Well, ladies and gentlemen, I got tired of just "fixing up the place" in small spots and keeping the familiar things around - afraid that changes might upset my husband (one of the first rules that I had read after he was diagnosed). My sons both have the flat screen HDTV with Blue Ray DVD players and home entertainment centers, so whenever we have come home after seeing movies at their houses, our 15 year old TVs seem SO old fashion, though I had been happy enough with them before. I have felt stuck in a "don't make a major purchase" rut for two years now, and was feeling like there was not a lot to look forward to except the cruise in February; and I was tired of the same old, same old.
Due to our reading and buying books, I had run out of bookcases to put them in, and since we re-read them, I don't give them away. SO...though I have been saying for two years that I was going to wait until "after" to buy the new big screen HDTVs, I finally decided to heck with it, and yesterday told my husband and daughter that we were going shopping - first for a stand for the HDTV or an entertainment center - if I found one I loved; then, to Best Buy to order the HDTVs. We went to SIX furniture stores before I came across a beautiful entertainment center that I fell instantly in love with. After inspecting it, we measured it (we had measured out the entire den to see where we could put it and if I would have to buy a new shorter couch as well - if we had to put it on another wall) and it fit...and was on sale for 50% off!! I knew then that I had made the right choice (LOL)!
The next stop was BB. The poor salesman turned me over to their expert in the department, because I had been researching HDTVs for over a year and had done it again on Friday to see what the latest prices were and if there were newer ones I liked better than what I had decided upon in July. So, I knew what I wanted and the prices I was willing to pay for each (one for the den and one 37" for the bedroom), plus Samsung has just come out with a Blue Ray DVD Home Entertainment Center that is less expensive than buying two separate units, so I got that, and the "Harmony" remote control that the Geek Squad programs for you (so that if you want to watch a DVD, you hit the movie button and you are ready to watch it; or TV and you are ready to watch it; you don't have to use two or three separate remote controls! YEA!). They are coming out next week to bring and install everything. I'm excited. Because my husband watches so many movies, and with the new remote (that has PICTURES of what to push) he should be able to operate it. He's looking forward to it as well!
It's great to be excited about something and looking forward to something for a change!!!!
I just thought I would share my latest with my friends here!
Good for you Mary. I feel exactly the same. Why wait. We may not have a tomorrow.
3 years ago I built a new home. (husband was unable to help so I had to oversee everything, including 1600' of laying utilities and road. I am so glad I did. We both love it and have really enjoyed it including the attached garage. The first year we decided we didn't like the garage because we had never had one but come winter we loved it. Husband adjusted well after the first few months when he kept saying "why did you want to do this". No way does he want to return to our old house (which is around the corner and still empty, by the way. He was able to garden 3 years longer at our new place because the garden is right near the back door.
I have wanted a new LR sofa and chairs and have kept putting that purchase off but I think I may just go ahead and buy one. Last year I was like Mary. I researched and shopped for a set and couldn't decide what I wanted so decided to wait until my Mom passed and now it has been 4 months so I think it is time I started shopping again.
I always end up in tears when I read all the comments and usually too overcome to make a comment (sometimes). Again, Mary, I'm in tears. tears of joy and jealousy for you. Congratulations.
I am excited for you Mary....It seems like we spouses have so little to get excited about and I know you will expecially like the DVR feature. I use it to tape my soaps , mainly The Young and the REssless. I used to never watch soaps but I am a devoted fan now.
On the subject of furniture purchases, I recently bought a LazyBoy Recliner....I have insomnia and seldom sleep through the night. I decided that if I was going to be awake I might as well be comfortable . When I can't sleep now I get in my recliner, kick back, and watch a movie I have recorded on the DVR. Since I don't spend money on many vacations, clothes, or going out at night, I was able to purchase the chair. When and if you can make a purchase , my friends, do so as having a few luxuries helps us to endure the barren lives we so often have.
I got myself a portable DVD player. I can watch movies or anything else I like wherever I choose to be. I don't like being tied down to where the TV is.
WAY TO GO! We had just gotten the last child out of the house and did a little redecorating when DH was dx'd. Stuff for us. Things that matched. Not the fork, knife and spoon of one of son's high school friends that's been in drawer for years. (Really? How did that happen that we actually got a whole place setting from some kid's house?) Anyway, it was fun to have nice stuff again.
Four years later.... DH has developed a condition that I can't imagine is related to AD, but has been present ever since dx. He looks likes he has mosquito bites all over his arms and legs. Occasionally on the shoulders too. And he scratches them all the time. What's more, he SWEARS he bleeds spontaneously because his blood is "so thin". Upshot is that he's ruined a cushion from the sofa and on the chair and a half with blood stains that I didn't see in time b/c he flipped them over to hide them!) I gave my sister a check and told her to put the money somewhere safe and hold it until some day when I can replace the furniture. Don't know what that future will hold, but I know I won't feel guilty about the furniture!
Sometimes, when things aren't perfect, it's wonderful to have something that is. You deserved it, Mary.
Liz, has your DH's doctor given you a diagnosis for the rash? I can think of several possibilities, some of which can be easily treated, others which need to be treated.
