I am trying to start a new conversation and and am having trouble. I will try again. I am 80 and DH is 85. He is between a 5 and a 6 stage. His short term memory is gone and he has been having delusions for nearly 3 years.The story I read about here so often. I am seeing a boy across the street who drives a pickup truck. He seems to have an obsession with trucks. Now why would a boy in his twenties, who we do not know, be interested in and old lady. I am afraid I am not handling this too well. I know he not responsible and cannot help it but we have been married for over 53 years. I think he should be able to remember who I am and what kind of person I am. I pray for patience every day and usually loose my cool before the day is over. The children live out of state so I am having to handle everything alone.
Bama, thanks for starting a thread so we can all say "hi" and welcome!
It is sad when a loved one develops delusions, but unfortunately all too common, as you've discovered from reading here. Please try hard not to take it personally, although I know that's much easier said than done. Hopefully, this stage will pass soon.
If you haven't read "Understanding the Dementia Experience" yet, that might help some. Joan has a link to it on the home page, about a third of the way down, with a picture of a woman in a life jacket holding a sign "Need Help". It's by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller.
I did it. Another first for me. To continue this story, we moved to NW Florida where the children live and stayed 4 years. DH was never happy and wanted to come back home. We lived through Ivan and several other hurricanes that hit our area so when Christy hit Miss. and New Orleans I told him we would move back. I knew at the time that he was forgeting things but had no idea that it was alz. We had only been here a few months when he started the delusions. From there things went down hill. We have been back in North Alabama now for nearly 3 years and I do not have the energy to make pack up and move again. I am a tough old bird and I hope I can keep things going. If I can keep my sense of humor and that is not easy some days I will survive. I have a lot of funny stories I could tell but my one finger typing will make me say I'll do that at another time.
Welcome Bama You are doing great and we are glad to have you here. It is always good when new people post. Not that we aren't happy with the old ones but new blood is always good. (grin)
I hope I do as well as you when I am 80. Most of my friends at 70 do not have a computer and do not want one. I think they are missing out in a lot ways. It would be nice if your children would help you relocate near one of them. It is a great comfort, but I know it is a big thing to do at any age and you couldn't do it yourself. Lois
I decided to get a computer a year and a half ago. It was a difficult decision because I can't even program a VCR. I knew my mind needed stretching so I bought one. It has been very helpful and it gives me a lot of enjoyment. I am know advising a daughter who has been using one for years. Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Now, if I could just type and remember how to spell, I would have it made. I plan on staying here for now. It has been home for many years. I did find out when we returned that a lot of our friends have already left this world. The hardest thing for me is being confined because DH does not like to leave the house. I can only leave him for trips to the Grocery Store. We have to eat and he wants his pecan pie and icecream everyday.
Welcome Bama!! you are quite handy typing with one finger i must say:) So Sorry you are dealing with the delusions of AD but so glad you found this website for spouses who share in caring for AD. since you are reading already you will find lots of helpful information and how to's from caregivers whou will or have gone thru so many trying situations like yours. you didnt say if your DH is on alz meds or not, and if hes under a neuros care. gosh, there are days i dont have energy to get out and i am only mid 50's. so you are doing great with all the anxiety and loniness of caring for you DH. i wish your kids could offer more handson help too. you need some time out for yourself, maybe you can find an activity for AD persons in your community. again, welcome, and looking forward to your posting, divvi
Greetings Bama, I think your sweetheart knows who you are and what you are like. He just cant express himself the way he has in the past due to this awful disease. You have found the patience and it sounds like the old dog has learned all the old tricks she needs to. And your one finger typing looks great. Welcome!! Lee
Welcome Bama, I am glad you found tis site. Everyone is so kind, helpful & non-judgemental. I agree about the computer, looks like you are doing just fine.
Hi Bama. You will be so happy that you have found this place. Everyone is so friendly and helpful. Don't be afraid to say anything that's on your mind. There's nothing any of us haven't heard. I have learned more here than anything I have read before.
