I'm a new guy here. My wife of nearly 30 years is 51, diagnosed Oct 31 2007. I am 60 and recently "retired" to care for her. I think we are a little over 3 years into it. I am a Marine, Vietnam combat veteran. Vietnam was good training for this caregiving role. If something bad is not actively happening, something bad just happened or something bad is getting ready to happen. The trick seems to be, in both circumstances, keep everybody alive and get into the next day. Try and find some joy in between the bad stuff.
Welcome to my website. You will find so much information and support here - and although they are quieter than the women, we have many men with whom you can relate. Since your wife is so young, she qualifies as EOAD (early onset Alzheimer's Disease) If you log onto the home page, www.thealzheimerspouse.com, you will find a section on the left side labeled EOAD, which may help you. Also, check out all of the sections on the left side. I recommend reading Help for the Newly Diagnosed and New Members and "Understanding the Dementia Experience", and when you get a chance, scroll through the previous blog section - there are a multitude of topics you will relate to.
Your description of Vietnam was absolutely right on target for AD!
I labeled this discussion with "guy" in it, in hopes that our men will see it and respond.
I am delighted to meet you dking. My wife was diagnosed with AD in 2002 and she is now in stage 6+. She is 74 and Im am 72. Your "happenings" theory is a good one and it is like my everyday experience as a caregiver.
My son and his oldest son (a first grader) visited with us this morning for a while. That was a pleasant bit of joy in my day.
Welcome aboard; I don't post often, but I read, learn and ponder. Your analogy of Vietnam & caregiving gave me pause, but it seems right on. Always waiting for what's lurking to hit next, but in betwixt times enjoying moments of peace. This a.m. I drove us home from worship on the interstate in wind and off & on torrents of rain. Just got in line with other travelers and hung on at 55 instead of 70. When we pulled in our garage, my husband said, "Thank you; that was an enjoyable trip." He slept. I smiled and said, "You're welcome."
Glad you've joined us , dking. You'll really find a lot of helpful information on this website. We can all thank Joan for starting it and keeping it all up to date.
Welcome dking. My wife is 52 diagnosed in June 2007, now late stage 5 - early stage 6. I don't post much but find myself reading threads seemingly for hours. Very helpful information and for some reason it also helps knowing others are going thru the same thing. I hope you find joang's site as valuable as I have. Thenneck
Welcome dking, I am glad you found this forum, I am sure you will find that everyone is very supportive. My husband is 57 years old, started having memory problems 5 years ago.
Welcome dking. My husband is 60 and has had symptoms for about 4 years. He is ealy stage 4. You will find this a great source for moral support, a shoulder to cry on and a source of joy when things are going well. It truly is a blessing.
To bobspecialk: I love those words "It's about responsibility, honor, and love." I"m going to make signs for myself and put them around my house and in my wallet. They say what I believe and what my goal is, and my purpose - but I had never said so well. Thank you
We have more men - hope to hear from them soon. Trisinger, Dick S, baltobob, marsh, Iggy, Tony, who recently lost his wife, but is a tireless advocate on behalf of EOAD families, and many more I have left out because I don't have the list in front of me.
Dear dking--welcome. I've been on this site for 2 months and have learned more in these two months than I learned in 2 years before this. bobspecialk mentioned love,honor and respect. I like that. My 16 (almost 17) yearold grandson was here yesterday. His other grandma is in the advanced states of Parkinson's. I asked him how his other grandparents were doing and this is what he said:
"Grandma is getting weaker all the time and it looks like grandpa is feeling the stress and strain of caring for her all these years. But, ya know what, Grandma. It looks like he meant what he said when he made those vows!." (They are both 84 and have been married about 55 years.)
I told him he was so fortunate to have such a wonderful role model and iterated what a darling boy he is. What a kid. We can learn so much from the young.
Welcome dking.... My wife was diagnoised in july of 06 and she is now 61,, she is in about stage 5/6 and has shown signs since she was in her mid 50s... you have come to the best site ever for spousal information pertaining to EOAD and you will get to know some of the most dedicated and loyal spouses in the world................. Dan
Hi dking, Glad you are posting. It is always great to get the male perspective. This site is a lifesaver. People share alot of emotion, facts and are there to lift you up when you need it. My DH has Familial EOAD. He was diagnosed 5 years ago at 50 years old and has been on disabilty since. He is gradually progressing but is still in the early stages of the disease. I am 54 and work fulltime outside of the home.
Welcome dking, I am glad you found your way to Joan's site, but of course sorry for the reason. I do hope you will continue to post, we all need the support.
Hey, Sunshyne, I've been missing you! I was worried about you!
And I would also like to welcome our newcomers - bobspecialk (I'd love to hear how you got that name!) and to dking! I'm certain that you can offer us more fresh ideas as both of you have done in your first posts! Thank you for coming!
Welcome bobspecialk and dking;;;;;; Good to have you here although I am sorry for your need. I think it is so much better for the caregiver to come to this good board and share our ups and downs. Right now, I am enjoying the ups and just hope it lasts.
Thank you all for the welcome. I've lurked on other forums and didn't see how they applied to me. It's tough enough if you know someone with AD. It's really no good if it's mom,dad, grandpa or grandma. For our spouses to have AD is a special kind of no good. My wife and I are a team. Over the years when one of us has been weak, the other is strong. There was balance and a sense of order. Being a caregiver is just an extension of what we've always been doing; an extreme extension, but still part of the deal.
From reading the threads, I've already gotten some practical advice.
dking, I too found the other sites lacking. Obviously Joan did as well since she started this site! It is good to be among people who truly know what you are going through. It IS so different when it is your spouse.
" Being a caregiver is just an extension of what we've always been doing; an extreme extension, but still part of the deal."
I love that, think I might have to print that out to put on my "inspiration" board :)
Keep posting, together we may just make it! ~Nikki
Would like to also extend a welcome to Bobspecialk and Dking! Been missing in action so to speak with the hurricane here in Tx. it was devastating as you all know. we are counting our blessings here at home. There is a great forum of info and special personalities here to guide and offer assistance in almost any area of AD. there are alot of guys here too who care for AD wifes. so glad you found a place for comfort and support! divvi
Dking and Bobspecialk, glad to have more men on this site, although I'm sorry for the reason. My wife of 54 years is in early stage 6. She is 78 and I am 77. I agree that caregiving is just part of the deal we made 54 years ago. For most of that time I was the one to get sick (nothing serious, but some required major cleanup - vomiting and diarrhea) and she took care of me without any complaints. Now it's my turn. I just hope I can do as well as she did.