Abby* thanks for your good wishes. He is my only grandson who has already overcome having from birth only 75% hearing in one ear and none in the other. He was gifted with great learning ability and went to Illinois Tech on a full scholarship earning a degree in Computer Engineering and Computer Science in 4 1/2 years. He is a computer programmer analyst. I have confidence that he will face this as he has the odds all his life. It is just I feel sad that they have this to live with. We lived with cancer for 30 years and then the demon dementia the last few so I know what a strain illness can put on a marriage. His wife, Jang* is from Orillia, Canada. Not sure of the spelling of that town. Her sister lives in Toronto. They met when my g-son was living in Chicago. I had a friend who unfortunately just passed away last month after living with MS since sometime in the 1980's. She was an inspiration in her grit to live and participate in life. It was evident to all though that had it not been for a faithful husband caregiver she would not have been able to do all she did. I guess I wonder if young folks today are that giving? Time will tell. The sweet baby girl will never know her dad when he was well. He was a very good athlete, played high school and college baseball. - Now you know more than you ever wanted to about my one and only. ;)
There is hope. This past week-end about 11 of us from this site met in Sarasota. Came from as far away as Maine, Tx and Arkansas. Phranque and his lady were there. We laughed and chatted non stop over too much food at a lovely restaurant. I only spent a few hours with the group-but would you believe the A word didn't come up. For those of you who remember Nancy and the grand daughter who had the heart transplant-the young lady is doing fine. Everyone looked wonderful.
Oh, how I wanted to be there! I envy you all who were there. So happy to hear of Nancy's grand-daughter! That's a great part of this wonderful website - the friends we meet - and keep - whether or not we ever meet them personally.
Yes I am doing just phine, actually great is a better word. I miss all of you too, but find it to painphul to relive the alzliphe again. Liphe is phor the living, so live it. I have never looked back and wished I could do it all over again. I hated every minute of it, but somehow with lots oph help, I made it through. I have been on 8 cruises in the past two years, bought 9 cars, met a terriphic lady, got engaged, and just got a wedding license Monday. It is good for 60 days, and we are making plans. I have been seeing this outstanding lady phor 2 years, and have yet to have any disagreements or phights. Life with her is so diphpherent than an alzspouse. So yes, there is hope...liphe does continue and soon the rewards of caregiving will come.........
Best Wishes to you and the phuture Mrs. Phranque.!! We are all thrilled phor you...but we do miss your whacky sense of humor phor sure! When you can, you should check in, say around our usual picnic plans..You may remember I was the party planner but in the last year I have not had the chance to plan anything. I lost Ozzie almost 8 months ago. I am getting past the chores of details and getting some phun things done phor the house...lights. new windows and I am planning phor a new driveway but I really want pavers....There are things to look phorward to...but it is nice to keep up with phormer phriends phrom time to time too. You were and are an inspiration as is Marsh and others.
Be happy and know we are all thrilled for you, would toss orange blossoms your way if we could...but please drop in phrom time to time...
It's been so long since I checked in here there was no record of my user name, so started over and joined again, same information. It's good to read about everyone's efforts to move on to this next chapter of life. Phranque, I too cruise a lot and am about to leave on one that will take me from Florida, through the Canal, up to Seattle and then two weeks of cruising in Alaska again, ending in Seattle, where my best friend lives. I guess one morning I just woke up and realized that I was happy and that the lonely feelings had lessened so much. Lately I've been dealing with members of my extended family, still in their 60's and 70's, being diagnosed with terminal illnesses and dying within a few weeks, which has been so sad, and a new baby with multiple birth defects caused by a dormant virus most of us have in our bodies that causes harm when transferred to a fetus. A vaccine for CMV is needed, for sure! I find now that my memories of DH are the happy ones and am glad for the years we had together. For those of you young enough to find love again, I cheer you on and wish you much joy in this new chapter. Wish I'd known about the luncheon last week here in Sarasota, since this is where I live and would have loved to have been there. We did survive, didn't we! And I"m happy to report I'm thriving.
