Bluedaze* - I feel your pain! I remember getting Mike's death certificate. For me, it felt like a real jolt/stab when I got the copies. It took me a while before I could actually read the words. Even though Mike died in my arms, there was a whole new dimension of reality that hit me when I saw the "official" document. For a while, I couldn't move. Then I had to go to the grocery store and my mind kept saying "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't ...." but I kept walking and somehow I managed to get something from the store (I don't remember what). Keep walking and keep talking to us. <<<BIG HUGS>>>
Nora, please talk to us. We care, we love you. I'm sorry if I offended you. I was just remembering a thread conversation about the anger over other causes being used rather than the real true cause, Alz, dementia, etc.
I've had so many days where I stayed curled up in Jim's robe in his recliner, numb, crying in pain, numb, just cycling. I still have a tough time motivating myself to get anything done. This is NORMAL. Losing our partners, feels like losing our futures. Hang in there my friend. You are not alone, please remember that. Arms around and around, Susan
Susan-you certainly haven't offended me. It's just that when I don't have anything to say I don't say anything. Tomorrow I am going to the SS office. It is only 10 minutes from my home and I feel it will be easier to get everything settled face to face with a real person. I went to my safe deposit box today to get my marriage license. While there I had a nice trip down memory lane. I was told I prolly didn't need the license-but I don't want to have to go back again and surely won't mail it. I've got a lot on my mind. My best friend is in the hospital dying. I'm sitting her dog which doesn't sit well with Gracie. The man with Ad who I have been watching out for died on Monday and his wife is overjoyed. I think it was an emotional abusive marriage for many years.
Oh Nora, how I wish I could give you a big hug. Too much, too too much. I told my therapist, my one wish is for Less Drama! How awful for you to have additional losses so soon. Good luck tomorrow. My experience with Social Security was pleasant. They were kind and compassionate. Shocking, but true. Arms around, my friend. S
Just got back from the cementery, my LOVE was cremated and buried with his grandfather and father, first time I was there, put some yellow roses on the grave and cried alot, told him I love you, my oldest daughter came with me and my 4 yr. old grandaughter, she says I miss my grampa Bob, such a sweety, ((((((((((((((((hugs to you all)))))))))))))))0, Lord help us all adjust to this new life and get through this hard transition. Gail
Eldon aka Bud.... my college sweetheart and companion of 62 years went to her rest in the beautiful waters of Bodega Bay in N. California having died on Christmas Day last. Almost 8 years since being diagnosed with AD. For 3 years I had her care and for the last 5 years she was in a nursing home. I would like you all to know that she (being a vocational nurse) carried her nursing oncern for others lovingly and well into the years of AD where she was often taken for being one of the employees!! We had 3 sons and a picture book marriage. Irene was the perfect companion and her commitment to her values was the best thing that made our marriage so great. I miss her sorely!! Bud (Eldon J. Green)
I was surprised that they wanted Foster's Army Discharge DD214. I ask why? She said it was worth a "few dollars".. Ask and she'll receive. We did everything by fax/phone. But Houston is so huge, lines are 8 hours long.
Bud, please accept my deepest condolences. Like the rest of us you have earned you *Star* and your Purple Heart. Arms around, Susan*
Nancy the Armed Services send a small check, I think ours was for $200. for burial expenses. They will also provide a veterans plaque with his name, branch, dob and date of passing. They come in a copper color or granite. The copper is quite handsome. It it placed at the opposite end of the plot from the headstone.
I think my Dad's plaque was attached to the back of the headstone. The Veteran's administration also provided a handsome three-cornered frame in which to display the American flag (that was used during the ceremony). It was free but you had to ask for it, it was not sent automatically.
"A butterlfy lights beside us, ike a sunbeam and for a brief moment, it's glory and beauty belong to this world... but, then it flies on again, and although we wish it could have stayed, we are so thankful to have seen it at all." (unknown)
Hey all, happy to report that I am home from a "lovely" hospital stay. Sunday night I reached out for a pair of pajama bottoms for my grandson and my whole back went into full spasm! Mom and daughter lowered me to the floor and called 911. After 60 mins and three doses of IV pain meds they got me out of the bathroom and to the hospital.. Thank God we have a great hospital with all priviate rooms only 6 mins away.. I received excellent care. Now I will continue my rest here at home. Guess my canoe trip planned for Sunday will have to wait :o(
Oh, Susan, so very sorry to hear this. Glad you had someone there to get help for you though. OK - just time to pamper YOU a bit now. Take it easy and get better soon!
