The past three times we have been out for the afternoon, everything has been fine and DH appeared normal but the minute we drive into our park, all of a sudden he's asking me to stop in and visit for awhile. When I look surprised and say WHAT?, then the dawn comes and hs starts apologizing and seems to know who I am again. I don't know. Maybe he thought he was out with somebody else all day.
I had a similar experience. We went out to dinner one afternoon, and it was very nice and we actually seemed to have some normal conversation, which was unusual at this point in his AZ. I was feeling really good about this when on the way home my DH said to me that he wished his wife could have joined us!!!Needless to say I was stunned. I asked him where his wife was and he said she was at home. I asked him if she was nice and he said oh yes, very nice. At least that part made me feel better, although obviously he didn't even know who his wife was. I had to smile.
This happened several times for us, every few days, for a few months. And now it's stopped. But the imperative to go to Caltech and claim his math prize continues!
My DH has said on occasion that his wife is MUCH better looking than i am and she is so nice and good to him...awwwwwww! at least he's remembering the better times and maybe when i WAS young and gorgeous?????? this was good to hear...hahah..divvi
That's what I love about this place. It makes me feel better to know that's it's not just happening in my life. It's just strange how that little door in the brain keep opening and closing.
I got up to go to the bathroom and when I went back to bed, he said "Is that you ----?" He named the woman across the street. I just said no, she's not here--then he laughed. He's done it every night for over a month. I think he's having some kind of a funny joke. There never was and never will be anything between him and the lady across the street. He's always liked the sound of her name so I think that's what happened. But 3 a.m. seems an odd time to be playing jokes, but then maybe I need to loosen up. Ya' think?
Mawzy, I don't think you should lose any sleep over it but I am not looking forward to the stage where hus. calls me someone else's name. It hasn't happened yet but from all the posts I am reading I think it is not far around the corner.
I've read some say that "when he doesn't know who I am, and he's incontinent, that's time for a nursing home."
But what if today he doesn't know who I am, and had a really full Depends when he got up, and tomorrow, and for the next two weeks, he's fine, knows me, is active and engaged and makes it to the john? That's what we face. It was months ago that my husband passed those two milestones and I thought, I can live with that, and then there are days like today, when we were driving for five hours, he was talking, laughing, complimenting me on my driving! And I'm glad I didn't confine him. Yet. (of course tonight he was off on his very rational delusion about the talk.. have we invited the right people to come to the celebration, etc.)
Briegull, I think it is a very personal thing. I know a women who placed her husband in the early stages because she couldn't handle all the repetitive questions. They hadn't been married very long, I think that may have played a part in it. She placed him, hooked up with a new man and moved on. Though that was "right" for her, I could never ever do that.
For me, there will be no right time to place him. I plan to never do so. For ME, just because he forgets who I am, will not mean I forget who he is. Its that simple for me. But, others will need to do what they feel is right for them. There is no right or wrong IMHO
Yes, I agree with Nikki completely. What is right for one person may not necessarily be right for another.
I do want to emphasize, though, that statistics prove that most caregivers wait too long to place their LO's in a NH, at the expense of their OWN health. If you are physically, emotionally, and mentally run down to the ground, you will be no good to yourself or your spouse. We have had many posts by caregiving spouses who neglected themselves for so long in an effort to take care of their husband/wife, that they ended up in the hospital themselves with multiple health problems.
I do agree Joan, 100%. I am guilty of being one of those people as well. I am now getting the help I need, and the breaks I need to be able to keep him home, AND stay healthy myself. I was so resistant to help at first, my damn pride I guess... but the social worker said something that clicked with me. She said well, keep this up, and you will BOTH be in a nursing home! That shocked me enough to listen, and except help. It has made all the difference! My health is improving and my coping skills have more than doubled!
We were watching a video tonight that ended with an Alzheimer patient not knowing her daughter. G looked at me and said.." I promise you, that will never happen. I will always know you". Floored me..first, he is awknowledging his illness at last, and his belief that he can change his future. Pretty well broke me up! I don't have enough swear words.
The other nite I told my husb he was going to have Enchiladas and Tortilla soup for dinner...he seemed to be happy about it & then said "she loves me"...as if he were talking to another person...i think he gets his words/thoughts mixed up (ya think?!)...he has started saying "Thank Me" instead of "Thank You"...i just smile & say "you're welcome"...
I know that there is a point where I probably will have to place my husband. It will be at the point where I can't lift him up. At that point I won't be able to take care of him.
When I think about the whole poop thing, I remember that in February HE cleaned up where I threw up before the paramedics came for me. I guess I can do likewise. At least for a while.
As for the doesn't know who I am and can't talk, I'm probably going to be dealing with both of those things early because those are the areas where his worst symptoms are. He looses more words every day. I don't think either will be a trigger for me to place him.
I think the real triggers are different for every person. And the biggest one should be the point where you just are not able to do it anymore.
Good point about triggers being different for every person. And no one should judge another's triggers. No one does that here, thank goodness, but I have seen it outside. It reallys angers me. It all goes to the saying about walking in another's shoes. You know nothing about what another person is going through or can handle until you walk in their shoes.
I'm sure someday it will be permanent but right now there are times when DH calls me a different name and sometimes he doesn't know who I am. But most of the time it's still good so I defnitely couldn't thing of putting him in a NH. Funny how we change. A few years ago I remarked that I hoped he was gone before he reached the stage when he didn't know me. Now I don't feel that way. We all have to learn to live with it.
It is interesting what triggers various responses on both sides. I'm getting lots of " I just want to help", but then the nasty digs show up later in the day...then forgotten the next. Roller coaster, whirlwind, yo-yo..all the same end result. I can deal with most but the nasties especially when they get escalated. When the poop patrol is required, I don't know, but would imagine I can make it thru to a degree. I know, don't anticipate.
I know what you are saying about the caregiver, Admin. My sister-laws-mother took care of her husband for a long time and put off her health problems and she died from heart problems long before he did. He ended up in a NH and my SIL went and fed him everyday but she lost her mother way too early. AD does kill the caregiver sometimes first. I noticed my BP went up since DH came back home. I had a visit at dr. while he was gone and my BP was staying nice and low and I didn't have to take the diuretic. Now, last week when I went, it was 160/90 and he told me to start taking it again.