I fixed the kitchen faucet! It had come lose and was about to call for help. I decided to clean out under the sink and see what it looked like. I had a wonderful honey do for over 30 years. With a light and a mirror (also a different pair of glasses, bifocals are imposible). I could see it was a ring with 2 philips-head screws. Flashlight went dead, got a light, 2 screwdrivers. Tightened the 2 screws and I saved $60-$100. They don't come in the door for less! I felt like, "I am woman hear me roar". barbarakay
Well, for me, this is an easy one....I never in a million years imagined that I would be changing the "diapers" of a full grown man. It is a humbling experience as I realize how awful it must be to not be able to do even basic things for yourself and to be completely dependent on others for the necessities of life.
I've developed many skills in the hardware and remodeling realm. Among the projects I've recently taken over were installing a new bathroom faucet, replacing a toilet, tiling a bathroom, installing and finishing hardwood floors and a cork floor in the kitchen. I also do telephone wiring and coaxial cable installation as needed. I have gained an understanding of how our ridiculously complicated radiant floor heat system works, and exactly how water enters and leaves the house, so that I could get clear with the plumbers on how they would redesign our sewer line.
I've always been one who thinks they can do anything if they really want to. All repairs have been left up to me along with bill paying for 45 years and that isn't going to change now. I guess changing depends, showering, shaving and brushing Bill's teeth is something I never thought I would do. But with life comes surprises. I've been surprised a lot lately.
This thread is almost a year old, but after my accomplishment today, I thought I would bring it to the top again.
If you read my weekend blog (10/24-26/08), you know about my trip to Miami today. I hate driving, as you all know, especially long distances with Sid sitting next to me complaining about my driving. But today, I went about 3 miles, and told Sid if he didn't shut up (I know, that wasn't very nice), I was turning around, taking him home, and I was going by myself. He stopped complaining, and with the help of that wonderful woman, Miss GPS, I made it to Miami in less than 2 hours. I was careful, steady, and had no problems. Even when Sid used to drive, Mapquest always got us mixed up, and we never made it to my friend's house on time. She was thrilled that I was able to come to her birthday luncheon - she never thought I would drive that distance myself.
On the way home, we ran into road construction and downpours, but I got us safely into the house in 2 hours. Never thought I could do it, but it is amazing what necessity forces out of you, isn't it?
I learned to handle all finances, do home repairs, bought my first car alone, learned how to fight the establishment for my husband when he could no longer do so. I can hear us all roaring and it sounds great!!!
For the first time ever, I did ALL the driving on a trip out of state, figured out the best route, took care of motels, ordering and paying at restaurants, gas stations, etc. My DH always did all that before. Never thought I could but I did! Do you hear another roar?
I'm with C. I took over all the meal planning and cooking, plus buying "unmentionables" at Walmart. Since she is now in Depends, I don't have that problem.
I'm still working on the driving on a freeway (not there yet)! But I have reroofed a fairly large shed, taken over total yard care, learned to do some plastering, fixed the dishwasher, resurfaced the deck, and handled a multitude of other new tasks. While I take a certain amount of pride in learning to do some things,I so would rather not have the need to! Wish I could farm some of it out to people that actually know what they are doing, but my husband was forced to retire at 54...
I have always done all the planning for everything..I enjoy it (anal much?), but dislike driving on long trips...done that three times in the last couple of months. Am currently trying to clean decks and cement pads with pressure washer and spray stuff (not very successfully). We are leaving for our planned cruise next week, and G said that he is going to have to leave everything to me to deal with as he isn't capable now. This is beyond planning obviously, but I have dealt with hotels, planes, etc for a time now. Guess he doesn't recall, and that's fine. I'm trying to keep this low key, and that is probably the hardest part right now....please no blow ups!
I've been forced into doing all sorts of things I never thought I could. Don't feel like I'm roaring, though ... whimpering would be more like it, possibly mixed with whining. I agree with marge, I'd much prefer to be farming it out.
