves. They are at risk because they may insist on driving14 and operating hazardous machines such as power tools or kitchen appliances such as a food chopper. They may not keep up with personal hygiene."
The article ends with tips on how to interact with someone who has anosognosia:
1. Down-size and decrease unnecessary chores and responsibilities.
Use a positive approach, such as, “It is time to plan ahead about moving to a retirement community where there are kind people and some of your friends so you have more time to do what you like, such as read and go for a walk every morning.”
Don’t use a negative approach, such as, “This house and yard are too much work for all of us. It is hard for you to take care of the house, the yard, and yourself. You need to move to a place where people are always around to help you.”
2. Partner with the person.
Use a positive approach, such as, “Let’s work together on the front porch, then go out for a nice dinner.”
Don’t use a negative approach, such as, “You really need to clean up that mess of old magazines, newspapers and piles of trash on the front porch.”
3. Focus on the person’s concern and subtly include your concern.
Use a positive approach, such as, “When you take this multi-vitamin, how about taking these “brain-vitamins” that the doctor prescribed to keep your memory strong?”
Don’t use a negative approach, such as, “The doctor prescribed these pills and you have to take them every morning.”
4. A gentle, positive voice should be part of a positive empathic approach.
Use a positive approach, such as, “To keep up with these bills, we should work as a team. I will come over on Saturday mornings with your favorite breakfast and we will write out the checks together. After you sign the checks, we will put them in their envelopes and take them to the mailbox.”
Don’t use a negative approach, such as, “You have to pay these bills on time. The utility companies have sent notices threatening to shut off the gas and electricity. I’ll handle the bills from now on.”
5. Provide available assistance and a structured schedule of tasks including personal care, activities including chores and leisure activities, and “down-time” including a favorite activity or no activity.
Use a positive approach, such as, “After we walk the dog, we will finish the laundry and then sit down for some of that applesauce I cooked this morning.”
Don’t use a negative approach, such as, “There is so much to do? What do you want to do this morning? We have to walk the dog, finish the laundry, and clean the kitchen. The work really piles up fast around here.”
Another thing that I have to try to remember is that ADLOs can be extremely sensitive to the emotions of people around them. If your spouse picks up on anger, or anxiety, or frustration, anything you're trying to accomplish can backfire. So if I start to get up-tight, I find a way to gracefully excuse myself, and get out of the situation until I can calm down.
And if I'm in an iffy mood, I don't try to do anything that might trigger resistance in my husband.
Saying the same thing over and over and over again, well, that's enough to drive anyone bonkers. Some experts advise that you repeat your answer word-for-word every time. I have found that doesn't work for my husband. Instead, I try to give him the same basic information, but change the words a little.
For example, what are we having for dinner?
We're having salmon.
I'm making your favorite -- salmon.
I thought fish sounds good, so I'm fixing salmon.
Not only is my husband more likely to remember, but I don't get quite so irritated if I view it as a challenge, a game to see how many different ways I can give the same answer.
It's really helpful if there is only one thing to do. I.E., I had two stacks of paper--one for the recyle bin, the other to be shredded because personal info was included. I put one stack in his left hand an the other in his right. You could see i'd overloaded the circuits. He was so totally confused. I finally 'woke up' and said, "Here, let me hwlp you. There's too much here."
It really seems to be a matter of speaking quietly, with respect (not putting down or sing-songy). For the longest time I felt he was doing some of this stuff to aggravate me. I'd get so irritated. But, time goes on and we do learn. It does get easier. Patience is to be prayed for every day and on those days when you get impatient, come here. We all do. Not one of us is perfect.
Blessings to you and your DW. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doint.
I cannot thank you all enough!!!I can see that I am creating a lot of trouble for myself because of my way of expressing myself. I went into the construction industry out of the navy so I have never been too polished I guess in my ways of communicating. I just plainly state the obvious and expect it to be done, but in this case that will not do. I need coaching on being more genteel and I know it, although a bit late in life.
The repetition I alluded to in my initial post referred to LO constantly repeating herself, not me.