Thanks Jeanette! Laughing hurts, ya know, :o) I've got good drugs and good caregivers. The boys are pampering me, when they are in the mood, lol. The psycho kittens are doing lots of cuddling and "grooming me". They are too funny. I ate lots of salad in the hospital and managed to lose weight. I was delighted to get on the scale this morning and find that I'm now down 18 lbs!
I have no choice now but to pamper myself. I have to be sooo careful. Just lifting a pillow last night aggravated my back, aghhh. So, I just sit here and call for assistance, I need a bell to ring!
Gail, I'm so sorry about your problems. Usually one person can't be expected to fix things. Maybe you are wanting to do more than is possible. Go easy on yourself.
marygail, so sorry you are having family difficulties. I agree that "estate settling can sometimes bring out the worse in people". Hang in there and remember you have many cyber friends here to give you support.
o it has nothing to do with estate, there`s nothing to fight over, it`s a SIL being a pain in the a.. they are living with me for awhile and I don`t agree with his parenting skills, yells all the time
Sounds like you need to ask him to get parenting/anger mgmt help or LEAVE! I know only too well, that yelling at children sounds like nothing like but Charlie Brown's "blah, blah, blah". Tell him it's YOUR house and he will NOT Yell in YOUR house! What is behind all his anger???
Memories by Billy Gilman Memories offer us opportunities To laugh, or to cry Memories offer us opportunities To smile, or to reminiscea Memories are a great gift Memories are given to us by God As a keepsake and a treasure Memories allow us to call upon the past
A couple of weeks more and it will be the 6 month point. At this time, the only time I am happy (if you can call it that) is at the gym or in the garden. There are other times when I feel 'neutral', like at church or grocery shopping, and sometimes when watching TV. And that's the way it is. Goodnight Chet....goodnight David (or was it the other way around?).
Joe, when you can find some happiness somewhere, that is a sign you are slowly healing. Embrace each little victory Joe. For me gardening is therapeutic and a great place to be happy.
Joe, Neutral is an improvement, my friend. I know just how you are feeling. I find myself surprised when I laugh. It feels good when it happens and I know it is what Jim wants. I know he is smiling down on me as your wife is on you. So keep moving forward or she may send a tornado to kick your butt into forward :o)
Shocked, got on the scale today, Down another 2 lbs = 21lbs! I'm melting awayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!
Susan L, he was abused as a child, that is no excuse, he has mellowed alot in the last 2 days, think my daughter finally said something to him, he is disaplining now, not yelling, but, I am not moving in with them, just don`t know how to tell daughter without hurting her feelings. Gail
Good choice Gail. There are many reasons/ ways to tell you daughter that you are not moving in. Number one would be that you need your independence, 2) you have been caregiving for so long, you think you will enjoy some alone time 3) you think your relationship with the grandchildren will be more special if they can come and spend time visiting as opposed to living together, etc. If you need more reasons, I'm sure this group would come up with quite a list :o) Good luck. Let me know how it goes.
It is strange how everyday things you see everyday affect you when your loved one is gone. I keep my napkins in a plastic holder shaped like an owl. It is a hideous shade of green. I vever even notice it when taking a napkin out of it. Today I refilled it and memories came flooding back. My husband brought it back after a business trip in the 60s. I rarely use paper napkins and my house is newly painted pale blue. There is no way I will part with the thing. I know some day when my kids have to clean out my house they will come across the plastic owl and wonder why mom had the ugly thing.
you should tape a note to the bottom of the napkin holder for your kids to find someday! Better yet, leave it to the one who you think would hate it the most in your will :o)
Blue day, my back is hurting from the driving I had to do yesterday to get the boys to the doctors, now I'm really sore, blue with this dreary weather, concerned that tomorrow is the last day of school and missing Jim so damm much, I can't stand it. I'm so lonely, I just want to curl up in the big strong arms of a man who loves me and smells really good. I want to feel safe and taken care of again. I've always been self sufficient, but right now just want to be taken care of.