I have caulked skylite windows on a 3story house, run our investments, rental properties, jumped my cars battery several times-changed 30ft lightbulbs on a 40ft ladder:), (biggy since i am afraid of any electric stuff) handled the lawsuit and settlement and the 4month move out of our home when severe black mold covered a big wall, (i really thought i'd lose it this one!) handled all renovations for repairs, 100k! and everything else that has to do with running our lives in every way. personal /medical/ financial, sigh...its been a huge obligation- plus on top of DH AD since 2000. divvi i roar alot around here:)
I have gotten a truck and trailer loaded with snowmachines that my DH jackknifed in the driveway with 6 feet of snow on either side, unstuck. It required unloading the snowmachines, unhooking the trailer, tying a rope to the trailer and another small SUV, pulling the trailer out, then maneuvering the truck back and forth til I could finally drive it out. It took almost all day but I did it, wahoo!
We were snowed in for 5 days the week we were to move from the "country" into the city. On 5th day finally found someone to come plow us out. Turned out to be our current "handyman"! After we moved into town he would just show up to ask if anything needed to be done! Imagine that?! So we started having him do certain stuff- and he was good at everything. Had a county job but would come after work and weekends. He just loves my husband. After DH was DX'd, he came more often just to "talk" to him and spend some time. He's young enough to be DH's son too, so that is nice. Since DH can't do much anymore, I have taken over EVERYTHING. Always did do the finances, so no problem there; household stuff he did mostly-and was good at it. Now our handyman comes and does it - I always pay him something - but he NEVER charges unless it's a big job that we've contracted for. Whenever he changed a faucet or washer or toilet, or anything, he would always show me how - so if he wasn't around, I could do it myself - and I've had to! He's always giving me tidbits of advice about stuff and I so appreciate it. Blessings do come from unexpected sources.
I've been in charge of most of the household, finances, taxes, etc, for many years but farmed out the handyman stuff. What I never thought I'd be able to do is sit still and just BE here at home. Since '85, I had always planned my next trip (solo) to someplace I'd always wanted to go to. I never thought I'd have the patience to give that up, to just get through one day at a time, with no real future plans on the horizon. But I'm mostly making it, so far...
Now that I am responsible for everything, I am amazed at the amount of work it takes. I am taking joy in small things. For example, making all the components of a meal finish at the same time, while keeping up with the laundry. Time management and planning were always important in business. I am "retired" and am using those skills applied to new environment. Running a household is tough business. Men are problem solvers. We identify the problem, devise a solution, apply the solution to the problem and never think about it again (because it is no longer a problem). What is referred to here as ADL (Activities of Daily Living), formerly attended to by wife, defies the problem solving model. It's relentless, never done. The feminist movement should embrace caregivers. It is the giant equalizer of the sexes.
Have you read all of these posts? My gosh! What a great and talented bunch of people. My big claim to fame this year is hiring a contractor to reroof the house. I just acted like I knew what I was doing and 'viole`. we have a lovely new 30-year roof. I told the roofer "I don't need a 50 year roof. I won't be here." He said he wouldn't either and doubted if he'd be around another 30. Pretty funny. I also contracted to have the kitchen/living room redone. It's still in mid-process--but have been assured it will be done by Thanksgiving. Never thought I'd be doing all of this at this point in ;my life.
Mawzy that redo will do wonders for your piece of mind or happiness or whatever. We (I) had a new house build 3 years ago and it has helped me tremendously by the enjoyment it gives me. Much more light and I think that is REAL important. I have a lot of windows and the entire inside painted off white. In our old house I had my med. brown wood cabinets painted off-white and you would not believe how bright and clean that made the kitchen look. I even considered using white cabinets in this house but kept the white ones to the bathrooms and hickory for the kitchen. Paint can work wonders for the interior and doesn't cost much.