Hi Bama and welcome. I agree with Carolyn this is THE place to find out anything you want to know. I gave up reading books because there is more information here from people in the trenches. My husband isn't too bad.... so far the worst thing is his short term memory and sometimes not finding what he is looking or from the look on his face trying to think what he is looking for.
For one finger typing you did really well. Peace and love.
My husband had a meltdown this morning! He has been really aggressive and angry for two months. Went to PCP twice in last 2 weeks. He spent his telling them how mean I was etc. I AM NOT MEAN! Then today he went to run errands and 30 minutes from kissing me goodbye...he was at the clinic with a full blown panic attack. He told the doctor that I was trying to kill him, and that I had the police looking for him so I could commit him...OH, I was also going to blow up the clinic. He would not see me. My daughters stepped in and he is now on his way to a behavorial center. He says he will never come back home etc. This is so devasting.
Oh my goodness, Grannywhiskers, I'm so sorry. How quickly these things can happen. Thank heavens you had your daughters there to explain what was happening and help you...and HIM!.... He's saying things he won't remember saying...and you know that. They may adjust his meds and he'll calm down, - or maybe they'll decide it's best for you if they keep him a while while you get your energy back.
so sorry grannyw. use this time to catch up on rest and sleep. he wont remember much after they adjust his meds and all. its so hard to get thru this part. hugs, divvi
Bama, you are doing better than I am. I can't even get my picture to go with my comments. I have been trying for a few weeks now but no luck. I tried the tinypic website and I thought I was going to get it there but I got the picture uploaded on to tinypic but couldn't figure out how to get it from there to here. It is very frustrating so I just gave up.
Grannywhiskers, so sorry for what you are going through. My DH went through a phase a while back when he kept asking me why I was trying to kill him and why I was holding him hostage here. I do believe your DH will forget all about it and be okay. He may go through it again, but, "this, too, shall pass."
I'm sorry too, I have gone weeks w/o DH talking to me, and telling me how mean I am. I know it hurts so bad! But you just have to let it go, as the others have said, otherwise you'll end up in the hospital like I did, a couple times. The stress and anxiety about killed me. I had one major surgery and another a year later, with various other health issues along the way. Please take care of yourself, and realize that this isn't personal, and what your DH says really isn't true, or how he really feels, just the disease. My DH eventually lets it go and gets back to his old self, ususallly medication adjustments necessary. I wish I had found this site earlier, cause the info here has really helped me mentally to cope. Hope things get better for you! Hugs TOO! Linda
Again, Welcome Bama and so sorry to hear about the difficulties of Grannywhiskers. We are in a 'time of calm' right now...after a huge upsetting period.. and delusions are part of DH's operating behavior. I suspect the next time of uproar will prompt us to admit him for psych eval. The next time will come. we just never know exactly when.
It was interesting reading the posts that someone pulled up from almost a year ago. I have learned a lot from all of you and am a lot stronger. We still have the delusions and mostly they are about the "man" in the mirror. He does not like his looks and certainly doesn't thrust him. He worries about my safety and what that man might say to me. He also is talking to pictures and magazine covers. You cannot reason with him which is hard for me because it really is a big worry for me. He can no longer shower and needs help in dressing. Spends most of his day in the recliner and is easy to take care of until night time and then the crazy questions start. Where is my wife, are we staying here tonight ( he thinks this is a motel, I guess) Wants to discuss financial stuff and he doesn't know what he is talking about. Drives me up a wall and I am afraid I lose what little patience I have left. Of course that other bama gets the blame when I yell. I just hope I can survive this journey and have a few years left to rock on the front porch. Maybe that young kid across the street will still be around to take me out. LOL
Bama, I think I'd make friends with that kid across the street! LOL
Seriously, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It hasn't come to that here yet - so words of advice from me. Just to let you know I'm thinking of you and sending lots of hugs.