.. and one possibility might be a med he's taking?
I second a recliner. I always thought they looked tacky (Southern roots coming out) in living rooms but boy do I love mine! I even enjoy and use the vibrator thing when my back is tense.
Be interesting finding out what is causing the bumps. Paul complains of back itching all the time but there are usually no signs of bumps or rash.
My Mom, about a year before passing, developed a rash and extreme itching and I took her to 2 Drs. After 4 visits they discovered scabbies. I didn't even know what that was. The only place we can think she got them must have been at the rehab place. Had to wash all bedclothes etc. and do a second treatment to clear it up.
i ordered a new frige and stove from best buy. we have needed them for years. we have thought the frige would have quit before now,so i finally broke down and purchased them at a good price. they will deliver them the 18th,but now i am worried because dh has started worrying and crying about money. i feel guilty. i also went to my sisters jewelry party thursday,i thought i would enjoy getting out and actually looked forward to going. i was just going to purchase something i liked or my daughter liked and it would help sister with points to get free jewelry items.i spent too much, although i got some really nice things at really good prices,but i reallllly feel guilty about the jewelry purchases,i haven't bought jewelry in years,except for gifts. although i really like it,where in the world will i wear it? i really feel bad and i can't get it off my mind. here my dh is crying about money and saying he needs to get a job [he just started this today] and i go and buy something so frivilous as jewelry. i hope he will adjust to the new frige and stove okay. we have talked about the purchase many times and for years but i don't know how he will except something new. the jewelry.he wont notice,but i will. i feel so disappointed with myself. it's just something stupid i did and i try to learn from my mistakes. jav
Dear Jav: Do not feel guilty dear, like it or not, you are the decision arbitrator now on your finances. Would you have thought the same if you were alone withoiut your DH? He cannot be the one to be the final authority on what to purchase . His feelings are unreliable as they are probably related to his anxiety about his role as the family leader and believing that if he had a job all would be as it was. My husband and I previous to his illness had a marriage where he primarily made the big decisions especially about the finances. I thhink this was more prevalenet in the older generation and I had to overcome the idea that our marriage partnership was the same as it once was. yOur rerlationship has changed and it will not go back to where it once was. I hope you wear the piece of jewelery around t he house and indulge yourself again every once in awhile....You can no longer count on your husband 's acceptance or rejection for your decisions, whether you want it or not, you are now the decision maker. I have now made dec isions I never would have thought I could do alone..I bought a house, a car, planned a vacation, landscaping, irrigation system etc. My husband has been ill 10 yr. a long time and i had to become the one to order my and his life . YOu will be able to do it also.
My DH keeps worrying about money too, because he doesn't remember where it's coming from. But I agree with all of you. Since we are not moving (we seem to move every 10 yrs, but not this time) I redid the master bath, and the kitchen. Now I'm looking around for my next project. I'm the one who uses everything, so I may as well pick it out. I replaced the TV's 2 yrs ago. "If Mama ain't happy, ain't Nobody Happy!!!"
jav, you are allowed to have a few things just for you. We are all allowed to do that.
We moved into this new house not long after my husband's event. He was well enough that he actually did all of the buying, and the contract stuff with my daughter and her husband. I wasn't well enough to get on a plane at that point. I still might not be well enough for that now.
Among the things we bought was a big screen TV for over the fireplace. I've got speakers in the ceiling as well. It is literally a home theater. Beautiful picture, etc.
We replaced a couch this year. The old one didn't need replacing, but I have to admit that this one fits my husband's needs better than the other one did, and I gave the other one to one of my daughter's friends who needed a good couch. And we bought a car as well. So I'm buying big ticket items too.
My big, just for me, pleasures are books. And I let myself have them. Magazines too. And this computer and the Internet. It is OK. We are allowed to do that.
thank you all so much. as i set here and cry,i realize our life will never be the same,i knew that,but seeing it in writing here has made me face it. i know it is all on me now. i do have our son to talk to,but it is very hard on him,it hurts him so to have to talk about the things the future will surely bring. i try not to worry him,but we must talk. he works with the public and everywhere he goes people asks him about his dad,my dh. i know sometimes he needs a break from it all too. god bless you all on this site. i've said it before and i'll say it again. i don't know what i would do without you. jav
You know, you are right, Jav. Life will never be the same. What we had before isn't coming back. So, like Carewife said, inasmuch as you are the decision arbiter, enjoy the jewelery, Jav. If not now, when?
Wanna know where to wear it? Every day! Fix yourself up. put on a bit of makeup, fluff up your hair, get a fresh outfit and some of that beautiful new jewelery. If that lovely bling doesn't do anything more than make you feel better about yourself, it was money well spent. Your DH may not notice it, but that's ok. You will know how wonderful you look and feel. I read someplace that guilty people are unhealthy people. And unhealthy people can't really accomplish much or even do much.
Repeat to yourself! "I am a healthy woman. I love jewelry. I deserve beautful things NOW and I'm going to enjoy it." There now, don't you feel better already. (big smirky grin)