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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeSep 6th 2018
     
    If I remember correctly, you go to account, edit profile and put the star there. Just remember when you go to sign in to put the star there too or it won't let you log in. If you know how, make a heart instead.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeSep 6th 2018
     
    Thanks Charlotte. It let me do that and left me signed in.
  1.  
    It's odd how--no matter how bad they are, and no matter how you know the end is coming, and no matter how there is no quality to your life or theirs either, and you can't stand one more minute...and yet...and yet...when they die it is like the world stopped spinning for a minute and then re-started...rotating on a different axis. The world becomes so different--and so do you.
    • CommentAuthorCO2*
    • CommentTimeSep 8th 2018
     
    Elizabeth always says it so well. We do become different people. I am in the process of learning who,I am now. It is as if my life started all over again.
    • CommentAuthorDRA
    • CommentTimeSep 10th 2018
     
    I really don't know who I am right now. It has been since June 27th and some days I think I can do this and move on and other days I feel as lost as I did when it happened, I feel like I am so weak. Everyone tells me I knew you could handle this so I must be a pretty good actor. If trying not to think of him is doing good, then I guess I am. But if I let myself remember him, imagine him standing in the room, I lose it. I can't go to the cemetery and that is mostly because I know he really isn't there. It has been Dave and Sandy since I was 16 years old and now I'm 69 and don't really know. I am just so sad. I know that our journey with Alzheimer was relatively short (diagnosed 2 years ago), but had some issues and after reading how long the suffering goes on for most people, they tell me I was lucky.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeSep 10th 2018
     
    None of us are lucky whether it be 2 years or 20 years - it is all horrible and heartbreaking. I hate hearing 'you are strong', 'you can handle this', etc. Grieving is a process that takes more than a few weeks. For some it can be years.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeSep 10th 2018 edited
     
    Sandy, it's early days yet, and what you're feeling is normal. I think you're still probably in shock, and as that wears off, you'll find yourself dealing with a new realty. It takes time — lots and lots of time — and it goes at its own pace. Eventually you will come to terms with it. Try to be patient and kind to yourself in the mean time.
    • CommentAuthorDRA
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2018
     
    Thanks for your responses. I guess I always thought of myself as someone who could handle things. But losing my mom and dad did not prepare me for losing Dave. I will try to remember that it does take time and I look forward to the day I can remember the good times and the love we shared.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2018
     
    Those times do come, DRA, the positive memories. But we have to get through the waves of grief that can toss around some. Tsunamis can knock down even the strong. Will carry you in my thoughts and prayers.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeSep 16th 2018
     
    I thought I had been grieving for so long that this would be a relief. But that grief during the alzheimer journey was for something completely different.
    There is certainly a component of relief. I am beginning to enjoy my property again. September was always my favorite month. Now I go outside when I want to do yard work, not as an escape from someone trying to attack me. No one comes sneaking up behind me. I am beginning to drop the hypervigilance.
    Going through the pictures. Researching his military medals and summarizing his career for his sister. Remembering camping trips with him and his boys. Remembering watching him fly and watching him teach the young ones. Seeing how they came from all.around the country to say farewell to their instructor, mentor, friend. It all looks different from here. DURING ...you lose little bits at a time . Now, seeing the before and after superimposed, if you will, is a completely different thing. I feel so ROBBED. He was so ROBBED.
  2.  
    bhv* - it sounds as if his sons were kind and decent. They will surely want the military mementos as well.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeSep 16th 2018
     
    His sons were kind and decent. They soaked up every story. I sent them home with many mementos.

    I just came in from working in the ravine in my new desert tactical boots! WOW. Now that's what I've been looking for. They are as comfy as sneakers but support my whole foot and ankles when I am on the hillside. I love them!
  3.  
    Gosh, I haven't posted for ages, but continue to appreciate your advice. Is anyone still fighting the big corporations for benefits? Does this ever end?

    Ann
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeOct 1st 2018 edited
     
    Ann, it's good to hear from you again. How are you doing? Please let us know.
  4.  
    Hi Mary!