Well, now I'm officially confused. I was able to change the date to 2012 and see that it now appears that way in my recent posts. But when I tried to log in I wasn't recognized. Tried to enroll again with same info and was told that the name already was used by someone. That would be me! So on this, my last try, I just left off the date of death and was able to enroll again. Guess I'll just lurk from time to time, but if I can't post without going through this rigamarole each time I'll just be reading, not contributing.
bluedaze, I'm sending a big (((hug))) your way. I know time helps but the heart never heals. Anniversary dates of a loved one passing are always sad. I hope you can go back to some happy memories with Bill before the AlZ monster arrived. Hope tomorrow is happier for you as you trudge along in life. Have fun and do something that makes you happy. As a past caregiver you have definitely earned it.
My girls called or e-mailed me to let me know they remembered. A relationship friend of one of the girls sent me a lovely message. I think he just may be deserving of her.
I understand what you are saying. It will be 9 months for me on Sunday the 11th to the date and day of the week. In spite of all the legal work and taxes which are now done and the estate work is done, I am faced with the sorting and it is just more than I can stand some days. It is pretty raw still and I expect will be. Some days I feel pretty strong and other days simply overwhelmed. I have taken a grief course through our church and I did not find it very helpful in the way it was set up. I do see a counselor and find that more beneficial. Do get some help. Our family and friends just don't have the ability to sit and listen to us as we have the need to talk about whatever we need to go over and over and over again to make it all real. They are grieving too, after all.
So here is a big I get it and hug from one widow to another.
Blue Daze* and Mimi* a big " me too" from here. Frank has been dead more than 18 months and I thought I was adjusting, finally. Recently, I gave most of his clothes to a charity having a yard sale. My daughter helped me deliver them and I hoped this would bring more "closure". Since that day I feel like I'm back to square one. Just wandering around with no purpose. I keep trying to find something, anything I am interested in and it's just not there. I'm grateful to a friend who has asked me to come to a GriefShare program tonight. I have attended one at my church but was a little disappointed as the woman in charge could not keep the discussion equal to all. I guess I just wanted to have my time. Grief I've found is the hardest thing I've ever done and very unpredictable. So my hugs and understanding to both of you.
On the 24th of April I was especially agitated; could not really concentrate on anything. Then I realized it was two years since my husband was taken unexpectedly to the hospital. I remember stepping outside and seeing a shooting star.
He died six weeks later. I don't want to forget but I thought it would be different than this.
Florence, You mentioned something I had not thought about until now...you said you gave your husband's clothes away and thought it would bring some kind of closure after all this time. It seems to me now, that we may be thinking we are adjusting because we have so much still to do, decisions to make. But when we get the photos sorted out, the papers sorted out and filed, the dressers and closets cleaned,all of this still centers around our LO that is now gone but the tasks that followed are now also gone and we find we are at square one all over again and now have to find yet another "new normal"... We are frustrated and overwhelmed dealing with the aftermath and then frustrated again at having to figure out what next! Sigh.
Mimi* I hadn't thought of that fact either that now maybe I am just a floating leaf in a big ocean of unknowns. I can't get over hating to be called a widow. How goofy is that?? I have started in another Grief Share group and learned some have been widows 4-5 years and still find talking to others is helpful. So this IS the "new normal" I guess. Reading here is also helpful to me and I don't post much because I feel I have very little to contribute but find it helpful to read about others and how they are coping. My best to you.
Florence* I too have been in a grief support group and there are 2 in the group now who have been in the widow state for some 5 years and are still trying to figure out where they are..I am with you, I HATE the word widow...I don't think of myself as a widow..I am still Ozzie's wife even if he is not with me physically.
