JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2008 – STRADDLING TWO WORLDS – THE ALZHEIMER WORLD AND THE “NORMAL” WORLD

Yesterday I talked about wanting my old life and marriage back – the way it was before the dark cloud of Alzheimer’s Disease descended upon us . That got me to thinking about how slowly, without me even realizing it, I stepped into the Alzheimer’s World, and here I will reside for an indeterminate number of years. Here, in the Alzheimer World, we talk about emotional pain; drug trials; bizarre behaviors; lost futures; and fundraising. We are supportive of one another; we understand one another; we offer advice to each other. I am grateful for that support and friendship.

But then I step into the “Normal World”, and I find myself becoming more and more a stranger to those who reside there. We do not speak the same language; they have no understanding of my life. In my mind, I reach out and cry, “Wait, please. Don’t leave me. I want to live in your world. I don’t want to live in the world of lost memories; lost hope; lost love.” But I can only visit their world now for a short respite – I can go to lunch with a friend and try to find a topic to discuss that does not have the word, Alzheimer’s in it. Then I must return to the Alzheimer World. I must return to my new reality of caregiver spouse rather than just wife. I must return to the world of medications, forgetfulness, and loneliness. For me to re-enter the “normal” world on a full time basis would mean the loss of my husband forever, and surely that is not something I wish for. Such is the cruel irony of Alzheimer’s Disease.

Do you feel yourself living in two worlds?  Or are you no longer in the “normal” world?  Message Board Topic - Straddling Two Worlds - AD World/Non AD World

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