    I miss all of you! I wish I could say that everything is going well, but in some ways....it is more difficult! How does that make sense?
  5.  
    I still come here to try to catch up on all of you, you, my friends who loved and supported ,me all those terrible yearsof caring for Stu until he died on my birthday in 2013, and you still supported me when I had to sell my home in Ky and I moved to FL. As some of you know, I moved to a very small town, met a wonderful man, and re married in June of 2016. This past Sept. we found he had severe Arterial Stenosis and the same cardioligist team who saved my life after a heart attack and stroke in 2015, replaced the arterial valve ITAVR) in an 8 hour surgery, in hospital 60 miles from our home. I stayed with him in hospital for 9 days, then we came home. He wasd progressing well, then we met Michael, the hurricane, which destroyed almost everything we had and devastated this sdmall town in the FL Panhandle.He did more than he dhould have and began to fail. We were without power and water, lived with a generator, for two weeks before we took him back to hospital in Tallahassee, where they found the valve was leaking, so another 8 hour surgery to plug the valve. He did not recover from that well and begsan to go downhill, kidneys failing, fluid build up in heart and lungs . Meanwhile I was driving back and forth to home to arrange for clean up. We were still without power or water. Was in the hospital for 20 days before moving him to nursing home 40 miles from our home. Most beds had been taken for hurricane victims so "no room in the inn" John died Nov. 10th, 6 days later. He said he loved me and wanted to stay with me, but had to go on this trip alone, he just couldn't fight anymore. Meanwhile I am still dealing with the cleanup, the windows and door replacement, trees being hauled off, all my appliances went out, after we got power back. Just got my landline phone and internet back 2 days ago, still no TV. Cell phone does not work most of the time. I am thakful the house wsd not totally destroyed as most were. People are living in tents. I am fortunate to have a warm home, enough food, money to buy the things I need, but most services and stores are not up and running yet. This little town will never be the same nor will the people. Some of you are friends on FB and know my story, but just wanted to touch base with all of you. I don't know what I would have done without Joan's place all those years. I think of you and read your posts and am sending that rope with another knot in it, for you to hang on to.
  6.  
    Oh my God, Vickie, I am so sorry for all you have been going through--the loss of your husband and the hurricane both--there are just no words. And it's the Holidays, on top of everything else. All I can say is I'm tossing you the knotted rope, too. I think you need it as much as anybody here at Joan's. Arms around.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2018
     
    OMG, Vickie, I'm so very sorry for everything that has happened. Like Elizabeth said, 'there are no words'. You're in my prayers (((hugs))).
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2018
     
    It's always good to hear from you, dear Vickie, even though your news is shocking. I'm sorry you are still having to go through the cleanup, especially after the loss of your beloved husband. You are in my prayers. If I remember correctly, you had moved to Florida to be close to your sister. How is she?
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2018
     
    Sorry to hear about your husband's death Vickie. I know when you moved there you were not looking for another marriage but he won your heart. May you have peace and strength as you recover from another painful loss and recover from the hurricane.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2018
     
    Oh Vicki. how heartbreaking this must have been to lose two husbands. My sister lives in FL so familiar with Michael and all his relatives. I've not been on the list long enough to have known you, but do know you must be a very strong person to continue on with your life, in spite of what you've had to face. Keep sending that line with a knot in it, I'm already reaching out for it!
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJan 14th 2019
     
    Vickie*, I did not see this when you posted it. I remember when your husband helped you through your own grave illness after you moved to Florida. You have been through a lot. I am so sorry.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJan 14th 2019
     
    I am so furious. My husband died almost two years ago. I just got an email from one of my stepdaughters (who lives on the other side of the country), asking if I could send her an antique pocket watch that belonged to his grandfather. She did not know of its existence until she saw it here on her last visit to him. When she asked about it, I said that I enjoyed having it (we always displayed in a glass dome) but that eventually I would like it to go to his family, not to mine. She now says I promised it to her (which I didn't - she has three siblings and they all have kids) and she would like to enjoy it now. BTW, I have not heard one word from her for about 8 months, even though I have send regular gifts to her 3 grandchildren during that time.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    myrtle - if someone on his side of the family, then give it to them. Or put their name on to go to a particular person when you die.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTime7 days ago
     
    I know exactly the emotions you are going through, having experienced them with my husband’s children.
    I guess the least contentious thing would be to say that you want to continue to enjoy the watch yourself while you are alive, but that it would be left to a member of your former husband’s family, as you had stated, in your will.
    I hope her children are thanking you for your gifts, or that she is. If not, I wouldn’t send any more.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTime2 days ago edited
     
    Thanks for your comments. One of her children thanks me regularly for the gifts. The other hasn't, although they did send me a Christmas card. I'm going to email her that I'm going to hang on to the watch for the time being. I really don't need the damn thing, so if I can get over my anger at her grasping, I'll send it to her, but otherwise she'll have to wait. Although she has been helpful in many ways, she is very "high maintenance" and it seems she always does something to ruin things. Once when she was coming to visit, she made so many demands that I had to stop my husband from calling her and telling her not to come because she was disturbing his happy home.