The repetition was our first clue. There were days when I thought I'd go mad especially when he'd ask the same question over and over again. It seemed at first as if the day and date would elude him. Today is Thursday, September 25. It might be helpful if your DW has that problem, I bought a white-board from Wal-Mart and each morning I'd put down the day and date. I also aded, 11 a.m., dentist appt., lunch @ 12 with ???, that kind of stuff. It also helps if you don't ask too many questions. My DH went through a phase where he'd wear shorts and a heavy sweat shirt. I gave up asking about it. Also, who cares if he only shaves once a week. As long as he shaves before church, I'm ok. Also, I lay out his church clothes for him and don't ask or say much. Just a little tip I picked up along the way. Sounds pretty trivial, but seems to work.
Also, does it matter when you learn how to talk this way? You're learning it now when it's needed. If you were in construction and gave these kind of instructions, etc., I'll just bet some of those guys would have looked at you kind of funny. :::)))
Carry on--you're tired now. Take very good care of yourself. Get out when you can and don't sweat the small stuff. It'll all be there tomorrow. :::)))
lewvou, I understood you meant your wife repeating herself ... the problem is, if she repeats a question, then you end up repeating the answer. If she repeats a statement, then you repeat your response to that. Or else ignore her, which sometimes works but usually not. (And ignoring my husband makes me feel bad... I understand he just wants attention, or to share something with me.)
At this point in my husband's life he can't use any of the tools the cognitive therapist tried to teach him a couple of years ago. It is too late for notebooks or even calendars. Too late for lists.
The things he still is managing on his own seem to be part of a daily routine. He still makes his own breakfast, and part of that routine is to pour himself a glass of orange juice and get his pills out of the organizer and take them. I check his pill organizer every morning when I take my own pills. Since he is up before me, they are generally already taken. If not I say something at that time.
If there is something you want her to continue to do for herself, try attaching that thing to a routine. But like it or not, if it is really important, like taking her pills, you are going to have to monitor them, or actually give them to her.
As for Sunshyne's changing the answer every time so you get the same answer in different words, I used to do that all the time. I've been surrounded by people who didn't grow up speaking English, so I always took it for granted that if they didn't understand answer #1, maybe answer #2 would work. So yes, I'm doing what she is doing too most of the time.
I have also stopped telling my husband about things that are going to happen in the future until 24 hours before they happen or less. It makes the repeated questions less likely. It was one of the hardest things I had to learn with this disease.
Oh, that last suggestion by Starling is very important. Even if I just put an appointment on the calendar, my husband will start pestering me DAYS in advance about when it's coming up, what it's all about, what time it is, where it is ... The more distressing the appointment, the longer ahead he'll start fussing and the more times he'll ask me about it.
If it's something he won't like (a visit to the clinic for yet another Mohs surgery, for example), I don't tell him until right before he needs to get ready to go.
Lewvou, We all have been there. Just Sunday, we were out oj. DH must kept looking in the refrigerator. I must have told him 20 times that we were out. It was part of his routine. Any change disrupts his equilibrium. I have learned to lower my expectations. He can wear what he wants in the house. When we go out, I set out his clothes. Sunshine, thank you for all the great information. It certainly helped me. Remember, when you come to the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on. Maryd
Regarding the taking of meds. I had a pillbox with a weeks supply. Mon-Tues-etc. He eventually starting taking Mon's with Mon's AM coffee, then Tues's with the 2nd cup of Mon's coffee. Lucky I caught him and start giving him his pills each day. He was OK taking his own until about stage 4-5. One just cannot get too complacent.
I feel there are many good suggestions above. I'll add a couple that I have dealt with in my wife:
1. If you are going to ask her to do something, give only one request at a time. I find that if I ask my wife to take off her shoes and socks, she gets confused. So I ask her to take off her shoes. Then I ask her to take off her socks.
2. Regarding pills, you should discuss with her doctor the value of each. Some medicines are given to prevent problems in the distant future - statins for high cholesterol, etc. Since AD patients do not have distant future, these meds may not be necessary. My wife has diabetes, fortunately relatively mild. Rather than try for strict control to prevent vascular disease, kidney failure or eye problems 20-30 years from now (which she is highly unlikely to reach), I let her eat a piece of pie or cake on special occasions.
