JOANS’ BLOG – FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2008 – AD - TOO MUCH EMOTIONAL UPHEAVAL FOR ME

No one gets out of this life without at least some pain, problems, stress, and upheaval, but living with AD has gone beyond the bounds of anything remotely normal in terms of emotional balance. If we are lucky, we can go for weeks without any outbursts from our spouses or major disasters, lulling us into a false sense of security. But ultimately we are repeatedly thrown into a cyclone of emotional turmoil. It may be an impulse control issue, where your spouse exhibits an episode of irrational rage in public, leaving you to deal with them and whomever they have offended. It may be a cycle of futility in trying to reason with them why it is poor judgment to buy stocks from a phone scammer; it may be the utter frustration in trying to explain why driving with delayed processing is not prudent, as has been the case in my house this week. Whatever the situation, YOU are the one who ends up stressed, upset, and tied up in emotional knots.

The 36 Hour Day, the neurologists, the Alzheimer’s Association, and any other resource you use, will insist – DO NOT ARGUE OR TRY TO REASON WITH AN AD PATIENT. They don’t have the capacity to reason. That is great advice, unless you happen to be living with an AD spouse who is arguing, screaming, and using their own brand of illogical reasoning. WE are told that the solution is to walk away. But how do you walk away from the pain these stressful encounters cause? You are not walking away from a stranger in whom you have no emotional capital invested. You are walking away from your spouse, your lifetime relationship. It hurts; it tears you apart; and there is nothing to make it better for you.

I am one who thrives on peace, tranquility, and the middle ground. I like discussion and compromise. Take these things away from me, as AD has, and I am a constant bundle of nerves. I write; I walk; I exercise; and yes, I also whine, all in an effort to cope. I cannot return to the life I had before AD. I just keep trying as best I can to deal with what I have now, as I know all of you do. Some days I do better than others.

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