Well, Susan, if you didn't live so cotton-pickin' far away, I'd come visit you and wear some Old Spice, and take care of you for a little while. So until Scotty can beam me up there, this will have to do: ((((((HUG)))))).
Better today, boys have 1/2 day of school then OUT for the Summer. Yikes. Continuing to rest my back, driving 2 hrs to Mass tomorrow for great-nieces b'day party, then staying over at friends to rest my back and visit will head home with the gang on Sunday.
Saw my therapist yesterday, that helped. Gotta rememeber, "Normal is just a setting on the dryer."
Susan, you echo my feelings...things just don't seem to get better. It is not quite 3 months, and it seems like an eternity. I try so hard to be busy and do, to an extent, but then you come home and it is empty except for my precious dog. I have fixed up the back yard with flowers, awning, lots of trees to look at, but no one to share it with and long for the days and evenings we shared for 44 years.
I long for someone to hold and hug me too, to converse with--just be with someone who cares! My late husband constantly told me to "find someone to take care of you and the dog"..easy to say! Like so many of you dear cyber friends say, it gets better..but it is an extremely painful road. I live in hopes.
Re my other post...no, I wouldn't want to attend a real orgy. I was being humorous with a twist. I COULD attend a party of all those interested in pairing off to experiment and have some fun. It would be like attending a cocktail party, where guys hope to pick up a one-night stand, but this one would be everyone knowing in advance that the purpose is to meet someone with whom there is a MUTUAL attraction to pair up for the purpose of having recreational sex, and not looking for a life partner unless that just happened to progress to that end after having 'fun' for an extended period of weeks or months and really getting to know each other.
At this point in my healing, I am not so overcome with emotion, but am thinking more logically and realistically, and therefore realize that at any time any one of us could either drop dead or develop a serious if not fatal disease. With that in mind, I do not want to take a chance on a new mate going through that with me, or me with them. I just want to have many friends, as I have said before, visit them, do things with them (including sex if they want..women only), and live life one day at a time with no long range plans, 'cause today or tomorrow could be my last. This is not to say I will not do things like plant young trees IN CASE I live long enough to see them get big enough to enjoy their Spring or Fall beauty. I have had a good life (well, at least some of it), and just want to enjoy the time until I go to meet Mary Ann again. In a nutshell, that's it as I see it today, and see no reason to change that outlook. If I die tomorrow, friends will miss me (I would hope), but my kids will bury me.
TJ, it sounds like you're on a good (if slow) road to recovery and peace. I do hope you find what you want. Take it easy. You've got time. And I think there are LOTS of women out there who also want companionship and fun. You'll start finding them when you're ready and have got your eyes open.
Back from Massachusetts. Whirlwind weekend. Started with my great-nieces 2nd birthday, onto pizza with my best friends, then Mom, boys and I crashed at my "aquired" daughters condo, where we had a wonderful time. I was very emotional, missing Jim sooooo much. Stopped and bought the boys new bikes at Walmart, then splurged on lobster rolls. OMG they were so good. Now home and my back is toast. I'm tired, but it is a good tired. Trying to psyche myself up to get this house back in shape. Mom and I had a good talk about all the work that needs to be done. She is feeling overwhelmed by my lack of interest in getting things done, but totally understands my grief and lack of initiative. Just getting out of bed seems to be getting harder and harder. Will talk with my therapist Tuesday. Had some awful stomach aches the past few days, I think my ulcer may be rearing its ugly head. aghhhhhh
It is over a month since my husband passed. I have hundreds of sympathy cards and about 25 cards advising of donations made to charities of the donor's choice, most not related to dementia. How do I respond to all this? Strangely I have heard nothing at all from the facility where my husband spent his last four years. Hospice finally got around to sending a group card.
Bluedaze, if I were you I would send brief thank-you cards only to those who sent donations in your husband's name, or something else substantial like flowers. When my Dad died Mom wanted to send cards to everybody in the church who donated food or work to the funeral dinner. I didn't think it necessary but she wanted to and so we did -- she was only able to do it because I was there to help her. It was a huge job. We enclosed memorial cards to those who had not been able to attend the funeral, and wrote brief notes where it seemed appropriate. For us it was a good way to spend the days after the funeral together, keeping busy.
Is there someone who would be willing to help you?
First and foremost -- take your time. No one is waiting impatiently for that card.