3. As others have said previously, pick your battles. Some things are not worth getting upset about (Mawzy mentioned her husband only shaving once a week). This morning my wife did not want to get up. Since we didn't have to leave (for dentist appointments) until 11:00 I let her sleep in.
I hope these suggestions have helped. Keep posting and we will try to help. Soon you will be helping others.
Sunshyne's comments are invaluable. Not being one possessing a whole lot of patience, this journey can be very difficult. Finding a way to communicate more positively to my wife has helped a bunch. When I try the team approach and give her praise for "us" getting something done, her happiness is very rewarding. But every day is a new day and with it comes new, different challenges. She doesn't listen. She constantly repeats herself. She will always do exactly opposite of what I ask her to do and makes up for it by doing exactly what I ask her not to do. It is what it is. Hang in there, your not the lone ranger on this road trip. Lots of super help available here. I think I've quadrupled my patience level just since joining this group. Thenneck
One of he reasons that the men don't post as frequently is that the gals always have such good advice that they have covered the gamut. I don't have much to add except that it takes time to adjust to the changes in our roles once we become caregivers. As was mentioned above, we have to accept that our wives have a progressive disease that has robbed them of their old personalities and abilities.
When my wife was first diagnosed with dementia, I vowed that I would make her journey as easy as possible. I have had to learn patience with her deficits and occasional inappropriate or oppositional behavior. Rather than expect her to meet my expectations, I have to anticipate her needs and calmly help her meet them.
For example, I lay the meds out in one of those weekly pill organizers and after breakfast we go back into the bedroom with a cup of milk and I either take the pills out for her or supervise while she does it for herself. She can do very little housework, so I ask her to help with laundry or vacumming (?) and have her accompany me and help sort and load the washer or the dryer. She feels that she is actually helping and that she has a job to do.
I have found that even as easy as she is to keep happy, I can't do it 24-7. She started day care three days a week and that gives me time to just be by myself for about five hours. Even if I am still doing housework, it is refreshing to not have to worry about her.
So, Lewvou, hang in there. You are certainly not alone.
Marsh, I'd agree with your comments about meds intended to prevent problems in the distant future ... except ... there is growing evidence that high cholesterol may play a role in the development of AD, and possibly the course of the disease. High cholesterol is a pretty well-established risk factor for developing AD. Whether or not statin use can minimize the risk is still controversial, although several very recent studies concluded that it can.
Statins are also being studied for treating AD. Some small open-label and randomized clinical trials of statins have observed positive effects on cognitive function; larger studies of statins in patients with AD are ongoing.
So it might be advisable to continue statin therapy for AD patients...
With his doctor's permission, I took my husband off his Lipitor for two days, and I could see a change, so I immediately started it again. I agree with Sunshyne (as usual) and think that is one drug that you would want to continue.
I agree with Sunshyne to an extent. Being on a statin is supposed to help AD, but the evidence is weak. My wife was recently switched from simvastatin (generic and cheap) to Lipitor (brand and expensive). I could see no change, so discussed it with her doctor. She was switched back to simvastatin.
Lewvou, time to hear it from a guy. You might as well know the truth, and this will be so sexist that I seriously advise the ladies to quit reading....
Are the ladies gone? Excellent.
lewvou, do you remember the PMS years? the pregnancy years? the menopause years? When they cried for no reason, and blamed you for things, and then turned around and kissed you right after? And if you hugged back, they yelled at you? And if you asked, "Darling, is it that time of the month?" and then you were REALLY sorry you said it? And spent a lot of time abandoned and confused at the emotional ups and downs?
This is a million times worse than that!
Andrea was diagnosed about 4 years ago. She had been alternating between being mad at me, accusing me of horrible things, and then crying in my arms about how she was just so upset all the time. I told myself it was menopause, part two or something. I didn't know. Then we got the diagnosis, and all was clear. But instead of the clarity making it better, I felt WORSE. Now when got mad at her, I couldn't just tell myself she was being a monster bitch and console myself with that. No, I had to be understanding and helpful and be the bigger person. I didn't WANT to be the bigger person, I wanted this to STOP!!! I wanted my wife back, normal, and to go on trips and see friends and all that. Instead, I was spending my day with someone who alternated between accusing of hiding her bras (?!) and begging me not to leave her. I tried to be patient, and then it got to be too much and I'd snap at her. My kids started to make noises about how I was under too much stress, and perhaps I ought to chill out a bit. Well, of course they'd say that. Were they there when she refused to take a bath? Or sleep in the same bed? Or pick something to eat for dinner?