Here it is, Mother's Day and it is the first time the day of the week and the day of Ozzie's death fall on the exact same days...the 11th, a Sunday. Could not sleep last night..up and down all night. Finally fell asleep about 7:30 AM..This has not happened since 11 August last year and won't again this year. I still have to face our anniversary on the 11th June and thank God it is not on a Sunday or a Saturday for that matter...we were married on a Saturday in 1977.
Gordcipper* I wasn't looking at the calendar especially. But I felt all sorts of out of sorts last Friday..on a pretty sunny day..and then when I was paying bills this morning, it dawned on me what was going on..must be the subconscious at work. We had a friend in AZ who lost his arm, right after he got home from Korea, in a farming accident years before we met him and his wife. One day in the summer, he was at our house and grumpy as grumpy could be defined... Then he spied the calendar on the fridge and said " that must be it! I lost my arm 30 years ago today" so I guess sometimes it just sneaks up on ya.
Mimi* Our wedding anniversary was in April. I asked my sons and daughter-in-law to meet me for lunch. They hadn't remembered the day and I didn't mention it until we were leaving the cafe. It was just a good way for me to get through yet another special day. It was number 62. Calendar or not Gordcipper* some days are just on an internal calendar, I guess. Those unforgettable days.
Florence* Yes, yes they are very very internal. We would celebrate our 37th on 11 June...I'll get through it..It is on a Wed I think and that is a good day to journey up the road to a lovely spot where he is..a peaceful beautiful spot where you can hear the birds sing and feel the breezes and smell the freshness of the land and see the mountains...
Sometimes the dates of Dave and Diane's deaths and births sneak up on me, and sometimes they are over before I realize it. Since I still work full time, and have my kids visiting during the summer, we are always taking a moment here and there now to remember how they would enjoy something we were doing. With our best friends of 50 years with whom I go to Jamaica every Spring Break (Montego Bay), we always toast Dave every evening, remembering how much he loved to go there. While I'll always miss him, I think I've finally turned the corner on the sadness, even with a big hole in my heart. I finally enjoy being by myself in the evenings after work! IT ONLY TOOK THREE YEARS! <GRIN>
I still have no desire to date. Dave and I had 50 years together, and I trusted him, loved him, and he was my best friend. I haven't seen any men out there my age that I would want to go to the movies with, much less out to dinner! Now, if a good looking, rich 60 year old wanted someone to go to dinner with, I might say yes! LOL
Many of my AZ spice widows and widowers friends now have found someone else, and I am so VERY happy for them! I just wish I could take off work and be at Phranque's wedding coming up! We all DESERVE happiness!
Good news Mary*. I am only remembering the good times and I find I am good company. Lot of older people in my little neighborhood and I like being the young one. Dates??? Everyone is too old to drive at night. Heck, they are too old to stay awake at night and I'm too young to get up just to go have breakfast with the "ole farts".
Bama* you gave me a good laugh. How true, I'm too old to put up with anyone else's aches, pains, and gripes. However, if asked to eat out (dutch treat) I'd consider that. ;)
Looking back at my post I realized that you couldn't see me smiling as I typed it. I really love my neighbors and I am one of those people who cannot drive at night. It was written with tongue in cheek. I am always opening my mouth with out engaging my brain. I don't post much any more but I do love all of you and I am sending hugs your way.
Bama, I always love reading your posts. You have such a positive, happy attitude and that is what I strive for. The humor did come through on the above post, by the way.
Bama, I loved your comment, and the humor DID come through! Keep checking in, please! Maybe a new resident will come your way who is your age (or younger - you too can be a cougar!)! <grin>
Mary, this cougar has forgotten how to growl.. Sometimes I think that humor and being able to laugh at myself is what gets me through the day. I don't post much but I read every day because you all are family and I want to know how you are doing.
Just remember, ladies, Cougars are sleek,graceful cats....so sleek and graceful are all two legged Cougars too...positive outlook, ladies...we are not talking pounds here we are talking outlook...You go girls!