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    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeMar 23rd 2019
    It's been almost 6 months since my wife died and I have not been on this site in awhile. I have not made any major changes. Seems that it is still the unexpected little things that trigger an emotional memory from me. I still stay on my side of the bed. I survived the Alzheimer's experience, barely and this forum helped me immeasurable in that survival. In 2015 I tell the story that Alzheimer's almost killed me twice. I February of that year I had a urinary tract infection that went sepus in hours. My wife thought I was just sleepy. I came to long enough to call 911. Temperature was 103. They saved me. October of that same year I had a TIA and went unconsciousness for 20 hours with blood pressure over 200. Again, my wife thought I was being lazy. She did not know I was in trouble. Her reasoning ability had slipped - a lot. Not her fault. But the doctors said you need to move out of the boondocks and off your little ranch there in Texas and get near one of your children. Thus the move here to New Mexico. Little did we know that almost two years later that the wife would come down with an untreatable cancer. That sped up the final stages of Alzheimer's up dramatically.
    As I reminisce over 56 years of marriage I would do it all over again but, with out the ALZ.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMar 25th 2019
    Rodstar, It’s good to hear from you. I’m so glad you survived the Alzheimer’s experience. I think Elizabeth is right in comparing us to combat veterans, but I would add that we were in the midst of battle for a decade or more, with no R&R to speak of. Alzheimer's also turned me into an old woman. There are good days now and to come, but make no mistake, life is not long enough for the wounds to heal.
    • CommentAuthorcvh*
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2019 edited
    It's been a year since I last posted on this site. My husband passed on Feb 3. - two months ago. I am a jumble of emotions, and feel like I have been on a tread mill for the past 10 years. I have a constant lump in my throat, but I was unable to cry for the first month after he passed, now I seem to cry daily. That first month is a blur.
    I have been checking this site over the past year and reading your stories. This site has helped me so much with the plethora of information that has been shared over the years. When ever I did research on his symptoms, I always started here, because many of you had already dealt with the same issue.

    I put off a funeral service for my husband, because the weather was so bad here in Feb, with constant storms. I am planning a memorial service in June instead.

    I am still having issues with his family. They have been sticking knives in my back since this started, and I've had enough of it. I asked them for help planning this memorial. I thought they may want to be involved with their fathers memorial service. They don't even bother to answer my emails. I asked for pictures, no response, I asked for what they wanted, no response, So, to hell with them. I will do this on my own, as I have done everything on my own for the past 10 years, with no help from them what so ever. It just makes me so angry that they treated their father so badly, and hardly visited him over the years. I'm sure they will come to the service and be critical of it, but, I keep telling myself that is the last time I will ever have to deal with them.

    This is a rant, I know, but, I needed to blow off some steam.
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2019
    Cheryl, families can be interesting.
    I had many problems with my husband’s first family.
    Now that his ex-wife is in a care facility (chronic obstructive lung disease and dementia), they seem to be treating her the same way.
    I conclude it’s not personal, as I had thought, but that they are evil people.
    Don't put your guard down right away. They can still throw a few sucker punches.
    • CommentAuthorcvh*
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2019
    Thank you Mary75. For years, I felt that I must be a really terrible person, that they could dislike me so much, and actively plan against me. My husband and his ex had split long before I came along. Then I did some research on it and found out it is pretty normal. One of the ladies in the support group that I attend on occasion, said that her husband's family had even gotten physical with her, pushing her against the wall. I guess I just don't understand how people can be like that.

    I was told that my husband's ex plans on attending the funeral. The only reason she would be coming would be to cause trouble, as she has tried to do though out our 27 years together.
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2019
    Too bad the date can't be changed not telling his family. Let them show up and find nothing going on!!

    Hang in there. If you have people close to you ask them to hang out with you the whole time to act as a buffer. In the meantime try not to think too much on the problems they may cause. You have plenty of grieving to get through and probably still paperwork. Use this time to take care of yourself.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2019
    Just thought I would share an update of living in the time after my partner's passing. The tsunami waves of grief have passed. I have sold my home (a good thing to do while I am still cognitively and physically able to do so). I made the decision last Thanksgiving. In January I began emptying an attic, a cellar, and a garage. And then began the process of downsizing. I got rid of a lot of stuff, but still kept way too much. Sigh. I moved to the DC area to be near my son and daughter-in-law, and my brand new baby granddaughter. They live a half mile away from me. Close enough to walk to, far enough away that we can all still have our privacy.

    I miss my love. I miss the friends I left behind in Massachusetts. But I am working hard to establish a new community of friends down here. The older you get the harder that is to do. It would be impossible to do if I were still in caregiving mode. I'm hoping old friends will use my location near to DC as a reason to visit me. :) There is a lot to see and do down here.

    I visit the website close to daily, and offer my heart and best wishes to those still in the trenches. I'm visiting the virtual Cottage on the Lake next and spending time with MaryinPA.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 6th 2019
    Hi Lindylou. Congratulations on granddaughter. Cool to be able to walk over.
    I’m still battling the tsunamis. Ok when I’m outside working. Thankfully lots of projects. Can’t decide if I’m getting the place ready to sell or fix up just for me. My patio is nice. The sun is going down and the orioles are chattering in the tree.