Well, I could go on for a very long time, but I'll wrap it up by saying I understand where you are, and I do not envy it for you. If I could presume to offer one bit of advice...two bits of advice...there are two things I wish I had (had not) done:
1. I should have gotten help way before. I should have let people watch her while I went out alone, I should have tried adult day care, I should have spent more time with people instead of hiding from them. I ended up in the hospital because I did not take this advice.
2. I should not have had the battles. Why did I insist she pick a food to eat off a menu? I could have selected for her quietly. Why did I insist she sit down next to me? So she wants to wander. Let it go. Why did I insist she try to understand so many things? You might as well scream at a 2 year old "Well, why DON'T you understand Marxism politics? It's so EASY!!!" AD patients are not your level anymore. They are not even their level anymore. Let it go. let it go. let it go............it's just not important. All the lists you want to make...they are Greek to her. All the coaxing you try...the brain cells to understand it are gone. This is a territory you will never understand (just like PMS!!!). She is in a world of her own. Your only hope is to do as well as you can for her in this world.
And if you do have a setback, do not beat yourself up over it. You are human.
trisinger-I peeked, Your words should be carved in stone and put before every med school to try to give some understanding of this awful disease to all who pass the portals. Nora
Very well put!! I'm going to take your advice on the help issue - I feel like my health is slipping away. I now know why the caretaker spouse often dies before their LO.
I live by two simple rules:
1. Never argue (never ever ever).
2. Anticipate. Anticipate. Anticipate. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong. This seems to be one disease where Murphy's Law is always true.
Lewvou, FYI, my DH was a machinist--he made hand made parts for the original B-52 and he worked to 3200" tolerance. He invented many things during his working years. He drew plans for our house and built most of it--no plumbing or wiring.
I watched a little vignette earlier this evening and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. That dear man who hasn't shaved for a week was down on his hands and knees rolling a little ball and playing with our kitten. He kept making growling noises like a big cat and having the best time. He reminded me of a 4-5 year old child. I asked him if he was having fun and he grinned really big and said "Oh, I just looooove this little kitty!" Then he started baby-talking to kitty. Like I said, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I settled my confusion by smiling at him and getting misty eyed.
Blessings to you. The patience will slowly come and you will be amazed at how much you will learn on how to handle the changes from this group.
And how it hurts. Bob had dogs all his life. He barely notices our old Bo. (13 yrs). He always had 1 dog or another on his lap, under his feet at the table, etc. If Bo even attempts to get on his lap, Bob stops him, never touches Bo. Our, and most dogs just took to him, and some cats too. I feel so sorry for Bo (& myself too I guess).
Ditto. (I did wonder, however, how often you were dumb enough to ask her whether it was "that time of the month." I hope you learned that lesson real fast.)
Yeah! Questioning about that ime of the month would not be a good idea. You really shouldn't do that again. :::))) A fella' could get hurt. (big silly grin)
Trisinger, I hung onto every word. Well said. However, my husband also used to ask me if it was my time of the month - before "PMS" was discovered! And when he did, I took time to think about why I was irritated and griping, and sometimes realized that I was upset over something that normally didn't bother me at all, and I'd calm down and everything would go smoothly. OTHER times, I would get furious, turn around and storm outside until I calmed down! He would never argue or fight, he would just look at me and wait for the storm to pass. Boy, does that bring back memories! <grin>
Trisinger, i also believe your post was an excellent summation of what AD is all about. i am sure all the guys here can relate to what you say.
My DH also has started to play and talk to our 2 chihuahuas again after YRS of absence!, much to their delite of course..DH 'shows' things to the little black male talking all the time and making a big deal of whatever it is hes 'showing' him..ie, a new silver dollar, a watch, -awww. it warms my heart to watch. divvi