Well...no evaluation yet. I know it takes time. I think he did a role reversal. He has been so angry for several months, I think ue said the things he has thought about doing and not me. He even told the clinic that I was building bombs to bomb the clinic. So SAD. He is the sweetest person around ...and then it comes to this.
ol don...I would love to go to a football game again. I miss the noise and excitement of being in the stands. And we both know that this will be a noisy and exciting game. I will have to watch it on TV but thanks for the invitation. ROLL TIDE.....
The topic of this thread is DELUSIONS! I was thinking (how sad it is) that the very THOUGHT of just hopping into the car on a Saturday and going to our college football game would be absolutely wonderful....and then the "delusion" of such an event fades away and reality returns. We NEVER missed a home game at Clemson University...and this is the FIRST YEAR we let our incredible seats (season tickets) go back. .. 45 yard line, Lower Deck. I kept them for 5 years after diagnosis...and let our children and close friends enjoyed them. But to keep them meant an annual contribution of no less than $2800 plus the cost of the 4 seats. That money can be better budgeting into his "caregiving help" expenses.
Nancy, we let our tickets go about 5 years ago. He had been getting them since 1948 and it was a hard thing for him to do but we were living in Florida and it was too hard to drive that far. Reality sucks.
Have found it interesting to read the old posts and these new ones about delusions. Delusions of happiness that once was? Or, was it delusions of FUN and ENJOYMENT lately. Since John isn't here anymore, in the hospital awaiting a bed in the nursing home STILL, I've been imagining (i think) how much I missed about our being US. I'm very lonely. I keep remembering some of the good moments we had together. All I can seem to do is cry in his presence. NOT good for either of us. John used to go to the Masters golf tournament, so I know what giving up your treasured season tickets mean for you, Bama and Nancy B.
Bama: I am going through the same things you are...it does get worse in the eve....he thinks we are in a motel..and wants to go home....Where do you live in Fl..we are in Jacksonville...I also am 80 and DH is 87...his stage was moderaate to severe, but I think it has gotten worse... To-day Our daughter and her Son and daughter visited from Cleaarwater...He did not know who they were...I could see the saddness in the children's eyes...for the first time I felt that our "Family" as it was, is no longer..I hate this disease and what it has done to all of us.
RB13...We moved to NW Florida over 7 years ago because all our children are there. We lived there 4years and DH was never happy and so I sold the house and returned to Alabama. We had only been here two months when I realized something was wrong. I knew he had been forgetting things but don"t we all? The first signs were the delusions about my having boyfriends and all that kind of stuff. Sometimes he knows me and other times he wants to know if I am being paid for what I do. He doesn't always know the children and grandchildren but he likes for me to hand him the phone when they call. The minute they say Daddy, I love you...he gives the phone back to me. Tonight I realized that he doesn't enjoy listening to music any longer. Public TV had the old big band music on like 'String of Pearls', 'In the Mood' and all his other favorites and he didn't pay any attention to the program. I am 81 and he will soon be 87 and I hate this disease also. My daughter and her family lived in Jacksonville for several years and we visited often but that was a long time ago. He still tells me he wants to move back to Cullman and we are living right in the middle of the downtown section. I know now I should have stayed near the kids because I sure could use their help.
Dear Bama: We moved to Jacksonville, 2 yrs ago, to be close to two of our daughters, and their families...We have no friends here, which makes for no social life. He doesn't remember the 50 years we lived in Clearwater, or our friends there. He does remember the town he was raised in Italy...so he is constantly wanting to "Go Home" wants me to call his Mother, so she can come and take him home...He played Tennis for many years, now has no interest in looking at it on TV..It is a terrible thing that happens to their brain...we have to have the patience and Love to deal with it. Hopefully this disease does not claim us....not an easy job...Bless you...
My husband has been delusional for many years. At first, I didn't understand it.....before his diagnosis. I don't know what to say....he still accuses me of unfaithfulness, as he has for most of our married life. It hurts me just as much now as it did then. My solution? I just take myself away from it and don't see him very often. I do what I have to do to keep myself healthy.