I repainted the inside of the entire house in a color I love, had granite counter tops installed and realized something awesome-no fear of husband going into a rage with the workers as he is placed. It has been too many years of being afraid to go anywhere with him because of the terrible behavior. I was starting to consider to consider it the norm. My Dad used to say you can get used to hanging. Dementia sneaks up on you.
I would have never thought in a million years that I would buy a new car & have it titled in my name only, while my husband sat silent (well he was silent until he decided the pen was a gun that he pulled out of a holster...which he thought was really funny, good thing I called ahead) Or had the oil changed & tire rotated on the vehicle. I have also changed the vanity lights in the bathrooms, installed wood flooring...even mitered the quarter round, planted 25 shrubs (digging through clay that was hard as a rock, as my husband stood watching) I am about to attempt installing chair rail... really nervous I am not sure I can do the inside corners. I would love to change 3 lights & a ceiling fan, however, the ceilings are 12 foot & I am scared of heights. Also, would like to change the bathroom faucets, never done any plumbing so I might need to hire someone. Although I have been researching on the Internet of how to do it. I have always painted so that was not a problem. Thankfully, I have always handled the finances so that was no problem. And I never ever thought I would have POA over my husband at 57 years old.
Mawzy, Thank you for having confidence in me. And thank you for reminding me to turn the water off in the whole house....some days I need a reminder for just about everything. I was laying in bed Sunday night & remembered I had not unhooked the garden hose from the house for the winter. I finally got up to write myself a note.
Actually, I do a whole lot more of what I "KNEW" I could do......out of necessity, but also because I don't have him objecting to me making decisions or taking on tasks around the house. It just doesn't occur to him anymore what my limitations might be.
I did just about everything anyway so the only thing I have done different is the 12 hour drive to Ohio ( 3 times this year) and I could have lived quite well without all three of them! I told DH after the one in September I couldn't do it anymore because of my back and the arthritis in my fingers. I am hoping and praying he doesn't bring it up next year.
I am so proud of every single one of you!! Kudos to all!! And to DKing, congratulations for stepping into a woman's shoes & giving it the "it's a hard job" it deserves. You put it so well..."Relentless & Never done"... Thank you!! Jules, I think you get the award of the year for that "hard labor" and "problem solving" -- all day, but YOU DID IT!! Wahoo is right!!
As for me, I do lots of things, but one thing I think I've done that I never thought I would/could was to let others help me. I am saying YES more and more...and not worrying if it's done the way "I would have done it", whatever 'it' is...Vickie, your 'handyman' sounds so so nice!! I esp like that he just wants to 'visit' with your husband. So kind!! I think they need this so much!! It is wonderful for your husband, but also for you! :)
I sold a car, and took away my DH's driver's license. this is the man who drove us back and forth to Alaska from NY, and to florida every year, and to california and New mexico... I never thought I would take his license. But I did, and sold the second car so the temptation to drive off by himself would not happen.
chris r, I did the same thing - had my husband's license taken away and sold his car. Also traded in my car, which I've never done on my own before now.
I've always been the one who either completed or arranged for most of the home repairs, so that's not new. He has no objections to much of anything now. I'm considering a kitchen update next year - if I last that long!
OMG! I thought I was just about the only one who told the doctor about DH's driving errors. He now has no license and I sold his pickup. NEVER thought that I'd ever pull that off either. Hate to brag, but "we are good!, aren't we?' (SILLY GRIN()
Well aren't we just all that and a bag of chips!!! *big grin* I wouldn't even know where to begin, I have done so many things I never thought I could. A few examples would be changing out electrical outlets without be electrocuted! Remodeling.... putting in fixtures, sanding and finishing the wood floors, framing a door and the latest today, fixing a leak on the roof *gasp! LOL I am like the little engine that could, I just keep saying ...I think I can - I think I can!
Good for you, Nikki, and hooray for all of us, who are now doing stuff we would not have dreamed of.... i can hardly wait til I get to change diapers again. My younges grandie is 4 so It's been a while. (ha ha)